Learning to love yourself

I have always been the type to look at people who were "thin" and wish I was them, wonder how my life would be different, how my mindset would be different. I've never done anything about it until just recently. I look at myself in the mirror and am disgusted with the way I look. No, I am not depressed nor have I ever suffered with any kind of depression but I want to feel good about myself. I want to be healthy, I want to feel better and I want my confidence back. I weighed about 145 in high school and thought I was big then but now at 220 pounds, I realize how I WASNT fat- I was just comparing myself to girls who were 5'2 at 130 pounds. I work full time as an EMT and work for 3 different Ems agencies so I'm not always busy but when I am, I can be in the back of an ambulance for 12+ hours straight. It can be grueling, especially harder to eat "healthy" when you are non stop. I take heart medicine for a fast heart beat (I've gotten up to 198 BPM just driving the ambulance) but now that I'm on medication, it seems to be better but it always scares me to work out because I am afraid of my heart getting that fast again. I have a tendency to push myself very hard... I am looking for friends, motivators, someone who knows how it feels to feel the way I do. I am in a good place, a good mindset and I won't stop until I am happy with myself