I hate the idea that I will always be battling my weight and how much I eat...

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DReamBig24
DReamBig24 Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
I enjoy sweet things but my main issue is how much I eat. I've tried several times to calorie count but always given up because it was too time-intensive. Right now I am just feeling hopeless because it seems like if I am at this weight while I am still young, reasonably active, probably eat healthier than most... How will I ever be able to maintain a lower weight when I am older? It has gotten to the point where I feel like I am bigger than most girls, and many girls my age seem to be able to eat whatever they want still.

I just want to be slimmer... I want to be able to shop for pants at any store I want, and not always struggle to get them over my hips... I don't want to see my love handles bunching over my pants. I haven't been slimmer than I am now since I was like 18, what if my body has changed? I don't even know what reasonable weightloss looks like for me, or how much smaller I can get.

My mom is a little shorter than me and maybe 30 lbs lighter, and she always says how she has been battling her weight her whole life and I probably will too. She doesn't even eat that much, and she works out more than I do and though she is slimmer and more fit than most women in their late 50s, she is not at all lean.

I just don't know what to do and I am having difficulty finding motivation.

Replies

  • 1sophiesophie
    1sophiesophie Posts: 67 Member
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    I hear you OP and am sorry you feel so desperate. I can't give you reasons why you are struggling to lose weight, but your post SCREAMS "lack of self-esteem" to me. You are comparing yourself to others (a terrible habit which many of us are guilty of) but all I hear you value vs others is your size. What about your other wonderful traits? Maybe you're a great cook, a good friend, an awesome scrabble player, brilliantly funny or incredibly observant. Do people who know you say, "yeah, she's great but I wish she was just one less dress size"?

    Of course they don't. They just say, "she's great".

    Weight loss is hard and long and often quite boring if you focus on it relentlessly. So try not to make it even harder by making it a reflection of your entire worth. You say "I just want to be slimmer". Well, that's pretty dull if you think about it. You can think of some much more interesting stuff to focus on, right? Apply yourself to things you CAN achieve and ENJOY achieving (learn how to make a new healthy recipe, set yourself a challenge to run a 10k for charity, setup/join a hiking club, grow some herbs from seed to use in your meals) and realise there is a lot more you are capable of than decreasing a number on a scale or fitting into a smaller dress.

    With self-confidence restored and glowing with pride and a lust for life, you'll be the most attractive of anyone in a room...regardless of size.

    In my experience, this is the point when the drudgery and difficulty of "battling weight" disappears. I hope you get there and I wish you well.
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,449 Member
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    Stop focusing long term .set small goals. Achieve small doable habit changes.
    Next two weeks successfully is logging everything you eat. No matter what you eat just log it.
    In 2 weeks when you have achieved that goal and made logging a habit try and spend a few weeks aiming for 0.5 or1 lb a week loss.
    Small habit changes
    Small sucesses
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,491 Member
    edited April 2017
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    You don't need to battle, you need good habits and mindfulness.

    Forget what you think about other people and what they do. Hard to believe, some people aren't much interested in food. Other "naturally thin" aren't that at all, they've just learned to manage their eating. I lost 100 lbs and have kept it off for years. I still weigh my portions at home. It's a habit. I plan my meals and monitor my intake.

    What I get out of it is I don't have to nag and berate myself anymore.

    Stay in the present. The future does not exist. What you think about the future is not real, it's just an idea in your head. Weight loss is liberating. Well worth a little work to maintain.
  • starfruit132
    starfruit132 Posts: 291 Member
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    Try to focus on your strengths and realize that your friends who eat what they want socially may be cutting back at home. While you are learning good weight management techniques like your mother's, you are going to develop lifelong habits that give you confidence. Meantime, you sound like you are on the right path taking the time to eat healthy and work out - logging calories will only take up a extra few minutes a day. Stay strong.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,572 Member
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    Yeah. It sucks. But if you want it, do it. I'm in the same boat baby. I was fat until I was 29. I haven't even had kids yet. I only maintain on 1800 calories and I have an appetite for 2500. This will be me for the rest of my life.

    Luckily I found an exercise I like that keeps me pretty lean, or at least that I LOVE when I'm not :)
  • DReamBig24
    DReamBig24 Posts: 11 Member
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    Therealobi1 wrote: »
    Stop worrying you will make yourself ill and definitely don't compare yourself to others
    Set yourself some mini goals and add in some exercise
    The most important thing is to be patient and never give up
    Good luck

    Thanks :smile:
    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    You need to reframe your perspective. Count calories not because it's a challenge, but because you love yourself and deserve to put the effort into your life.

    Also calorie counting should take minimal time. After you do it a couple of weeks it becomes second nature know what an appropriate portion size is and what foods you like to buy.

    Yeah I think I will try and stick with it, amtyrell recommended getting in the habit of calorie counting and then factoring in the restricted calories so I may do that.
    1sophiesophie wrote: »
    I hear you OP and am sorry you feel so desperate. I can't give you reasons why you are struggling to lose weight, but your post SCREAMS "lack of self-esteem" to me. You are comparing yourself to others (a terrible habit which many of us are guilty of) but all I hear you value vs others is your size. What about your other wonderful traits? Maybe you're a great cook, a good friend, an awesome scrabble player, brilliantly funny or incredibly observant. Do people who know you say, "yeah, she's great but I wish she was just one less dress size"?

    Of course they don't. They just say, "she's great".

    Weight loss is hard and long and often quite boring if you focus on it relentlessly. So try not to make it even harder by making it a reflection of your entire worth. You say "I just want to be slimmer". Well, that's pretty dull if you think about it. You can think of some much more interesting stuff to focus on, right? Apply yourself to things you CAN achieve and ENJOY achieving (learn how to make a new healthy recipe, set yourself a challenge to run a 10k for charity, setup/join a hiking club, grow some herbs from seed to use in your meals) and realise there is a lot more you are capable of than decreasing a number on a scale or fitting into a smaller dress.

    With self-confidence restored and glowing with pride and a lust for life, you'll be the most attractive of anyone in a room...regardless of size.

    In my experience, this is the point when the drudgery and difficulty of "battling weight" disappears. I hope you get there and I wish you well.

    Thanks for your kind words. Part of me also feels like despite the body acceptance movements going on (which I am conflicted about for various reasons, don't need to go into that), pants and clothing isn't made for girls with muscular/curvy legs and butts. It doesn't seem right that I, with maybe 25% body fat, and slightly overweight bmi should be restricted to only certain stores to buy pants. And the fact that I am makes me feel bigger. Lots of times when I look in the mirror I think I'm not that big, but then when I struggling to try on pants or something I do feel big.

    I enjoy lifting and when I spend a lot of time in the gym (past few months I haven't been going as much) I start to feel better because I'm focusing on strength and form and of course size isn't a factor there.

    I would be more interested in running but my legs chafe terribly so I can't wear shorts while doing it. All the lotions and powders wear off quickly. So that's another motivation for weightloss.
    amtyrell wrote: »
    Stop focusing long term .set small goals. Achieve small doable habit changes.
    Next two weeks successfully is logging everything you eat. No matter what you eat just log it.
    In 2 weeks when you have achieved that goal and made logging a habit try and spend a few weeks aiming for 0.5 or1 lb a week loss.
    Small habit changes
    Small sucesses

    Thank you for the suggestions, I think I will try that :smile:



  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
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    It takes me five minutes a day to calorie count and five minutes to shower.

    I wouldn't skip either.

    Stop seeing it as a chore and just make it part of your daily routine.
  • DReamBig24
    DReamBig24 Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    88olds wrote: »
    You don't need to battle, you need good habits and mindfulness.

    Forget what you think about other people and what they do. Hard to believe, some people aren't much interested in food. Other "naturally thin" aren't that at all, they've just learned to manage their eating. I lost 100 lbs and have kept it off for years. I still weigh my portions at home. It's a habit. I plan my meals and monitor my intake.

    What I get out of it is I don't have to nag and berate myself anymore.

    Stay in the present. The future does not exist. What you think about the future is not real, it's just an idea in your head. Weight loss is liberating. Well worth a little work to maintain.

    Yeah, I wish I had that problem. I've always loved food and had difficulty stopping eating. I know I just need to stay focused and remember my goals.
    starfruit132 wrote: »
    Try to focus on your strengths and realize that your friends who eat what they want socially may be cutting back at home. While you are learning good weight management techniques like your mother's, you are going to develop lifelong habits that give you confidence. Meantime, you sound like you are on the right path taking the time to eat healthy and work out - logging calories will only take up a extra few minutes a day. Stay strong.

    Yeah I guess it's hard to know what my friends are eating. My roommate though seems to eat quite a bit - sweets too - and she works out less than me, but you'd never know because she is quite slim and has more visible muscle tone than me.

    Hopefully if I stick too it it will get easier and my appetite will be reduced (right now I think that is holding me back most).
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    Yeah. It sucks. But if you want it, do it. I'm in the same boat baby. I was fat until I was 29. I haven't even had kids yet. I only maintain on 1800 calories and I have an appetite for 2500. This will be me for the rest of my life.

    Luckily I found an exercise I like that keeps me pretty lean, or at least that I LOVE when I'm not :)

    So you never have gotten used to eating less?
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,572 Member
    edited April 2017
    Options
    DReamBig24 wrote: »
    88olds wrote: »
    You don't need to battle, you need good habits and mindfulness.

    Forget what you think about other people and what they do. Hard to believe, some people aren't much interested in food. Other "naturally thin" aren't that at all, they've just learned to manage their eating. I lost 100 lbs and have kept it off for years. I still weigh my portions at home. It's a habit. I plan my meals and monitor my intake.

    What I get out of it is I don't have to nag and berate myself anymore.

    Stay in the present. The future does not exist. What you think about the future is not real, it's just an idea in your head. Weight loss is liberating. Well worth a little work to maintain.

    Yeah, I wish I had that problem. I've always loved food and had difficulty stopping eating. I know I just need to stay focused and remember my goals.
    starfruit132 wrote: »
    Try to focus on your strengths and realize that your friends who eat what they want socially may be cutting back at home. While you are learning good weight management techniques like your mother's, you are going to develop lifelong habits that give you confidence. Meantime, you sound like you are on the right path taking the time to eat healthy and work out - logging calories will only take up a extra few minutes a day. Stay strong.

    Yeah I guess it's hard to know what my friends are eating. My roommate though seems to eat quite a bit - sweets too - and she works out less than me, but you'd never know because she is quite slim and has more visible muscle tone than me.

    Hopefully if I stick too it it will get easier and my appetite will be reduced (right now I think that is holding me back most).
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    Yeah. It sucks. But if you want it, do it. I'm in the same boat baby. I was fat until I was 29. I haven't even had kids yet. I only maintain on 1800 calories and I have an appetite for 2500. This will be me for the rest of my life.

    Luckily I found an exercise I like that keeps me pretty lean, or at least that I LOVE when I'm not :)

    So you never have gotten used to eating less?

    No. Or maybe it's more that...ignorance is no longer bliss. Now I know exactly what the consequences of a few glasses of wine, then devouring a whole bag of chips, will be.

    But yeah. I want to eat more still.

    That said, I'm fully aware that I COULD be more active as far as calorie burn goes (I already weight train 8-10 hours per week but it is not a high calorie burn). If I really wanted to eat some more, I could find another active hobby, work on increasing NEAT, or do more (any) cardio.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,491 Member
    edited April 2017
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    .

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