Restarting my journey after my last pregnancy

Totally realized I posted this in the wrong place the first time! Oops!

Hello, all!
I'm glad to be here.
I've been here before, but I don't remember my login info and I'm starting a new journey, so why not start with a new profile.

In 2014, I was down about 50 lbs. I was happy, I was in the best shape of my life. Cue pregnancy! My body always seems to think it is baby time when I get fit! Well, I was disheartened when I gained all my weight back PLUS 25 lbs with my pregnancy!

I just kept thinking, even after my tubal, that if I lose weight I'll get pregnant again and it will all be for nothing! It's happened twice now!

But, no more. I have to put that fear behind me and get back in shape.

I also struggle with bipolar 2, depression, and anxiety. Depression is a big part of the reason I put it all back on and a big part of the reason it needs to come back off. I have no energy whatsoever. And I remember having a lot of energy when I was exercising. So, this is not just for my physical health, but my mental health as well.

One thing I've already determined though is that I'm not going to diet, per say.
I'll be eating lean proteins, complex carbs, nutrient dense foods, and all in moderation, but I will not be starving myself. I want to be on a sustainable diet. It might take longer, but I'll get there. Not saying I won't be at a deficit, but I'm not going to starve!

Today, I have already started. I am drinking black coffee. Ick! But, not something I couldn't get used to. I had a sandwich wrap with no sauce and added jalapenos to keep me fuller longer. I need to fill my pantry with better food, but I'm getting started.

I have a treadmill on it's way to me also. I struggle with severe anxiety, especially since gaining my weight back. That makes it impossible for me to go to a public gym at my weight. So, I'm gradually bringing the gym to me! I'll be picking up some weights and I'll be doing my cardio and I will get there!

I just need to keep in mind that, whatever I do, it needs to be sustainable. It needs to be a lifelong lifestyle change. So, I won't be severely cutting calories. I'll just be eating well and when I'm hungry in moderation. Right now I eat a lot of salt, sugar, fat, and processed foods. Cutting those will help on it's own along with the exercise. Yes, I'm aware that it will take longer, but I'm committed and I've always been able to take the weight off if I wanted to. And if it takes longer, but produces a life long change in my habits, I'm okay with that. (: I'm young. I don't need to take it all off tomorrow (:

Let me give some back story to explain why I won't be cutting a ton of calories and tracking every bite. When I counted calories, I didn't like who I was. It was also a big source of stress, which you guessed it, can cause weight gain on its own. I was the person who couldn't go out with family to eat because of the calorie counting. I couldn't eat when we had a summer cookout, and that just wasn't sustainable. It got in the way of my life, and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep that up. This is supposed to be a lifestyle, not hinder it. So, this time I am doing it differently. Still cutting the junk, but not keeping myself restricted all the time and not forcing my body to 1,200 calories if it needs more. I tend to workout hard, I want to be sure my body still has what it needs.

Anyhow, I'm a happily married mom of two kids
I'm 25
I weigh 205 lbs at 5'3
I'm tired of it, I'm not comfortable in clothes or in public, and I'm shooting for 130 ultimately. But, I will determine that as I go. I want lean muscle as well. So, I have to take that into consideration. I'll be going more off of my size than my weight. So, I'll be going mostly by measurements, rather than weight. I will be weighing in probably monthly, but I'll be tracking my measurements more often (: