I could really use some support.

NatalieSanders95
NatalieSanders95 Posts: 2 Member
edited November 18 in Motivation and Support
I need some massive support right now because it's been bothering me for quite sometime. I'll start by telling you a bit about myself; I'm a 21 year old female with anxiety and social issues. I tend to shy away from people therefore I don't have any friends aside from my boyfriend. I'm a huge nerd, I love video games, Pokémon, etc. I love to cook, read and draw, I love nature and natures beauty too. Now here's the issues come in: a lot of life events caused me to gain weight. I'm 5'2 (short) and I weigh 230 lbs. I used to be 100 lbs lighter, which of course this got me depressed and wanting to lose weight for a little while now. I'll be joining a gym here in a week (which I'll be busting my tail at) and I'm super excited but here's the thing: I feel like WOMEN, not men, treat me like absolute crap. They look me up and down and give me looks and laugh behind my back. My favorite is when they act like talking to me is like talking to an idiot...I consider myself smart. I know I shouldn't care what people think of me but because if this I can't make friends and I hardly socialize because of this fear. I want to be treated nicely, I treat everyone I meet very kindly but if it's one of the prettier girls then I get treated horribly. I'm wondering if it's my looks...I've posted a picture of my face to see if maybe this is why. I don't wear makeup often (I love natural beauty) and my hair isn't fixed in the pic but I would love either some support or an honest opinion on my face pic. Please and thank you.eslxw1sgppbn.jpg

Replies

  • Tattoos_and_Tea
    Tattoos_and_Tea Posts: 529 Member
    Firstly, you are beautiful. People who talk behind your back without taking the time to know you are simply shallow and not worth your time. Ignore them, head up and get on doing what you want to achieve for yourself, not for anyone else. I've added you as a friend should you wish to accept. We are all here for the same reason hun x
  • tabletop_joe
    tabletop_joe Posts: 455 Member
    First of all, I love your Dalek shirt. Do you like the new series? Im loving it.

    I'm sorry that you're having such s rough time. Follow the advice of the regulars around here and you'll more than likely hit your weight loss goals, as many, many others have.

    Secondly, you should look into talking to a pro about your anxiety and depression issues--and your propensity to isolate from others, if that's causing you strife (if that's just your jam, jam on).

    Here's some personal biz of my own. I used to suffer from internalized misogyny, which blew my mind because I'm cis female and I didn't realize that was even a thing that could happen. I thought all women hated me because, I don't know, they didn't like my specialness/ugliness/weirdness/differrntness/whatever. This was a fiction I told myself: I was the only cool girl and only guys got me. (A few comics down--this was me I'm ashamed to say http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=357 ). That was of course a load of stinking bull that I told myself to make myself feel better about being akward. It turns out that women awesome and I was severely limiting myself by creating a negative and unfair worldview that fed my ego. Moreover, I also discovered that I'm queer and the paranoia I was experiencing around women was the fear of rejection. This stemmed from deep insecurities and also from experiences I had growing up with some cruel girls (who mostly grew up to be a-okay, actually).

    This may not be what you're going through, but please take a magnifying glass to yourself. The problem is probably not women, and being a woman who hates women is an awful way to be.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    It is probably not your looks. I don't see anything that would warrant a snap negative judgement from strangers.

    I will say you look younger than 21 to me (though that may be because I just am not around your age group much and my perception's changed) . That may contribute to being talked to as though you're an idiot, though if so I'd say they're talking to you as if you're a child. I used to get that well into my 30's until my hair started turning grey. It's annoying as hell and can sound like the same thing.

    As for the rest, unless most of these women know you and there's underlying history, I'd say it's likely the main problem is your bearing. Social anxiety begets social awkwardness begets awkward treatment from others because they're not sure how to respond to you - which then reinforces your social anxiety. My advice would be to do whatever you can to get a handle on your social anxiety and to build your self confidence. Besides counseling, one way to ease yourself into that is to get yourself into some groups that share your interests - any art classes, anime groups, gamer groups you can join?
  • skellymama1
    skellymama1 Posts: 83 Member
    I think you are over thinking it too much, surprisingly people are pretty much not thinking about you as much as you think they are. Also I think you look a bit scowly and cross, that is very off putting. Try smiling more and you might get a few smiles back.
    Basicly all that you can control is how you behave and what you put out into the world, stop worrying about others and focus on being a positive, friendly person. Usually what you put out there comes back to you.
  • sarahsweightlossjourney
    sarahsweightlossjourney Posts: 123 Member
    Wow at that age (25 now) its like we are same person. I added u. First what ive learned since then not everyone is gonna like u or be nice. It sucks and is not fair but people can be jerks. But there is tons of nice people. U just be a good person and be proud of yourself. Sometimes people just make up there minds without knowing you and thats there prob not urs.
  • 2011rocket3touring
    2011rocket3touring Posts: 1,346 Member
    Consider a 12 step group like overeaters anonymous. The groups are mostly women who are in the exact same boat that you are and (hopefully) give you a sense of belonging.
    Best wishes.
  • GrinnyMae
    GrinnyMae Posts: 55 Member
    You look like a perfectly normal and quite attractive young lady. The truth is that you know you suffer from social anxiety. It is highly likely that every woman you encounter is NOT talking about you and laughing at you. In fact, I'd bet that most of them are not talking about you or laughing at you or judging you in any way. Those are lies that your anxiety feeds you. I think a very good first start is to seek out treatment for your anxiety. Whether that is going to be therapy, medications or a combination.

    I do agree that fake it, until you make it might help you a little. Try to smile and make eye contact with others. Try to start a conversation, even if it's something as simple as complementing someone's clothes. I also used to get annoyed that I thought everyone assumed I was dumb or talked down to me. Sure, that does happen to young women. But, in my case, a lot of it was my own anxiety and insecurity. I felt as if I had to prove myself. Try talking about things you find interesting so that when you converse you know you are well versed on the topic. When you talk about something you know and like, you'll be more engaged in the conversation and you won't have to worry about being thought unintelligent.

    I'm sorry you're struggling and I'm sorry that you seem to run into some not so nice people. Work on controlling your anxiety and building your confidence. Then you won't care when some person who doesn't know you acts like a jerk. Jerks are out there but their attitude is no reflection on you.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    I started feeding the homeless a few years ago. I'd ask a person how they were, and they'd answer "fine". I gave the food and coffee and went to the next person. My friend would be feeding the same group and tell me their "stories". What was going on in their lives, whether they had kids or what job they used to have, and how they became to be without the means to afford housing.

    I thought about this as it happened weekly. I observed my friend and how she interacted. She said the same thing as I did, but got a real answer, not the polite version. I'm a little shy in public, and as a kid was terribly shy. My friend wasn't outward going, she just really seemed to care about the answer to "how are you".

    I decided that being polite wasn't good enough and I needed to learn to care, or at least to fake it until I could get more comfortable in this new way of being. I think the more you give of yourself, the more you get. Not from everyone of course but from a lot. Everyone has a story to tell, and once you find how to allow them to tell it, you'll have a much more rewarding time with others, whether friends or strangers.
  • CoachJen71
    CoachJen71 Posts: 1,200 Member
    You are lovely on my eyes! Sadly, even if you are getting a rude vibe from others, there are no social police out there. Your choices are to let it bother you or not.

    I used to be very sensitive to what others thought about me because I was bullied for years. Then I got old and realized I no longer cared as much, if at all, what others thought. Some of it has to do with being wiser, but a lot comes from being old enough to feel that I am retired from the stupid societal pressures of needing to conform to some arbitrary standard of beauty.

    ____________________________________________

    Down 140lbs: My story.
  • redd_dayspring12
    redd_dayspring12 Posts: 41 Member
    I have a weight loss group on fb. Just women. We post food pics, tips and quotes to stay motivated and accountable. It's a group to support one another with weight loss and other life issues. Message me if interested.
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