Ghosts of the past... bullies and whatnot

I workout. Push hard. Running outside is the best way for me but other types of cardio do it too. It is the only thing I have found properly clears my head, if only for the moment I am working out, though I tend to feel better afterwards too. If it isn't physical activity, for me, the thoughts override anything else I am trying to do (read, paint, watch a movie). Try a little bit of everything and you will find what works best for you.

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I have thoughts that don't serve me too. I like to use Byron Katie's 4 Questions technique for changing the narrative in my own mind. It's a deep dive, and it works for me:

http://thework.com/sites/thework/downloads/worksheets/JudgeYourNeighbor_Worksheet.pdf

http://thework.com/sites/thework/downloads/worksheets/instructions_for_thework.pdf

I was bullied at school and abused at home so I've a raft of unhappy voices from the past. Usually I try to hear them like in the voice of someone I hate so I can mentally flip them off and go "you know that dreck ain't true, Karen."

And sometimes I self-harm so YMMV.

I find that I can look back at the times when I was bullied and called fat and see pictures and see clearly that I wasn't. I wish I was the size I was then.
You just have to understand people did it because of their jealousy and their insecurities. Especially since most my bullying came from when I was younger and grew and developed early.
You're stronger than them simply because you don't put people through none of that 'stuff'!

First, I am so sorry for the ghosts that have reemerged in your journey of life.
Ghosts only have power if you let them. Are you a better person today then you were then? Thoes circumstances may have had an effect on you but it is up to you how you proceed now that they have happened. You can not turn back time but you can change the way you feel about them now. You have power over the present.
Once you move beyond dissecting what actually happened and how you felt in that moment. I think you will actually be great full for the moments (good and bad) that shaped you into the beautiful you you are today.

88olds wrote: »

Living well is the best revenge. I started thinking of weight loss as a way of fighting back against my own demons. I deserved the life I wanted. If I didn't get everything I wanted, it wasn't going to be because I was too fat to get it.

I like this. I'm stealing it for myself haha

I went through therapy for my ghosts. The big things I learned from it was:

1. To let myself think about it for a limited time and in that time I actively control my thoughts, so if a ghost popped up, I would acknowledge it (them) and mentally address it, i.e. "The fact that you did X to me reflects poorly on you, not me. I won't allow anyone to treat me like that moving forward, and I won't let the things you did/said keep me from moving forward, etc"
2. To live in the present, which is to say, actively pay attention to what I am doing, hearing, seeing, experiencing in my current, present life. So, if something from the past pops up, i choose to focus on my senses as a means to ignore the nagging ghost. It's interesting how much ghosts stop popping up when you really focus on taking in every moment, which seems weird, but is kinda true. Focusing on music, the taste of something, the way something feels etc. is a different way of thinking because it doesn't allow the room for "what ifs" and worry and concern etc. An easy way to do this is to read a book or watch a movie and just actively pay attention -- so that's a good quick fix for me if a thought comes up while I'm at home/not working.
3. In relation to 2. If I can't tune a ghost out, I make significant sensory changes, when possible, and mentally describe my experience as a means to force the ghost out. This probably sounds crazy, but it can range from holding my hands under running water or holding ice cubes in my hands to spinning around in circles or drinking straight lemon juice. It's weird, but it works for me, like a distraction or mental reset. If I have more time and/or I have someone to watch my son, I might take a hot bath or go for a run.

In the end though, it took a lot of time and therapy. The happier and more comfortable I am, the less the ghosts pop up -- thankfully -- but when they do (or when new anxious or self defeating thoughts come up) I still use the strategies above for a quick fix.

I'm sorry your ghosts are bothering you. I hope you find vanquishing strategies that work for you

Amazingly vulnerable and glad you posted this. I have one trick that seems to stick ss I get to this place too often (less and less these days since this trick:
Stand up for that awesome person you are. See those voices as just what they are- old jealous broken people who envy you. See yourself being protected and secure and safe and strong and envision yourself bigger and stronger than them. Keep practicing this and each time that voice comes up you get to practice that vision and it ultimately becomes reality.

Change your perception to the better more loving and reliable outcome.

I'm with you!

The guy who bullied me in high school died of a heart attack at the ripe old age of 39, alone, on the side of a highway in South Florida. To this day I have no idea what I did what caused him to target me, but I would be lying if I said I didn't smile when I heard the news of his death.