Looking for friends that understand me

Life gets to these difficult times. You'll get through it. Are you really sure that all the possible stuff that can go wrong with your weight loss surgery is stuff you want to put on top of dealing with your father's declining condition?

I'm no expert, but maybe these examples will help.

1) I have a friend who was extremely overweight most of her adult life. She had type 2 diabeties, high blood pressure, was an emotional eater, had problems relating to food. She was given stomach bypass surgery at start of 2015. She really suffered after for several months with various issues. At first she could not keep more than a couple of mouthfuls of food down and relied on a liquid diet. It took some time before she could eat solid food. Gradually after several months she was able to eat small meals. Now she has lost loads of weight and is really happy. She still needs monthly Vit B injections. Her high blood pressure is normal, she no longer has diabeties, she can walk without getting breathless. So for her the story has a happy ending. But the first year was especially hard both physically and emotionally. She also had counselling during the first year due for her food issues.

2) My cousin had the same medical issues and tried to get weight loss surgery but couldn't get on the list. He was eventually told that if he could lose 28 pounds to prove his commitment to eating healthy and taking it seriously, he could go on the list. Feeling really motivated, he lost 28 pounds and went back to doctor, who then said as he had lost that much weight on his own, it showed he did not need surgery! He was so angry he thought I will show them, he then went on to lose another 140 pounds all on his own. It was his way of expressing his anger and sticking two fingers up at the medical staff. He is now slim, trim, knows how to eat sensible, doesn't have any scares, doesn't need to worry about monthly injections. Didn't suffer for a year.

By the way they both have loose skin issues. I'm in the UK, my friend is on waiting list for surgery on her loose skin paid for on the NHS as she had weight lose surgery. My cousin can't get it free as he lost the weight himself.

I've posted the above so you can see some of the pros and cons. Maybe before doing anything, you could consider counselling to help deal with the stress and emotional issues a little better. Whichever option you choose you would then be in a better position to deal with the option you pick. Either way, both options need a strong commitment, maybe its not quite the right time for you and things need to settle down a bit more first.

Good luck either way.

My mother died of cancer when I was 25. A year and a half ago, I lost my father to a severe infection. Before he died, he also had dementia, but he could still remember me. Despite having 8 other children, I was the one that made sure his bills got paid, he got to the doctor, he had groceries, clean laundry and a clean home. My life consisted of a full time job and taking care of Dad. At times I was resentful, but I vowed I would not have any regrets after he was gone, and I don't.

When he died, I did not know what to do with myself. I had spent the better part of the past three years taking care of him. I too had anxiety issues, depression, and felt I was destined to feel this way for the rest of my life. I tried to manage myself for almost a year, before I gave up and sought medical help. I decided it was time to take care of ME. I went to my doctor had a full work up and was started on antidepressant therapy, and was so glad I did. I still struggle with my eating and weight (I am over 300lbs), but I have gotten to the point that if I try every day and have more days on plan than off, I am still making positive changes. I feel more in control of racing thoughts and obsessive thinking. I know medication is not for everyone, and a lot of purists distain them, but for some people (like me) they have been a lifesaver.

Surgery is a huge step, and it has to be your decision. I never considered it because as a registered nurse, I have seen many people with long term complications. However, I have personal friends who have done it and are doing very well. But if it terrifies you instead of exciting you, then maybe you are not quite ready? Just a thought.

Sorry so long, but your post struck a cord. You can do this! I have a poster on my wall that reads "You were never created to live depressed. Defeated. Guilty. Condemned. Ashamed or unworthy. You were created to be victorious." Think about it