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Dieting and Body Positiveness compatible??
Azzie521
Posts: 32 Member
Seems like Body positive people always say to stop dieting. I want to love my body today because I know from experience I won't be loving myself still even after I lose the weight. But I still wanna lose the weight and only way I know how is actively counting calories and exercise. Do you think you can effectively embrace both worlds? Or do you have to let it all go to truly love yourself?
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I think body positive movement is about accepting yourself as a beautiful person, regardless of weight, scars, etc. At least that's what I got from it. I'm actively trying to lose weight but I positively think my body rocks, I got a nice hourglass figure and even when heavier I can rock it! But I feel better being healthier, so I am actively trying to lose weight, I don't think it needs to be one or the other. I think its doing what is best for your body, is body positive. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm sure a bunch of people will say so. lol8
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You can love something and still want to see that thing improved.
I love my children, but they make mistakes and could improve themselves in all kinds of ways. Wanting to see them improve is part of loving them. I'm not sure how these things are incompatible.22 -
I think some people take body positivity to the extreme and almost everyone has a different perception of what body positivity means to them. I think you can absolutely love your body but still continue to improve it. In fact I've found this a lot easier for me in meeting my body composition goals. When I lost weight because I hated myself I usually ended up gaining it back (because crash diets don't work for me in the long term). Now I love my body and what it does for me. I take my time with weight loss because I'm in less of a rush to get to a certain size. So yeah, both worlds can be embraced and I feel like it's actually beneficial to embrace both worlds.9
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azureblue777 wrote: »Do you think you can effectively embrace both worlds? Or do you have to let it all go to truly love yourself?
Absolutely. For me, I became more positive about myself and my body when I felt more in control after I started losing weight and paying attention and doing positive things for myself. After I started exercising and focusing on what my body could do, that made even more of a difference, and I was surprised at how I felt more confident in general and even accepting and good about my body well before I expected to, as I made progress. Not that I didn't see things that I wanted to change or recognize I had weight to lose, but that I knew I could and would and was focused on so much more than just physical appearance.
To me it's sad that people act as if body positivity means denying reality or being delusional. I continue to see things I want to change and improve (I plan to lose more weight although I am a healthy weight, and would like to improve my BF%), but it makes me personally more able to do this that I feel reasonably good about myself and what my body can do and know I will be accepting of the imperfection that will always be.4 -
I love my body at any size however I want to improve. Just because you are improving upon what you have doesn't mean you can't enjoy the journey
While I see the areas for improvement, I also take the time to admire my nice looking and positive areas. Balance 4 -
I think you have to think about the big picture concerning who you are. Focusing on just your body is not very satisfying (unless it's your livelihood or something). It's better to ask yourself "who do I want to be? What do I want to be able to do?" Maintaining your health is an important part of that, I think.5
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I love myself enough to want to be in a fit and healthy state to enjoy my life. The two aren't mutually exclusive. I do think some people twist 'body positivity' into something it shouldn't be.10
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I think the body positive movement is sort of a way to accept yourself and your body regardless or size, shape, every little flaw you have. I believe that you can live in both worlds. I try my best to be body positive but I knew that I couldn't truly be happy with myself with the weight that I used to be because it made me feel so miserable and I wasn't happy with it. You can still love something but want to improve it.4
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I think the first step is accepting and loving yourself first. Then you can say 'because I love myself, I'm going to work at being healthier, lose weight, gain weight, etc'. I was super afraid to gain the weight my doctor recommended but once I started to love myself a little more I was able to make progress with my lifting program and I feel better than ever.
I guess it's like the same philosophy a lot of people apply to dating. You need to be okay being by yourself, and then you're ready to be with someone else. Just my opinion though!2 -
I love all your responses! Really makes sense and clears up my confusion. When you truly love yourself you treat it well and give it your best efforts. Awesome thanks for all your articulate and deep thoughts.5
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Absolutely!!!
I did take a year off from actively trying to lose weight because I had spent so much time spinning my wheels. It had definitely become less about being my best self and more about hating myself.
I'm back now and totally okay with myself but I do have a lot of fat to lose that I want to lose, healthily. I don't think wanting to improve automatically means I hate myself. But I do have goals and part of those means shedding some weight.4 -
I've been thinking about this myself lately. I feel pulled in different directions bc I'd love to embrace intuitive eating AND stay thin. Ours is such a culture of polarity; we're pressured to pick sides & face off. I'd rather incorporate body positivity as part of my healthy lifestyle.3
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I think it's extremely compatible, and I think body positiveness advocates are missing a GLARING part of weight loss.
Losing weight is done best when you love yourself and your body enough to WANT to treat it right.
I hated myself and had no self esteem for SUCH a long time. SUUUUCH a long time. My weight loss endeavors would always fail because I'd fall back into old habits because I'd always fall back on what's the point, who cares, I'm horrible anyway, etc etc.
My self esteem and self image got a massive boost when I sort of found my purpose and niche in life, and only THEN was I able to really start dieting and doing well for myself.
The notion that body positivity and weight loss is mutually exclusive is extremely flawed. In fact, I'd say that they go hand in hand. Loving yourself and your body is a HUGE motivator for wanting to do better by yourself and your body.5 -
When I was young, I exercised and counted calories because I wanted to look good. Right things for the wrong reason. Fast forward 26 years: I admit it. I let myself go. I gained 100 pounds (yep, exactly 100). I have lost 90 of it and am happy with where I am now. I exercise every day and log faithfully. Because I love myself and want to be healthy.
Here's my opinion, for what it's worth...you can go through life overweight and tell yourself that you love your body no matter how it looks. But when you get to be 50 years old, and your knees and back hurt from carrying all that extra weight, and you struggle to get out of a chair, how will you feel? The reality is that when you are young you can get away with carrying around some extra pounds, but as you age, it will catch up with you and you will pay the price. Guaranteed.
I think that loving your body despite your flaws is a positive thing. I have a surgery scar. I inheritted my father's bulbous nose. I'm okay with those things. But loving your body also means being the healthiest YOU that you can be. And carrying around an extra 50 pound or more will cause you discomfort or pain as you get older and how is that loving yourself?
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My two cents, when was the last time you told yourself that you loved yourself and meant it.1
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Leenizi129 wrote: »My two cents, when was the last time you told yourself that you loved yourself and meant it.
Do people actually say this to themselves? If so, why?
I think I'm allright, but I've never said "i love myself". I know this is different, but i do know a couple of people who will never love anyone else more than they love themselves. I avoid them...
As for positivity. I hated my body when i was overweight, to be positive and accepting when i looked like that, would have seemed like an excuse to stay that way.
Now that I'm a normal weight again, i am happy and positive with my body.
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In my opinion, most people who "hate themselves" have much deeper rooted issues than just the weight. If you hate yourself and are unhappy/unsatisfied when you're fat, you'll probably still hate yourself and be unhappy/unsatisfied when you're skinny - you'll just find other things to hate about yourself and be unhappy/unsatisfied about. Losing weight can do a lot of positive things, but what it all comes down to is you're still the same person you were before - in a smaller, healthier and (hopefully) better-looking body, but it's still the same body you've always lived in, and the same mind you've always had. It doesn't magically transform you into someone you're not.11
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In my opinion, most people who "hate themselves" have much deeper rooted issues than just the weight. If you hate yourself and are unhappy/unsatisfied when you're fat, you'll probably still hate yourself and be unhappy/unsatisfied when you're skinny - you'll just find other things to hate about yourself and be unhappy/unsatisfied about. Losing weight can do a lot of positive things, but what it all comes down to is you're still the same person you were before - in a smaller, healthier and (hopefully) better-looking body, but it's still the same body you've always lived in, and the same mind you've always had. It doesn't magically transform you into someone you're not.
Bam.
I'm supposed to be happy and love myself after losing 183#. My self-loathing isn't tied to my body, but my mental state/scars. If losing weight could have changed my brain and though patterns, then maybe I would be happy, but it didn't.1 -
I think of loving my body the way that you love another person you care about. You should love them despite any imperfections, but you should also want the best for them. I take care of my body by being a healthy weight and by exercising BECAUSE I love it and it want it to stay strong, resilient and healthy.5
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Christine_72 wrote: »As for positivity. I hated my body when i was overweight, to be positive and accepting when i looked like that, would have seemed like an excuse to stay that way.
I disliked certain things about my body and wanted to change it, but I didn't hate my body as that would be hating myself -- I was positive about my abilities, including the ability to change/improve the things about my body I disliked (to some extent). I've always thought I'm overall imperfect (since I'm not insane) and should improve in a variety of ways, some I actively work on, some not so much, and it is kind of similar, to me. I am not as empathetic as I should be, I have a short temper sometimes, other things I don't want to share here, and want to change those things, but I don't fundamentally dislike who I am, same with the body stuff.
I'd been self-hating at other times, so being more (ugh) self-positive and accepting that I was okay, even if I didn't like what my body was, was a very different way of thinking, and one that (as others have said) made me much more able to change things. Self-hatred tends to make me feel mired and stuck and like it's not worth bothering since I'm hopeless, not eager to change. (But I do find that getting to a low point and thinking this is really bad and can't go on, including about my weight, does prompt a change -- that's just not the same thing as the state I'm thinking about.)
I did find that when I was generally self hating I'd look in the mirror (at a healthy weight) and not be able to see anything but the flaws, not in a way that (for me) motivated change (although I know it does for many, not always in a healthy way). I would feel like I had to hide from others because I was so unacceptable even though looking back that was nuts, I looked perfectly fine, attractive even (this is teens, early 20s, mostly). Anyway, when I felt like I was basically physically unacceptable (messed up as that was), I am lucky that instead of something far worse that could have been my solution, I simply dealt with it by deciding I was unattractive and would focus on other things and wouldn't care about looks or expect anything from them (which was helpful to my life in someways (NOT in others), helpful in that I focused on things that helped me, where I felt more confident and that helped me develop strength in myself and confidence), but I do think since I'd (irrationally) written off feeling okay about myself ever that allowed me to shrug my shoulders at getting fat for much longer than many I know would have. I just figured of course I was, my body sucked.
What surprised me when I finally decided to lose weight (and especially to focus on exercise and fitness) was that my confidence related to my body, feeling okay about myself -- not that I was perfect or all that or didn't need to change, but that I didn't have to die if someone saw my fat rolls when I was working in the gym or saw my imperfections when I was changing, because I no longer cared (in a good way) that my body was not perfect, not as good as I wanted, in that it was capable and doing other things. I absolutely felt this as a motivation to continue changing, that I could, not the absolute hopelessly and powerlessness and feeling of humiliation and unacceptability I'd had about my body all my life (even when not fat).
Maybe this doesn't make sense to you, but feeling like my body isn't hateful is NOT for me something that prevents me wanting to improve it. I guess it's like feeling like I was reasonably smart, since I was a kid, is always something that motivated me to want to learn more things, focus more on improving that ability, not to become complacent. Feeling like my body is pretty cool and a friend, not an enemy I hate, makes me more likely to care about physical things and want to make it better.
This may well sound pathological. I know my body is not separate from me, but it's hard to explain. :-)6 -
Christine_72 wrote: »Leenizi129 wrote: »My two cents, when was the last time you told yourself that you loved yourself and meant it.
Do people actually say this to themselves? If so, why?
I think I'm allright, but I've never said "i love myself". I know this is different, but i do know a couple of people who will never love anyone else more than they love themselves. I avoid them...
As for positivity. I hated my body when i was overweight, to be positive and accepting when i looked like that, would have seemed like an excuse to stay that way.
Now that I'm a normal weight again, i am happy and positive with my body.
Yes. Don't you remember Stuart Smalley??? jk
Anyhow, positive self talk is very effective. After going through a divorce, I used to listen to positive affirmations in the car and repeat them, did I feel weird doing it? Sure. But I can't tell you how much better I felt and how my self esteem approved. Your brain has a way of not hearing negative, so by saying "I am not ugly" your brain hears "I am ugly" so you have to put it in the positive. I am pretty or I am beautiful. ANyhow, now that tape decks are no longer in cars, I found an app where you can record affirmations in your own voice (since again the brain wants to hear it in your voice) and I just listen to it before bed while I am relaxing.2 -
I can love my body enough to want it to be its best, and that means losing weight. Losing weight doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like your body. You can love it while recognising that in order to be in its best health, it needs work.4
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It's a thin line between body positivity and body passivity...4
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lemurcat12 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »As for positivity. I hated my body when i was overweight, to be positive and accepting when i looked like that, would have seemed like an excuse to stay that way.
I disliked certain things about my body and wanted to change it, but I didn't hate my body as that would be hating myself -- I was positive about my abilities, including the ability to change/improve the things about my body I disliked (to some extent). I've always thought I'm overall imperfect (since I'm not insane) and should improve in a variety of ways, some I actively work on, some not so much, and it is kind of similar, to me. I am not as empathetic as I should be, I have a short temper sometimes, other things I don't want to share here, and want to change those things, but I don't fundamentally dislike who I am, same with the body stuff.
I'd been self-hating at other times, so being more (ugh) self-positive and accepting that I was okay, even if I didn't like what my body was, was a very different way of thinking, and one that (as others have said) made me much more able to change things. Self-hatred tends to make me feel mired and stuck and like it's not worth bothering since I'm hopeless, not eager to change. (But I do find that getting to a low point and thinking this is really bad and can't go on, including about my weight, does prompt a change -- that's just not the same thing as the state I'm thinking about.)
I did find that when I was generally self hating I'd look in the mirror (at a healthy weight) and not be able to see anything but the flaws, not in a way that (for me) motivated change (although I know it does for many, not always in a healthy way). I would feel like I had to hide from others because I was so unacceptable even though looking back that was nuts, I looked perfectly fine, attractive even (this is teens, early 20s, mostly). Anyway, when I felt like I was basically physically unacceptable (messed up as that was), I am lucky that instead of something far worse that could have been my solution, I simply dealt with it by deciding I was unattractive and would focus on other things and wouldn't care about looks or expect anything from them (which was helpful to my life in someways (NOT in others), helpful in that I focused on things that helped me, where I felt more confident and that helped me develop strength in myself and confidence), but I do think since I'd (irrationally) written off feeling okay about myself ever that allowed me to shrug my shoulders at getting fat for much longer than many I know would have. I just figured of course I was, my body sucked.
What surprised me when I finally decided to lose weight (and especially to focus on exercise and fitness) was that my confidence related to my body, feeling okay about myself -- not that I was perfect or all that or didn't need to change, but that I didn't have to die if someone saw my fat rolls when I was working in the gym or saw my imperfections when I was changing, because I no longer cared (in a good way) that my body was not perfect, not as good as I wanted, in that it was capable and doing other things. I absolutely felt this as a motivation to continue changing, that I could, not the absolute hopelessly and powerlessness and feeling of humiliation and unacceptability I'd had about my body all my life (even when not fat).
Maybe this doesn't make sense to you, but feeling like my body isn't hateful is NOT for me something that prevents me wanting to improve it. I guess it's like feeling like I was reasonably smart, since I was a kid, is always something that motivated me to want to learn more things, focus more on improving that ability, not to become complacent. Feeling like my body is pretty cool and a friend, not an enemy I hate, makes me more likely to care about physical things and want to make it better.
This may well sound pathological. I know my body is not separate from me, but it's hard to explain. :-)
I feel exactly the same way. And therefore body positivity is NOT AT ALL INCOMPATIBLE with healthy eating, exercising, and wanting to have a healthy (or just healthier) body fat level.2 -
Of course it's possible. I had zero issues with my body image when I was obese. I knew I was fat, I knew exactly how I looked, and I was happy just the way I was. I wasn't exactly part of any body positivity movement, I didn't feel the need to paint over my shame with a positivity brush, I just didn't hate my body is all. I got a concerning blood panel and decided weight loss was in order. That decision was taken out of love for myself because I didn't want to be sick. I don't feel like I betrayed my body by losing weight. My body will still be my body at 300 or at 150. I don't get the notion how changing it makes me body-negative somehow.1
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I am positive that I want the best possible body that I can have and will work hard and eat well to get it.
Acceptance is for things that can't be changed. Lots of people have things with their bodies they cannot change. Amputees, burn survivors, cancer survivors, people who have scars that aren't going away. Those are the kind of things that you accept.
Being fat? No way. That is controllable. It's a choice. And since I love myself, I'm going to choose not to take a huge dump all over my body by choosing to over eat and be fat.3 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »azureblue777 wrote: »Do you think you can effectively embrace both worlds? Or do you have to let it all go to truly love yourself?
Absolutely. For me, I became more positive about myself and my body when I felt more in control after I started losing weight and paying attention and doing positive things for myself. After I started exercising and focusing on what my body could do, that made even more of a difference, and I was surprised at how I felt more confident in general and even accepting and good about my body well before I expected to, as I made progress. Not that I didn't see things that I wanted to change or recognize I had weight to lose, but that I knew I could and would and was focused on so much more than just physical appearance.
To me it's sad that people act as if body positivity means denying reality or being delusional. I continue to see things I want to change and improve (I plan to lose more weight although I am a healthy weight, and would like to improve my BF%), but it makes me personally more able to do this that I feel reasonably good about myself and what my body can do and know I will be accepting of the imperfection that will always be.
All of this. I came to be body positive through feeling in control of a rather broken body (I have chronic migraines that debilitated me for years and psoriatic arthritis) when I started exercising and losing weight.
At the age of 54, I weigh less than I did when I was 13 years old. I also have ongoing goals, but accept my limitations but am not defined by them the way I used to be. I have a realistic view of what I can achieve given them and the limitations of my bad joints and my age, but that's okay. The important thing to me is that I am manifesting the appreciation I've come to have for my body by caring for it and no longer being delusional that I wasn't in control of it.3 -
azureblue777 wrote: »Seems like Body positive people always say to stop dieting. I want to love my body today because I know from experience I won't be loving myself still even after I lose the weight. But I still wanna lose the weight and only way I know how is actively counting calories and exercise. Do you think you can effectively embrace both worlds? Or do you have to let it all go to truly love yourself?
This highlights disordered thinking as a primary root cause in the body positive movement. If you love something, don't you want to present it in the best possible fashion?
When people say stop dieting - understand that "diet" to them means elimination, suffering, and short term gains. None of the changes implemented are long term and almost certain to fail. It's a band-aid approach to a larger issue, so this thought process has reached an illogical endpoint - loving failure.
I look at weight management as I do financial management. You would call me a fool if I neglected to balance my checkbook, but we are somehow supposed to know when to stop eating? If the notion of self regulation without tracking is foolish, then count me as a fool.
You love yourself enough to implement changes for the better. Honestly I don't see how you can possibly sustain this without love of self.1 -
In my opinion, most people who "hate themselves" have much deeper rooted issues than just the weight. If you hate yourself and are unhappy/unsatisfied when you're fat, you'll probably still hate yourself and be unhappy/unsatisfied when you're skinny - you'll just find other things to hate about yourself and be unhappy/unsatisfied about. Losing weight can do a lot of positive things, but what it all comes down to is you're still the same person you were before - in a smaller, healthier and (hopefully) better-looking body, but it's still the same body you've always lived in, and the same mind you've always had. It doesn't magically transform you into someone you're not.
There's a difference between hating yourself, your core being, and hating your body and what you've done to it. I've never hated myself, but i did hate my body when i was overweight. Now that I'm no longer overweight that disdain i felt has completely disappeared.1 -
I like body positivity. As a person with chronic pain and various mental health issues, accepting my body for what it is, what it can do, the great things I can accomplish with it was an important step in helping my mental state. That, in turn, was important to begin losing weight.
I think people often lose sight of the steps we have to take in order to make lifestyle changes. And I think, with all the pressures of society, advertising, the relentless beat of social meeting, just loving yourself? That's a fairly radical act. Particularly if you aren't young, fit, and healthy.
Or will never be -- some of my conditions can be improved but they can't be cured. I deserve to accept and be proud of my body and my mind even with them.3
This discussion has been closed.
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