Love = Weight gain?

myrbg
myrbg Posts: 93
edited September 30 in Food and Nutrition
You hear about this phenomenon all the time, "I met my boyfriend 4 months ago and gained 15 lbs! He won't stop taking me out for ice cream! How romantic!" or "Since dating my new girlfriend, she wants to go on these crazy wine tasting tours every weekend, which almost always includes a ton of cheese. What gives!"

The dating game is like the weekend war - somehow, you end up just not giving a *kitten*. So you worked out like a mother on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and you ate like a champ all week, yet as soon as you start swoonin' for that boy or girl, it's like all bets are off the table. Or back on the table in the form of bacon and pasta dishes. Why is this? Why is it that we can't just keep it together when our hearts start beatin' harder in the naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame of love? (that's right, I just broke out in U2 song).

Since hanging out with Beard Man, I hate to admit I've been fueling the same behaviour. While I'm having an awesome time, I feel like I've been thrown off my game. Like the dude's blue eyes are clowding my healthy brain. SOMETHING like that (Damn those blue eyes). Thankfully, he lives about an hour away, so the trips to the pub aren't as frequent as they could be!

But in all seriousness, screw "getting with my friends", Spice Girls, if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my diet! This crazy little thing called love gets us all in the *kitten*, literally.

Thoughts?

Anyone?

Any tips on how to keep it together or how you overcame the buldge but continued on your love-capade?

Please share! :)

Much love,

Myr xo.

Replies

  • rockviewau
    rockviewau Posts: 2
    both me and my now wife put on a lot of weight in our initial stages of dating. now we are married, the dirty weekends are less, wine is bought cheap from the bottle shop rather than restaraunts, cheese is sliced cheese from the shop and fun is now riding our bikes together... i actually prefer it this way!
  • BethanieK
    BethanieK Posts: 201
    I usually have the opposite thing happen. When I am involved in a relationship, I end up dropping weight. Probably because of the extra activity, as well as we usually spend time cooking at home, as well as going out. Dang, I need to get a new boyfriend to kick start my diet.
  • anberlingasm
    anberlingasm Posts: 177
    For me, it's always been a comfort thing. When a relationship becomes more permanent, I feel more comfortable and when I feel more comfortable, I'm less likely to worry about what my stomach looks like or what they'll think of me if I eat a large McDonald's after a night out.

    My girlfriend and I are both doing MFP and doing well so far (I've lost a stone, she's almost at two stone now) so for us, it's been a case of getting fatter together and now dieting together.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    LOL!!! love this and I totally agree.

    I finally put my foot down though and told him if we are going to be spending this much time together on the weekend ( i am missing my usual work outs ) then we CANNOT be eating like crap and going out for every meal. My pants are getting tighter!
  • MaureenCreates
    MaureenCreates Posts: 97 Member
    I believe there's been studies on this that when people get comfortable with each other, the subconscious need to impress each other fades and thus so does the need to exercise, diet, etc. I wouldn't know from personal experience, however. ^^;
  • Elle_Jamaicangirl81
    Elle_Jamaicangirl81 Posts: 418 Member
    mm, thats how some of my weight came on couple years back... and even though we broke up now, the weight's still with me... (u'd think he'd take it with him..lol)
  • sunyg
    sunyg Posts: 229
    When I met my current husband 5 years ago I was in amazing shape. Worked out 6 days a week at healthy the whole thing.
    He didn't care what he ate and never worked out. I kept telling myself that a little eating bad wouldn't hurt. Skipping the gym a little wouldn't hurt. A year later I was pregnant and all of my hard work gone. I don't blame him. It was all my fault.

    Thankfully this time around he's at least eating healthy with me 6 days of the week. I've had to start doing a semi cheat day where I make what ever he's been craving, but I've been good and kept my portions small. But it's helped him to stick to it.

    What sucks is that he doesn't work out and has lost a ton of weight in just a few months. Every single pound of fat I have seems to cling to my body with everything it has. Ick.
  • emmajj97
    emmajj97 Posts: 2
    When my boyfriend and I started dating we put on quite a bit of weight - it was all our dates (alcohol has a lot of calories, as does restaurant food) and lazy weekends, but it was a brilliant time and I wouldn't change it for the world. It got worse when we moved in together too, but now the best thing about it is that we're working out together and I've got a brilliant diet buddy!

    You just have to get realistic - you can't be going out on dates to fabulous restaurants all the time and maintain a great figure (sob). You can make it fun - cooking together, exercising together, and still remain loved up :)
  • sarahliftsUP
    sarahliftsUP Posts: 752 Member
    I think it's a matter of comfort level too. You don't need to impress anyone, you already got the guy/girl, so you start to slack off!

    Also, I found that I would be eating the same sized portion of food as my boyfriend. Over sized portions of pasta, rice and stir fry, heaping of potatoes with an eruption of gravy. I'd be keeping up with him and I think that definitely added weight on. Then I realized, ohhh crap, his metabolism is way faster than mine, he's a guy so he has more lean muscle mass to burn off those extra calories.
  • cheeksv
    cheeksv Posts: 521 Member
    Dieting is not fun and when you are with someone new you want to have a good time. You don't want to be a a nice restaurant and ruin the mood by asking the waitress for the calorie counts for the menu. I gained over ten pounds when I first met my fiance because we would go out, or I would cook for him. We both gained weight! After I realized that I decided to start running but he was out of town starting his new job. This made made it easier to get started without someone looking at me while I was on the treadmill. Now I am not so self conscious. I want to look good for me but also for him and if so I had get over it. Hes always worked out too but, now it is one more thing we have in common . I think the weight gain had to do with pleasing the other person. Not seeming like you have restriction, like you can have a good time. Not a bad thing but once you snap out of la la land you have to be prepared to get back to business.

    My tip would be to stay committed to you before you commit to anyone else. This change and lifestyle are a big part of your life and someone you are with is gonna have to understand sooooo why hide it? You never know he may be totally into it and you might have one more thing to add to the " reasons he is so awesome" pile.
  • christina0089
    christina0089 Posts: 709 Member
    You make the dates not just let him drag you to the pub but ask him to go for a walk with you even if its at night so its not 500 degrees and you sweat like a day laborer...love the bike ride suggestion as well or hit a water park or the pool all active but fun things to do with Mr. blue eyed beard man :) and he will get the hint eventually that you want to be active! Also rather than go out for ice cream go for smoothies or frozen yogurt you can also do the picinic thing but you pack it! ....lol theres no way to totally avoid the night out for a drink or two or a dinner that is epic in the calorie dept but theres no reason to avoid it this is life ya know and its ment to be lived so live a little just do some serious clean up the next day and maybe eat a little lighter through out the day you know said date is taking place.. you can have your man and eat too! I promose ;)
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I needed this kick in the pants when I met my husband. I foolishly thought I could maintain my weight without paying as close attention to my diet. He's a much bigger person so he can eat more, so I was eating to match him. I was blissfully, ignorantly happy and quickly packed on the weight. If only I could go back in time and slap some sense into my former self. :-)
  • myrbg
    myrbg Posts: 93
    My tip would be to stay committed to you before you commit to anyone else. This change and lifestyle are a big part of your life and someone you are with is gonna have to understand sooooo why hide it? You never know he may be totally into it and you might have one more thing to add to the " reasons he is so awesome" pile.

    that's such a great way of putting it, thank you! :)
  • myrbg
    myrbg Posts: 93

    Then I realized, ohhh crap, his metabolism is way faster than mine, ...

    Haha, I hate that realization too! :P
  • spyro88
    spyro88 Posts: 472 Member
    This is so true, when I first met my fiancé we both put on a lot of weight from eating out every weekend. He put on a stone and me almost two!

    But now we're a bit more settled and living together we don't eat out as much and have both committed to healthy eating and exercise :) We're both back to how we were when we first met now (he actually weighs less) but I still have some to lose as I've always been on the big side :)
  • pixlamarque
    pixlamarque Posts: 312 Member
    When I met my sweetie I was living in New Orleans (where everything social revolves around food and drink and more food) and he lived in Baton Rouge (an hour away). It started out being ok because we didn't see each other except on the weekend, so I could watch what I ate during the week and do my usual walking and yoga. But then we got more serious and I gave up my twice a week yoga class to visit Baton Rouge during the week. And gradually I ended up moving there, so between driving to work, etc, there was little time for exercise. Add to that the fact that he eats virturally no vegetables, so of course I ended up cooking to please his taste more than mine despite the fact that he kept telling me to cook what I wanted and he could take care of himself as he had for the last couple of decades. But did I listen? No. And eating similar portion sizes despite the fact that he is over a foot taller than me. And then the baby.... It is so gradual that you don't notice at first and then you see yourself in the mirror one day and nearly have a heart attack. So I have had to start learning how to make family meals work despite our differences. And it IS working. I just didn't try before.
  • gemmie_c
    gemmie_c Posts: 129 Member
    I have experienced this from both view points.

    I was in a very comfortable realationship with my high school boyfriend, Luke. He was always on the chunky side but as we went though university together not only did our brains expand but so did our waistbands. I put on about 54 lbs in our relationship (he put on about 70) I decided that he wasn't the man I wanted to be with after 8 years.

    Six months later I start dating my current boyfriend. Already starting the diet ball rolling I was in the correct mindset. Paul is the complete opposite to Luke. Paul was slim (almost too slim when we first started dating). For the first time in my life having to wake up next to a guy that is massivly slimmer than you makes me strive to be slimmer-for both of us.

    He really encourages me but not to the point of guilt tripping. Paul is happy to eat my dieting friendly food and actually enjoys it. He has become more into fitness and is developing his body to a more desirable frame. We are working on it together-a common goal.

    I really hope to be at my goal at the end of this year (hopefully November) and having the help of someone who understands really helps. I'm not ever going to go back to the "he'll love me regardless of what I shove down my throat". Do it for both of you-you'll be happier and he'll thank you for it. Be confident that every good meal is a step closer to your goal.

    :) xx
  • ekbontje
    ekbontje Posts: 36
    Most guys like being active, so try to make your dates hikes, walks, bike rides, or mini-golf rather than sitting in a theatre with calorie-laden popcorn and candy! You will both have more fun, feel better, and you get bonus points for being "cute and unique" :)
  • PhoenixRising11
    PhoenixRising11 Posts: 245 Member
    This has always been the case with my eldest sister. Whenever she's started dating a new guy she must get into a comfortable zone and forgets about her drive to lose weight. I guess it ends up being more about having fun with her new man.

    Meeting my boyfriend now actually kick started my healthy eating again. I wasn't such a healthy eater in the old days but when I met him he's take me out so often and told me about his love for food so much that I eventually started agreeing with him!
  • Fochizzy
    Fochizzy Posts: 505 Member
    Tell them. I know not letting you be the perfect girl but if they don't know they cannot support you. Instead of that Italian Restaurant you can go somewhere with healthier options, instead ice-cream hit a yogurt place. I am a big supporter of telling people you are losing weight. It is one of the huge differences betweent this time (where I am succeeding) and all of those failure attempts.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    Hmm, perhaps for people who *aren't* trying to lose weight they may be more prone to gaining while smitten with someone. The last guy I dated (we broke up a few weeks ago) was a health nut and very into working out and cooking healthy dinners for us so I kept right on track with my goals. Heck probably better than before I met him since we'd go out a lot for walks downtown and in the park.

    Oh and once we broke up I lost my appetite for a few days so does heartbreak=weight loss? I think I've found the cure to obesity!:laugh:
  • CherrySunday
    CherrySunday Posts: 301
    This has happened to me too, with nearly every boyfriend I've ever had -- I think it's just the whole nesting instinct you get going with someone; I don't know why it happens. I had the same thing with my husband too (we've been married almost 10 years, together for 12), but you know what: You CAN change it -- instead of feasting together, workout together -- instead of ordering pizza and pigging out -- go for a walk. That's what we've done over here with fabulous results so far!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I think it's a matter of comfort level too. You don't need to impress anyone, you already got the guy/girl, so you start to slack off!

    This!! You get comfortable, and that's when the weight comes on.
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