Taking the first step to a new me!!

Hey everyone,
Thought I would introduce myself and hopefully find some support and friends in my new endeavor..

I live in NE Ohio with my husband and our 9 year old son. We have a pool and we all love swimming in the warmer months. I'm a Realtor, and between that and our sons aspergers it keeps me busy.

I've never been skinny. But I used to have confidence and felt fairly healthy regardless.

I've never really dieted before or lost any significant amounts of weight. Instead I would simply find clothes to that complimented my current size and make excuses now that I look back.

I started to gain a few years ago. I had a total hysterectomy with ovary removal at age 31, I had a partially solid ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit and was very ill. The cancer scare terrified me, and I already had a one year old baby at the time so I felt that the surgery was the best option to ensure I'd be around to raise him. After that everything just started going bad...had my gallbladder out, developed all sorts of hormonal issues and felt like crap.

I carry a lot of my weight in my lower body..I tend to think maybe it could be genetic? My mom, grandma, aunt, and cousin were all the same way. My legs just keep continuing to grow and grow and it really scares me. I researched online and found something called lipedema and thought perhaps I have that...but then that scared me even more because the support group for that makes it seem like it's impossible to get weight off of your legs when you have that. My cousin with the large legs developed lymphedema and her legs got so big that she slowly lost her mobility and ended up passing away at age 52. I also have really bad varicose veins and they used to be asymptomatic but in the past year they have started to cause me pain. I don't believe I can have any procedures on them at my current size as I've always heard they'll just come right back.

I went through a period of crazy stress in 2013-2014 when both of my parents became ill. My mom had cancer and died after a year, she was my best friend and was 63 when she passed, and my dad had triple bi-pass surgery and got sepsis and died. I think that's when I truly turned to food for comfort. I developed anxiety after their passing and started eating more. Not like...eating a box of doughnuts...but poor choices such as visiting whom I refer to as the red headed b%^%# (well known burger chain lol) ordering pizza instead of cooking, etc..Sweets have never been my issue, my trigger foods are salty- chips, fries, etc..my portions are larger than what I used to eat but not like gorging or binge eating. Just totally crappy choices- fast food especially.

So here I am at age 38, wanting to make the changes needed to be healthy and experience things that I have never been able to my entire adult life. Swimming in public places without feeling shame, taking my son to waterparks, riding bikes with the seat not getting lost in my behind lol, having energy, regain my lost confidence, stop living in fear of my legs getting worse, wearing shorts!!!! I have NEVER wore shorts and always wondered what that would be like, not worrying about riding on a plane or being too fat for rides at amusement parks, and on and on...

I know fad diets don't work long term and can be unhealthy, and I know what foods are best to eat...but now to just actually do it. That's always been my problem, taking the first step and then sticking to it. I tend to be my own worst enemy. I may eat fast food and enjoy it at the time but in my mind I'm beating myself up.

So this is it. I know I can change but it starts within myself and I can't let outside factors and my mind keep stopping me.

I hope to make some friends here, find support, and by this time next year be a happier healthier me!!

If you got to the bottom you probably deserve a reward lol!!

Thanks