Worried about what I am teaching my daughter
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My wife and I weigh and measure some things...my kid has asked why before and I show him the recipe and that it calls for X cups of this or Y grams of that so I need to weigh or measure it out...or I'm making him his oatmeal and I tell him I have to know how many cups of oat so that I know how much water to use, etc...I think measuring and weighing is pretty common where the culinary arts are concerned...0
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »Has he suggested that you remove the fuel gauge and speedometer from the car so that the kid doesn't learn any bad habits when she's ready to start driving?
Would you explain to your 3yo why you are taking a birth control pill?
I believe there's an age for everything. And making a big deal about weighing and calories when the child is too young doesn't do any good. You have better chances just by leading my example and putting healthy foods in their table.
As the child gets older I think you need to start preparing him/her about making good food choices on their own, which by then shouldn't be an issue if you have been consistent the whole time.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »My wife and I weigh and measure some things...my kid has asked why before and I show him the recipe and that it calls for X cups of this or Y grams of that so I need to weigh or measure it out...or I'm making him his oatmeal and I tell him I have to know how many cups of oat so that I know how much water to use, etc...I think measuring and weighing is pretty common where the culinary arts are concerned...
Cooking world yes.
But weighing everything you put in your mouth is not.1 -
I relate so much to your post. I'm also in recovery for bulimia and am very concerned about the behavior I model for my teenage step daughter and son. My son is autistic and already struggles with food issues around smell and texture.
What I try to do is explain to them I am trying to make sure my body gets what it needs to stay healthy and avoid making it about weight.0 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »Has he suggested that you remove the fuel gauge and speedometer from the car so that the kid doesn't learn any bad habits when she's ready to start driving?
Would you explain to your 3yo why you are taking a birth control pill?
I believe there's an age for everything. And making a big deal about weighing and calories when the child is too young doesn't do any good. You have better chances just by leading my example and putting healthy foods in their table.
As the child gets older I think you need to start preparing him/her about making good food choices on their own, which by then shouldn't be an issue if you have been consistent the whole time.
Since when is them merely seeing you do it "making a big deal" of it?6 -
I think about this as well. I have an almost 2 yr old daughter and I want her to have a healthier body image than I did/do. I grew up taking ballet (seriously, pre-professional studio) and watching a mother who thought being a normal weight for her height was being fat. Between my dance teacher and my mom, I consistently heard messages that you were always eating too much and that it was normal to hate your body. I try to be more mindful of how I talk about my body in front of my daughter, because she's in a repeating everything stage. I don't think weighing food is an abnormal or disordered behavior as long as it isn't presented as a punishment (mommy has to weigh her food because she gets too fat when she doesn't). I'd be more concerned with how you talk about yourself and your body around your kids, because they do pick up a lot.3
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I think part it is conveying that being overweight isn't The Worst Possible Thing. You don't want a kid feeling they will be worthless or unloved if they get overweight.
It seems like a lot of eating disorders start when kids are in their tweens or teens; kids' bodies can go through some very weird proportions during puberty, and you don't want a kid thinking "I must be fat" because they don't look like a model in a fashion magazine or have a thigh gap. (I watched America's Top Model once and they had a plus-size model as a competitor . . . She was a size 8! Most of the girls had toothpick legs, and all I could think was "why are we choosing these people to model our clothes.") So talking to them about how the girls in the latest teen magazine are not representative of what all girls do, or should, look like--how there are perfectly healthy and strong girls who don't look like that--would be a positive step.5 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Has he suggested that you remove the fuel gauge and speedometer from the car so that the kid doesn't learn any bad habits when she's ready to start driving?StaciMarie1974 wrote: »We need to start a 'drive intuitively' craze!
I'm always over the speed limit when I 'drive intuitively'!
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Ironandwine69 wrote: »I think it's a great way to introduce your kid to healthy eating at a young age. Explain what you're doing (measuring your food), explain why (to keep a healthy weight), explain that adults do this because they're not as energetic as kids. This can tie in wonderfully to discussions of picking good food choices (like how Sesame Street calls sweets a "sometimes food").
Measuring food and portion control is what this site is all about. You are maintaining a healthy weight, why would that be bad? I honestly wish my mom had known about/taught me all of this when I was little. I've been overweight most of my life because calories in/calories out was never discussed in my house growing up.
Measuring food is not the only way to be in a healthy weight. It's the easiest way for people that can't do it any other way. Yet there's plenty of people in the world that maintain healthy weight without counting anything.
Sure, when I was in the wilds of Costa Rica and had no access to hyperpalatable foods I lost weight effortlessly. Literally effortlessly - I wasn't even trying to lose weight and didn't even own a scale at that time.
Now that I am back in civilization, have a desk job, and an OH who likes to eat higher calorie foods than I do, it takes a lot more effort.2 -
I think if you treat it like no big deal around your child (and it sounds like you have that down - especially by not worrying about it at restaurants
) it'll be fine. I think similiarly to you - I feel that my logging is the only way I can maintain my weight. I often long to go back a few years to where I could intuitively eat and not worry. Maybe I still could, and I'm young so I feel like I should, but my disordered eating gets the best of me most days. I think logging is okay and as long as it doesn't take over your life or consume too much of your time it's fine. I try to log as quickly as possible and once I log I don't worry about what I ate anymore. It has really helped me, and if it's helping you, keep doing it. 0 -
My kids learned most of the 'bad food, good food' stuff at school. I honestly had nothing to do with it. I started MFP 5 years ago, the kids were 4, I don't even remember what I told them at the time? now they're 9 and are just used to me weighing my food. If they ask, I just say that I like to know how much I'm eating.1
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I think that you have answered your own question in your post, that yes, it is a problem. The issue is not the weighing necessarily but the ritual, or compulsion you've built around it. Your need to explain in the post that "When we go out of town, out to eat, etc. I never bother with weighing" says a lot. It may be an indication of an OCD disorder. Clearly there are underlying issues that have nothing to do with food that are weighing on you. I think you should get professional help as soon as possible. In the meantime, I would strongly suggest trying not to be obvious about your weighing and worrying about your portions in front of your child.0
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I am always clear with my kids that I am trying to be healthy, not that I'm trying to lose weight. When they ask me why I exercise, I say the same thing. I just try to put the focus on the importance of having a healthy body rather than just trying to be skinny or lose weight. I talk about mindful eating with them as well and ask them to pay attention to if they are feeling full or not.0
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Great discussion!
I am also concerned about how my food related actions/words are absorbed by my kids--8 yr old girl & 12 yr old boy. I worry more about my tendency to sneak food, including their Halloween candy. Or that I eat all of the cookies I baked. I'm more concerned that my lack of discipline can be taken as license to other indulges when they are teenagers. Though I do try to insure they have a healthy attitude toward food.
But as to your question...Do you fully enjoy all aspects of food? There is so much more to food than calories. Social. Creativity. Nutrition. Pleasure. If you still enjoy food, then measuring is just a self-discipline. I think if you showed an aversion to food, then that would be unhealthy for the kid. I assume you know what I mean. Bulimia is not fully enjoying food. Nor is excessive restriction. I'm a binge eater. I don't really enjoy it when I'm binge eating. When I'm at social occasions, I might become obsessed with the chocolate & not focus on the people around me. Then the food is controlling me. That's warped. If all you are doing is measuring, then that's just discipline. But if you are obsessing...1 -
I think that you have answered your own question in your post, that yes, it is a problem. The issue is not the weighing necessarily but the ritual, or compulsion you've built around it. Your need to explain in the post that "When we go out of town, out to eat, etc. I never bother with weighing" says a lot. It may be an indication of an OCD disorder. Clearly there are underlying issues that have nothing to do with food that are weighing on you. I think you should get professional help as soon as possible. In the meantime, I would strongly suggest trying not to be obvious about your weighing and worrying about your portions in front of your child.
Sorry, but no. This is not indicative of OCD.10 -
Throughout my early to mid twenties I suffered from bulimia. I also suffered with excessive exercise and restricting. I grew up in a normal household but was always on the bigger side, not huge just more curvy. I was teased all throughout highschool for being the bigger girl. So I took it to extremes. To this day I still deal with anxiety over food and I am pretty rigid about maintaining my weight, 135 at 5'7. I eat what I want when I want it, I exercise moderately (this part can be challenging) and I maintain my weight. I feel that I am able to maintain my weight though my measuring my food and eating in portions, which my husband thinks is unhealthy. I don't measure vegetables anymore, more just meats, cereal, fruits, butter/avocado. I have a 3 year old daughter and he worries that if I continue to weight/measure my food she is going to pick up some disordered eating habits, which I too worry about. When we go out of town, out to eat, etc. I never bother with weighing, I just choose what I want in moderation. He has never had any weight issues, he is pretty good about eating in moderation and never tends to gain weight. How do some of you explain your weighing/measuring to your kids in a healthy way? Do you consider it an unhealthy obsession?
If this was an issue of finance and you had poor spending habits would he consider maintaining a budget an unhealthy practice?
Sure people can maintain a calorie or financial budget without balancing the books - these people either have sufficient income/calorie output or minimal expenses, caloric intake.
This by no means makes your thinking disordered, moreover you have recognized an issue, identified a root cause, and applied a corrective measure to minimize risk of recurrence. Seems very logical to me.1 -
My daughter is 10, almost 11, and I've made the mistake in the past of weighing myself in front of her, not eating dinner with her, eating different foods than her, etc. All signs of my eating disorder. Kids are smart and pick up on things. I'm now working on reversing those negative connotations for her. But I think that- as many other posters have said- if you talk to your child about the health aspect of why you weigh your food, about having a healthy body image, and other positive things surrounding food and nutrition and the body, then your child will grow up with a healthy and positive understanding of it all.1
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Throughout my early to mid twenties I suffered from bulimia. I also suffered with excessive exercise and restricting. I grew up in a normal household but was always on the bigger side, not huge just more curvy. I was teased all throughout highschool for being the bigger girl. So I took it to extremes. To this day I still deal with anxiety over food and I am pretty rigid about maintaining my weight, 135 at 5'7. I eat what I want when I want it, I exercise moderately (this part can be challenging) and I maintain my weight. I feel that I am able to maintain my weight though my measuring my food and eating in portions, which my husband thinks is unhealthy. I don't measure vegetables anymore, more just meats, cereal, fruits, butter/avocado. I have a 3 year old daughter and he worries that if I continue to weight/measure my food she is going to pick up some disordered eating habits, which I too worry about. When we go out of town, out to eat, etc. I never bother with weighing, I just choose what I want in moderation. He has never had any weight issues, he is pretty good about eating in moderation and never tends to gain weight. How do some of you explain your weighing/measuring to your kids in a healthy way? Do you consider it an unhealthy obsession?
If this was an issue of finance and you had poor spending habits would he consider maintaining a budget an unhealthy practice?
Sure people can maintain a calorie or financial budget without balancing the books - these people either have sufficient income/calorie output or minimal expenses, caloric intake.
This by no means makes your thinking disordered, moreover you have recognized an issue, identified a root cause, and applied a corrective measure to minimize risk of recurrence. Seems very logical to me.
I think it would be beneficial if kids were exposed to more of this sort of budgeting (both financial and dietary) so that they can be better prepared for adulthood. Maybe they will be able to maintain a healthy weight without such tracking, but maybe they won't, so giving them the tools leaves them prepared for either case.
As far as it indicating OCD and being ritualistic, it's not. The compulsive actions that people who have OCD do are done to relieve the mental anguish of the obsession. They are not something that a person can just "not do" while on vacation or at a restaurant. What makes it a disorder is that it interferes with a person's daily life. If you can go out to dinner without a food scale, or on vacation without one, weighing portions at home does not indicate OCD.7 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »I am worried about what I would teach my kid. I don't talk about calories or macros or muscle at home. I put healthy food on the table and try to teach him to be as active as possible. He is 6yo. He saw me weighing food the other night and asked me what was I doing. I told him the truth. When he asked why, I said "I'm just wondering".
A few days ago he asked me if patato chips are bad for you. I make a point to teach him how everything is okay in moderation. If it was up to me, and he didn't hear about "bad foods" from other kids at school, I wouldn't even have that conversation. Actions spqk louder than words. By giving an example of living a healthy lifestyle, I think we are doing our part.
Wow, we are almost exactly alike in our ways of dieting, except you're at my goal weight!
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I also worry about the message my calorie counting and weighing gives my kids, especially my daughter. I try not to talk about it around them, but I know I have. I always make a point to say to my kids that they need to eat a good amount of food because they are growing. They both see me weighing and counting. They know it's something I need to do because I let myself become 50 pounds overweight by overeating for some time. They are growing kids who need adequate nutrition. I make sure I mention that often to hopefully overpower the weighing/counting they see me do. I constantly tell them the good things food does for their bodies, like salmon makes you smart, broccoli keeps you healthy, spinach makes you happy, milk makes your bones strong, etc... sometimes I am not even sure if what I am saying is true, but I make the comments about foods I want them to eat more and say little about their cookies, popsicles, and other treats other than that it is a treat and it's not good to have too much of it, but a little is fine.0
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Ironandwine69 wrote: »I think it's a great way to introduce your kid to healthy eating at a young age. Explain what you're doing (measuring your food), explain why (to keep a healthy weight), explain that adults do this because they're not as energetic as kids. This can tie in wonderfully to discussions of picking good food choices (like how Sesame Street calls sweets a "sometimes food").
Measuring food and portion control is what this site is all about. You are maintaining a healthy weight, why would that be bad? I honestly wish my mom had known about/taught me all of this when I was little. I've been overweight most of my life because calories in/calories out was never discussed in my house growing up.
Measuring food is not the only way to be in a healthy weight. It's the easiest way for people that can't do it any other way. Yet there's plenty of people in the world that maintain healthy weight without counting anything.
Unless you almost completely cut out all of the easy calorie dense junk foods that are available everywhere here (that weren't in the past and may not be in other parts of the world) and always say no at parties, potlucks, etc - that can be pretty hard to do. - which might be seen as more disordered than just counting calories.
Not for everyone, which I think is the problem really. Before I became ill (my energy levels slumped and I was put on a medication that meant I gained quite a lot of weight) I maintained a healthy weight without really thinking about it (despite the fact that I've got an incredible sweet tooth and didn't worry about how much soft drink I drank or if I ate a few too many lollies or all the desert). I just didn't find it difficult to eat the appropriate amount of kilojoules to maintain my weight. People like that aren't going to understand people who need tools to maintain or loose weight. It's going to look strange to them even if there's nothing disordered or wrong with it.1 -
What my daughter sees is that we DON'T eat big portions. And neither does she.
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deputy_randolph wrote: »I weigh most of my food in front of the kids. I don't weigh their food. They are 8&6 and have never mentioned my food scales habits.
I don't generally don't talk about the amount of calories I've had during the day. I will talk openly about how much protein I've had. My kids have started to ask questions like, "how much protein does...so and so have?"
I don't think my food scale behavior is unhealthy, it's a strategy I use to keep myself on track and to promote my overall fitness goals. I really believe that how you interpret your behaviors will influence how your kids interpret your behaviors.
This. I don't make my own food issues a big deal. I never talk about their weight (tall and lean ages 16, 13,10) My kids see the scale but don't really care. I provide them with healthy foods and carry on.0 -
I have three daughters (22, 17 and 14) (all thin), and I am very careful about displaying any kind of restricted eating/dieting behavior in front of them. I never want any of them to focus on weight, calories, etc (unless medically necessary of course). I have been dieting on and off since I was 14. I'm 46 now. VERY tired of doing it.
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Throughout my early to mid twenties I suffered from bulimia. I also suffered with excessive exercise and restricting. I grew up in a normal household but was always on the bigger side, not huge just more curvy. I was teased all throughout highschool for being the bigger girl. So I took it to extremes. To this day I still deal with anxiety over food and I am pretty rigid about maintaining my weight, 135 at 5'7. I eat what I want when I want it, I exercise moderately (this part can be challenging) and I maintain my weight. I feel that I am able to maintain my weight though my measuring my food and eating in portions, which my husband thinks is unhealthy. I don't measure vegetables anymore, more just meats, cereal, fruits, butter/avocado. I have a 3 year old daughter and he worries that if I continue to weight/measure my food she is going to pick up some disordered eating habits, which I too worry about. When we go out of town, out to eat, etc. I never bother with weighing, I just choose what I want in moderation. He has never had any weight issues, he is pretty good about eating in moderation and never tends to gain weight. How do some of you explain your weighing/measuring to your kids in a healthy way? Do you consider it an unhealthy obsession?
Honestly, I don't think the food weighing itself is what you should be worried about, and quite possibly isn't what your husband is worried about either. I'm certainly no expert, but it is my understanding that eating disorders typically are more of a mental thing. So, the fact that you are feeling anxiety in regards to eating and your weight is more of an issue than the fact that you weigh out your portions. And, while it's true that someone who has never struggled with their weight cannot truly understand why it is difficult for you to manage yours, your husband has obviously spotted something in your behavior that concerns him. And if he has spotted it, your child most likely will, too.3
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