Spin off on people being unkind...

angfish
angfish Posts: 12 Member
edited September 30 in Health and Weight Loss
I have lost weight before and experienced some unkind behavior by other women. My friendships changed specifically because I no longer sat around over indulging in unhealthy foods with them. I had women at work ask me when I was finally at a healthy weight "you're not going to lose any MORE are you??", or "you're so thin, you make me sick". At social functions I've had co-workers turn clear around in their chairs to see what I had on my plate. When some of my so called friends learn that I work out at least 5 days a week (which is recommended by health professionals), I am all of a sudden "obsessed" with exercising.

I've just thought at times that no wonder we struggle with weight loss at times or, like me, experience the see-saw of losing and gaining again and again. There is pressure to fit in with your friends and not succeed just as there is pressure to lose weight.

Despite these hurtful actions by these other women...I choose to feel good, be healthier, and look good!! And, I'm making new friends that share those values. I'm sad to no longer be as close with some of my friends, but I can't hold myself back to make another person feel better for being overweight.

Replies

  • suzooz
    suzooz Posts: 720 Member
    Isn't it amazing what we do to each other?

    Good for you for having a healthy attitude and for finding others that share your lifestyle choices.
  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
    Women are *****es. Lol. It's true though.

    Tell em to eff off.
  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
    That's awful :cry: I hope you find tons of new friends who will motivate and encourage you! :flowerforyou:
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    Well good for you losing the weight. Have you ever heard of Meme Roth? She is the reason I lost the weight (before I even considered losing the weight). She said to "ditch your fat friends". I at first throught it was cruel, because I was still one of the fat friends. In a way though she makes a lot of sense, because while at the end of the day, we make the choices for ourselves, but peer pressure effects us. If we're surrounded by unhealthy choices we tend to make those, and if we are surrounded by health concious people they're behavior tends to rub off on me. I've been down that road too, and understand completely what you are saying. Kudos to you for surrounding yourself with like-minded people.
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
    Women are *****es. Lol. It's true though.

    Tell em to eff off.

    sad but true, m'friend.
  • cheshirequeen
    cheshirequeen Posts: 1,324 Member
    good for you not falling for their unhealthy lifestyles and fairweather friendship.
  • finchase
    finchase Posts: 174
    I'm sure you already know it, but they're just jealous. They want to do what you are doing but don't want to put in the work. People that really care about you will support you and cheer you on. And maybe you'll motivate some others to join you. I've been able to motivate a few friends and co-workers since I started, and now I'm having fun cheering them too.
  • smashleymcgee
    smashleymcgee Posts: 135 Member
    True friends are ones that will motivate you and support you in what you believe in. Stick with it!!! You are doing a great job, and let's be honest- they are most likely just jealous. Give them something to be jealous of :)
  • DeeDeeLHF
    DeeDeeLHF Posts: 2,301 Member
    There are times that I eat more just to show others that I am actually eating!! It is frustrating!
  • cuquee
    cuquee Posts: 8
    wow! That is one of the of things I have contemplated when I lose weight. Not just the women's reaction but also the men. it will be interesting to see the attention losing weight draws b/c we all know it is inevitable.
    I think it's smart that you move forward :)
  • icerose137
    icerose137 Posts: 318 Member
    Sounds like you need new friends. Like the saying goes "With friends like these, who needs enemies?"

    I don't keep any close friends because my family takes the majority of my time so no problems there.
  • TheYoungRetiree
    TheYoungRetiree Posts: 84 Member
    Oh, I definitely agree that women are hateful, catty you-know-whats! I was always the fat girl in the group and my skinny friends found it hard that I could be competition for guys or whatever their problem was. You find out who your friends are real quick between the motivators and the downers.

    YOU CAN LIVE THE LIFESTYLE! You can make the change. You can leave those b**ches in the DUST!
  • Izable2011
    Izable2011 Posts: 755 Member
    I don't like it when you have lost enough that it is obvious and certain people say nothing at all. I'm not at that point yet but I've been there in the past. :ohwell:
  • Autumn1206
    Autumn1206 Posts: 126
    I have heard it said that if you want to be successful you have to surround yourself with people that share the same goals. Feel free to add me as a MFP friend if you would just like one more. Living healthy is not just about our weight, it's in our heads too, so negative attitudes have no place in our lives if we are going to lose it and learn how to balance so that we can keep it off and still live a happy life.

    Good Luck to you
  • missolesky
    missolesky Posts: 40
    I totally get it. I'm a manager in fast food and my other manager and employees CONSTANTLY "tease" me (tease is in quotes because I really don't think they mean it as kindly as they say they do) about being a hippie and only eating leaves and being obsessive compulsive because I refuse to eat burgers and fries and milkshakes with them everyday and prefer a salad or some other significantly healthier (and in my opinion tastier) food. My employees, even those without children, constantly tell me how I must not have a social life because I have soooooooo much time for exercise or my fiance must be a huge d*** to me and that's why I want to lose the weight when neither is true.
    It sucks, it hurts, they're jealous, and you'll get over it sooner then they'll grow up.
    Congratulations on your progress, at least you have everyone on this site to support you :)
  • ElizabethObviously
    ElizabethObviously Posts: 380 Member
    There are a couple reasons people start hen peaking at ya when you start to get to a healthy weight...

    1. They are used to you being heavy and their mind can not keep up with your weight loss. People are programmed to not like change really.

    2. They are jealous. They see you lose weight and might wish they could. There is always a "fat friend" in the group and if you lose weight and weight less than them, it means one of THEM is now the "fat friend" Also they might be jealous because you have so much dedication and motivation and they wish they had it.

    3. They might think you are trying to be better than them, like a one upper. Those people that anything you do, they already did it, they already visited there, they already did it before you. And in a sense....yes, you are better than them because you took the horse by the reigns and said Enough is Enough.

    One person said losing your fat friends....don't do that. Try to convert them! Don't be pushy but make it fun. Get out walking together. Introduce them to this site. It would suck to be a fat friend and your healthy friends all ditched you because they are healthy. But to be included? To be encouraged? To be inspired??? Shouldn't that be what we want?
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    As the saying goes "We cannot please everyone". But remember that you're doing it for you and not for them. Its good that you don't let yourself down with their harsh words. Probably they're just envious because they might had tried losing weight before but never succeed so they see you as a "threat" but anyway you're right, just go along with people who will truly support you and bring out the best in you
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    isn't is weird? when we were young the pressure was to run & jump with your peers - NOW they want you to sit around &get fat with them.
    Guess you just have to invite your friends to walk or work out with you & if they don't, well U know who your friends are
    I sat around and gained 30 lbs with an unfit husband who saw no point in exercise & made fun of anything that wasn't fried and served with beer - I'll never do THAT again
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    I'm sorry you have experienced these rude and envious people.

    Time to find some like-minded friends who will encourage you!

    blessings.
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    I think any big change like the one you are making upsets the balance in relationships. The people who really care about you will find a space in your new life and you will create a new balance with them. You have to give them time because this wonderful change is not their choice. They'll get there. Or not. Some people will fall away and that's OK too.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I choose to surround myself with men. :smile:

    Good for you for choosing the road less traveled. "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" right?
  • beernutz
    beernutz Posts: 136
    Good lord, that is awful. People's cruelty, arrogance, ignorance, and greed never cease to amaze me.

    I kickstarted my current weight loss by being on a team where we were each trying to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. Our captain was a woman colleague who was so upbeat and positive you could not help but want to lose weight just to see the look on her face when you told her about your loss. Focus your energy on avoiding those negative jealous idiots and find some people who share your goals. Life is too short.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    This is a reminder of how it is a lifestyle change. In this case you will find yourself new friends with the same goals and lifestyle as you. As you do that, the old people you hang around with will drop off.

    Sometimes, as in my case, your new lifestyle will encourage others to join you: I decided I would walk at lunchtime and told my work friends that I would meet her at the coffee shop. She decided to come with me and together with another friend we have walked at lunchtime ever since, both losing weight and getting fitter.

    I've since made friends through my new gym and another friend has taken up bike riding with me. Don't worry, you may see now that losing those friends will create a hole in your life, but that hole will be filled with others just you wait and see!

    GG
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