Just found out person I liked is engaged.
graydreams
Posts: 89 Member
I'm sorry, I don't know if this should be "motivation and SUPPORT" or chit chat but it's not exactly light hearted and I need support.
I met a guy named Tengfei at the hospital a year ago and he was kind to me and looked after me. We barely knew each other though ,we only met that one day at the hospital and only chatted once or twice and then nothing for a year. Until May 9 when he told me he can consider being in a relationship with me, but give him some time because he worries he can't be good to me as he is poor and uneducated. After he initially said this we talked a lot, and he seemed kind, to care for my health, to want to know me more. Literally every day he led me on that we might end up together by talking about it sometimes.
Anyways last night Tengfei told me he is engaged, and I told him, you lied to me, you should not lie to people, it's not nice and it hurts people. And he told me that I should get off my higih horse and that he DID like me and HAD been considering being with me. He said it was an arranged marriage and he only met the girl a few times and doesn't like her. He was angry at me for saying he lied and for not trusting him. I feel like I'm losing my grip on sanity, is it not understandable that when he said he was engaged I assumed he had been lying when he said he was considering a relationship with me?
And it's not like he said Junluo, I am so sorry, I was scared to tell you but my parents want me to have an arranged marriage, and I am considering not going through it and being with you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you until now. He just came out and said this as if it was totally normal.
and then I asked him several times look I understand if you're not sure if you want to go through with the marriage, but if you HAVE made up your mind that you're going to get married to this person, could you please tell me? And instead of answering he kept saying let's calm down, if you get your hopes up too much what if it doesn't work out, no matter what happens between us, etc, rather than saying to me Okay look I am going to marry the girl, there is no hope that it would work out because I'm going to marry her, nothing will happen between us bc I'm going to marry her, you get the idea.
I struggle a lot already because I have very poor health and I am afraid this will push my health to the edge even more
I called my sister and I wanted to tell her to come and see me before in case I die but I didn't have the courage to say it out loud, and literally my health is so bad that I have made funeral arrangements with my parents already and I remember last year my mother was telling my dad to enjoy the time I'm still alive because they think I will die soon. It's a miracle I even made it so far. I feel like this was my last chance to find love, I'll be 29 in August if I make it that long and I have wanted to be loved romantically, not just be friends, family, and myself, since I was 17, and I don't have another chance because I don't have that long to live!
I met a guy named Tengfei at the hospital a year ago and he was kind to me and looked after me. We barely knew each other though ,we only met that one day at the hospital and only chatted once or twice and then nothing for a year. Until May 9 when he told me he can consider being in a relationship with me, but give him some time because he worries he can't be good to me as he is poor and uneducated. After he initially said this we talked a lot, and he seemed kind, to care for my health, to want to know me more. Literally every day he led me on that we might end up together by talking about it sometimes.
Anyways last night Tengfei told me he is engaged, and I told him, you lied to me, you should not lie to people, it's not nice and it hurts people. And he told me that I should get off my higih horse and that he DID like me and HAD been considering being with me. He said it was an arranged marriage and he only met the girl a few times and doesn't like her. He was angry at me for saying he lied and for not trusting him. I feel like I'm losing my grip on sanity, is it not understandable that when he said he was engaged I assumed he had been lying when he said he was considering a relationship with me?
And it's not like he said Junluo, I am so sorry, I was scared to tell you but my parents want me to have an arranged marriage, and I am considering not going through it and being with you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you until now. He just came out and said this as if it was totally normal.
and then I asked him several times look I understand if you're not sure if you want to go through with the marriage, but if you HAVE made up your mind that you're going to get married to this person, could you please tell me? And instead of answering he kept saying let's calm down, if you get your hopes up too much what if it doesn't work out, no matter what happens between us, etc, rather than saying to me Okay look I am going to marry the girl, there is no hope that it would work out because I'm going to marry her, nothing will happen between us bc I'm going to marry her, you get the idea.
I struggle a lot already because I have very poor health and I am afraid this will push my health to the edge even more
I called my sister and I wanted to tell her to come and see me before in case I die but I didn't have the courage to say it out loud, and literally my health is so bad that I have made funeral arrangements with my parents already and I remember last year my mother was telling my dad to enjoy the time I'm still alive because they think I will die soon. It's a miracle I even made it so far. I feel like this was my last chance to find love, I'll be 29 in August if I make it that long and I have wanted to be loved romantically, not just be friends, family, and myself, since I was 17, and I don't have another chance because I don't have that long to live! 0
Replies
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Focus on your health. Enjoy your family. Those are the two most important things.3
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Well you dodged a bullet. Any guy who was in process of being engaged and also flirting with you was playing with you . You deserve better. Focus on health for now and men will come5
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Ironandwine69 wrote: »Focus on your health. Enjoy your family. Those are the two most important things.
Thank you. I have letters that my sister knows where they are to give my parents when I die.
At my funeral, they will play See you again (Wiz Khalifa), Chase you Down (Runaground), Try (Jay Chou), and Colours (Halsey). I will be wearing a floral dress and a headband. I would like to look innocent and happy. I just pray that when I die I won't be terribly underweight because I don't want to make people sad when they see me in the casket. I remember I was alive at 30 lb underweight in the past and I really don't think that being more than 20 lb underweight would allow me to look happy and at peace, so I just pray that when I die my weight won't have gone down too much. Sometimes I literally question if I should kill myself before in case I accidentally lose more weight since I know I'm going to die anyways due to the doctor's prognosis.0 -
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graydreams wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »Focus on your health. Enjoy your family. Those are the two most important things.
Thank you. I have letters that my sister knows where they are to give my parents when I die.
At my funeral, they will play See you again (Wiz Khalifa), Chase you Down (Runaground), Try (Jay Chou), and Colours (Halsey). I will be wearing a floral dress and a headband. I would like to look innocent and happy. I just pray that when I die I won't be terribly underweight because I don't want to make people sad when they see me in the casket. I remember I was alive at 30 lb underweight in the past and I really don't think that being more than 20 lb underweight would allow me to look happy and at peace, so I just pray that when I die my weight won't have gone down too much. Sometimes I literally question if I should kill myself before in case I accidentally lose more weight since I know I'm going to die anyways due to the doctor's prognosis.
Seek Professional Help.6 -
graydreams wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »Focus on your health. Enjoy your family. Those are the two most important things.
Thank you. I have letters that my sister knows where they are to give my parents when I die.
At my funeral, they will play See you again (Wiz Khalifa), Chase you Down (Runaground), Try (Jay Chou), and Colours (Halsey). I will be wearing a floral dress and a headband. I would like to look innocent and happy. I just pray that when I die I won't be terribly underweight because I don't want to make people sad when they see me in the casket. I remember I was alive at 30 lb underweight in the past and I really don't think that being more than 20 lb underweight would allow me to look happy and at peace, so I just pray that when I die my weight won't have gone down too much. Sometimes I literally question if I should kill myself before in case I accidentally lose more weight since I know I'm going to die anyways due to the doctor's prognosis.
Seek Professional Help.
Thank you, I go to the doctor regularly. That's how I know that what I do about my health It's rather depressing but I'm at peace with it, I suppose. I believe in heaven. 0 -
Do you believe that what we can experience in this life is all that there is for our consciousness to experience?
What you have experienced is what all of us who have experienced one time or another have experienced in our pursuit of romantic love and what some of us health or otherwise only ever experience, even if we live to 102.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people in the world who are manipulative, self centered, and lack empathetic awareness of others. I cannot tell you what you should do but only advise you as a woman who has dealt with men like this before is to not hold on to hope for this man. He does not seem like he wants to be truthful to you, and would rather place blame on you instead. Also It seems you are less into seeing him for who he actually is, as you are into putting a role you desperately want him to be in to fulfil your final wish.
If you are really desperate and afraid of running out of time to find romantic love, let him go. You will only be wasting precious time. Let him go unless he is showing you he loves you through the action of putting a ring on your finger. Don't fall for words. They are empty without action. This is something all women eventually learn dealing with men.
Dont focus on your death. There is nothing none of us can do when that moment comes. Focus on life while you are living, and if it is romantic love, find out what that looks like to you, so that from this point on who will easier be able to separate romantic love from indecision and wasting of your precious time.
Again I say this is something we all have to go through with a little or a lot of time. I hope that makes you feel not alone, and I wish you the best.3 -
If your life is going to end soon why would you want to surround yourself with people who don't care about you? I understand wanting to find love and all but it's nothing if it's all fake. You should focus on spending your final moments with people who actually give a crap about you. I would also seek mental professional help if you feel some guys Is going to cause you to croak.0
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YouGotThis435 wrote: »Do you believe that what we can experience in this life is all that there is for our consciousness to experience?
What you have experienced is what all of us who have experienced one time or another have experienced in our pursuit of romantic love and what some of us health or otherwise only ever experience, even if we live to 102.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people in the world who are manipulative, self centered, and lack empathetic awareness of others. I cannot tell you what you should do but only advise you as a woman who has dealt with men like this before is to not hold on to hope for this man. He does not seem like he wants to be truthful to you, and would rather place blame on you instead. Also It seems you are less into seeing him for who he actually is, as you are into putting a role you desperately want him to be in to fulfil your final wish.
If you are really desperate and afraid of running out of time to find romantic love, let him go. You will only be wasting precious time. Let him go unless he is showing you he loves you through the action of putting a ring on your finger. Don't fall for words. They are empty without action. This is something all women eventually learn dealing with men.
Dont focus on your death. There is nothing none of us can do when that moment comes. Focus on life while you are living, and if it is romantic love, find out what that looks like to you, so that from this point on who will easier be able to separate romantic love from indecision and wasting of your precious time.
Again I say this is something we all have to go through with a little or a lot of time. I hope that makes you feel not alone, and I wish you the best.
I am sitting here literally crying because of your kindness. Thank you. You are wise, and kind, thank you.1 -
Shull_rachael wrote: »If your life is going to end soon why would you want to surround yourself with people who don't care about you? I understand wanting to find love and all but it's nothing if it's all fake. You should focus on spending your final moments with people who actually give a crap about you. I would also seek mental professional help if you feel some guys Is going to cause you to croak.
Thank you..you are right..it makes my heart die to think I cannot always be in my family's company.0 -
YouGotThis435 wrote: »Do you believe that what we can experience in this life is all that there is for our consciousness to experience?
What you have experienced is what all of us who have experienced one time or another have experienced in our pursuit of romantic love and what some of us health or otherwise only ever experience, even if we live to 102.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people in the world who are manipulative, self centered, and lack empathetic awareness of others. I cannot tell you what you should do but only advise you as a woman who has dealt with men like this before is to not hold on to hope for this man. He does not seem like he wants to be truthful to you, and would rather place blame on you instead. Also It seems you are less into seeing him for who he actually is, as you are into putting a role you desperately want him to be in to fulfil your final wish.
If you are really desperate and afraid of running out of time to find romantic love, let him go. You will only be wasting precious time. Let him go unless he is showing you he loves you through the action of putting a ring on your finger. Don't fall for words. They are empty without action. This is something all women eventually learn dealing with men.
Dont focus on your death. There is nothing none of us can do when that moment comes. Focus on life while you are living, and if it is romantic love, find out what that looks like to you, so that from this point on who will easier be able to separate romantic love from indecision and wasting of your precious time.
Again I say this is something we all have to go through with a little or a lot of time. I hope that makes you feel not alone, and I wish you the best.
You are very wise!0 -
He's probably lying to you about being engaged as well.
However if he's a hospital employee and/or knows your medical condition, I would assume he was flirting to lift your spirits and had no intent to harm. This is common in hospital settings.
1
for your kind words. 
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