Counseling

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CharlieICURN
CharlieICURN Posts: 89 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been trying to recognize patterns in my eating and behaviors and I definitely think I may have a binge eating disorder. I definitely have a very disordered relationship with food, at the very least. I have gained and lost the same 20 lbs for years and I just can't seem to get a real handle on how I eat.
Since I was like 12 years old I've obsessed with dieting and losing weight (even though I wasn't even fat) and that's carried into adulthood. I'm 32 now, 5'4" and currently weight 198 (I've lost 8 lbs since last month). I decided to talk to my doctor about this and she referred me to a behavioral counselor and a nutritional counselor that specializes in disordered eating. She thinks that even if I lost weight I'd still be unhappy with myself and have some underlying issues that need to be addressed before I can really make the changes I need to a more healthy lifestyle.

Has anyone ever done behavioral and nutritional counseling in regards to weight loss, compulsive/binge eating? I'm very hopeful that I will benefit from it but I'm absolutely doubting it's usefulness because I'm very pessimistic. I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm just hoping I can finally gain more control over my eating. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.

Replies

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,712 Member
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    CharlieICURN wrote: »
    I have been trying to recognize patterns in my eating and behaviors and I definitely think I may have a binge eating disorder. I definitely have a very disordered relationship with food, at the very least. I have gained and lost the same 20 lbs for years and I just can't seem to get a real handle on how I eat.
    Since I was like 12 years old I've obsessed with dieting and losing weight (even though I wasn't even fat) and that's carried into adulthood. I'm 32 now, 5'4" and currently weight 198 (I've lost 8 lbs since last month). I decided to talk to my doctor about this and she referred me to a behavioral counselor and a nutritional counselor that specializes in disordered eating. She thinks that even if I lost weight I'd still be unhappy with myself and have some underlying issues that need to be addressed before I can really make the changes I need to a more healthy lifestyle.

    Has anyone ever done behavioral and nutritional counseling in regards to weight loss, compulsive/binge eating? I'm very hopeful that I will benefit from it but I'm absolutely doubting it's usefulness because I'm very pessimistic. I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm just hoping I can finally gain more control over my eating. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.

    Re: the first bold portion: Good! Sounds like you're fortunate enough to have a knowledgeable doctor. Some aren't so helpful when it comes to nutrition and healthy weight loss.

    Re: the second bold portion: get rid of that mindset ASAP! I can be pessimistic, so I get it, but believe that it will work before you go in there. Give it your 100% effort and see how it goes. It's worth a try, right?

    Good luck and you've already taken the hard first steps. Now it's just about being consistent, patient, and building new habits.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
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    I haven't done this specifically, but I know that the actual counselor can make a huge difference. If you go in and find you don't connect well with the counselor or you just don't like him or her or whatever it may be, try someone else. Not every counselor is going to be a good fit for every client. Also, just be prepared for the first session to be more about information-gathering than about working on much. The counselor has to get to know you and get to know what your goals are. I think it's easy to be resistant to things counselors say in session because it can be a confrontation, and, at least for me, I think it's natural to push back when someone challenges you, but if you come back to the ideas outside of sessions when you can think about them with a more open mind, things you thought were wrong or inapplicable before may become very useful.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    edited May 2017
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    She thinks that even if I lost weight I'd still be unhappy with myself and have some underlying issues that need to be addressed before I can really make the changes I need to a more healthy lifestyle.

    I'm not saying they're "wrong" but I will say, NEVER let someone ELSE determine what will or will not make YOU happy.

    Example:

    - go to therapist
    - say, "I am depressed my cat died"
    - therapist says, "No, there must be something else"
    - say, "I loved my cat, since he died the other day I am distraught"
    - therapist says, "Lets talk about your childhood instead so I can give you a complex over some sort of abandonment issue we can talk about off and on for the next 3 years"

    It's all BS. If you believe that losing weight and getting your diet under control will make you happy DO NOT LET THEM MAKE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF. Sometimes I think those people hurt more than they help. They make money by keeping you coming back, they profit by your problems not being solved.

    I expect many people to disagree with me and flame me now, but these are my opinions and they aren't going to change.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I went to group counselling sessions regarding food and eating. It was very helpful and I learned a lot.

    A counsellor friend helped me feel a lot better about the counsellor-counselee relationship. It must be a mutual thing. If you don't feel safe or respected, it's not the right fit.

    I am impressed that your doctor got you the right referrals.
  • norahkathleen
    norahkathleen Posts: 69 Member
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    sending you a message with some thoughts...feel free to take or leave them. :)
  • norahkathleen
    norahkathleen Posts: 69 Member
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    I work for a counseling office and one of our therapists specializes in this...I have seen firsthand the positive results than can come. That does not mean it is for everyone, and i completely agree with the above poster that it has to be the right fit for each individual. But sometimes having a support system with knowledge of what you are dealing with can be an invaluable tool. It also provides helpful accountability for some. Just my random thoughts. I do not believe there is a right and wrong in this case. Just like any nutrition plan/workout/etc. it is about what works for you and your life. Best of luck! :smile:
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
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    If you don't think a counselor will help, a counselor will not help. I've been going to a counselor for anxiety and have had tremendous success and I've not had a true binge (binge eating has been a "symptom" of my anxiety) in six months. He helps me work through my troubles and figure out why things bother me as much as they do, and he also works with me on practicing self-care and other coping mechanisms to make each day better.

    I say all that, but if you're pessimistic, it's useless.
  • Sara2652
    Sara2652 Posts: 158 Member
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    I was in group therapy for binge eating disorder and it helped with the binge eating for sure. It wasn't quite the right fit for me though because I had other things going on in the end.

    Personally one of the greatest lessons though is learning self-compassion its the only way I can get through the rough days. Most of the people at the group were perfectionist and thus fell in to an 'all or nothing' pattern of thinking that back fired for them when it came to their diets.

    As for @Geocitiesuser comment, it is unfortunate that not all therapy is great or created equal. One on one talk therapy not so helpful unless you have a unicorn of the therapists. I find going over therapeutic concepts in a group setting with a dash of group process to be really effective.

    Best wishes.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
    edited May 2017
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    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    She thinks that even if I lost weight I'd still be unhappy with myself and have some underlying issues that need to be addressed before I can really make the changes I need to a more healthy lifestyle.

    I'm not saying they're "wrong" but I will say, NEVER let someone ELSE determine what will or will not make YOU happy.

    Example:

    - go to therapist
    - say, "I am depressed my cat died"
    - therapist says, "No, there must be something else"
    - say, "I loved my cat, since he died the other day I am distraught"
    - therapist says, "Lets talk about your childhood instead so I can give you a complex over some sort of abandonment issue we can talk about off and on for the next 3 years"

    It's all BS. If you believe that losing weight and getting your diet under control will make you happy DO NOT LET THEM MAKE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF. Sometimes I think those people hurt more than they help. They make money by keeping you coming back, they profit by your problems not being solved.

    I expect many people to disagree with me and flame me now, but these are my opinions and they aren't going to change.

    I actually agree with this, in part. I went to a counselor about a specific traumatic event (recent, not from my past). After a couple of weeks, she wanted to start talking about my co-dependency. Believe me, I am NOT co-dependent.

    I wish I had dumped her and tried again with someone else. But I didn't. I just dumped her and dealt with it on my own. I now believe it might take a couple tries to find a counselor that "fits."
  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
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    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    She thinks that even if I lost weight I'd still be unhappy with myself and have some underlying issues that need to be addressed before I can really make the changes I need to a more healthy lifestyle.

    I'm not saying they're "wrong" but I will say, NEVER let someone ELSE determine what will or will not make YOU happy.

    Example:

    - go to therapist
    - say, "I am depressed my cat died"
    - therapist says, "No, there must be something else"
    - say, "I loved my cat, since he died the other day I am distraught"
    - therapist says, "Lets talk about your childhood instead so I can give you a complex over some sort of abandonment issue we can talk about off and on for the next 3 years"

    It's all BS. If you believe that losing weight and getting your diet under control will make you happy DO NOT LET THEM MAKE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF. Sometimes I think those people hurt more than they help. They make money by keeping you coming back, they profit by your problems not being solved.

    I expect many people to disagree with me and flame me now, but these are my opinions and they aren't going to change.

    I've experienced both sides of this equation in terms of what you wrote so I agree with you. In the end, it definitely comes down to the counselor's actual desire to see people do well vs. keeping his/her business going. I've been under both and it makes a world of difference!
  • monicaamy902
    monicaamy902 Posts: 55 Member
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    I'm sorry you are going through this. I have struggled with overeating my whole life. For a few years in my early 20s I was deep into anorexia and bulimia. I went to a treatment place and OA meetings for a long time. I guess it all helped. Like me, you probably know everything there is to know about healthy eating, healthy lifestyles and fitness. I have tried almost every diet and I always yoyo back. I am on my way back down (much too slowly for me), but its probably best. The one 'diet' or 'lifestyle' that I love the most is Paleo. I feel better, I don't feel guilty for eating anything and if I binge, it's not a big deal cause it's healthy (usually fruit). I fall off the wagon a lot and I just get back on. I wish I had a simple or easy answer for you. Because I have been dealing with overeating for over 20 years, I may have trouble with it the rest of my life. I now go to the gym 2-4 times a week, which for me is perfect because I am not overdoing it or burning out on it. I have been doing that for over a year and a half, which is really good for me. Usually I just exercise almost daily for about 3 months and then don't exercise again for a year or more. I think slow and steady wins the race for me. I've had amazing counselors, amazing group sessions, lots of addiction help and work, have forgiven and got past stuff that was holding me back, and have dealt with my past issues. I love my life now, but we all get stuck, sad, stressed or whatever and for me food is my escape, my drug of choice and I don't know if I will ever get away from that. I fall and I get back up again. I wish you luck. Feel free to add me!!
  • Geona2011
    Geona2011 Posts: 11 Member
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    Haven't done professional nutrition counseling but I have been to the library and checked out countless book on eating, mental disorders, psychology and I personally feel that if you can get the counseling, it would help to identify the root of your eating habits, how they correspond with your feelings/thoughts/events of the day. Today, i was called a fat lazy pig multiple times & was told that i am hated & was verbally abused by a family member of my husband (he got the worse abuse) & my husband refused to eat dinner tonight & i was about to order a large Pizza Hut Supreme Pizza & devour it. So we had very different reactions to the childish attacks of a fool. My hubby can't eat & I crave food.
    We discussed our reactions, Made the choice to stick to our light dinner, i didn't overeat and i do not feel guilty. Good luck to you! Hope it helps. :)
  • drosebud
    drosebud Posts: 277 Member
    edited May 2017
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    I had counselling for my eating issues/low self esteem several years ago, and would say that it was a turning point for me. The actual counsellor can make a massive difference: it took me around 4 different ones before I found someone who I gelled with. Without going into detail about what worked for me (everybody's different after all) I would say, yes, it was a life changing thing for me and I hope it works for you too.

    edited to add: I never did get to understand why I had such issues around food, but this didn't matter as I learned how to handle it better, via CBT techniques. I thought I'd need long and involved psychotherapy to overcome a lifetime of overeating, but fortunately this wasn't the case. It took me around 8 sessions in total.
  • stefanosb8
    stefanosb8 Posts: 11 Member
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    Ive had counseling and it's been very helpful. I learned that my esteem and happiness didn't have anything to do with how I looked and that I could find contentment at any weight. I can honestly say I love myself now and I'm happy with who I am. My worth as a person is no longer connected to how much I weigh. I still struggle some days, but the darkness and shame no longer rule my life. I live the life of my dreams even though I'm not at my goal weight. I also use a few 12-step resources, eating disorders anonymous and over eaters anonymous, which have been very useful. I wish you the all the best!
  • kavahni
    kavahni Posts: 313 Member
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    If you are pessimistic, own it! It is a valid feeling. A good counselor will understand that part of pessimism is establishing trust. The way that you put it, makes me think that you could laugh about your pessimism. That is, see it as a reality, and also see it as something that can be overcome. Possibly. Give your counselor A chance to have a laugh with you about the reality of your pessimism. When and if you establish a trusting relationship, the pessimism will start to wane.

    Personally, I think a good solid, healthy dose of pessimism is far better than going in thinking the counselor is going to perform some sort of miracle. Which I find on the creepy side.

    Blessings

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