Anti-support... ("Stop losing weight!", Don't lose more weight!")
Fatvaporizer
Posts: 139 Member
Hi, I've already lost nearly 60 pounds in my weight loss. I started off at 210 and I'm at 160 now. The problem here though, is that I've been getting compliments from people like 'you look good,' etc. But along with the compliments come comments from some people, especially family members, saying things like "You shouldn't lose anymore," or "If you lose more you'll be too skinny and won't look good," etc.
BUT, they don't even know that -
1. Based on the ideal weight calculator, I'm still about 10 - 15 pounds over my ideal weight. And I'm still borderline around the overweight and normal bmi.
2. I may look slim with my clothes ON, but OFF, I'm still jiggly as heck, and I still have fat, especially in my belly area, thighs, chest, and arms. It's super noticeable when I sit down, layers of flabbyness.
So I don't get it. Why do people keep telling me not to lose more as if I'm harming myself. They usually react in surprise telling me to stop losing more weight, when in fact, the above things I mentioned and listed are true.
Need feedback and advice please. Am I really supposed to stop? Would I really turn into a twig if I continue? All I want is to get rid of all my flabbyness and fat that's left, but people try discouraging me to stop. Thanks.
BUT, they don't even know that -
1. Based on the ideal weight calculator, I'm still about 10 - 15 pounds over my ideal weight. And I'm still borderline around the overweight and normal bmi.
2. I may look slim with my clothes ON, but OFF, I'm still jiggly as heck, and I still have fat, especially in my belly area, thighs, chest, and arms. It's super noticeable when I sit down, layers of flabbyness.
So I don't get it. Why do people keep telling me not to lose more as if I'm harming myself. They usually react in surprise telling me to stop losing more weight, when in fact, the above things I mentioned and listed are true.
Need feedback and advice please. Am I really supposed to stop? Would I really turn into a twig if I continue? All I want is to get rid of all my flabbyness and fat that's left, but people try discouraging me to stop. Thanks.
2
Replies
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Everyone has an opinion. the comments stop eventually when they get used to the new you
obviously you will turn into a twig if you go overboard, but really you know best so stop when you are ready
good luck3 -
Specifically when it comes to family members: They have known you at a certain size and have seen you your whole life. They see a change and they don't know how to react, they see you at a weight they are not used to. It is too close to be objective.
I had the same with my mother about a year back. I actually had to weigh myself (which I did not do until then) and show her I was still classed as overweight. I had my dad to help me as he understands me better.
It took a long time fir her to accept that what she perceived as my ideal weight, was in fact overweight, but then again I hardly ever been smaller than that.
Plus her own idea of what is normal is skewed as she at that stage was morbidly obese. I recall her saying that my nephew had joined the gym and as he was a little overweight He was weighed and measured and classed as obese. I had to tell her in no uncertain terms that that was not a little overweight but seriously bad for his health considering he was only 19 at the time!
What I have noticed is that more and more people do not understand anymore what people look like at healthy weight. Most people are just accustomed to people being a little overweight to quite overweight.
In my case my mother did come round in the end because she now sees that I am healthy and leaner and feeling better. Heck she even went so far as loosing 20kg herself6 -
Stop talking about your weight. Simple.5
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Tell whomever makes the comments that you didn't ask for their opinion.1
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Are you considered underweight? If not, keep losing weight and ignore them.0
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"My goal is to get down to what is considered a medically ideal weight for me. I'm sorry you don't think I look good, but my health is more important than your opinion of my looks."
Sometimes when people give backhanded "compliments" you have to call them out by making them own what they just said. In this case you were just insulted - make the person who insulted you admit doing it, apologize, and stop being rude. This is no different than if they said "You need to stop gaining weight before you become a heifer," which a polite person would never do in a million years.4 -
TavistockToad wrote: »Stop talking about your weight. Simple.
That's the thing, I don't even mention it. They make the comments first, lol.3 -
Fatvaporizer wrote: »The problem here though, is that I've been getting compliments from people like 'you look good,' etc.
I've been getting this a lot too the past month or so. People act like I've "made it", I've had personal trainers tell me I've completely transformed. But it's pre celebrating and another form of crab bucketing. We have to tune it out and remember that the only opinion that matters is our own, even if others' are positive!0 -
If only they just saw all the flabbyness still there under my shirt, the slight manboobs, belly pudge, hip fat, thigh fat, arm fat, and more. This all shows when I sit down, it's bad. If only they saw that! I'm still not as skinny as they think.0
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That's the thing, I don't even mention it. They make the comments first, lol.
Same here, I don't know how much you've lost, but I've lost about 130 and I'm starting to "tighten up" now. The people who see me on a regular, semi regular, or sporadic basis have all brought it up at least once. Sometimes I like the attention, sometimes I want to slurk away (is slurk a word?). Sure we look better but maybe we're struggling with the next 10lbs, or maybe we're dealing with going off our diet and putting on 10 that we are struggling to fix. Sometimes even positive compliments end up being defeating. At least for me.
Talking about my weight isn't a choice. It's going to happen. Because the change has been so big.
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Fatvaporizer wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »Stop talking about your weight. Simple.
That's the thing, I don't even mention it. They make the comments first, lol.
Smile and nod, walk away...2 -
Update: After I made this post, in the morning, my grandmother lectured me on how 'you shouldnt lose anymore or you'll look like a skeleton.' I'm 5'7, 160 pounds. How can I be a skeleton by losing more when the ideal weight calculator says 145 is my ideal. Then my dad comes in and says 'if you want to lose your remaining belly fat then just spot train! Do crunches! Stop your dieting.' I said isn't spot training a myth? And he said 'no, those people are just saying things. They don't understand."
I'm so tired of those comments.1 -
Fatvaporizer wrote: »Update: After I made this post, in the morning, my grandmother lectured me on how 'you shouldnt lose anymore or you'll look like a skeleton.' I'm 5'7, 160 pounds. How can I be a skeleton by losing more when the ideal weight calculator says 145 is my ideal. Then my dad comes in and says 'if you want to lose your remaining belly fat then just spot train! Do crunches! Stop your dieting.' I said isn't spot training a myth? And he said 'no, those people are just saying things. They don't understand."
I'm so tired of those comments.
So don't have them. Stand up and walk away.
Or you say 'ok, I won't lose any more weight'... and then carry on losing weight...4 -
Well... your dad is wrong. Spot training is a myth.
Can you ask him why he doesn't want you to diet anymore?0 -
Something to consider though - even if some chart says that you have another 10-15 pounds to lose, that's just a guideline, what really matters is how you feel. Keep in mind as well that there is no one perfect weight, it's usually a range and depends a lot on an individual's body type. The range for a person who is 5'7" is something like 125 to 165, so if you are 160 you are within that range. Also, if you have lost a lot of weight, you may have loose skin and think you are still flabby/fat, but really you just need to tone up. That's not saying not to loose the extra few pounds that you want to loose, but just to consider working on toning at the same time and you'll probably see better results, even if your weight doesn't change much more.
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Fatvaporizer wrote: »Update: After I made this post, in the morning, my grandmother lectured me on how 'you shouldnt lose anymore or you'll look like a skeleton.' I'm 5'7, 160 pounds. How can I be a skeleton by losing more when the ideal weight calculator says 145 is my ideal. Then my dad comes in and says 'if you want to lose your remaining belly fat then just spot train! Do crunches! Stop your dieting.' I said isn't spot training a myth? And he said 'no, those people are just saying things. They don't understand."
I'm so tired of those comments.
When situations like this come up, just stare them right in the eye and bust out a front double bicep post. Then tilt your head and kiss your bicep while maintaining eye contact. This signals to them that you are head of house hold now and that they should no longer criticize you or they get the gun show again.8 -
Forget what they said, it's hating or jealousy. What's important is how you feel? Do you like what you see in the mirror and are you excited about your success? If the answer is yes then that's all that matters. You can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself first. I'm just saying..0
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They "see" you as already skinny because the vast majority of adults are overweight or obese now. This means the new "average" body size is actually overweight but is being "seen" as "normal". That's why they are telling you to stop...they are going by what they see around them and not by medical facts.2
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I just posted about this and now I keep seeing it. It feels good to vent...but you can't change people. So just ignore them or argue with them and then move on.0
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I guess I have to grow thick skin and do what I want and ignore everyone, because honestly, they think I'm like super skinny and I don't understand why I have all this flab and fat left on my body, jiggly belly and breasts, etc lol.
Thanks for your feedback.
Would love to hear more.0 -
SephiraAllen wrote: »Something to consider though - even if some chart says that you have another 10-15 pounds to lose, that's just a guideline, what really matters is how you feel. Keep in mind as well that there is no one perfect weight, it's usually a range and depends a lot on an individual's body type. The range for a person who is 5'7" is something like 125 to 165, so if you are 160 you are within that range. Also, if you have lost a lot of weight, you may have loose skin and think you are still flabby/fat, but really you just need to tone up. That's not saying not to loose the extra few pounds that you want to loose, but just to consider working on toning at the same time and you'll probably see better results, even if your weight doesn't change much more.
How do I start doing toning?0 -
I think at a certain point the change looks so drastic to outsiders that they become genuinely concerned. You look too thin to them compared with what you looked like before and they worry you might be developing some type of problem. Sure, I think some of it is hating on the part of other people, but with family I tend to think it's more concern than them being jealous or just not wanting you to be in shape.
My aunt keeps going on about how thin I've gotten as well. In all fairness, when they were young my mother had an ED that she had to be hospitalized for. I'm sure my losing weight probably reminds my aunt of that and raises some concern in her mind.1 -
Fatvaporizer wrote: »...
So I don't get it. Why do people keep telling me not to lose more as if I'm harming myself. They usually react in surprise telling me to stop losing more weight, when in fact, the above things I mentioned and listed are true.
Here are the two most common explanations, in my experience:
1. They aren't used to seeing you slim, so at a certain point they get a little freaked out. If you had been at your goal weight to start with, they would think it was perfectly normal and healthy because they'd be used to it. Change makes people uncomfortable.
2. It's not about you, it's about them. Sometimes, when someone else makes positive changes (such as losing weight and getting fit) it reminds people that they AREN'T doing it, and it can be unconsciously uncomfortable for them to be confronted with that. Some people might consider it a threat - having someone else heavier around makes them feel better about themselves. I've heard that sort of thing a time or two. It can make some people defensive, and some jealous, but it can also help inspire and motivate as well.
So just keep with the plan and ignore the stupid stuff that other people say and do. It says more about them than it does about you.
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Wow...I can't believe so many people here are so hostile and view these comments as hating or jealousy or insulting.
People say these things for various reasons...many of which have already been mentioned. Some are just trying to compliment you and assure you that you've made a huge change. They have good intentions.
Some are just used to you the way you used to look. Any major change takes getting used to, and even though you have more excess fat to lose, they don't notice that because they are focusing on what you have lost.
Some might be worried you will take it to an unhealthy level...blame that on the media obsession with eating disorders and the whole fat acceptance movement. Some people now get concerned even when people who need to lose weight do so.
A few may just prefer the way you look now and don't like thin women. There is nothing wrong with this...we all have preferences. But the only opinions that matter in this regard are yours and your partner's.
Bottom line...there is no need to react in a confrontational manner, so ignore those telling you to react in such ways. Be polite, thank them for their advice, and change the subject.1 -
I've gotten that response from a couple of family members myself. Questions on how much more weight I think I need to lose, opinions on the validity of the standard BMI charts, etc..
My standard response is "my doctor says I'm at a good weight and that I'm more healthy than ever".
I believe in some cases it's just hard for those we've been close to to get used to seeing our bodies sooo much smaller than what they've been used to seeing. Heck...sometimes when I see myself in the mirror it still kind of shocks me, lol!
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Interesting replies everyone. Always up to hear more. Thanks!0
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Don't stop!!! The say it because you did something they can't do. I lost 105 lbs. 245 down to 140 and I want to lean out and build a little more muscle. I could stand to lose 5-10 lbs. If I tell people that they'll say the same things.1
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Yeah!0
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Fatvaporizer wrote: »SephiraAllen wrote: »Something to consider though - even if some chart says that you have another 10-15 pounds to lose, that's just a guideline, what really matters is how you feel. Keep in mind as well that there is no one perfect weight, it's usually a range and depends a lot on an individual's body type. The range for a person who is 5'7" is something like 125 to 165, so if you are 160 you are within that range. Also, if you have lost a lot of weight, you may have loose skin and think you are still flabby/fat, but really you just need to tone up. That's not saying not to loose the extra few pounds that you want to loose, but just to consider working on toning at the same time and you'll probably see better results, even if your weight doesn't change much more.
How do I start doing toning?
This workout here would probably help. Or you can try the 7 Minute Superhero Workout app.
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Fatvaporizer wrote: »SephiraAllen wrote: »Something to consider though - even if some chart says that you have another 10-15 pounds to lose, that's just a guideline, what really matters is how you feel. Keep in mind as well that there is no one perfect weight, it's usually a range and depends a lot on an individual's body type. The range for a person who is 5'7" is something like 125 to 165, so if you are 160 you are within that range. Also, if you have lost a lot of weight, you may have loose skin and think you are still flabby/fat, but really you just need to tone up. That's not saying not to loose the extra few pounds that you want to loose, but just to consider working on toning at the same time and you'll probably see better results, even if your weight doesn't change much more.
How do I start doing toning?
http://www.aworkoutroutine.com/muscle-tone/
^ Everything you need to know about "toning".0
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