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Advice Column

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  • L1zardQueen
    L1zardQueen Posts: 8,754 Member
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    Do you live in Denver?
  • susanp57
    susanp57 Posts: 409 Member
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    No, I just used that because it doesn't require a password like some newspaper sites do now. I live just outside Nashville.
  • L1zardQueen
    L1zardQueen Posts: 8,754 Member
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    Cool, I thought maybe you were married to that guy!

    Those kind of stories of which they are complaining about their spouses are always one-sided. I thought Amy gave good advice.
  • susanp57
    susanp57 Posts: 409 Member
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    Cool, I thought maybe you were married to that guy!

    Those kind of stories of which they are complaining about their spouses are always one-sided. I thought Amy gave good advice.

    I thought she did too. I suspect both sides are being unreasonable in one respect or the other.
  • Brin1956
    Brin1956 Posts: 168 Member
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    Seems like spouses either go with the flow or end up fighting the change. It will lead to divorce if there is no middle ground. With time his skin should catch up to his weight loss I would hope. I know my husband lost a lot of weight and looked older but now his skin looks firmer. All that surgery to remove skin would not appeal to me.

    Her husband was so overweight and now wants to do things he missed out on. Not sure I would label it a midlife crisis, probably on his list of things his weight prevented him from doing. Better to enjoy life being able to move. He is terrified of being sick and fat again. He refuses to see where staying slim is taking over his life. She doesn't find him appealing anymore and doesn't want to change her lifestyle. They both need to confront their fears and make a plan for the future together. Marriage always involves compromises. Needs of a spouse may not make sense to you but it does to them. I hope she keeps going to a counselor for help. If they don't find some middle ground their marriage is doomed
  • mph323
    mph323 Posts: 3,565 Member
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    Well, the focus on journaling and weight management is often misinterpreted as obsession by people who don't understand the reasons for doing it to maintain a healthy weight. And as far as the saggy skin goes, it's his body, and if he doesn't want to undergo surgery to be more attractive to her, well, his body, his call.

    Yeah, I'd call 2 sports cars and cruising around the neighborhood on weekends a midlife crisis (and just a little creepy). Did she even agree to buying them? And suddenly going out drinking on his own a couple of times a week is a giant red flag in my opinion.

    Between him not being open to understanding how his changed appearance and behaviors are affecting his wife and his marriage, and her cruising the interwebs looking for validation that it's all his fault because of losing weight, I don't give this relationship much of a prayer.

    I thought Amy's answer was pretty good up to the point where she said they should both focus on dealing with the changes. That just ignores the information that they tried and failed at couple's counseling. I think she should have suggested the wife get individual counseling to help sort out her own feelings.
  • mph323
    mph323 Posts: 3,565 Member
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    Yes, yes I'm bored. Very bored. Bored enough to analyze responses to random dysfunctional advice requests that may or may not be legitimate. And I miss Abby.