What 5 weeks of Zumba has taught me...

Two months ago, I decided to change my life. It wasn't an easy decision, and anyone who is familiar with the five stages of grief will understand that I went through all of them to come to the realization that I needed to change. I have used every excuse in the book to explain my weight - my medical conditions prevent me from losing weight, I don't have the time to cook healthy meals or work out, I have enough stress with school that I can't worry about this, etc etc... I've tried this before and quickly lost motivation. I signed up for my gym membership last summer, after all, and only used it twice in a year.

I decided to go at this with everything I've got. When I got paid at the first of the month in June, I bought a pass to the summer Zumba class that was being held at the university I attend. I had seen so many of my friends on MFP posting HUGE calorie losses from their classes and they all said how much they loved it. It was $35 for 1 class a week for 5 weeks. I figured that wasn't expensive and maybe, if I knew I had already paid for it, I would hold myself accountable to go. I marked my calendar and told my boss that I had a class that evening so I couldn't work. She understood and I spent the next 2 or so weeks mentally preparing myself. You see, I am one of the most uncoordinated Mexican girls you will ever meet, thanks to the extra-white Finnish blood that I got from my mom. That, in addition to being over 275lbs were a huge deterrent for me. I was so self-conscious, afraid I wouldn't make it through one class, much less 5 classes, and I didn't want to look like a complete fool.

Tonight was my last class from this session, but definitely not my last class. As I was leaving, a few things occurred to me:

First, I am a lot stronger than I realize. The room we were in this evening didn't have any A/C. It was easily 100 degrees in there and there were about 15 or so of us in this room moving and dancing and sweating. Some of the veterans were taking it a little easier, being more restricted in their movements, not as energetic as they normally were. This was very understandable due to the heat. However, I was busting it - moving, shaking, grooving, and very animated. Sweat was pouring down my face and back. Physically, I was able to keep up, even though I was one of the two largest girls in the room. I was able to keep up, anticipate the movements and steps, and keep moving.

Second, I'm not as uncoordinated as I think. Sure, the first class I was tripping all over my feet, but I was able to pick up the moves. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I didn't look like a complete idiot, like I did in my head. That brings me to number three and that is that I'm a lot harder on myself than anyone else. I have no reason to be so self-conscious and hide in the back of the class. There was one girl in the class that was built like a prima ballerina. She was tall, thin, gorgeous. She couldn't dance to save her life though. She was tripping all over herself, actually falling a few times, limbs flailing all over the place and she had a huge smile on her face throughout every class. She didn't care if she looked foolish or like a complete idiot (which she didn't, by the way - somehow she pulled it off). She just kept moving. I'm sure she didn't mean to be, but it was kind of inspiring the way she came to every class and just kept moving.

Fourth, I am a lot stronger than I realize. I know I said this first, but it's worth saying again. Not only am I physically stronger, I am mentally stronger. I may get discouraged, give in to my cravings every now and then, but I am learning moderation and control. It's hard and a daily struggle to keep myself in check, but I can do it. When I weighed in today, I hit a new low on the scale, a number I haven't seen since I met my husband 7 years ago. I am almost 35lbs down since I hit my highest known weight and I am going to keep going. I've always been heavy, even in high school. I've also always lied about my weight, reporting anywhere from 10 to 20 pounds under the actual weight. I never thought I would be proud to say I weigh 260lbs, but I am, because I know what the alternative is now. I understand.

So, for all of my friends out there, because you all keep me motivated and moving with your success stories, I tell you this: Get out of your own head and just move. Regardless of what you may tell yourself, you are so much stronger than you think you are, you are not as silly or goofy looking as you think you are, and you can have so much fun if you just allow yourself the opportunity to try. Don't give up! It will, and DOES, get better!