My struggle with binge eating is destroying my life and my mom is only making things worse. Help?

TenderBlender667
TenderBlender667 Posts: 78 Member
edited November 19 in Motivation and Support
I'm 5'4 and weigh 115-117 pounds. I'm also 21 years old and still live with my parents. When I was 17, my mom pointed out my big butt and told me to do something about it. I was 119 pounds and 5'4 at the time. It made me feel bad about myself so I decided to count calories (on MFP) and exercise to lose weight. It worked for bit, until I started developing a bad relationship with food. I experienced my first ever binge after eating 1200 calories for a month, then I punished myself by fasting or over-exercising the next day. This cycle has continued for 4 years since then. I'm still struggling with my self image and going through periods of binge-eating and fasting more than I ever have in the past. I don't know what to do anymore because the guilt I feel is overwhelming and I feel like my health is deteriorating. Every time I binge, my mom gets mad and tells me I'm destroying my health which only makes me feel worse. Ironically, she buys trigger foods (cookies, granola bars, crisps..etc) all the time unless I literally take the food item away from her hands when I decide to go shopping with her. She doesn't encourage me and is always negative when it comes to my eating issues. She makes fun of the fact that I weigh all food I eat. Both of my parents think my teenage brother is fat, when he is actually in a healthy weight range for his height. I'm afraid he'll fall into the same trap as me. What can I do to overcome this binge eating/non-purge bulimia disorder that has been destroying my life for years? All I think about it food, weight and calories and I can't take it anymore. Also, do you think I should lose weight? My perception of what is fat and what's not is kinda messed up.

Replies

  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,562 Member
    Speak with a professional about your eating patterns and feelings. 115 pounds is fairly low for your height, so you do not need to lose anything.

    And if you can, maybe you could look into moving out.
  • KimbersNewLife
    KimbersNewLife Posts: 646 Member
    Moving out sounds like a great idea if it's an option. I don't think you need to lose any more weight. Hang in there and try to find a counselor. Depending on your location if you have a United Way they do very cheap counseling if that doesn't work check with a local church, you do not have to be a believer or member to get help. Hang in there.
  • Unknown
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  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    malibu927 wrote: »
    Speak with a professional about your eating patterns and feelings. 115 pounds is fairly low for your height, so you do not need to lose anything.

    And if you can, maybe you could look into moving out.

    All of this^
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    I agree with what everyone has said.

    You also actually have a decent head on your shoulders...you understand that you are in a situation in which perceptions are all out of wack, you've learned this perception from your parents, and this is unhealthy. Realize this is a lot easier to treat than a person who is in denial.
  • Poisonedpawn78
    Poisonedpawn78 Posts: 1,145 Member
    You definitely need to get away from your parents and get a healthy perspective on life and your body that isnt coming from insults.
  • abrubru
    abrubru Posts: 137 Member
    Speak to a doctor. I suggest a counselor as well to help with not only your eating issues, but with your relationship with your mother. If your parents taunt your brother and he is under 18 it could be considered child endangering...but not everyone is willing to make that call. Your first job is to take care of you and then once you are "safe" to think about your brother.
    Good luck and prayers...
  • RaptorMommy
    RaptorMommy Posts: 31 Member
    edited June 2017
    I agree with what everyone is saying here, try to get out if you can, and see a counselor. It sounds like your mother has a lot of personal issues that she's projecting onto you, and now your brother. That's not fair to you, it's a toxic relationship and you really need to consider doing what you can to get out of there. Can you move in with a friend or other family? Im sure your mother loves you, But we humans have a messed up way of hurting those we are closest to.

    Speaking as somebody with a diagnosed binge eating disorder, I know that your headspace is probably all sorts of disordered, and it can be hard to distinguish reality from your perception. It's a tough thing to break out of. You really need to get away from the toxic and sabotaging relationship, and take away her power over you. And really consider getting help, because it's soooooo hard to see the reality when you're in this place, and everything becomes a downward spiral. I've been there, and am working hard to get out.

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