What do I do? I want to cry!

Makoce
Makoce Posts: 938 Member
Back a couple years ago I started MFP. It was so easy in the beginning I wondered why everyone couldn't lose weight and why I hadn't done it sooner. I started at 200lbs and it just fell off.
I soon developed an obsession with the scale going down and in the end was left with anorexia at 97lbs.
After a year I began binging. It was horrible for the first 6 months. I was packing away days worth of calories in one day.

Fast forward to where I am now. The blind binging has subsided for the most part. But I am always hungry. Always. I've had blood tests. Been on medications for BED from Psychatrist's and doctors. Nothing warrants any help.
I try to track my calories but even at 1600 I find it hard to not go way over goal while still listening to my hunger cues. Yet years ago 1200 was easy as hell. I get really angry and shakey if I don't eat often. Normally not so great food for you is the only thing that keeps me satisfied for more than a couple hours. I thought maybe low blood sugar.
All I know is I'm up 60lbs this year.

I just need some advice or help or some experience from someone. Thanks for listening to me rant.

Replies

  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    What do you have your weekly rate of loss set as?
  • richardpkennedy1
    richardpkennedy1 Posts: 1,890 Member
    You look great in your profile pic. What height and weight there?
  • Rammer123
    Rammer123 Posts: 679 Member
    How tall are you? You look pretty strong in your pic. You probably need to eat substantially more than 1600 to maintain
  • WendyLeigh1119
    WendyLeigh1119 Posts: 495 Member
    edited June 2017
    Make sure you don't have an ulcer. I had never had a stomach problem in my life and was stunned to find out I had one at 28. And I had no idea that one of the primary indicators was feeling hungry all the time and have that growling/burning "hungry" feeling. It's worth the x ray to check and be sure.
  • Makoce
    Makoce Posts: 938 Member
    My picture in my profile is from 2 1/2 years ago. I am 5'2. I want to lose about a pound a week. So mfp put me at 1600 with my activity level.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,486 Member
    Start with finding your maintenance, and reduce from there 50 cals a week. Look at your macros for satiety.

    Also, keep looking for a therapist who can help you

    I'm with @TavistockToad.
    Maybe, even before finding your maintenance, just log a couple of weeks with no concern with how many calories you are eating. Just look at what you are eating and what keeps you satisfied.

    From there work out maintenance and start losing slowly.

    And yes, if you can work through this with a therapist, do so.

    Cheers, h.
  • Makoce
    Makoce Posts: 938 Member
    I have been going to a therapist for 3 years about it. But I can try just logging. It's usually about 700-1000 calories over.
  • Poisonedpawn78
    Poisonedpawn78 Posts: 1,145 Member
    Makoce wrote: »
    I have been going to a therapist for 3 years about it. But I can try just logging. It's usually about 700-1000 calories over.

    remember you do NOT have to give up the foods you like, incorporate the foods that you binge on into your diet. Just force yourself to stick with the moderation. That way you dont miss the foods themselves if that is part of the problem.
  • Maxematics
    Maxematics Posts: 2,287 Member
    I'm not sure if this will help or not but last summer I dropped more weight than intended. I was 105 pounds at 5'3" and I was eating intermittent fasting style at the time. Eating before working out made me feel sick so I'd go out for hour long runs and by the time I walked home, showered, etc my body was begging for food. I lost my period. I started feeling dizzy and went to the doctor where I was diagnosed with reactive hypoglycemia.

    Within months I was 119 pounds because I just couldn't stop the appetite. My period was still weird. I decided I was ready for a deficit again and I dropped down to 112 rather quickly. Then, my appetite changed and I couldn't stop eating. I'm talking 5000 calories sometimes. Strangely I didn't really see a shift in my weight from months of binging on and off. I still didn't like being in that position though.

    I did some research and decided to start taking DIM to restabilize my hormone levels. I'm not sure if it's coincidental but it worked because my appetite, emotions, and period cycles returned to normal. My acne chilled out too. I've been maintaining 113 pounds for months. They sell it at any nutrition store, but I got mine on Amazon. I'm guessing all that other stuff threw my hormones out of whack. I could be way off base, but I figured I'd offer a possibility to consider if nothing else helps.
  • Makoce
    Makoce Posts: 938 Member
    I've had a Fitbit since 2014. So it hasn't really helped....
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,409 Member
    Has your health care team tried Vyvance for you? I've read a few stories on here that it helps.

    https://www.drugs.com/vyvanse.html
  • Makoce
    Makoce Posts: 938 Member
    edited June 2017
    Yes I've been on vyvance it didn't help.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,486 Member
    Makoce wrote: »
    I have been going to a therapist for 3 years about it. But I can try just logging. It's usually about 700-1000 calories over.

    So happy to hear you are still seeing your therapist.

    If you are coming in 700-1000 a day over your maintenance a day, you could look for ways to make it a consistent 700. Once you are comfortable with that look at dropping 50-100 calories.

    Try to do things gradually and not go too far outside your comfort zone at any one time.

    If you are not doing so already, share your food log with your therapist so you can work together bringing your calories down in a sustainable way.

    Cheers, h.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited June 2017
    Makoce wrote: »
    I have been going to a therapist for 3 years about it. But I can try just logging. It's usually about 700-1000 calories over.

    Over maintenance or over a deficit?

    What do you have MFP set to?
  • Fitterhealthier
    Fitterhealthier Posts: 3 Member
    Proper ongoing, longer term therapy from someone who specialises in eating disorders: someone to help manage the emotional factors behind your weight and eating issues. If you're in the USA try: http://www.apsa.org/find-an-analyst

    Mindfulness can also help managing anxiety, stress, difficult feelings. Overeaters anonymous can be good for some.

    Good luck. Hang in there, but there are no diet apps or quick fixes. Take each day at a time, help is out there.

  • Makoce
    Makoce Posts: 938 Member
    Makoce wrote: »
    I have been going to a therapist for 3 years about it. But I can try just logging. It's usually about 700-1000 calories over.

    Over maintenance or over a deficit?

    What do you have MFP set to?

    Over 1600 so I guess deficit.

    I have mfp set to 1lb loss and activity level set to active.

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited June 2017
    Makoce wrote: »
    Makoce wrote: »
    I have been going to a therapist for 3 years about it. But I can try just logging. It's usually about 700-1000 calories over.

    Over maintenance or over a deficit?

    What do you have MFP set to?

    Over 1600 so I guess deficit.

    I have mfp set to 1lb loss and activity level set to active.

    So set mfp to maintenance and see how you get on sticking to that for 6-8 weeks.

    What do you do for work that makes you 'active'?
  • MohamedAboelghar
    MohamedAboelghar Posts: 2 Member
    I find myself eating when I'm bored or if there's food available regardless if I'm hungry or not. If your not hungry and have these cravings drink water. That's what I do. I don't sleep much so I'm always getting hungry around 10 pm and midnight. I find drinking water and getting your mind off of the food goes a loooong way. My hardest lesson to learn was there's a difference between being full and being stuffed, before they were one in the same.
  • slaite1
    slaite1 Posts: 1,307 Member
    Makoce wrote: »
    Back a couple years ago I started MFP. It was so easy in the beginning I wondered why everyone couldn't lose weight and why I hadn't done it sooner. I started at 200lbs and it just fell off.
    I soon developed an obsession with the scale going down and in the end was left with anorexia at 97lbs.
    After a year I began binging. It was horrible for the first 6 months. I was packing away days worth of calories in one day.

    Fast forward to where I am now. The blind binging has subsided for the most part. But I am always hungry. Always. I've had blood tests. Been on medications for BED from Psychatrist's and doctors. Nothing warrants any help.
    I try to track my calories but even at 1600 I find it hard to not go way over goal while still listening to my hunger cues. Yet years ago 1200 was easy as hell. I get really angry and shakey if I don't eat often. Normally not so great food for you is the only thing that keeps me satisfied for more than a couple hours. I thought maybe low blood sugar.
    All I know is I'm up 60lbs this year.

    I just need some advice or help or some experience from someone. Thanks for listening to me rant.

    You're getting some solid advice

    I just want to say that 1200 calories was easy for you because you had an eating disorder. So don't beat yourself up that 1600 is challenging now. I agree with the suggestion to go to maintenance and slowly reduce from there. Binge eating is often a mind game. For some, it's caused by the past history of restriction and then bingeing. For others it's like an outlet for stress, a habit to fall back on. From what I understand it's a common issue for those recovering from anorexia.

    Cut yourself a break here. You are re-learning how to eat normally and what hunger is and what a "normal" relationship is with food. Awesome job keeping up with the therapy as well.

    Take a step back and recognize that you're struggling and that continuing to try to force this deficit is going to cause you to stay in the binge/restrict cycle. (It took me a long time to recognize that I was trying the same thing over and over before giving up a deficit temporarily). Easing up the restrictions and allowing yourself to eat to satisfaction and beginning to understand what/how much/when you need to eat will hopefully be a big step towards stopping the bingeing. As you feel more comfortable (and find maintenance) you can slowly start creating a deficit (maybe start with 1/2 pound a week loss). It WILL be easier if you give yourself time to adjust to it.