New-ish, very down and could do with some support

Velvetfusion
Velvetfusion Posts: 9
edited September 30 in Introduce Yourself
Hi everyone

I have had an account here for a little while but I have just been reading mostly and not really applying any of the information to my life and diet in general. I've been a member of WW for a while and not getting to grips with the new plan at all. I've lost a few lbs since I started my account here over the last few weeks but I admit that I haven't been trying as hard as I could have been, I have used my calorie allowance on junk etc and haven't drank enough water either.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself today as I had a phone call from my ex yesterday firstly asking me to take him back and when I said no he proceeded to tell me how fat and ugly I am and how I won't ever find anyone like him etc etc. Truthfully I NEVER want to find anyone like him ever again lol, no way...but his comments hit home. I am fat. I'm 14 stone 8lbs and I need to be at 12 stone 6lbs for the heaviest side of normal for my height.

So, as much as the comments hurt I want to try and use it as an incentive for me to finally give myself a kick up the a*s and get this done. For myself, not for him but for me to be able to show him and everyone else that I CAN lose weight and look good again

I have already lost some weight over the last 18 months, I started at 16 stones 3 but I've lost my way and my enthusiasm.
I'm also a smoker and find it hard to work out without getting out of breath. I wish I could say that the main focus of my attention is quitting smoking at the moment but it isn't. I will quit but when I've got my weight down a bit.

I would really value any advice or comments from anyone. Although I know what needs to be done and realise that only I can do it it would be nice to hear from people in a similar situation.

Replies

  • Lindsayrob
    Lindsayrob Posts: 247 Member
    Don't be down, be happy! You've already dumped the excess baggage by the sound of it - him - and are on the path to being exactly who you want to be. this really does work, so chin up and resolve to make it work from here on!
    Lindsay
  • vinnysgirl
    vinnysgirl Posts: 311 Member
    Hi and welcome :smile:

    I was a member for a while before plucking up the courage to join the community, and it was at this point that my changes happened.

    The support, encouragement and motivation is amazing and makes all the difference.

    Remember to log everything, increase exercise and reduce calories, not as easy as it sounds, i know, but you can do it.

    We are all here to help you on your way
    :flowerforyou:
  • lenny1976
    lenny1976 Posts: 74 Member
    Hi, add me as a friend if you like. I'm 14st 4 and was also doing ww until recently. It didn't work for me either. Don't take it to heart what your ex said. He wouldn't have phoned wanting to go back with you if he meant it. You are better off without him hun x
  • Velvetfusion
    Velvetfusion Posts: 9
    thank you so much! I do appreciate the support. I don't want it to sound as though I want to get in shape for my ex...he is a part of my life that is over as far as a relationship goes but we do have children together so he is around in a limited capacity..no make that a very limited one. I think I'm just angry that someone that shows up just now and then thinks they have the right to comment on my looks/weight etc. I want to channel this anger and turn it to weight loss lol!

    Thanks again
  • lauraparr
    lauraparr Posts: 112
    hey!

    feel free to add me, i can so relate to feeling so low about yourself!! but taking that first step is so important and you've done that!
    we can all do this!! xxx

    9646626.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods
  • JoelleMonique
    JoelleMonique Posts: 107
    Hi,

    Firstly it's good to reach out and ask for help. I notice that you 1) want to eat better, 2) want to drink more water 3) stop smoking 4) exercise more. WOW, that's a lot of changes all in one go. Be kind to your self, start by recording all the food you eat in a day, have a look where you can make better choices and once that becomes a habit look at how much water you drink and start drinking more. Once you have been doing this for a few weeks and start feeling better about yourself start walking or whatever exercise you feel comfortable with once again until this becomes a habit and then look at cutting down on the smoking with the goal of giving up. This method may take longer than trying to change overnight but it's a lot more realistic.
  • JoelleMonique
    JoelleMonique Posts: 107
    dupicate post
  • jbenton091011
    jbenton091011 Posts: 99
    I recieved this in my inbox today:

    When life and your mind are full of troubles, when things seem out of control, you’ve got to take control of what you can. When confidence is low, that’s exactly when you need to be at your healthiest, your strongest, your most energetic. There’s no better time to create your own little corner of sanity and positive feeling. The best way you can do that is to stick with those small daily weight loss goals.

    You can be the hammer, making things happen, or you can be the nail that sits there and gets pummelled over and over. If you’re starting to feel like a nail, it’s up to you to keep your program moving forward. Gather yourself together, draw a line in the sand and refuse to give in to the doubts and temptation to give in or quit.

    There will be good days; there will be bad days – sometimes several in a row. There will be lazy days and discouraging days. But there will also be days of revelation, days of making a breakthrough, days of being proud of who you are becoming, days of wanting to climb on top of your success and reach for the stars, because you just know that anything is possible.

    :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

    He only said those hurtful things because you rejected him. You know that right??? And the fact that he wants you back shows that even though he says these things, it's not enough to affect wanting to be with you. In saying this, he's a douche for having said them in the first place.

    This is all about you. Not anyone else. Remember that you're the one that counts and only what you say has any value in your life. Don't let someone like this or anyone else for that matter, break you.

    Good luck!!
  • JujiBean
    JujiBean Posts: 187
    Some men are total tools...and he sounds like no exception. But, you can channel all the anger and hurt you feel and use it to your advantage.

    This is a marvelously supportive community....and I wish you all the luck.

    BTW: If you were truly fat and ugly, would he have been begging you to come back?
  • Velvetfusion
    Velvetfusion Posts: 9
    You people are incredible :) Thank you so much for the words of advice and support, I'm so looking forward to getting to know you all more and getting stuck in with the weight loss!
    Thanks again everyone
  • katherines2230
    katherines2230 Posts: 276 Member
    Hi there! We can do this together!! I have been "trying" to lose weight since the beginning of the this year. I did WW in the past and lost almost 30 pounds but it just wasn't working for me this go round and I really didn't like the new plan. Over the last 7 months I've been back and forth....do good one week then make one mistake which triggered me to go out of control and I was back where I started all over again. Finally I just got tired of all my clothes not fitting and being uncomfortable in my own skin. Its only been three weeks but I'm very optimistic about things. Hang in there and take advantage of this site and its boards!! Feel free to add me!

    P.S. Your ex is a jerk.
  • MaryTuttle
    MaryTuttle Posts: 31 Member
    Hey Velvet - You did something marvelous for yourself by choosing YOU over him. It seems like you have the knowledge just need the nudge. You can do it. It is one thought and action at a time. Remember we are on a journey. You can friend me if you want. I would be honored to have you. Enjoy your day!
  • lindsey_mickeyd
    lindsey_mickeyd Posts: 101 Member
    Hey there girly...

    First off, please don't let an *kitten* like that get you down, they simply are NOT worth it. Second off...I actually do know where you're coming from. Sort of. Back in the fall of 09 I was dating this really good looking guy. He was 6'4, dirty blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes, the biggest smile, blah blah blah. Well when he and I first started dating, I was around 155-160. But we ate out ALOT. Like pizza, pasta, tacos, chinese, etc. And I started gaining back kinda quickly. Well he wound up telling me he could "never love [me] unless had a flat stomach." Nice right? Yeah well I joined weight watchers for like the 6th time in my life and I wasn't losing a thing. NOTHING. Because I wasn't trying...HE wanted me to lose...but I didn't really have the drive. He would ask me what I'd eaten that day and I'd lie to him and then one time, he goes, "I ate two whole pizzas by myself this week and I STILL lost weight, what's YOUR problem?" Yeah can you say *kitten*? He also believed that being "big boned" was just an excuse fat girls use and that EVERYONE had the potential to be petite. Yeah. He REALLY believed that. Ugh...anyways...the point is, I didn't lose anything because HE wanted me to, I didn't really care if I did or not, I wasn't doing it FOR ME.

    But now? Now I've found someone who's so beyond worth it that I've made a promise to myself that I'm going to lose the weight for him, so that when he comes home from deployment and sees me 55lbs lighter than I was when he left, that his jaw hits the floor and he says something along the lines of, "You, me, my barracks, NOW." Lol! :) Needless to say I CAN'T WAIT to see the look on his face. :)

    So some guys are worth it, and most aren't. But if you feel like maybe this *kitten* has had an oddly positive effect on your drive and motivation to lose weight, then GO WITH IT! Think how AWESOME it'll be when you're skinny and lookin good and you can send him pictures and be like, "WHAT NOW *kitten*?" You know??? (I so kind of plan on doing that to the ex I was talking about earlier, lol!) Just to make em see what they lost out on. ;)

    So anyways, I would love it if you added me! I've always been told I'm super easy to talk to and to get along with, so add me and shoot me a message and we'll go from there!! Otherwise, have a GREAT day hun and take care!! ^_^
  • Abbzzz
    Abbzzz Posts: 49
    3 years ago i read a book called Allen Carr's easyway to quit smoking. I read it purely because it was the only book on the shelf i hadn't read. It claimed you could quit smoking and lose weight at the same time. So many people laugh at this including myself at the time however i am living proof that it is true. I have put other friends onto this and they have lost weight and quit smoking too. I know it helped me out heaps back then and i have not smoked since.....I kept my weight in check for a long time and recently have put it back on battling depression.
  • dsreilly
    dsreilly Posts: 47 Member
    Well done with your weight loss so far....i quit smoking at the same time as i changed my lifestyle and started to lose weight....I have been quit now since april 1st (i have smoked 3 cigarettes whilst drunk, since then)

    Go at your own pace....It is worth it......When you walk past that same ex in a years time, with however much weight you have lost gone......you know you can smile.....You know you done it for you and not him......but him seeing you looking hot will make him realise exactly what he lost (that comes for free) :)
  • SueGeer
    SueGeer Posts: 1,169 Member
    Tackle one thing at a time....

    Good on you for getting rid of him - with 'friends' like that, who needs enemies.... Use him as your incentive - lose the weight & show him what he's been missing.................and move on to someone new :heart: :heart: :heart:

    Remember that your new healthy goals - be they losing weight, giving up smoking, or whatever, are for ONE person only. YOU!!!! You are number one.....better than anyone else....and don't you forget it!

    Adding you as a friend :flowerforyou:

    Sue :smile: x
  • corierose1212
    corierose1212 Posts: 32
    Hey your here and that is a good thing. I quit smoking 8 months ago. It is the best thing but the hardest thing I have ever done. You got to want it bad for it to work but if i can do it anyone can. Good luck and friend me if you want/
  • njrea58
    njrea58 Posts: 6 Member
    Sorry that you had such a bad day. I'm right there with you. I write this as I am stuffing my face with a cinnamon roll and I just can't get motivated this time around. Lifetime member of WW and decided to start on this site and like it alot. Very user friendly-IF YOU USE IT-which I don't at least not faithfully.

    I have battled the weight my whole life and sometimes I just get sick of having to watch every morsel and then work it off at the gym to maintain and it's seems to get harder every year!!

    I know there are alot of emotional reasons that I just don't care, but we have to pull up or big girl panties and get back on track! That's what my BFF tells me and she loves me and only has my best interest at heart. Also she only tells me this when I really need to hear it!

    Tell the ex-that HE is the one with the issues and because you rejected him-he turned the tables on you. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and he knows it. That is why he says the exact opposite, because he can't have you.

    Chin up girl, let's fight the good fight together-for us!
  • Frannswaz
    Frannswaz Posts: 172 Member
    Bet you cant wait til your ex sees the NEW you. In the meantime get back in the saddle and smile.:smile: you're closer to your goal now than you were months ago...even with the hiccup.
  • Fliegenschwein
    Fliegenschwein Posts: 232 Member
    Hi and welcome :flowerforyou:

    I've been in your situation. I'm divorced and an ex heavy smoker and I came out the other side and I'm now happier than I've ever been. Its always darkest before the dawn, just hang in there.

    Please feel free to add me for some support if you want to
  • Velvetfusion
    Velvetfusion Posts: 9
    Wow, thank you again so much everyone. The support here is incredible! I'm feeling really positive and determined this time, my self image sucks BUT I can change that...my ex can't change the fact that he is and always will be a tool lol!

    Thanks again everyone!
  • marianne_s
    marianne_s Posts: 983 Member
    Hi,

    First of all.... good on you for kicking your ex to the kerb....!

    Secondly, back in January when I started I was heavier than you.

    I also gave up smoking back in 2006 after smoking for 20 years.... so here is a tip which may work for you...
    I kind of followed the Alan Carr method by setting a date to stop 6 weeks/2 months in the future. I smoked all the while up until that date, and psychlogically because I knew the date was approaching I ended up smoking more than normal. By the time, I reached the date I was actually happy to stop having to smoke. Used nicotine patches (which you can get on pescription on the NHS) for 4 weeks... and that was it....


    Do this for you....!
    If you want, send me a friend request....
  • capricorn144
    capricorn144 Posts: 335 Member
    I agree...You got rid of the excess baggage...you have reclaimed your SELF.

    Now...you just need a plan.

    I joined here 105 days ago. I decided this was it.

    EVERY morning I log on...make a food plan for the day in my calorie range. Whatever I put on the plan is what I eat.

    I also use the BLOG feature to write my daily intentions for success. I don't care if anyone reads it but me but it REINFORCES my plan.

    Have a protein with each meal and plan your snacks too. You need to have snacks to keep satisfied.

    THINK OF YOUR CALORIES like a "calorie budget" with just so much to SPEND each day.

    Drink lots of water and within a couple of days WITH A ROUTINE you can depend on you will be on your way again.:happy:

    If you want to add me too your support list please do.

    I will encourage you...just make sure you like to be positively encouraged.

    YOU CAN DO IT! :flowerforyou:
  • cairney4698
    cairney4698 Posts: 237
    Everyone has down days/weeks/months even!! so do not feel alone. The important thing is to ensure you bounce back from your current "down state" and get your enthusiasm back.

    People who do not want to be there to support you when you have already made good progress are not worth having around for the journey.

    Feel free to add me as a friend and we can encourage each other on
  • MakeItHappenAnt
    MakeItHappenAnt Posts: 42
    good morning to you,

    as cairney4698 mentioned, we all ahve bad days. i've had a few in my brief tenure here. the most importatnt thing is the resolve u show in response to those bad days. as far as the ex goes, he clearly didn't appreciate all of u if he can easily talk about your physique. think of how sweet it'll be when he sees the new u & his chin hits the ground & u still deny him the chance of getting back with you. u can do this & i'll be glad 2 befriend u in the process...stay strong & encouraged!
  • avimoo
    avimoo Posts: 67 Member
    Hi it is really easy to loose track I lost 3 stone but I have put 9 pounds back on again. I need to loose 3 stone to gat to a healthy weight. Take it in stages. Small goals. Don't worry about your ex's comments. If he really felt that way he wouldn't be looking for you back. You can do it. I am here to help motivate you. Feel free to add me. Forget about the past and look to the future. A healthier, happier person.
  • Velvetfusion
    Velvetfusion Posts: 9
    thank you everyone for the support :) am planning menus and sorting out a workout plan I can stick to, it can only get better!
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