In-laws are moving in, how is MFP going to work? Ah!
ESPRESSO_OR_ELSE
Posts: 16 Member
My in-laws are moving in and I'm SO excited! They are wonderful in-laws and it's going to be like a vacation for me. I'm truly blessed!
They will be living with us until they get a job and get a place of their own. They are in their early 60's. We're thinking 1-3 months. YAY!
I do want to preface this with the fact that they are supportive and respectful of my and husband's goal to lose 40 pounds each. They are the kind of people that will lend their hands to help me measure our foods without even asking what we are doing it for. They're just such great people.
But, I know the food I prepare is going to be a drastic change for them. I doubt they've ever eaten extra lean turkey, drank skim milk and only had a choice of greek yogurt or sugar-free syrup in their coffee. And desserts? Hah! Metamucil is for dessert around here.
And too, the food that they'll want to buy and have on-hand is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. It's next to impossible to turn-down a toaster strudel, real coke (instead of coke zero) or cheeto puffs.
I'm so scared of them cooking dinners a few nights of the week. Not only do I LOVE cooking (it is my one true obsession), but to have to eat their food makes me a bit queasy. How do I politely tell them they can't cook dinner? I don't want to be a control freak. Is it ridiculous to ask?
It's easy to say that "they'll have to come around" or "they're living with you and need to accept it or choose not to live with you" and "it's time you built up your tolerance to saying no to cravings." Sure, and maybe those are the answers. But, I'd like to hear other thoughts too.
I was thinking about maybe a pantry of their own? I have two pantries. Maybe I can clean out one pantry where they can put their items in and I won't open it? Out of sight, out of mind!
What about having a family meeting and discussing meal options and substitutions to have a plan in place? Creating a meal menu? Is that too obtrusive? Is that weird? I guess it will help me to know in advance and I can plan something... Maybe have a protein shake on the way home from work to where I won't be as hungry for their fried chicken and French fries? (assuming worst case scenario here) That way, I can control portion sizes.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Perhaps it was a friend that moved in? Sibling? What compromises/perimeters did you put in place? Any conversations that you had? How did it go?
They will be living with us until they get a job and get a place of their own. They are in their early 60's. We're thinking 1-3 months. YAY!
I do want to preface this with the fact that they are supportive and respectful of my and husband's goal to lose 40 pounds each. They are the kind of people that will lend their hands to help me measure our foods without even asking what we are doing it for. They're just such great people.
But, I know the food I prepare is going to be a drastic change for them. I doubt they've ever eaten extra lean turkey, drank skim milk and only had a choice of greek yogurt or sugar-free syrup in their coffee. And desserts? Hah! Metamucil is for dessert around here.
And too, the food that they'll want to buy and have on-hand is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. It's next to impossible to turn-down a toaster strudel, real coke (instead of coke zero) or cheeto puffs.
I'm so scared of them cooking dinners a few nights of the week. Not only do I LOVE cooking (it is my one true obsession), but to have to eat their food makes me a bit queasy. How do I politely tell them they can't cook dinner? I don't want to be a control freak. Is it ridiculous to ask?
It's easy to say that "they'll have to come around" or "they're living with you and need to accept it or choose not to live with you" and "it's time you built up your tolerance to saying no to cravings." Sure, and maybe those are the answers. But, I'd like to hear other thoughts too.
I was thinking about maybe a pantry of their own? I have two pantries. Maybe I can clean out one pantry where they can put their items in and I won't open it? Out of sight, out of mind!
What about having a family meeting and discussing meal options and substitutions to have a plan in place? Creating a meal menu? Is that too obtrusive? Is that weird? I guess it will help me to know in advance and I can plan something... Maybe have a protein shake on the way home from work to where I won't be as hungry for their fried chicken and French fries? (assuming worst case scenario here) That way, I can control portion sizes.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Perhaps it was a friend that moved in? Sibling? What compromises/perimeters did you put in place? Any conversations that you had? How did it go?
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Replies
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It seems like the best course of action is giving them their own pantry space and allowing them to cook whatever they want to eat for themselves. Just let them know that you and your husband are following a fairly restrictive diet and you're happy to just cook your own separate meals.
Yes, I'm sure you'll have treats in the house - but just remind yourself that they are not yours and you don't need them or want them. It's just like cookies in the breakroom at an office - a problem that many of us face. You just need to fight the urges and remind yourself why you're doing this. It's not easy, but you can do it.
You could find out when they eat dinner and you and your husband could move your gym time to that time, so you can avoid them inviting you to sit and eat dinner with them. "Sorry, hubby and I are off to the gym and we'll make our own dinner later tonight, thanks for the invite though!"
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You absolutely need to sit down and discuss the food situation. Even if you weren't trying to lose weight I would suggest that. "We eat a certain way, which includes measuring our food and different ingredients so I'll continue cooking for the family. If you don't want to eat what I cook that is fine, no offense taken. You are welcome to make your own meals."3
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Just a cautionary tale...
My mother in law moved in. It was just supposed to be a few months. That was over 2 years ago.
At my house, she does ALL of the cooking. No, it's not possible for me to use recipe builder or weigh each ingredient. That's not how she rolls, and she usually cooks before we get home from work so dinner is ready when we walk in. I've watched her enough to know what NOT to eat (the tortillas, the Mexican rice) and I do a good job of estimating and using portion control for the rest of her food, and I'm borderline obsessive about everything I eat the rest of the time.
I like to cook, too, and I still do cook meals on the weekends, sometimes, when there's time for me to really get in there and do what I want to do. And I take pride in those meals. But at least in our family, it just makes no sense for me to maintain control of mealtimes when I'm working and she's at the house every day with nothing much else to do. And since she's living with us, she WANTS to cook and clean and make herself useful, and she's generally regarded as this AMAZING cook. It would be hurtful for us to tell her to stop.
That's HER personality, though, and our schedule, and we're making it work. It sounds like your situation will be more collaborative than mine, and you can find compromises. I DON'T necessarily think it will go over well to sit down and have a family meeting and say "here's how we eat at this house..." and expect them to follow your every expectation, nor do I think cooking separate meals is feasible, at least not as a regular thing. Maybe - it depends on the personalities involved, I guess. Do you have kids? That'll complicate things, too.
They're guests in your home, but they're also parents, so the typical "guest" rules will probably be sort of fluid. I would try, though, to find a way to make mealtimes work as a family, rather than "ours" and "theirs."10 -
Perhaps your love of cooking and preparing healthy meals will result in a health change for them. You may be able to bring them around without even trying. You lead by example. If they receive some health benefits they may be asking you for advise on how to maintain the lifestyle.
they are family but also guests in your home. I'm sure they will look to how you do things. Offering up a pantry for their food may be helpful.
Continue to meal prep the way you always have. If they choose to prepare another meal save any extra from yours for the next day. Or see what they are preparing and try to find a way to fit it into your meal plan.
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Are your in-laws also overweight? I'm just asking because I struggled with my weight for more than two whole decades, until I stopped with the diet food and started eating real food but normal portions.4
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My mother always told me "My house, my rules" when I didn't like something, regardless of whether or not I agreed with it. In this situation, I would have told them before making any arrangements all the foods I don't allow in the house and if they didn't like it they could choose to stay elsewhere. However, you said you LIKE your in-laws haha. I also have battled eating disorders my entire life so keeping foods that will trigger those behaviors out of the house is a must. Good luck!0
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My mom has had her own personal fridge (in her own house) since she started preparing for bariatric surgery like 7 years ago. I would just have them prepare their food separately and/or get a cookbook with calorie counts and sticky notes to mark the ones you would appreciate them making for all of you. I have a copy of this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DB530YI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=10
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Give them the pantry and fridge space for their foods. Let them buy their own food and don't consume it because it isn't yours.
Talk to them about how you and your dh eat and why and ask if they want to eat what you make or if they'd like to cook their own meals. Living together does not mean you have to eat the same food.
Discuss meal plans and who will cook if you want to share meals. Compromise. Share a main item but have different sides. Find recipes you all would like.0 -
If they express interest in contributing to the household by preparing meals, graciously explain that you also enjoy cooking and would love to work out a schedule where everyone could enjoy cooking. Then sit down and decide which days are "yours" and which days are "theirs", giving them a chance to eat your way and you a chance to mentally prepare to portion out your food on the days they're preparing dinner. Personally, I would rather share the duties and eat their food in moderation than feel like they were freeloading because I had to prepare food for everyone each night after a day of work.
The idea of providing them with their own cabinet space is great! Perhaps even a mini fridge in their room for their drinks that are going to be a temptation for you?1 -
prettyprettypetrie wrote: »My in-laws are moving in and I'm SO excited! They are wonderful in-laws and it's going to be like a vacation for me. I'm truly blessed!
They will be living with us until they get a job and get a place of their own. They are in their early 60's. We're thinking 1-3 months. YAY!
Maybe I'm just the most jaded person on the face of the Earth, but it took me a couple minutes to realize this wasn't sarcasm.
I hope this is as lovely a time as you think it will be. In my experience, living with people (even those you know and love) is at best mildly annoying and at worst a disaster.
So now that we've cleared that up take a deep breath, have a glass of wine (do you drink wine? this may be a time to start), and try not to worry.
I'd give them their own pantry space if for no other reason than to be welcoming and then I would just carry on as usual. I wouldn't eat any food they bought for themselves and would politely decline if they offered me anything.
I would also carry on doing all the cooking, but also be prepared for them to want to cook for everyone and address that when the situation arose. I wouldn't preemptively have any conversations or start having different meal times, but if it became an issue I would address it politely and with tact and only if it was a huge problem. I think most meals, even ones you don't know the exact calorie intact of, can be moderated.5 -
I second the idea of their separate pantry, definitely will help you stay away. Don't even open those doors, to keep iut of trouble. As for the meals, i would eat what they cook, exercising strict portion control. And bulk up on veggies and salads, so you're not hungry after meal. You can definitely explain your way of eating, but prepare to be flexible. Treat their dinners like restaurant food, eat some, but not all. Also, i actually do what you are thinking of doing, after woon the way home i have half a cup or so of Greek yogurt, this way I'm not too hungry when i walk in. Different reasons for me though, i tend to get grouchy when hungry, so if dinner isn't ready yet, or i need to make it, I'm not acting like a jerk towards my wife. But it works, so it will serve you well too, i believe. It keeps me from snacking before dinner, which in my case could result practically in having two dinners back to back. So try and adjust as you go, if something doesn't work, brainstorm and try different approach. Good luck!0
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prettyprettypetrie wrote: »My in-laws are moving in and I'm SO excited! They are wonderful in-laws and it's going to be like a vacation for me. I'm truly blessed!
They will be living with us until they get a job and get a place of their own. They are in their early 60's. We're thinking 1-3 months. YAY!
Maybe I'm just the most jaded person on the face of the Earth, but it took me a couple minutes to realize this wasn't sarcasm.
I hope this is as lovely a time as you think it will be. In my experience, living with people (even those you know and love) is at best mildly annoying and at worst a disaster.
So now that we've cleared that up take a deep breath, have a glass of wine (do you drink wine? this may be a time to start), and try not to worry.
I'd give them their own pantry space if for no other reason than to be welcoming and then I would just carry on as usual. I wouldn't eat any food they bought for themselves and would politely decline if they offered me anything.
I would also carry on doing all the cooking, but also be prepared for them to want to cook for everyone and address that when the situation arose. I wouldn't preemptively have any conversations or start having different meal times, but if it became an issue I would address it politely and with tact and only if it was a huge problem. I think most meals, even ones you don't know the exact calorie intact of, can be moderated.
You're not the only one. I cannot imagine this working in anyway shape or form.1 -
prettyprettypetrie wrote: »My in-laws are moving in and I'm SO excited! They are wonderful in-laws and it's going to be like a vacation for me. I'm truly blessed!
They will be living with us until they get a job and get a place of their own. They are in their early 60's. We're thinking 1-3 months. YAY!
Maybe I'm just the most jaded person on the face of the Earth, but it took me a couple minutes to realize this wasn't sarcasm.
I hope this is as lovely a time as you think it will be. In my experience, living with people (even those you know and love) is at best mildly annoying and at worst a disaster.
So now that we've cleared that up take a deep breath, have a glass of wine (do you drink wine? this may be a time to start), and try not to worry.
I'd give them their own pantry space if for no other reason than to be welcoming and then I would just carry on as usual. I wouldn't eat any food they bought for themselves and would politely decline if they offered me anything.
I would also carry on doing all the cooking, but also be prepared for them to want to cook for everyone and address that when the situation arose. I wouldn't preemptively have any conversations or start having different meal times, but if it became an issue I would address it politely and with tact and only if it was a huge problem. I think most meals, even ones you don't know the exact calorie intact of, can be moderated.
Haha! Just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed all of this!
I also agree with the poster who said living together does not require eating the same food.0 -
prettyprettypetrie wrote: »My in-laws are moving in and I'm SO excited! They are wonderful in-laws and it's going to be like a vacation for me. I'm truly blessed!
They will be living with us until they get a job and get a place of their own. They are in their early 60's. We're thinking 1-3 months. YAY!
Maybe I'm just the most jaded person on the face of the Earth, but it took me a couple minutes to realize this wasn't sarcasm.
I hope this is as lovely a time as you think it will be. In my experience, living with people (even those you know and love) is at best mildly annoying and at worst a disaster.
So now that we've cleared that up take a deep breath, have a glass of wine (do you drink wine? this may be a time to start), and try not to worry.
I'd give them their own pantry space if for no other reason than to be welcoming and then I would just carry on as usual. I wouldn't eat any food they bought for themselves and would politely decline if they offered me anything.
I would also carry on doing all the cooking, but also be prepared for them to want to cook for everyone and address that when the situation arose. I wouldn't preemptively have any conversations or start having different meal times, but if it became an issue I would address it politely and with tact and only if it was a huge problem. I think most meals, even ones you don't know the exact calorie intact of, can be moderated.
Haha! Just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed all of this!
I also agree with the poster who said living together does not require eating the same food.
True, if all fails. But they are family, and OP loves them and is excited about them moving in.1 -
prettyprettypetrie wrote: »
Anyone been in a similar situation? Perhaps it was a friend that moved in? Sibling? What compromises/perimeters did you put in place? Any conversations that you had? How did it go?
My parents moved in with me for 10 months while they were looking for/building a house. I gained 10 pounds. That was what started my fall.
I gained 50 more over the next 4 years. My mom cooked every damn night and expected me to EAT. Truly didn't mind them being there, but I hated that she was such a food pusher. That was many years ago...and I lost it using WW, finally. Hopefully you won't have my experience!! 0 -
My in-laws have lived with us for 15+ years. Everyone does their own thing for food; sometimes they or we will offer to share, but mostly not.0
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