Advice for recruiting diet support from a naturally slender SO

_Emma_Problema_
_Emma_Problema_ Posts: 261 Member
edited November 19 in Food and Nutrition
I am currently dating a skinny dude, you know one of those "metabolically gifted" guys who has never had to worry about his weight and is blissfully oblivious to all things weight loss related. We spend a lot of time together so we often eat together and I find myself constantly over-indulging with high-calorie foods when we're together, especially after going out or spending some quality time with our friend Mary Jane. We also have opposite goals so while it's been helpful to be accountable to each other at the gym, he's working on bulking up while I have some serious fat to shed.

Forcing myself to log everything has helped but I'm wondering if anyone has had success in getting their SO to help remind them to make smart food choices. My boyfriend is completely willing to help out but it seems like a bit of a challenge to get him to help me remember to stick to my calorie limit without risking feeling fat-shamed or micromanaged. He's never made me feel bad about my body and deciding to lose the weight has been completely about me and how I want to feel about my body, but I'm still worried about adding extra strain to the relationship. Does anyone have any advice on how I might be able to coach him on what to say or how to support my goals?

Replies

  • GoldenEye_
    GoldenEye_ Posts: 330 Member
    My so is the same. We live together and he eats whatever he wants while I meticulously follow my diet. He doesn't help me per se or have to remind me, that's up to me. It's my weight loss journey and that's the way it brings least strain on the relationship as well. He always tells me I'm gorgeous, but I do this for me. It's not a bad thing to get your strength from inside yourself instead of having to get it from outside sources! It'll only make him more proud.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    My husband is naturally more slender (not because his metabolism is faster, it's just because he's tends to naturally restrict the window when he eats and because he's not the type of person who eats unless he is hungry).

    I don't know if you can get someone who thinks about food in a totally different way to help you "remember" your calorie limit (are you truly forgetting it or are you just choosing to ignore it sometimes?). Part of successful weight loss is figuring out how to want it for yourself and staying on track even when momentary pleasures seem really alluring.

    The best way that my husband supported my goals was to not question when I turned something down. It was enough for him that I didn't want it. By the same token, if I did choose to have something, I personally appreciated that he didn't second-guess me as to whether or not I should have it.

    But maybe we're different in how we're motivated. What would *you* like your boyfriend to say when he sees you choose a higher calorie food? And how will he know how to say it in some situations and not in others (like, say, you're choosing a higher calorie food because you have enough calories for it and you want to eat it)?
  • BarBellatrixLestrange
    BarBellatrixLestrange Posts: 6 Member
    My husband is and always has been very thin. He struggles to gain weight and can eat whatever he wants, but he is also very active and goes to the gym 5 times a week and has since we got together 13 years ago.

    Every time he would eat something he would offer it to me as well. The biggest way he has been helping me stay on track with my calories is by realizing that it's ok for him to eat the ice cream/candy/pasta/whatever without offering it to me. If it fits in my calorie goals for the day and I want some, I will take it upon myself to eat it, but putting me in the position to turn it down when I clearly cannot have it then makes it harder. Now he doesn't ask and we are both happier for it.

    I do not use him to help me control my calorie intake or to keep me accountable. He eats the meals I cook for myself and our family, helps me with my workout plan and goes to the gym with me when it fits our schedules. Aside from that, this is my fight and his support is all that's needed.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    You know your calorie limit and do not need somebody reminding you of it. Take responsibility for your own eating.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    jemhh wrote: »
    You know your calorie limit and do not need somebody reminding you of it. Take responsibility for your own eating.

    This.

    Also, at some point I had to realize I can't eat like anyone else. Even women with comparable height to mine can eat more/less than me. I can't compare myself to them or eat like other people when in a group setting. I have to eat what's in line with my own nutritional needs.

    My SO is 6'4 and has enough muscle mass for the both of us. He's cutting right now and still eats about 1000 calories more than me per day. He's always trying to offer me food because he can't wrap his head around the fact I'm 5'5, a woman, and have nowhere near his muscle mass. It's not his responsibility to monitor me; it's mine. I just say no and go on about my life.
  • EmbeeKay
    EmbeeKay Posts: 249 Member
    I would hate it if my husband asked me, "Babe, are you sure you want to be eating that?" I'm a fan of "you do you." He likes a low-carb diet, I like counting calories, and if I want a package of Ramen noodles because it fits my macros, gosh darn it the last thing I want is for him to give me the stink eye at the table. Thankfully he doesn't, so I wouldn't put too much pressure on your boyfriend to be your diet coach.
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
    edited June 2017
    I just take care of my own. For example, when I'm out at Bingo and I know he's gonna go to the concession stand and get cheesecake and mozzarella sticks, I tell him "Don't feed me cheesecake and mozzarella sticks."
  • Phonicblue
    Phonicblue Posts: 9 Member
    edited June 2017
    _Emma_Problema_ wrote: »
    I find myself constantly over-indulging with high-calorie foods when we're together, especially after going out or spending some quality time with our friend Mary Jane.

    So your SO needs to be responsible for both of your "munchies" after you get high? What kind of messed up logic is that?!
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,187 Member
    Nope.
    I like the old saying, "if it is to be, it is up to me."
    That's how I ultimately lost the weight..I came to the realization that no one else was going to do it for me.
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