Beyond disappointed... :(

elephanteee
elephanteee Posts: 19 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello, I want to give a little backstory before I get to the disappointed bit. From ages 13 to about 16 I was a good weight. I played sports a lot during that time. When I was 16 I stopped exercising altogether. I put on about 50 lbs in one year. I remained that weight until I was about 19. I met someone online and ended up losing about 60 lbs before we even met in person. Then I moved to the state where he was living. Slowly but surely I settled into this relationship, and put all the weight I lost back on, plus 30 lbs. Last year I made it my New Year's Revolution to lose weight. I stuck with it until around May. I had lost around 45 lbs. I had a literal breakdown, started drinking everyday, and by October I was back to the weight I was at the beginning of the year. Since October I have been trying here and there to maintain a diet. I have been unsuccessful and have only gained more weight. I woke up this morning with a huge feeling of disappointment. I weighed myself for the first time in weeks and I am now at the highest weight I have ever been. I can't help but think what's the point? I know what the point is but on an emotional level I feel so depressed and overwhelmed. I have all this guilt, like well had I stuck to my diet 2 months ago I would have already lost a lot of weight, etc. I have serious psychological issues surrounding my weight. While I have never judged anyone based on their size, I feel like my weight speaks louder than any other aspect of my personality, thus believe random people will make fun of me or won't like me, etc. I am so tired of this back and forth with my weight. It literally consumes my life. Everything could be going great and then I will say to myself but I'm still fat. I just wanted to vent and see what other people's experiences have been with losing and gaining huge amounts of weight. Also, anyone looking for like a one-on-one weight loss friend? Seriously, like any female out there trying to stay motivated on a daily basis via text or email, I am totally interested. I am a 25-year-old female, graduate student, long-term relationship, have 4 pugs and 4 cats. I just don't have friends (I attribute that to being fat as well btw).

:) thanks!

Replies

  • CoachFrenchie
    CoachFrenchie Posts: 135 Member
    Your story brings tears to my ehes. I have been there and can help you. Or at least i will try. I have lost 170 lbs. Please friend me and we can chat, or at least look at my story. After that make a decision.
  • elephanteee
    elephanteee Posts: 19 Member
    Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »
    It seems like you have the process of losing weight down, but there is one key mental thing that you havent yet figured out. Its one of the most common reasons why people quit diets/deficits and give up entirely, putting more weight on than before.

    You need to look inward and truely accept that it is NOT about being perfect. It is about being consistent. EVERYONE has bad days. Bodybuilders, Fitness professionals, athletes and myself all have bad days, They just might be fewer or farther in between than others because they have learned to be as consistent as they can.

    Use the MFP site here and start tracking your food and goals, if you have a bad day, miss your goals by a little or even a lot. do not beat yourself up about it. Log it honestly and move on. Use it as a lesson to help make you more consistent for the future and improve the next day.

    Stop beating yourself up about being human. Everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect.

    Thank you! That's so true. I have a tough time going day by day. I am constantly looking back. Thanks for the reply!
  • MsMaeFlowers
    MsMaeFlowers Posts: 261 Member
    Every day is a new day to start over after a bad one. It took time to put the weight on, it takes time to get it off. A couple bad days here and there won't make a difference in the long run. You can do this :)
  • jbirdy76
    jbirdy76 Posts: 161 Member
    I am about old enough to be your mom but I can relate to your emotional struggle. I was exactly there for the last couple months. Our health is a journey. I even thought of getting a daily texting buddy to have some support and accountability. There is lots of support here. And being aware of what is going on in your heart and mind is a big first step I think. You are welcome to friend me.
  • CTcutie
    CTcutie Posts: 649 Member
    edited July 2017
    You CAN conquer this aspect of your life... but it's something you will need to work on every.single.day. I'm not trying to disappoint you, but that's why people say "diets don't work", bc it's seen as a quick (temporary) fix.
    MFP does absolutely work, but you will need to learn a lot (starting here on MFP) and make health your priority. It will be difficult, it will take longer than you like, you will need a food scale, you will need to log your meals. All of them! You will NOT need to starve yourself, workout constantly (but daily exercise you you like will only help your body but your mind, too! Or eat salad if you don't want to! <3:)<3
  • Radamidov
    Radamidov Posts: 7 Member
    So i will say this. It took many many years for me to admit that the real issue was emotional. Emotional eating and all that comes with it is the biggest hurdle. It's clear that you know how to lose weight but you need to shift from thinking in "diet" terms and thinking in lifestyle terms. I yo yo'd up and down my whole life and only recently put all the components together to see that I needed to be consistent. I would go off the wagon for the holidays and then gain 10 lbs and think...oh shoot and then continue to eat badly for another 4 months. I never self corrected and thought, wow I've been doing so well I should just enjoy the holiday and then get back to my normal good eating. It was all or nothing and that led to more weight gain. What I have come to learn is 3 very important factors. ONE, slow and steady wins the race...start logging your food, start on your path. TWO - recognize you are not perfect and will falter and that is ok. If you have a bad week, self correct and get back on it. THREE - for me...I had to find the perfect way of eating...it was low/no carbs that made me totally change the way I ate. It might be different for you but for me hormonally, emotionally and physically it was a game changer. To not have cravings, to not binge...it was a new way of life. Find out what type of eating works for you and stick to it. Don't focus on where you were a year ago. Make a plan to lose slowly and consistently and if you mess up here and there just don't let it last. Good luck
  • 92joann
    92joann Posts: 67 Member
    Add me if you like, I'm in the UK but always available. I'm 25 next week. I haven't had exactly the same experience, But most of my weight has been due to emotional and mental health issues - I became a single parent at 18 and found out my son is disabled at 20, I've been a student doing my degree at home for the past 4 years and only lately have been able to really assess it all. I've started meditating, slowly changing and picking up healthy habits, it's made a big difference! Like others have said, you need to make your mind healthy before worrying about your body. Weight is just weight, a healthy mind is everything.
  • kimmthedogmom
    kimmthedogmom Posts: 1 Member
    I love that MyFitnessPal still keeps you motivated. I am using the calorie counter as my only way to lose weight. Even on the days where I gain weight, MyFitnessPal shows that I didn't regain all the weight. My graph is up and down, but as long as I am sticking with it, it is going well. It will be the same for you!
  • estherdragonbat
    estherdragonbat Posts: 5,283 Member
    I've been there. Done sensible weight-loss, made progress, and then just... let a few bad times derail me or lost motivation. And each time the pounds come back, they bring friends. I'm 45 now and I've been trying to lose weight off and on since my teens. And I lost the roulette spin and got an obesity-exacerbated condition that's making me want to make this the time I make it to goal and maintain the loss.

    You can friend me if you like. I'm lousy at checking my feed but great at replying to PMs.
  • GrayRider61
    GrayRider61 Posts: 337 Member
    In my opinion, you need to figure out your "why." For example, motivation should come from u, not a number on a scale. You obviously want to be healthy or you wouldnt post on here. Focus on the present. U said u played sports. Maybe draw from that part of u by picking up a sport: biking, tennis, running, etc.
    And u can add me if u like.
  • mca90guitar
    mca90guitar Posts: 289 Member
    Years ago I worked hard and got down to within 20 pounds of my goal and was losing like crazy. Went too heavy on weights one day during flys and heard a nice crack and pop. Didn't tear my rotator cuff according to the MRI but the popping and grinding and pain was so bad I couldnt do much with that arm for months and had bad tendonitis in it. killed my workout routine.

    After maybe a year I got back into working out and made good progress and after losing 30 pounds I injured my back, then a few monthslater i was driving with my brother during a ice storm and he lost control and we smashed the concrete support for the highway signs. That really messed up my back.

    After that I was just depressed for awhile, shoulder and back pain and being so young for it. Gained my weight back.

    Started again and no suprise to me developed some health issues I have been dealing with all year. This one really depressed more then ever and yup weight back.

    Now my back and shoulder don't bug me enough to keep my from working out, my back still flares up from sitting at my desk but that's about it.

    My current health issues are more manageable now but some weeks I can't workout at all because of the pain. Last two weeks I got 6 workouts in.

    But I'm 25 lbs down and fighting hard to get 50 more. Trying hard to not get depressed again and get fat again. It can be really hard, can scream somedays at how crap my body is at 26 but I have to deal with what I have and just try to improve what I can.

    So yup I know how it feels to lose a bunch and gain it back. Lack of motivation wasn't my issue though. Lack of luck is my problem lol

    Wish you luck on your journey, don't give up.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    You can do this. You wouldn't be in graduate school if you weren't determined and capable of seeing things through. But more important than losing weight is learning to love yourself at whatever weight. Sorry to be so trite, but it's true! You have value beyond your appearance, and you can be happy, have friends who love you, and be fat at the same time. If you believe this, it will be so much easier to take care of yourself properly. Depression makes everything harder than it has to be.

    I'm terrible about replying to my friends, but I like cats and pugs, you can add me if you want.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    elephanteee wrote: »
    Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

    Thank you! That's so true. I have a tough time going day by day. I am constantly looking back. Thanks for the reply!

    What's done is done. We can't undo it and we cannot change it. What we each do have is this day. Seize it, squeeze joy out of it, weigh it, log it, enjoy it.
  • kyubeans
    kyubeans Posts: 135 Member
    I have thought what you're thinking now, so much. Word for word! I got so tired of fighting with my weight and thinking I wasn't good enough, that I totally gave up, gave in, threw it all away and just decided to "accept my body" and "eat what I want." I did this for about 5 years. I told myself and I told others that I was done being obsessed with dieting and weight loss, and that my body was just meant to be this way and I wasn't going to do anything about it. I started eating WHATever I wanted, WHENever I wanted, and never weighed myself except when I went to the doctor. I started dreading going to the doctor because they weighed me. But because of these visits, I did know my weight was creeping up. Ten pounds a year for about five years. Very steady.

    Well, I suddenly finally decided enough was enough about a month ago. I'm starting again, and I'm trying so hard not to hate myself for "giving up" for five years. Sure, I've thought about what I would look like now "if I had just stuck to the diet"... but that's a fantasy. The way I reason with myself about it is this: There is no reality where I would have stuck to the diet for five years because I wasn't ready for it then. The Past Me wasn't ready to do it, didn't have the right motivation, didn't really want to, for whatever reason. Let go of that "IF I HAD..." fantasy because it could never have happened. Past You didn't want it.

    NOW You - Present You - This You can do it and WILL do it because you want it, need it, have decided to change your life NOW, starting this moment, you'll do it differently and make the choices you need to make.

    I have my bad moments, when I think negatively but I am trying really hard to get around that and over it however I can. This Me is different from Past Me because now I have the tools, but more importantly, I have made The Decision to Change.

    Good luck!
  • take2spicy
    take2spicy Posts: 296 Member
    Feel free to add me I'll try to help :)

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