Unhealthy relationship with food

Know what you like. Plan to have what you like in reasonable portions. Have what you like on schedule.

I had an unhealthy relationship with food as well, that led to disordered eating. I was a skinny kid as a child who LOVED food, and never had to worry about calories. I can't pinpoint exactly when something clicked that made me worry about food and calories. I think it could be my grandmother's weight and health problems finally becoming real to me, and I felt that I had to control my food severely to prevent a future like that. This was around the age of 16. I was borderline orthrexic, meaning I was basically obsessed with only eating what society has deemed as 'healthy' and 'clean' eating. I was physically okay, underweight but still healthy. My mind however became slowly poisoned towards foods I loved. I was obsessed with the fat content of x, or the sodium of y, etc etc. It was new every week. Unfortunately now, I can never go back to my child-like state of looking at food. Every time I look at a food I see calories. If you're feeling at all like your relationship with food could get worse, or that you are frequently worried about food, I'd suggest talking to your doctor. Once I confided my concerns with my doctor, she told me I was undereating and provided me a ballpark of calories I should eat. After that, I used the fitbit app for awhile to track things. I was still obsessed with clean eating until college though. Finally, my roommate introduced me to MFP and my life has been infinitely better! I eat exactly what I want (including fruits and veggies) like pasta, ice cream, crackers, etc. It all fits my calories! MFP is very freeing for me. I credit it with saving me from myself. I don't know how much worse things could've gotten. I am no longer obsessed with so called 'righteous' food choices and my mental attitude towards food is way better.

Long story short, I understand how you feel. I suggest allowing yourself to have appropriate portions of your favorite foods whenever you want. If you restrict, then the overeating might creep in because 'oh no i may not be able to have x in forever i should eat a lot now' is a common mentality a lot of people have around their favorites. I felt this way sometimes. Theres nothing wrong with cravings, its just a matter of enjoying the appropriate amount, slowing down and savoring it to fully satisfy yourself.

Much love, I hope you find some helpful advice!