New here, round 2

This is probably my 1000,000 time trying to change my lifestyle to a healthy one and trying to lose 45 pounds for some reason I go through this never ending cycle for years now to where I try and diet and it feels hard and overwhelming but then it gets easy and then I fly through a month then come the second month it gets hard all over again I start binging and then eating bad all over and then this horrible cycle begins that I'm trying to fight I'm trying to win this. I've never gone longer than one month within that month I lose 10 pounds by the way so if I only could keep pushing and enter the next months to come I know I could reach my goal. Maybe some motivation from you guys can help me.