Ate my feelings this weekend instead of working them out. Feeling very low and discouraged.

bpatt012
bpatt012 Posts: 10 Member
edited November 19 in Motivation and Support
Feeling so low and down on myself right now... This is just going to be a major vent... My apologies in advance.

Was doing great for a couple of months, then my long distance bf visited for a couple months starting in April and due to lots of "special treats" as well as not tracking and mindlessly matching his portion sizes (even though he's 7 to 8 inches taller than me) I un-did all of the hard work I had done.

He left a couple of weeks ago (we'll see each other again in Sept) and I buckled right down, was doing well on my diet without feeling too restricted, went to the gym several times as well as out for runs and bike rides, which felt wonderful because I felt like I was getting myself back again (in terms of being active and pushing myself physically).

This weekend was a long weekend and I was a messssss. I felt so lonely all weekend without him, I wanted to see friends but things didn't work out, my bf was super busy with work and wasn't able to Skype much, and I just felt so SAD. I've been trying to combat this the last couple weeks with the gym, but this weekend all I did was eat and eat. I felt like I was at war with myself all weekend. I went out and walked around a lot for Canada day, and grabbed some street food... Then I realized the food was not even tasting good and really wasn't worth it so I threw it out. Then I went to Starbucks and got a sweet drink there - I told myself it would be a tall but then I ordered a grande. I drank a couple beers that were totally outside my calorie limit, ate two ice cream bars that I knew I shouldn't have. I told myself I'd dust myself off Sunday, go to the gym and work off some of the extra calories and put it behind me. I left working out all day on Sunday (and not eating well, just snacking lots) and then hurt my knee a bit when cleaning so I couldn't go to the gym. I figured ok, I still have Monday to get myself back on track. I decided to not go to the gym and give my knee another day of rest, but to have a perfect day food wise. That obviously didn't happen... I went and biked to get a baguette (not awesome but not the end of the world) and stopped at a bakery nearby and bought FOUR DOUGHNUTS....!! And then ate all of them... That right there was more than my entire daily alottment of calories.

What is wrong with me?? I have eaten worse this weekend than in I don't even know how long... This is the most bingey behaviour I've had in probably over a year... I know I am eating my feelings but whyyy is this something I do?? I feel so disgusted and ashamed...I even briefly contemplated the idea of purging it because I was just so grossed out by how much extra food I ate. Over the weekend I estimate I ate about 2300 calories over maintenance, if I'm not forgetting anything. I just feel so helpless, and I feel like my goals are totally unachievable if I'm just going to lose my self-control when I get sad/down/lonely...

Right now my plan is just to have a sparse day calorie-wise tomorrow, as I definitely had enough today for tomorrow as well. I'll aim for about 1100 calories (I normally have 1300-1600 without counting exercise, a bit more if I workout) and I've prelogged my meals to keep myself from deviating. I also plan to workout if my knee is ok (it seems close to painless today) to burn some more calories and hopefully get myself back into that routine and out of this spiral of the last few days.

Thanks to anyone who got through all that... thank you. Any thoughts, coping mechanisms, feedback, etc. are more than welcome.

Replies

  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    When I do things like that...I want to feel successful. Rather than getting into a deficit, I log maintenance and pat myself on the back for "doing it". Just a thought.

    I get binge-y as well but I never go out of my way to buy the stuff, so we are a bit different there. I am pretty "safe" at home as I don't keep highly palatable calorie dense foods in the house. But when it rains, it pours. And I feel terrible afterward. Just know you are not alone!
  • WingShadow90
    WingShadow90 Posts: 1 Member
    I do what you are doing and I have to remind myself, the more I let it get to me the worse it will get. I will create a continuous cycle if I dwell on it to much. Forget it and keep going the way you had been before it happened. As for making yourself happier. I notice of I keep happy smells around me (essential oils, candles and so on) I feel better. So maybe try that.
  • Meg035
    Meg035 Posts: 12 Member
    seska422 wrote: »
    Don't try for perfect. You aren't and you won't be.

    Forget about what you've already done. You can only control the future. Each moment is a decision.

    Don't try to punish yourself by over-restricting or over-exercising tomorrow. Finish today as you would normally finish a day. Wake up tomorrow planning to have a day where you stay within your normal calorie plan. Log everything before you put it into your mouth so that you can decide right then if you really want it or not.

    You are in control and sometimes you'll decide to splurge. When you do, splurge and then jump right back onto your plan. The important part is what you do over time. Perfection is the enemy of good enough.

    Exactly! I couldn't agree more! Baby steps! Set a no-brainer tiny goal and stick to it. You'll feel more confident and be ready to set an even bigger tiny goal next time! For example, just tell yourself you're going to eat an apple every day or 10 carrot sticks for an afternoon snack. This is easy and will give you the momentum you need to tackle bigger goals in the future.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    Okay, step one: take a deep breath. Step two: let it go. You had a bad day/weekend. It happens to the best of us. A couple of days won't undo months of hard work. Just breathe and try to let it go. Tomorrow is a new day and there's nothing stopping you from getting back on track.

    What I've found that's helped me stop eating my emotions is a) realizing, really realizing, that it helps nothing and only makes me feel worse and b) when I want food not immediately getting it, but making myself wait and evaluate whether I'm truly hungry or upset or bored and whether said food item will fit into my calories. I find myself asking myself sometimes is going over my calories for this one thing really worth it? Answer is usually no.

    Lastly, be kind to yourself. You're having a rough time. Find another productive way to deal with your sadness. Maybe journal or listen to music or exercise or take up a new hobby. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied.
  • bpatt012
    bpatt012 Posts: 10 Member
    Thanks for all the kind words and advice, I really appreciate it. I woke up this morning feeling bummed but more motivated, made a smoothie for breakfast and will have a healthy day today. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone, and I know today is a new day and I can make good decisions for my body.
  • SuperCarLori
    SuperCarLori Posts: 1,248 Member
    I hope you're feeling better at this point. :) When I sabotage myself, I don't give up, I just keep trying.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    First off, do NOT reduce your cals to 1100... punishing yourself by doing that will not help.

    Let the weekend go... It's done.

    You might want to look into some self help techniques to help you develop better coping mechanisms and not eat your feelings, or see a therapist?
  • evergreenlake
    evergreenlake Posts: 73 Member
    Be kind to you're self and your body. When you feel sad, cheer yourself up by pampering yourself with a face mask, a good movie, or painting your nails. Something that takes time and helps you focus on other things.
    A lot of people have said to focus on changing the future, and that can work sometimes. But I find focusing on the present, seeing how you feel that day, and working with it! Maybe you're not up to doing a full workout or cardio, but go for a walk instead, or spend time meal prepping and setting yourself up for success for the next day :)
    We all have bad days, bad weekends, and even bad weeks. You can do it!
  • beerfoamy
    beerfoamy Posts: 1,520 Member
    edited July 2017
    As everyone else has said, look ahead and draw a line under the weekend.

    Glad you are feeling better. :)

    Also, someone posted a phrase on here that really resonated with me,
    'If you have one flat tire, do you slash the other three?'

    This has really helped me with visualisation at times when I have felt down and have eaten more than I 'should'. (I put should in quote marks as I don't like saying things like, should eat this, should eat that. Sometimes we want what we want.)
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