Back for the umpteenth time

I am 36, 5’8, a mom to three, and frustrated with my weight. I started at 145lbs before I had my boys and felt good at that weight although I wanted to be more tone and in shape. I wasn’t really healthy then and was at a lower weight due to an unhealthy lifestyle of hardly eating and smoking like crazy. I got pregnant with my son in 2007, quit smoking right at the start of the pregnancy, gained at least 80 pounds and held onto 40 of it for the year after he was born. I felt and looked awful.

In late 2009 I got pregnant with my second son and only gained about 20lbs and went right back to 185 within weeks of him being born. I started using MFP and got to 165lbs. I was feeling really good and then stopped using MFP. Since then I have gone back and forth and kept going between 152 and 165 – and this last time I dropped off MFP I have gained the most back, I weighed myself today and am at 175. I knew I had gained a lot. I look large, I feel large and my body is paying for it. To know that I am now 30lbs from my goal weight and only 10 from my starting was hard to see. I knew it was happening though cause I feel my clothes not fitting and could see myself in pictures. This post is me also admitting to myself that I need to keep track of what I eat and actually pay attention to it. Somewhere along the line I have lost having a healthy relationship with food.

This last time I even went as far as to completely delete my MFP account so I am here with a new one now.

I know what I need to do and I know what is hurting me. I know I overeat, I know I eat when I am not hungry and I know I don’t move enough lately. I won’t make excuses for myself cause they would only be excuses and I am not going there. So I am back, open for new friends cause I enjoy the motivation and support and this is my last yo-yo.