Feeling so hopeless and disgusted with myself

Caroline393
Caroline393 Posts: 71 Member
edited November 20 in Motivation and Support
I started being serious about getting healthy and weight loss a little over a year ago, and over last summer I managed to lose 13 lbs. It wasn't quite halfway to my goal, but I felt so proud and accomplished and more confident, and I kept my weight down all through the fall and even through the Christmas holidays. But then this past spring, it slowly crept back up again, even though I was exercising and still entering my calories every day.

This morning when I stepped on the scale, it said I was back up to my start weight, and last week I lost my 270+ day streak on MFP when I was on vacation and forgot to log in one day. I just feel so hopeless and disgusted because I really wanted to prove everyone wrong and actually achieve my goals by this time. I had set what I thought were pretty realistic goals and I couldn't keep them. And now it's like I've lost all my confidence and motivation and energy to keep trying, but I'm still left with hating my body.

I don't know what to do. I mean, i know what to do- eat consistently at a deficit, exercise to help with fitness and make it easier, and eat foods that keep me full longer but aren't calorie dense. But I've lost all willpower to turn down a treat or avoid snacking.

I'm still tracking everything as best I can, and I rarely eat above 1500-1600 a day and I run 2-3 miles about 3 times a week. But it's not enough, and I don't know how to recapture my motivation and determination from last summer to limit my calories to the 1250 I'm supposed to be eating. What can I do? I don't want to waste my 20s being fat and miserable in my own skin like I did my teens, but I feel like I'm destined to be this way forever.

Replies

  • cj94404
    cj94404 Posts: 154 Member
    1. Stop beating yourself up. (You know this)
    2. Make sure you are including your favorite foods in your food plan. If you are feeling deprived it is easy to overeat what you miss.
    3. Look for small wins and gains.
    4.
  • cj94404
    cj94404 Posts: 154 Member
    4. Work on not worrying what others think. Odds are they aren't really focused on your weight. Not really. And if they are, that is kind of odd. Do they worry about your hair color and the state of your fingernails? Probably not. I know weight feels very public but after the first impression I suspect most people stop noticing.
    5. Good luck! You can do this. You have before.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    You wanted to prove others wrong? Then do it! Almost everyone who loses weight regains it or at least some of it at some point. You're not hopeless, you're human. What sets those who succeed apart from those who don't is that those who succeed don't let the setback set them back. It's not the regain that makes weight loss unsuccessful, those are a dime a dozen. It's the giving up.

    You know what you need to do. Remember the things that worked for you the first time, keep doing them, and try to understand why you regained, then try to avoid the causes. In most cases it's getting complacent or having too many "*kitten* it" days that can't be mitigated by deficit days. Tighten up your tracking (weigh and log every bite and don't forget about add-ins like cooking oil and such) and continue doing that. What's the worst that could happen? What would you achieve by giving up? If time is going to pass anyway, any kind of progress by the next year is better than even more gain.
  • SweatsOnSunday
    SweatsOnSunday Posts: 514 Member
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am right there with you. Take comfort that you are not alone, and that there's a middle-aged guy out there who's having a really hard time getting it all back together.

    My goals today are to take a very long walk and drink a lot of water. I'm hoping that some of my depression and weariness is due to what's been going on at work, and now that a major project has wrapped up, I need to clear my head. I am trusting that being outside in the sun, with no schedule of anything to be done for the next 2 days, will allow me to relax and reboot and refocus.

    I've been having stress dreams all week and waking up exhausted -- the ones where I'm late for class, or I have nothing to wear, or I can't remember where I'm supposed to go to give a speech. Tonight, I want to just fall in bed weary and content.

    I know you are looking for motivation, and I'm sorry that I don't have much to offer. But I'm happy to share my struggle with you and compare notes. Feel free to friend me.
  • xandra47
    xandra47 Posts: 121 Member
    Lots of us have been there, I know I have! It took me just over two months to lose the weight I regained, this time around. Now I'm 10 pounds from my goal, it's bittersweet because I've been here so many times before. Losing some weight and then staring down the last 10 pounds. I'm making it to the finish line this time tho, and so can you!
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    edited July 2017
    Let me get this straight - you've been gaining steadily on regular exercise and 1500 a day? That hardly seems fair. Are you very petite? What do various calculators say maintenance should be for you? You're logging, are you weighing your portions as well?

    I don't blame you for wanting a break from 1250 a day, 1250 a day without eating back exercise calories is brutal. Please don't be disgusted with yourself, you are working hard and in a fair universe it would be producing results. Maybe we can put our heads together and figure out what's going wrong, so you can eat a reasonable amount of food without actually gaining.
  • ravengiambrone1
    ravengiambrone1 Posts: 2 Member
    Have you had your thyroid checked or medical. I have fought with my weight all my life. But I have a thyroid condition and other health issues.
  • Caroline393
    Caroline393 Posts: 71 Member
    Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, everyone. @rheddmobile I'm a 5'3" 22 year old female, so I don't think even my maintenance calories would be that high. I'm sure that my logging isn't always as accurate as it should be, but it's pretty much impossible to weigh or measure your food when you eat out or someone else is cooking it. I try to be precise for my lunches, which I make myself, and my snacks, but dinners are a bit more iffy. I'm pretty sure my exercise calories are accurate because I have a Fitbit HR tracker.

    One difference is that I was living away from home last summer, and was in charge of making and preparing all of my meals and snacks. So I made sure to only cook low calorie recipes and buy healthy snacks. But this summer I'm living at home and my family's food priorities are for taste rather than health, so my willpower is being bombarded constantly by what we have for dinner and the snacks we have in the house.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories