Low self-esteem and social anxiety

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Gabbysmum2014
Gabbysmum2014 Posts: 14 Member
in Motivation and Support
Since starting my journey my self-esteem has increased but only minimally. I have major social anxiety which is hard bc I want friends and love learning about people but I feel like I'm weird or creepy bc I'm so awkward. I am in my mid 30s and a single mom trying to pursue my doctorate. I would love to chat with others and maybe build ourselves together. Or if anyone has overcome being a "weirdo" and has advice please share! Thanks!

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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
  • Gabbysmum2014
    Gabbysmum2014 Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you for your response! I have and it helped me through a lot of things but that's one area that never seemed to improve. I was just curious what others that struggled had tried and what helped.
  • rednote49
    rednote49 Posts: 124 Member
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    Hey fellow weird, socially awkward type person :) I'm in my mid 30s too and my social anxiety is so weird. Give me a huge crowd to speak in front of and I'm like Mick Jagger but give me a room with less than 5 people and I might not even say one word. So making friends is sorta kinda difficult. Anyhoo hopefully we can be friends on this weight loss journey :)
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited July 2017
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    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    To be honest I've always been weird, but I get weirder and weirder with age :)

    No need to see a therapist because you're weird. I don't understand why people shame others just because they aren't as fortunate. Therapists are not a replacement for social interaction. That time wasted talking to some blowhard can be better spent working to actually improve your situation (which takes time and effort).

    If you join a fitness class with other people (cross fit, yoga, spin, kickboxing, whatever) and keep going, over the years you will make friends there that share a common interest.

    Suggesting someone get help with their mental health isn't 'shaming', what a ridiculous thing to say.
  • Gabbysmum2014
    Gabbysmum2014 Posts: 14 Member
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    @Geocitiesuser Thank You!!! I have joined 3 different classes and have met amazing women already so I agree completely it is time better spent than therapy. Talking to a therapist is nice for some things but it's a different setting and no help for real world interaction. Thanks for sharing your struggle and giving me hope!
  • Gabbysmum2014
    Gabbysmum2014 Posts: 14 Member
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    @TavistockToad please keep this forum positive. No arguing or criticizing. The commenter had very good advice that is practical for real world situations.
  • katydougherty
    katydougherty Posts: 29 Member
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    I'm 50 and have always been weird and socially awkward and also have low self-esteem, so can't help you there, however, you know you're not alone!! We are here for you!
  • Tulip9
    Tulip9 Posts: 143 Member
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    Nothing wrong with a little weird. You sound like a very busy person. A fitness class or maybe a volunteer opportunity might help, and focus on something else. Remember, people aren't always focusing on your insecurities like you are. They often focus on their own. Take care.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    why is being shy labelled wierd?
    Anyway
    i can talk to strangers all day long on a one to one basis but not keen on presentations at work so just working on putting myself more in situations that make me feel a little uncomfortable so i can get over it. practice makes perfect
    good luck op
  • SundropEclipse
    SundropEclipse Posts: 84 Member
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    I'm finding social anxiety is something that simply doesn't want to go away. Working retail helped improve it a bit and I really do enjoy social functions and going out, but unless it's with people I've known for a while there's always that nasty little anxiety gnawing at my gut. The biggest thing I can suggest is embrace your weird and remember there's definitely someone stranger than you out there. It reduces the number of things that make you feel self-conscious, making it easier to be happy/have fun, ad opening up more energy to cope with the harder to shake things.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
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    I worked for someone who got essentially a life coach to teach him how to be less socially awkward.
    There's no shame in talking to a therapist or someone who can help with the self esteem issues which may possibly lead to the social anxiety. No one is "normal" we are all "weird" in our own way. It's just finding the place you fit in and can feel comfortable sometimes or developing a who cares what others think attitude. I used to be shy and wouldn't talk to anyone then decided that was dumb. I'm called quirky but I talk to everyone now because why not
  • Gabbysmum2014
    Gabbysmum2014 Posts: 14 Member
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    @AliNouveau Thank You! Yes, I am definitely quirky. :) I love being that way but I just wish I didn't care what others think. I truly believe therapy is great and have been for many years. I leave feeling ready to conquer the world and then when faced with a potential new friend I become so nervous and can't make eye contact etc. All those good things. :)
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
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    Gabbysmum2014 wrote: »
    @AliNouveau Thank You! Yes, I am definitely quirky. :) I love being that way but I just wish I didn't care what others think. I truly believe therapy is great and have been for many years. I leave feeling ready to conquer the world and then when faced with a potential new friend I become so nervous and can't make eye contact etc. All those good things. :)

    Maybe you can work on strategies with a therapist or coach of sorts. To figure out ways to overcome this.

    My son was "diagnosed" as quirky we joke. His Dr actually said he's quirky, can't give a diagnosis for that though haha
  • RedSierra
    RedSierra Posts: 253 Member
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    Therealobi1 wrote: »
    why is being shy labelled wierd?
    Anyway
    i can talk to strangers all day long on a one to one basis but not keen on presentations at work so just working on putting myself more in situations that make me feel a little uncomfortable so i can get over it. practice makes perfect
    good luck op

    This is good advice.

    I'm a shy person too. Here are a few things that have been helpful to me:

    (1) A public speaking class. I took one (required for a degree), thinking I would hate it, but instead discovered it was really fun and let me practice a whole new set of skills. I wish I had taken a class like that years ago.
    (2) Volunteer in a setting where you talk to people
    (3) Practice a positive attitude. Many times I psyche myself in a negative direction before I even go to an event or talk to anyone. It's all in my imagination.
    (4) Focus on being interested in the other person helps me to forget about judging myself.
  • blakejohn
    blakejohn Posts: 1,129 Member
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    This is what helps me with society. What other people think of me is none of my business and what I think of others is none of their business. I've spent 10 years trying to figure out what others wanted and most of the time I was always wrong so I gave up trying to please them and worked on what made me happy. The past 15 years have some of the best in my life. Don't get me wrong life is not all rainbows and butterflies, I've made my fair share of mistakes. The best thing is life goes on.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
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    blakejohn wrote: »
    This is what helps me with society. What other people think of me is none of my business and what I think of others is none of their business. I've spent 10 years trying to figure out what others wanted and most of the time I was always wrong so I gave up trying to please them and worked on what made me happy. The past 15 years have some of the best in my life. Don't get me wrong life is not all rainbows and butterflies, I've made my fair share of mistakes. The best thing is life goes on.

    Great advice it isn't your business what others think of you. We all spend way too much wondering what others will think. What makes their opinion all that important really when you think if it.
  • elephanteee
    elephanteee Posts: 19 Member
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    I know the logical and research based responses don't help much with social anxiety, which can be absolutely debilitating, so I will keep it short! Counseling is a great start, and it really comes down to pushing your boundaries. Start small! Really small. We tend to externalize our mental health issues and attribute them to something tangible and within our immediate control. "If I lost weight my social anxiety would go away." "If my nose didn't look this way I wouldn't feel like I do." It doesn't really work that way! Sure, it can help, but ultimately you have to address the root cause of your struggle. How to do that can look very different for different people. But talking to someone is a great start! I added you as a friend.
  • Gabbysmum2014
    Gabbysmum2014 Posts: 14 Member
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    @elephanteee Thank You! I completely agree! I actually went with a dear friend to a bbq last night and he surprised me with there being 2 people I had never met that he was close friends with. I actually did really well and actually joked with them. I don't know if it was easier bc it was guys and I've ways been more of a tomboy type or what. The 2 I knew are studying to be psychologists so they really stepped up and helped me last night!

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