Motivation tips after grief

Options
ajw8771
ajw8771 Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi all, I have had 3 significant family deaths and a few friends also, within the past year and a half. This has lead to me stress/comfort eating 50 pounds of weight on in that time frame. I know I'm becoming extremely unhealthy and by body image and self confidence suffers from it also. I logically know I need to change now and get myself back. But my motivation to turn away from food is still 0 right now. Does anyone have some tips? Thanks

Replies

  • LauraInTheWater
    LauraInTheWater Posts: 477 Member
    Options
    It's the same for those grieving as those without. When you are ready, you're ready. I gained weight after 2 miscarriages (one that was somewhat far along) and the death of my grandmother, who was my best friend. Also during that time one of my husband's closest friends died. I quit exercising because I was having knee problems and all I did was eat sweets. My suggestion until you have the willingness or ability to deal with food would be to seek talk therapy. It helped me immensely. My therapist was my ally in every way. Let me know if you ever need to talk. Laura
  • GoGoMary4
    GoGoMary4 Posts: 33 Member
    Options
    I have also had a very traumatic year. My advice is to love yourself, first. If you are having a difficult time and eat something that might not be super healthy, it's ok. When you realize you are eating more than you should don't beat yourself up or feel guilty, that only keeps it going. Even if you have to say it out loud say: "Im upset and over eating now. But I love myself and Im chosing to..." Finish the food or put it down. It's ok you gained weight, you are carrying more now in stress. When you are not having such a hard time eat some raw veggies to make you feel fuller. Or stay away from food, go for a walk. Sometimes when I miss a loved one I sit and have a talk with them, I feel they can hear me where ever they are. Reach out to a friend, dont feel bad if you need help, people truly want to help one another. Or see if you can join a grief group. If you don't have any one please feel free to message me. Get out in nature, it helped me accept all things and beings have a life cycle. My grandfather passed and he was everything to me. Sometimes when I am about to make an unhealthy decision I ask myself what he would have wanted me to do. He was wise and I know sometimes he would tell me to eat that cheeseburger, or whatever. But I know he would always want me to dust myself off and get back at being an amazing human being. I hope I didn't cross a line with my advice. I wish you the best and will keep you in my mediations.
  • Numericmama373
    Numericmama373 Posts: 125 Member
    Options
    I am so sorry. Death sucks so bad. Therapy sounds like a good plan.

    Walking also helps regulate brain chemistry. And my husband actually found great comfort in going to the gym.
  • runningjen74
    runningjen74 Posts: 312 Member
    Options
    I'm so sorry. Grief takes time.

    A few generic suggestions
    Meditation - try one of the apps, I use calm
    Journaling - just writing things down helps to get a handle on things

    I work in oncology, generally patients fall in to two categories, those with very bad luck and those who didn't are couldn't make lifestyle changes to improve their quality of life- eg compare a smoker with lung cancer to a child with cancer. I know there is a huge range in between. It's up to me to improve my life choices to minimise me having a stroke/cancer/diabetes. Sure these could still happen, but let's try and get the best out of the genetics I have. I'm not judging here, it's hard to give up cigarettes, it's hard to lose weight, but illnesses are hard to. I'm just trying to learn from others. I've lost family members, I know it's hard, but I've tried to use losses as motivation to make the best of the time I have here, and to focus on having best quality of life now and for the future.

    Have you considered doing something in memory of them, maybe for a charity that helped them or one that was special to them. I suggest this as it would give you something positive to focus on, give you a positive reason to talk about them and maybe get a bit of exercise in. Depending on your current fitness levels it could be anything from a 5km walk to running a marathon, or what ever you are interested in.

    Lastly be kind to yourself! You won't be perfect, you'll slip up, but dust yourself off and try again.
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    Options
    I've lost both of my parents, both my uncles and aunts, a friend that was younger than me, my best friends dad, in the past 10 years. Also recently had a miscarriage.
    Just remember you are strong, you can get through this, when you feel ready. It's all about you, being ready to take care of yourself. There is no time limit on grief.
  • GrayRider61
    GrayRider61 Posts: 337 Member
    Options
    On a practical note, start small by eliminating a couple of foods and start some type of exercise.
  • Heather4448
    Heather4448 Posts: 908 Member
    Options
    My most helpful suggestion is to attend a grief support group. If you don't know of any, contact local churches or your social service office.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
    Options
    I agree with seeing a counsellor or support group. Somethings we need a little help with.

    Grief has a way of sucking every bit of energy from us doesn't it. I lost my dad last year and it took a few months to emerge from the fog that was his dying and ultimate death. Now I still get sad but I have been reinvigorated. It sucks to have to grieve but it's part of life. And as someone said there's no time limit and we can't force it. We all take different paths, allow yourself time, you'll come out the other side eventually
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,019 Member
    edited July 2017
    Options
    All of my family has passed away. It is difficult, and takes time to work through. Here's what worked for me: I say be gentle to yourself and take care of your health and it will not-suck a little faster. Stay away from alcohol and mean people as much as possible. Get some exercise outdoors. If you live near the ocean or a river, spend time there.

    I belong to another forum and it has a spirituality section. Here is today's "Elder's Meditation." Seems appropriate. :smile:
    Grief is a most humbling thing.

    Elder’s Meditation of the Day July 11

    “Do not grieve. Misfortunes will happen to the wisest and best of men. Death will come, always out of season. It is the command of the Great Spirit, and all nations and people must obey. What is past and what cannot be prevented should not be grieved for…”
    –Big Elk, OMAHA Chief

    Our earth continues to grow by cycles and seasons: The cycles of growth – spring, summer, fall, winter. The cycles of the human being – baby, youth, adult, elder. It is through these cycles that we will experience the changes. I will not always necessarily agree with these changes, but I need to trust the Grandfathers are in charge. Things will come and things will go. Really, I own nothing, the Creator owns all. Too often I label things as mine. I say this belongs to me, but it really belongs to the Creator. He gives me things to take care of. I need to do the best I can with what I have, with what I know at the time. And when the Creator changes things, I need to let go for His planning is the best.

    Oh Great Spirit, today let me do the best I can with what I know, with what I have. Let me experience acceptance of Your will.

    ~Wellbriety
  • chelllsea124
    chelllsea124 Posts: 336 Member
    Options
    I have been through grief as well. I have learned (personally) that taking that grief and powering it toward something good is what helps. Exercising and focusing on bettering myself is the road I chose. Using your grief to power you will always bring you happiness in the end! Use that raw emotion to your advantage.
  • glassofroses
    glassofroses Posts: 653 Member
    Options
    Learning that my mother had incurable and eventually terminal breast cancer in May 2015, on top of my father who is in renal failure with a host of other problems that make a transplant impossible (and therefore also terminal), I realised I was on borrowed time in terms of what I could do to improve their quality of life. I looked at myself 220lbs (approx.) and I knew I couldn't take care of them. If my mum were suddenly to get spinal compression and be forced into a wheelchair, I couldn't help her. I couldn't help my father who is also in a wheelchair. So I decided I needed to get fit for them. They took care of me my whole life, this was the least I could do.

    Obviously as time passed it became about me and my goals but I used those truly terrible situations to galvinise me into changing. However, there was a time right after my mother was diagnosed where I just didn't care. I was grieving all the things she would never get to do. Only that didn't help anyone. It didn't help her, and it sure didn't help me. Grief is an awful thing, but it isn't everything. You're still here and you owe it to yourself to care for yourself, no matter how bad you feel. Doesn't mean you have to take up 120 sports and eat like an athlete. Just say no to junk once every day. Twice every day. Change one drink for water. Little things add up to big things. You didn't gain the weight/bad habits overnight, it will take time to get rid of them and little things make that so much easier. And hon, I'm sorry for your losses. :heart:

Categories