Your fat and Im tired

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Replies

  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    I don't think you were harsh at all. And good for you for telling her exactly what she needs to hear but doesn't want to hear.

    And btw...your profile pic is amazing, what an inspiration!!! :drinker:
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    Move more, eat less will certainly solve her physical issue of being fat, but it's not going to solve her emotional issues... It's really not "all that simple" in practice. She's doing some emotional eating and she needs to take care of whatever is causing it so that she can set herself up for success and actually be ABLE to eat less.

    Also as for "diets" I'm not a huge fan of any kind of weird eating plan, but I've used them as a tool before to get me through a few weeks after I have fallen off the wagon with food. If I've been eating poorly, I'll do a few weeks on a restrictive (but still enough calories of course) diet just to help myself regain the discipline I need before branching out into "normal foods" in moderation. So it is possible that your friend could be helped by a temporary restrictive eating plan and then graduate into doing MFP... Just a thought.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    First you look amazing!! Congrats! 2nd your response was right on! I have many friends in the same boat and when they ask my advice I say almost the same exact thing...there is no miracle cure just good old fashioned diet and exercise, etc. Then they change the subject and months later still complain about being fat. You can only do so much to help people and if they aren't willing to put the work in then I don't want to hear about it any longer!!
  • darkrider42
    darkrider42 Posts: 5,442 Member
    Has she not seen you and the amazing transformation youve made? You look awesome! If she were smart, she'd do exactly what you did, no further questions. But she doesn't wanna. She's lazy and still looking for the magic pill that fixes everything "in 21 days", so to speak.

    There's no shortcut. It takes sweat and work and more than a little desire and resolve. Judging from her tone, she's still not ready mentally. She hasn't hit a real rock-bottom yet.

    I thought your reply was perfect.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    if someone get's pissed off at you for being honest instead of blowing smoke up their *kitten*, they are no fun at all... thusly you don't need them.

    and way to go you!
  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
    Its definitely not harsh....my response to my friends is harsh. My reply lately has been, "Don't ask me unless you want the TRUTH."
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Um, great inspiration...but can I just throw something out there?

    You have told her to come to this website and then you post her email on here with the title "your fat and I'm tired"

    :ohwell:

    Just thinking they may stumble on this post and thought I'd point it out.

    Great progress by the way! Fantastic job! :flowerforyou:
  • Elysian13
    Elysian13 Posts: 79
    Sometimes you just got to be truthful and the truth hurts. She'll probably be upset, but she'll get over it. :) She is lucky to have a friend like you!

    BTW congrats on your weight loss! Looking at your profile picture you look great! :D
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    Well said, however, until she is ready she's not gonna do anything bout it!
  • mrscjwilson
    mrscjwilson Posts: 252
    Um, great inspiration...but can I just throw something out there?

    You have told her to come to this website and then you post her email on here with the title "your fat and I'm tired"

    :ohwell:

    Just thinking they may stumble on this post and thought I'd point it out.

    Great progress by the way! Fantastic job! :flowerforyou:
    Umm yes, because I have nothing to hide...She said she was(and I quote) officially fat! and you can quote me "Im tired of hearing about it"!
    My only concern was I was harsh in my email because she didnt reply, but if she does deciede to join Ill be more than Happy to share all my MFP contents with her! Yup sure will!!!
  • mrscjwilson
    mrscjwilson Posts: 252
    Move more, eat less will certainly solve her physical issue of being fat, but it's not going to solve her emotional issues... It's really not "all that simple" in practice. She's doing some emotional eating and she needs to take care of whatever is causing it so that she can set herself up for success and actually be ABLE to eat less.

    Also as for "diets" I'm not a huge fan of any kind of weird eating plan, but I've used them as a tool before to get me through a few weeks after I have fallen off the wagon with food. If I've been eating poorly, I'll do a few weeks on a restrictive (but still enough calories of course) diet just to help myself regain the discipline I need before branching out into "normal foods" in moderation. So it is possible that your friend could be helped by a temporary restrictive eating plan and then graduate into doing MFP... Just a thought.
    No one knows more about emotional eating than this chick right here! At some point in your life if you want change you have to begin to change its that simple....the 21 days of the fad diet could be used for 21 day of lower calories. It really is that simple because if your ready to try a 21 days diet then your ready to do something. My first 21 day on MFP I lost 8 lbs and it stayed off.
  • PorkyChops
    PorkyChops Posts: 11
    Nothing wrong in what you said, you gotta be cruel to be kind as they say, but dont worry I`m not inferring you have been.

    You would think that after seeing your absolutely great weight loss of over 100 hundred pounds, she`d be motivated enough to join MFP anyway, it obviously worked on you mate.

    Well done
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Okay, I was highlighting it just incase :flowerforyou:

    I know that I wouldn't be happy if a friend posted a personal email I had written on a public forum...

    Your friend may have needed a little push to get her living healthier, but she won't do anything until she is ready. :flowerforyou:
  • mrscjwilson
    mrscjwilson Posts: 252
    Okay, I was highlighting it just incase :flowerforyou:

    I know that I wouldn't be happy if a friend posted a personal email I had written on a public forum...

    Your friend may have needed a little push to get her living healthier, but she won't do anything until she is ready. :flowerforyou:
    so true, I can only continue to be an example and keep being honest and loving her. Its her work and her body. I do love her.
  • hbrekkaas
    hbrekkaas Posts: 268 Member
    I don't think it was harsh at all. You can only listen to someone complain about their weight but not do anything about it for so long. She may not appreciate what you had to say to her, but one day when she has lost the weight (the right way) she will understand where you were coming from.
  • konjit
    konjit Posts: 16
    i dont even think it was harsh @ all. you simply answered the question. people have the tendency to ask a questions w/o being ready for the true answer. i.e. do I look fat in these jeans? or does he like me? those are set up question, where you know you don't want to hear a true answer. i say no harshness @ all.

    Sidebar: you have done a greeeeeeeeeeeat job losing weight, so anyone who is trying to lose should take your advice... :-)
  • rockieschick
    rockieschick Posts: 321 Member
    THAT, what you just did, is what she needed to be told. Seriously, sometimes the truth hurts but if its true then why not!
    Not enough people out there are straight to the point. Goodjob!
  • outwiththeoldinwiththenew
    outwiththeoldinwiththenew Posts: 65 Member
    Some times people only change when it hurts enough to change.....a true friend tells it how it is and doesn't sugar coat it.
  • Maggie_Pie1
    Maggie_Pie1 Posts: 322 Member
    You just told her the truth. Nothing wrong with that.
  • Alissa_Sal
    Alissa_Sal Posts: 141
    I think we need more people in our lives that will kick us in the butt and tell us like it is when we start looking to try quick fixes that don't work. Good for you for being a good friend.
  • Sonchie
    Sonchie Posts: 259 Member
    Girl, you just did what we all want to do when we hear our friends or family complain about being overweight and wanting some magic quick fix. Most of them know what to do but its the hard way and they would rather not. I guess Its a matter of what you want more! Healthy feels much better than how I felt before, and the work was soooo worth it.
    By the way you look AMAZING! Way to go!
  • mrsjohnson75
    mrsjohnson75 Posts: 182 Member
    Not bad just honest. Its up to her now.
  • msbanana
    msbanana Posts: 793 Member
    I have a sneaky suspicion that, even if you did piss her off this time, you didn't tell her anything she (or any of us) didn't already know. How many "quick fixes" did we all have before coming to the oh-so-sad realization that we had to give up smothered french fries and actually work out in order to send the body fat packing along with the fries? I'm sure she's going through the same thing. One day it will finally click. And one day she'll realize that you were right, and trying to be supportive rather than patronizing her with what she wanted to hear. In short - if she's upset, she'll get over it... probably quicker than you think.

    Almost exactly my thoughts. She's not ready. She's still looking for a quick fix. Depending on what kind of person she is she will either come to you when she's ready OR she won't. Thing is you gave her all the tools she needs to do it the right way it's up to her to find the motivationto use them. As the old saying goes- you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

    BTW it wasn't any harsher than it needed to be. In fact you were nicer than I would have been. :)


    Oh and congrats on the weight loss! :)
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    Nope, not too mean.
    I hope it sinks in soon!
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    If she doesn't come around, I think she may be sulking on the fence of "I wanna change, but I don't wanna work to do it" and that's kind of dangerous because people hang out there for too long and gain and gain and gain. For her sake, I hope she realizes what is right, and for the sake of your friendship. She wants you to encourage her, and what she thought was a good idea was shot down by her friend. This isn't a BAD thing, you did the RIGHT thing by telling her it wouldn't work. Some people just have to see for themselves, just like an abusive relationship "don't do it! He's not a good guy!" "Oh he's so sweet! What could go wrong?" 3 months later: "Uhhh....you were right. He's a psycho." lol And your friend will thank you. Your job right now is to sit back and watch what happens. You did your job as a friend, listened and gave a suggestion out of concern and love, tough love. Now let her do the footwork. When I told my ex that he needed to get mental help, he tried puttering around, waiting for me to babysit him and hold his hand to do it. I told him what he needed to do, left him alone and told him that I'd be waiting on the other side when he felt ready for it and be there for support. And a couple days later, he had an appt with a therapist WITHOUT MY HELP! lol Do the same for your friend.
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