Alone

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andrea14d
andrea14d Posts: 22 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 39 and live 8 hours from anyone i know. Since May i have been on a weight loss journey to better my health. Breathing was becoming a serious concern. I have lost around 35 lbs so far. I do not go to a gym or outside when it's hot due to a medical condition. I am at home 24/7 with my dog and 2 gerbils. My fiance works 2 jobs and sleeps when home. He weighs 120 lbs and has a 6 pack with a junkfood diet. Needless to say i have been alone in my journey. When he is home he always wants takeout or delivery and i try to stay on track and look away. He doesn't mean to be hurtful, he just doesn't understand even when i try to explain. How do you cope with not having any emotional support when it feels like more than just your body changes when you lose weight? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Much strength and love to you all.

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  • vespiquenn
    vespiquenn Posts: 1,455 Member
    edited July 2017
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    Unfortunately, it's your choice and no one else's. If you look for support from those closest to you, more often than not, you're going to end up disappointed. He has no obligation to stop and change how he eats just because you made the decision.

    With that being said, you have already successfully lost a good amount of weight. It's apparent that you don't necessarily need him on board to be successful, despite how nice it would be. You can still eat the things he does, just less of it. Or you could compromise and offer to cook once or twice a week a meal that both of you could enjoy.

    It is definitely hard when those close to you are not on the same page, but you also can't expect them to be or you could start harboring resentment for a choice that's ultimately yours alone.
  • aemsley05
    aemsley05 Posts: 151 Member
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    I can empathise with your situation because mine is similar. My boyfriend is overweight and loves fast food, takeaway, pizza... The hobbies we do together are exclusively sedentary (watching movies, playing computer games) and our lifestyle used to basically revolve around sitting and eating! When I started out to lose weight, I said to him that I didn't expect his support, but I'd appreciate it if he wouldn't be actively against me trying to losing weight. In return, I didn't set about trying to complete change how we both lived and ate. Sure, I'd go out for a run in the morning but then play computer games together in the afternoon. And we'd still go to McDonald's for lunch, I'd just choose a lower calorie option. Your fiance hasn't made the choice to change his lifestyle too, so you can't expect him to. Try to see where you can meet him half way so you both get what you want - choose healthier takeout options, limit your portion sizes, share the same main dish but load up on veggies while he has fries. There's loads that you can do to still eat together.

    It's hard not having someone there to support you and cheer you on. But do remember that you are doing this for yourself, no one else. You need to be your own cheerleader, your own biggest fan and motivator. It's possible, but it's not easy and it does take time. But you will get there. Any when you do, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you did it all yourself.

    Best of luck to you - sounds like you're doing great so far! I have no doubt that you can do this :)
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Congrats on your weight loss! It sounds like you're very determined and strong.

    My husband and I sometimes have different preferences for meals. If we get Chinese takeout, I have a small portion of the main dish and make my own sides: roasted veggies or a salad, usually. So we're kind of eating together. He hasn't congratulated me much on my progress, but isn't actively trying to stymie my efforts. I don't take it as a personal attack or undermining when he chooses foods I don't want.
  • andrea14d
    andrea14d Posts: 22 Member
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    Some very helpful tips ladies. Thank you so much for taking time out. It truly means the world right now. Esp knowing I'm not alone. I try to eat "with" him but it's so hard. I've tried eating the same foods but smaller portions and feel so guilty for derailing my progress and going "off diet" I'm aware it's my issue but it's a hard quirk to lose.
  • eyer0ll
    eyer0ll Posts: 313 Member
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    Congrats on your loss so far.

    My spouse (who is not attempting to lose weight) and I eat the same things. We eat out together at least twice a week due to job obligations.

    I serve my own portions and weigh them, I do not spend any time on MFP when spouse is around, I work out during the day when I'm home alone, and I don't talk about calories to spouse. That's what this forum is for; come here for support.

    Spouse isn't annoyed by my efforts and I'm not resentful of them for not meeting unrealistic expectations of support.

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