Let’s talk about anxiety and depression
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zach_duden
Posts: 30 Member
It sucks! The end. (Just kidding... only kind of 
)
Hello,
My name is Zach and I’ve been using MyFitnessPal off and on for years now. I lost 75 pounds in 2015 and have gained most of the weight back since then. I’ve been struggling with motivation to get back on track but it never seems to find me. Or, if it does, it only lasts a few days and then I’m back to eating junk food again. My weight loss journey has been extremely up-and-down, but for the last year or so it has been mostly down.
A little background…
Last year, I had a panic attack at work that completely took the wind out of me. I decided it was time to see someone and visited with a therapist who told me the cause of my panic attack was due to severe anxiety that had been building up for years. I’m 26 going on 27 and read on a few different psychology/mental health websites that say it is common for panic disorder to present itself in people who are in their mid-to-late twenties. (Of course, I’m no trained doctor and these could have been guesses from random people online so please don’t quote me here.) I was also told that I have been experiencing depression, which didn’t surprise me, and that it can contribute to panic attacks/panic disorder.
Since gaining weight back I have been struggling with severe body issues. I look in the mirror and just shake my head at myself. I think “wow you’ve really messed up.” I refuse to take my shirt off in public and I’m terrified of someone seeing my shirtless selfie I have saved on my phone for a (hopefully) future before and after picture. I have zero self-confidence and that makes me even more depressed.
(Some extra information about my panic attack that may not be very interesting to some so feel free to skip this part.)
The cause of my panic attack was due to public speaking. I realize a lot of people have trouble with public speaking and I’ve never been good at it myself. But it never really crossed my mind as something I’m “not good at” until the panic attack happened. I was in a group of about 15 co-workers and was asked to give information on a meeting I had attended. I started reading but quickly felt all of the air leave my lungs. Nothing would come out. I had to stand there for a moment, completely red, and try to figure out what to do. I ended up saying only a few more words before ending. My boss asked if I was okay after the presentation and I was still trembling. It was the worst day of my life. Now, whenever I’m in a meeting or (god forbid) asked to speak, I start to shake violently and cannot speak. I’ve been to a Toastmasters meeting and that was what I imagine torture to be like. I’ve worked with my therapist on breathing exercises but I don’t seem to be getting any better. I know it’s not going to get better overnight, but I don’t even feel like I’m improving. Anyway, I don’t want to make this whole thing in to a rant session or just me complaining.
I started taking medication for the anxiety and depression that seems to have aided in the weight gain. I always feel hungry, and even when I’m not, I still find myself eating. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life taking 3 or 4 (or more) pills every morning and I don’t want to be in a constant battle with myself to lose weight because of it.
I know this isn’t a normal introduction but I know a lot of people who struggle with weight, also struggle with anxiety and depression. I’d like to open this thread up to some discussion for people to share their own stories, and to include any tips/suggestions/advice you can offer. MyFitnessPal has been one of the leading resources I’ve found when it comes to support of all types, and I’m hoping to get to know some of you. Please feel free to friend me and message me privately too if you ever need to talk.
Thank you to all of you who read this entire novel. I wish you all nothing but the best with your weight loss journeys!
)Hello,
My name is Zach and I’ve been using MyFitnessPal off and on for years now. I lost 75 pounds in 2015 and have gained most of the weight back since then. I’ve been struggling with motivation to get back on track but it never seems to find me. Or, if it does, it only lasts a few days and then I’m back to eating junk food again. My weight loss journey has been extremely up-and-down, but for the last year or so it has been mostly down.
A little background…
Last year, I had a panic attack at work that completely took the wind out of me. I decided it was time to see someone and visited with a therapist who told me the cause of my panic attack was due to severe anxiety that had been building up for years. I’m 26 going on 27 and read on a few different psychology/mental health websites that say it is common for panic disorder to present itself in people who are in their mid-to-late twenties. (Of course, I’m no trained doctor and these could have been guesses from random people online so please don’t quote me here.) I was also told that I have been experiencing depression, which didn’t surprise me, and that it can contribute to panic attacks/panic disorder.
Since gaining weight back I have been struggling with severe body issues. I look in the mirror and just shake my head at myself. I think “wow you’ve really messed up.” I refuse to take my shirt off in public and I’m terrified of someone seeing my shirtless selfie I have saved on my phone for a (hopefully) future before and after picture. I have zero self-confidence and that makes me even more depressed.
(Some extra information about my panic attack that may not be very interesting to some so feel free to skip this part.)
The cause of my panic attack was due to public speaking. I realize a lot of people have trouble with public speaking and I’ve never been good at it myself. But it never really crossed my mind as something I’m “not good at” until the panic attack happened. I was in a group of about 15 co-workers and was asked to give information on a meeting I had attended. I started reading but quickly felt all of the air leave my lungs. Nothing would come out. I had to stand there for a moment, completely red, and try to figure out what to do. I ended up saying only a few more words before ending. My boss asked if I was okay after the presentation and I was still trembling. It was the worst day of my life. Now, whenever I’m in a meeting or (god forbid) asked to speak, I start to shake violently and cannot speak. I’ve been to a Toastmasters meeting and that was what I imagine torture to be like. I’ve worked with my therapist on breathing exercises but I don’t seem to be getting any better. I know it’s not going to get better overnight, but I don’t even feel like I’m improving. Anyway, I don’t want to make this whole thing in to a rant session or just me complaining.
I started taking medication for the anxiety and depression that seems to have aided in the weight gain. I always feel hungry, and even when I’m not, I still find myself eating. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life taking 3 or 4 (or more) pills every morning and I don’t want to be in a constant battle with myself to lose weight because of it.
I know this isn’t a normal introduction but I know a lot of people who struggle with weight, also struggle with anxiety and depression. I’d like to open this thread up to some discussion for people to share their own stories, and to include any tips/suggestions/advice you can offer. MyFitnessPal has been one of the leading resources I’ve found when it comes to support of all types, and I’m hoping to get to know some of you. Please feel free to friend me and message me privately too if you ever need to talk.
Thank you to all of you who read this entire novel. I wish you all nothing but the best with your weight loss journeys!
19
Replies
-
Hello! I read the entire novel.
I have anxiety and depression as well, and it has impacted my weight tremendously. I wish that I had some suggestions. I find that I do best with routines, so perhaps that is one. I moved recently and haven't established routines in my new home yet, so thinking about it now seems like I should prioritize it.
Thank you for sharing your story.2 -
Thanks for the post. I think this is a important discussion to have because not all weight gain is from a addiction to the food. I've battled with weight gain as a result of depression in the past. Most of my life I'll be healthy and active. But during difficult periods i'll put on weight and I won't be able to start to lose it until I deal with my emotional problems.
Everyone dealing with weight gain will have self esteem problems and also the realisation that losing weight won't fix all your problems, but knowing what lead to being unhealthy will prevent it from happening again. Thanks for touching on a subject I think everyone here is dealing with to some degree and I hope it leads to a positive discussion for us.8 -
Yep, I had severe depression in my 20's. Postpartum, after having my daughter in 1997 triggered it. It took years of therapy and taking medication. I didn't stop taking medication and feel completely better until about 2007ish. It was a journey that's for sure. But the shining, sparkling, very bright light at the end is I am PROOF that things can get better.
I have lost about 45 or more pounds since my depression. I only care to lose about 10 or 15 more pounds. Losing weight, even when I'm not experiencing depression still isn't easy lol
But I'm trying and not going to give up.
Even if you aren't feeling the effects of the techniques and/or the medication, keep going. But make sure you communicate this with your doctors. I had my medication upped and altered until I finally started feeling better.
Keep up the good work and keep trying.2 -
Lost a ton of weight gained it all back. Also suffer from depression. After my father was killed last year I gained about 50 pounds. But I'm back, I'm here and I'm willing to try again. Some of us will always fight an uphill battle, do not become discouraged, you are not alone. You're here and that's a huge start. I look forward to bumping in to you again (:
2 -
Hi Zach and all of you
I think it is so, so, so important to talk about depression and anxiety when it comes to weight and food , because the two things often go hand in hand. And I think it's brave to open up about this personal subject!
A bit about my story behind all of this: This is the age-old discussion about the hen and the egg, and which came first. Was it the weight that caused me to isolate myself and get depressed? Was it my depression that caused me to gain weight and use it as a shield ? I don't know. I only know that at age 18, after years of struggling and my doctor trying to find out what was causing me to have back pain, headaches, breathlessness, nausea and bouts of vertigo, he asked me a simple question:
"Do you think about killing yourself." My mind immediately went to the obvious answer: "Of course not."
At least that was what I meant to say. What I actually said was "Yes." I felt so stunned I started to cry. (Denial is my middle name.)
After spending months absent from school, skipping classes, after doing nothing but lying around in my bed without moving, this was finally my answer. I had hoped for something different. An illness. Not this mental thing.
It took me a while to get, that wether caused by a virus or not, my depression too was an illness and
could be treated and cured.
And I don't know how far into their journey of getting better some of you are, but I want to share
some things, I would have found helpful at the beginning:
1) It can and will get better. Even if you feel like you've landed in the deepest of the deep pits. Even If you feel nothing at all. Even if you can't be bothered to brush your teeth, shower or get out of bed. If you're not hungry anymore. Even if there seems to be no progress. This is your depression trying to get you down.
You might be at a low point, you might be at a point where you do not know up from down, but believe in the possibility of getting better. I wish I would have had the luxury of hope back then.
2) Accept help. This has nothing to do with weakness. And I know it is hard to TRULY accept it. Yes, going to a psychologist or to psychotherapy is a wonderful step to take, at least it was for me. But it took a while to actually let go. I used to sit in my sessions and do this play, where I pretended to talk about my problems, but the real ones, I kept to myself. Opening up about something is worth it. Take your time, think about what you are feeling, but try to be honest. That person in front of you is getting paid to help you. You don't need to impress them. Also: Don't be afraid of medication if prescribed.
3) I defined myself over the way other people viewed me. If somebody didn't like what I was wearing, I didn't wear it again. At school I would hide out in toilets. I didn't want other people to see the state I was in and judge me. The truth is: It doesn't matter. Who are they? Are they relevant to you? In the greater scheme of things, does their opinion really matter at all? Put all of those things into perspective! Think about the years you have in front of you. This one instance, this one comment is so unimportant in the flow of things. In the end, your happiness matters, you don't have to make anyone else happy. We all live our own lives. Why would you have to build yours around other peoples expectations. Do you have less claim on happiness than others have? No.
4) A goal. A dream. " I have no dreams" I used to say. But the truth is: I did. I just thought they were childish or outlandish or not doable. They don't need to be. I wanted and want to live in a tiny house, off grid, have a dog, two children and live near a river. I want two boxes full of lego to go with that. So I focused on the house plans, on the details. And I used to immerse myself in this goal when things were tough.
now for the more practical part:
5) Food and exercise. Every depression is unique. For me however two things have been unbelievably important:
move. Don't force yourself to do 60 minute runs. I mean: Get out of the house, even if you are afraid. Try to be around nature- do the things, you know are right, even if they are not easy. On the other hand food: Try different things. For me, it was cutting sugar. Sugar drastically worsened my depressed states. Live as healthy as possible. So many things connect in those two aspects, and those are things you have control over.
I hope at least some of those things resonated with some of you, and could help some of you guys. Last but not least: You are not alone.
Also: Travel to Australia and listen to them say: "No worries mate" at even the worst of situations. It helped me a lot to take things easier.
Lots of love!
5 -
Hi I'm also 26, and 67 pounds overweight, very depressed, no self confidence. I'm glad I'm not alone.3
-
if i stop (eating right )and exercising it comes back very bad but its better then when i was younger
1 -
I'm glad to see someone was open enough with this topic, because it is something that so many people overlook.2
-
I can relate to the challenges you wrote about. I have worked in mental health and have had my own mental health (save for a personal msg).
So have aome experience. Been on MFP since 2012.
Feel free to add me
T2 -
Hello! I read the entire novel.
I have anxiety and depression as well, and it has impacted my weight tremendously. I wish that I had some suggestions. I find that I do best with routines, so perhaps that is one. I moved recently and haven't established routines in my new home yet, so thinking about it now seems like I should prioritize it.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for reading the entire post! And thank you for sharing that tip. A routine is something I'm definitely lacking right now.0 -
happysherri wrote: »Yep, I had severe depression in my 20's. Postpartum, after having my daughter in 1997 triggered it. It took years of therapy and taking medication. I didn't stop taking medication and feel completely better until about 2007ish. It was a journey that's for sure. But the shining, sparkling, very bright light at the end is I am PROOF that things can get better.
I have lost about 45 or more pounds since my depression. I only care to lose about 10 or 15 more pounds. Losing weight, even when I'm not experiencing depression still isn't easy lol But I'm trying and not going to give up.
Even if you aren't feeling the effects of the techniques and/or the medication, keep going. But make sure you communicate this with your doctors. I had my medication upped and altered until I finally started feeling better.
Keep up the good work and keep trying.
You're truly an inspiration!0 -
Grimmibohne wrote: »Hi Zach and all of you
I think it is so, so, so important to talk about depression and anxiety when it comes to weight and food , because the two things often go hand in hand. And I think it's brave to open up about this personal subject!
A bit about my story behind all of this: This is the age-old discussion about the hen and the egg, and which came first. Was it the weight that caused me to isolate myself and get depressed? Was it my depression that caused me to gain weight and use it as a shield ? I don't know. I only know that at age 18, after years of struggling and my doctor trying to find out what was causing me to have back pain, headaches, breathlessness, nausea and bouts of vertigo, he asked me a simple question:
"Do you think about killing yourself." My mind immediately went to the obvious answer: "Of course not."
At least that was what I meant to say. What I actually said was "Yes." I felt so stunned I started to cry. (Denial is my middle name.)
After spending months absent from school, skipping classes, after doing nothing but lying around in my bed without moving, this was finally my answer. I had hoped for something different. An illness. Not this mental thing.
It took me a while to get, that wether caused by a virus or not, my depression too was an illness and
could be treated and cured.
And I don't know how far into their journey of getting better some of you are, but I want to share
some things, I would have found helpful at the beginning:
1) It can and will get better. Even if you feel like you've landed in the deepest of the deep pits. Even If you feel nothing at all. Even if you can't be bothered to brush your teeth, shower or get out of bed. If you're not hungry anymore. Even if there seems to be no progress. This is your depression trying to get you down.
You might be at a low point, you might be at a point where you do not know up from down, but believe in the possibility of getting better. I wish I would have had the luxury of hope back then.
2) Accept help. This has nothing to do with weakness. And I know it is hard to TRULY accept it. Yes, going to a psychologist or to psychotherapy is a wonderful step to take, at least it was for me. But it took a while to actually let go. I used to sit in my sessions and do this play, where I pretended to talk about my problems, but the real ones, I kept to myself. Opening up about something is worth it. Take your time, think about what you are feeling, but try to be honest. That person in front of you is getting paid to help you. You don't need to impress them. Also: Don't be afraid of medication if prescribed.
3) I defined myself over the way other people viewed me. If somebody didn't like what I was wearing, I didn't wear it again. At school I would hide out in toilets. I didn't want other people to see the state I was in and judge me. The truth is: It doesn't matter. Who are they? Are they relevant to you? In the greater scheme of things, does their opinion really matter at all? Put all of those things into perspective! Think about the years you have in front of you. This one instance, this one comment is so unimportant in the flow of things. In the end, your happiness matters, you don't have to make anyone else happy. We all live our own lives. Why would you have to build yours around other peoples expectations. Do you have less claim on happiness than others have? No.
4) A goal. A dream. " I have no dreams" I used to say. But the truth is: I did. I just thought they were childish or outlandish or not doable. They don't need to be. I wanted and want to live in a tiny house, off grid, have a dog, two children and live near a river. I want two boxes full of lego to go with that. So I focused on the house plans, on the details. And I used to immerse myself in this goal when things were tough.
now for the more practical part:
5) Food and exercise. Every depression is unique. For me however two things have been unbelievably important:
move. Don't force yourself to do 60 minute runs. I mean: Get out of the house, even if you are afraid. Try to be around nature- do the things, you know are right, even if they are not easy. On the other hand food: Try different things. For me, it was cutting sugar. Sugar drastically worsened my depressed states. Live as healthy as possible. So many things connect in those two aspects, and those are things you have control over.
I hope at least some of those things resonated with some of you, and could help some of you guys. Last but not least: You are not alone.
Also: Travel to Australia and listen to them say: "No worries mate" at even the worst of situations. It helped me a lot to take things easier.
Lots of love!
The information you gave here is so helpful!!! I cannot thank you enough!1 -
Hii. I'm Allison. I also have anxiety and depression. Since I began treatment, which includes medication, I have gained over 50 lbs. I know that weight gain from depression and medication is common. Wondering if anyone else has struggled with this too. I'm hoping to get back to where I was before my depression hit hard. Thanks
1 -
You are so brave and inspiring opening up like that. I really appreciate your honesty.
The public speaking thing was a biggy for me too, but unfortunately necessary at times. I found these 2 things helped me ( I know that doesn't mean they will be of any use to you though) 1. I used to hand out typed bullet point notes to people. It stopped most of them from looking at me and gave them a focus. 2. I picked one friendly face, anyone who smiled at me, and I told them the information. Was much easier telling one person than telling loads.
Davina x0
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