Awkward...what do ya say?
laurabarrett79
Posts: 39 Member
Okay I'm starting this post off by saying I guess this is a success story, but a little awkward...
The other night my husband and I and a group of our friends went out to dinner. A girlfriend of mine was there with her husband. (sidenote--this friend of mine, I'd say, looks fantastic and appears to have never had a weight issue in her life) Her husband shouts out at the table (I'm not exaggerating) "Whoa! You've lost weight! How much have you lost?!" At that moment all eyes at the table turned toward me, everybody I'm sure eager to hear what my response would be. I could feel my face flush, I really don't like to have all the attention on me in a setting like that in the first place, let alone about something like my personal weight loss. My husband grabbed my hand and gave me a love squeeze, and I replied (and lied a little), "Um, I'm not quite sure. I've just been trying to eat more healthy, and workout more." This guy's response was, "Well obviously! You're the only one here that ordered a salad! Bahaha!" Really, are you serious dude? My husband and I talked about it later, and he said to not let it get to me and to take it as a compliment. So with that being said, I will.
For the last few weeks, friends and family have noticed the change in my body. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it when people compliment and say something, like how I look good, or notice how my clothes are fitting loose on me, or how they see a change in my face. Since that day, last week, I have had THREE other people ask me "How much weight have you lost?!" The only people I really care about knowing the actual numbers are YOU my friends here on MFP and my sweet husband. I do know they mean well, and I think they're a little nosy too. But seriously if I wanted them to know I'd post a sign on my forehead or tell them to go sign up on MFP to find out.
Have you ever had this experience? What is your best response?
Oh and since you've taken the time to read this, I know you're probably curious. Starting in January 2011 I've lost a total weight of about 32 pounds and since I've joined MFP a little over 3 weeks ago I've lost 11 elle bees!!!!
The other night my husband and I and a group of our friends went out to dinner. A girlfriend of mine was there with her husband. (sidenote--this friend of mine, I'd say, looks fantastic and appears to have never had a weight issue in her life) Her husband shouts out at the table (I'm not exaggerating) "Whoa! You've lost weight! How much have you lost?!" At that moment all eyes at the table turned toward me, everybody I'm sure eager to hear what my response would be. I could feel my face flush, I really don't like to have all the attention on me in a setting like that in the first place, let alone about something like my personal weight loss. My husband grabbed my hand and gave me a love squeeze, and I replied (and lied a little), "Um, I'm not quite sure. I've just been trying to eat more healthy, and workout more." This guy's response was, "Well obviously! You're the only one here that ordered a salad! Bahaha!" Really, are you serious dude? My husband and I talked about it later, and he said to not let it get to me and to take it as a compliment. So with that being said, I will.
For the last few weeks, friends and family have noticed the change in my body. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it when people compliment and say something, like how I look good, or notice how my clothes are fitting loose on me, or how they see a change in my face. Since that day, last week, I have had THREE other people ask me "How much weight have you lost?!" The only people I really care about knowing the actual numbers are YOU my friends here on MFP and my sweet husband. I do know they mean well, and I think they're a little nosy too. But seriously if I wanted them to know I'd post a sign on my forehead or tell them to go sign up on MFP to find out.
Have you ever had this experience? What is your best response?
Oh and since you've taken the time to read this, I know you're probably curious. Starting in January 2011 I've lost a total weight of about 32 pounds and since I've joined MFP a little over 3 weeks ago I've lost 11 elle bees!!!!
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Replies
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Good for you! The guy could have been a little less over the top and given you a nice compliment. Let's just err on the side of his positive intent and relish in you!0
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I've had people say things to me... and I tell them something along the lines that I am focusing on getting healthier, not necessarily on the weight loss. I know I know exactly how much I've lost, but I think it's more about getting healtier, eating better, cleaner and less, and moving my body more. I am wayyy more proud of the 5Ks I've run than I am of the 30 lbs I've lost since January.0
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Oh, I hate this. I hate hate hate for people to notice. I can't stand the attention. I usually just mumble something about diet and exercise, hoping they'll move on. The only people I want to notice are the people I'm really close to, my husband, my mom, my best friend. I hate it when other people notice.0
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I get alot of "You look great!" or "You're getting skinny!" Most people don't ask how much I've lost. I just say thanks. At first I got more of "Are you losing weight?" To that, I never get specific. I'll usually just say "Yeah a few pounds. Thanks for noticing." Or fein shock. My husband's aunt will say "You get skinnier everytime I see you." My response "Really?! Thanks!"0
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I think it's the common thing to ask... although it's definitely not appropriate. However there are very few commonly asked questions ( or as I like to call them the Auto response) that are appropriate. Lump this one in with the following:
After the wedding (even the next day) "so when are you going to have kids?"
When pregnant: "Were you trying long?"
This is just another example. Let it slide and blame society that at some point made it somehow ok to ask these ridiculous questions... in public.0 -
it hasnt' happened to me and i dread it. i think it's rude for people to comment on other people's weight, even if it's to say "you lost weight. you look good." i know that's just my opinion, and not a very popular opinion! i dread the day someone says something about my weight loss. i'll probably just die. lol0
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lol totally agree!!!I think it's the common thing to ask... although it's definitely not appropriate. However there are very few commonly asked questions ( or as I like to call them the Auto response) that are appropriate. Lump this one in with the following:
After the wedding (even the next day) "so when are you going to have kids?"
When pregnant: "Were you trying long?"
This is just another example. Let it slide and blame society that at some point made it somehow ok to ask these ridiculous questions... in public.0 -
I get alot of "You look great!" or "You're getting skinny!" Most people don't ask how much I've lost. I just say thanks. At first I got more of "Are you losing weight?" To that, I never get specific. I'll usually just say "Yeah a few pounds. Thanks for noticing." Or fein shock. My husband's aunt will say "You get skinnier everytime I see you." My response "Really?! Thanks!"
I do appreciate the nice compliments from people. Don't you think it's encouraging?! Great job by the way.0 -
It sounds like your friend's husband was enthusiastic and trying to pay you a compliment, but I know how you feel about getting the attention, too.
I have just gotten to a point in my life where I feel like being very open about things. I don't even mind people knowing my numbers anymore. I have never been the type to ask anyone what his or her weight was, but have always been delighted if anyone offered. So I decided I was going to be that way with people myself. If someone notices, mentions, or even seems hesitant but longing for more info, I say "well thanks. Yeah, I weigh about 154 right now. It's a bit more than I want, so I'd like to get down to the 130s or so, but I'm perfectly comfortable at 145 too." Then I'll tell them my highest weight ever, and that because I don't want to go there again that I decided to try harder to pay attention to healthy eating. Most people appreciate this, and it keeps me from having to feel like my diet is some big, dark secret. After all, dieting is noble, not something to be ashamed of.
Congratulations on getting to the point where people are noticing! I'm sorry you were embarrassed, though.0 -
First of all, good for you! You deserve to be VERY proud!!! Second, it is sad that no one close to him has ever told him that you can not complement a woman that way without offending her. With that said, I guess you have to take it with a grain of salt, as a compliment. I work in a bank and several of the girls in here have been working on major weight loss for the past year. The "older" men that come in regularly have no idea how to pay a woman a weight complement so we have all just gotten used to it... We have made it a practice to thank them for noticing and change the subject.
You can only hope that his wife pulled him aside later and told him that there is a more appropriate way to complement someone on their transformation...
Keep your chin up and take it as a complement! You are doing awesome!0 -
It sounds like your friend's husband was enthusiastic and trying to pay you a compliment, but I know how you feel about getting the attention, too.
I have just gotten to a point in my life where I feel like being very open about things. I don't even mind people knowing my numbers anymore. I have never been the type to ask anyone what his or her weight was, but have always been delighted if anyone offered. So I decided I was going to be that way with people myself. If someone notices, mentions, or even seems hesitant but longing for more info, I say "well thanks. Yeah, I weigh about 154 right now. It's a bit more than I want, so I'd like to get down to the 130s or so, but I'm perfectly comfortable at 145 too." Then I'll tell them my highest weight ever, and that because I don't want to go there again that I decided to try harder to pay attention to healthy eating. Most people appreciate this, and it keeps me from having to feel like my diet is some big, dark secret. After all, dieting is noble, not something to be ashamed of.
Congratulations on getting to the point where people are noticing! I'm sorry you were embarrassed, though.0 -
First off, CONGRATULATIONS to you with your new, healthy lifestyle. From your photo I can tell you're a beautiful woman, with or without shedding a few lbs. But you've made a conscious decision to enhance your health; for this, I applaud you.
That man could have been a little less obnoxious about his compliment, so I can see why you'd be a little red-faced during that experience. It just goes to show that sometimes attention makes us uncomfortable, even if it's positive. I had a similar situation happen to me but it bothered me more because it was borderline harrassment.........
I was working at a salon as a receptionist while I was losing my weight (a total of 27 lbs) and as I grew thinner, a certain stylist grew meaner and maybe even jealous. She'd make comments like "Why don't you eat something?"or "You could use a hamburger". The one that angered me the most was when I had a tiny piece of a donut on my lunch break, because they were in the break room for everyone to enjoy. She said Öh you better go to the gym for 4 hours after work now"............... I looked at her finally and said "It's none of your business whether or not I go to the gym, eat this donut, or a burger now is it?"... She looked like she felt awkward and apologized...
A few months later I found out from a fellow coworker that she used to have an eating disorder and has very strong jealousy issues over people who have the willpower to eat, but healthily.....I feel sorry for her but couldn't help feeling deeply upset by her negative comments and snide remarks. I learned that as much as it hurt being called "chubby"in high school, it can hurt just as much when you're thin and people have negative things to say.
I've also learned that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you lose or gain weight; someone will always have something to say that will make you uncomfortable or feel hurt. (Look at what they do to celebs...baby bump? eating disorder? drug use?)...as long as you are happy and healthy and feel comfortable with your acheivements, it won't matter
Good luck and take care.
-Cara0 -
It sounds like your friend's husband was enthusiastic and trying to pay you a compliment, but I know how you feel about getting the attention, too.
I have just gotten to a point in my life where I feel like being very open about things. I don't even mind people knowing my numbers anymore. I have never been the type to ask anyone what his or her weight was, but have always been delighted if anyone offered. So I decided I was going to be that way with people myself. If someone notices, mentions, or even seems hesitant but longing for more info, I say "well thanks. Yeah, I weigh about 154 right now. It's a bit more than I want, so I'd like to get down to the 130s or so, but I'm perfectly comfortable at 145 too." Then I'll tell them my highest weight ever, and that because I don't want to go there again that I decided to try harder to pay attention to healthy eating. Most people appreciate this, and it keeps me from having to feel like my diet is some big, dark secret. After all, dieting is noble, not something to be ashamed of.
Congratulations on getting to the point where people are noticing! I'm sorry you were embarrassed, though.
Woops!
WHEN I get to 154 I'll probably feel comfortable telling people what my weight is!!! :laugh:0 -
Most times, no. I feel like it brings attention to the fact that I was really fat before, as opposed to just being moderately fat now, since I'm no where near goal yet. I do not want to dwell on what I weighed before.I do appreciate the nice compliments from people. Don't you think it's encouraging?!
Really, there's only 4 people whose comments make me feel better. My husband. My mom. And my two close friends. If anyone else says anything, I want to run and hide.0 -
Most times, no. I feel like it brings attention to the fact that I was really fat before, as opposed to just being moderately fat now, since I'm no where near goal yet. I do not want to dwell on what I weighed before.I do appreciate the nice compliments from people. Don't you think it's encouraging?!
Really, there's only 4 people whose comments make me feel better. My husband. My mom. And my two close friends. If anyone else says anything, I want to run and hide.
I can understand what you're saying. Sometimes it makes me think "wow did I really look that bad before?" But like some of you have posted already in response to this, most people mean well and really care about you. Going through this experience personally has made me more aware of the feelings of others and how I should be a little more sensitive when choosing the words I say to others.0 -
I get alot of "You look great!" or "You're getting skinny!" Most people don't ask how much I've lost. I just say thanks. At first I got more of "Are you losing weight?" To that, I never get specific. I'll usually just say "Yeah a few pounds. Thanks for noticing." Or fein shock. My husband's aunt will say "You get skinnier everytime I see you." My response "Really?! Thanks!"
I do appreciate the nice compliments from people. Don't you think it's encouraging?! Great job by the way.
I don't mind the compliments. It took me a long time to lose those 20 pounds. I worked hard and will gladly accept any compliments that come my way. If someone asked specifically how much I lost, I'd tell them. I'd give them my whole story if they want it. I'm an open and honest person. If you ask a specific question, you'll get an honest answer. You never know. Your story could inspire someone else to make positive, healthy changes in their life.0 -
I can't really say what I would do, because I haven't lost a noticeable amount yet! But I can imagine my husband squeezing my hand, as if to say, "You can hush now that they know your whole weight loss story"! I think since I've been heavy for so long, I would yell from the mountaintops: "Thin at Last"! lol :happy:0
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Presumably part of the reason we are all trying to lose weight is so that we look better. Obviously being healthy is a big part of it also, but most fat people I've known, myself included, have always been very self-conscious about looking fat.
I think part of the resentment expressed here is not over the fact that people are noticing you have lost weight, but the corollary here that means they noticed when you were fat.
I think any time people are shocked at your weight loss we should take that as good news!0 -
Folks ask me all the time. It is hard to lose 40+ lbs and not have most people notice. If they ask, I tell them. Frankly, I never thought I would be able to do it when I started, so I am pretty pleased to have done it.
Plus, I will admit to hoping that my changing might inspire someone else to make a positive change. Seeing how friends and acquaintances suffer with weight-related health issues, it would be a good thing if someone thought if he can do it, so can I.
Congrats. Revel in your success. Those who reach their goal still have a significant challenge ahead: maintaining. Having lost weight before, I am wary of gaining it again.
Cheers!0 -
It's nice to hear every once in a while! But I do agree that he could have been a bit more subtle with it.0
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I'll be bruttaly honest and say I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! I worked hard to get me where I'm at, damn sure I'm proud of it!! Yeah it does make me blush, esp when a guy says it but otherwise I'm more than happy to tell them...
1. How much I've lost
2. How long its taken me
3. What I do monday through to sunday about my exercise regime
4. How many miles I run
5. How many miles I'd like to run
6. How much I love running
7. How much I love Jillian Michaels
8. What my starting inches were
9. What my inches were yesterday
10. What inches I would like
11.If I had time to workout this morning
12. What workout I'm looking forward to tonight
13. How much I love my Polar F11F
14. How many Jillian Michaels DVD's I have
15 How many calories I have left for the day....... then I go on and talk about MFP....
16. Tell them all about MFP
17. Tell them how to log food and exercises
18. How many cals I have left for today
19. How I love the new scanning feature on mfp
20. Tell them about my MFP Peeps and how ace and supportive they are
21. How me and my MFP Peeps do challenges
22. How easy the site is to use
23. Where I'd be now if MFP wasnt in my life blah blah blah.....
I could go on and on and on... and I do... in fact, some people only have to say 'Wow Sarah, have you lost wei......' and I'll just jump in and give them the low down! I love it and it only pushes me to continue with this healthier lifestyle..! Cant help it! My bad......
xx0 -
Whenever someone asks me, I give a joking/sarcastic response like "1134 lbf". Something completely ridiculous that they can take as a joke, while at the same time letting them know that you're not going to answer that question. I don't know if that's the best way to go about it, but that's what I do...0
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Most times, no. I feel like it brings attention to the fact that I was really fat before, as opposed to just being moderately fat now, since I'm no where near goal yet. I do not want to dwell on what I weighed before.I do appreciate the nice compliments from people. Don't you think it's encouraging?!
Really, there's only 4 people whose comments make me feel better. My husband. My mom. And my two close friends. If anyone else says anything, I want to run and hide.
In spite of that, let me say that you look great and I can tell you've lost weight. All the best! 0 -
I'll be bruttaly honest and say I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! I worked hard to get me where I'm at, damn sure I'm proud of it!! Yeah it does make me blush, esp when a guy says it but otherwise I'm more than happy to tell them...
1. How much I've lost
2. How long its taken me
3. What I do monday through to sunday about my exercise regime
4. How many miles I run
5. How many miles I'd like to run
6. How much I love running
7. How much I love Jillian Michaels
8. What my starting inches were
9. What my inches were yesterday
10. What inches I would like
11.If I had time to workout this morning
12. What workout I'm looking forward to tonight
13. How much I love my Polar F11F
14. How many Jillian Michaels DVD's I have
15 How many calories I have left for the day....... then I go on and talk about MFP....
16. Tell them all about MFP
17. Tell them how to log food and exercises
18. How many cals I have left for today
19. How I love the new scanning feature on mfp
20. Tell them about my MFP Peeps and how ace and supportive they are
21. How me and my MFP Peeps do challenges
22. How easy the site is to use
23. Where I'd be now if MFP wasnt in my life blah blah blah.....
I could go on and on and on... and I do... in fact, some people only have to say 'Wow Sarah, have you lost wei......' and I'll just jump in and give them the low down! I love it and it only pushes me to continue with this healthier lifestyle..! Cant help it! My bad......
xx
LOl! Love the confidence! I need to take notes from you:flowerforyou:0 -
I'll be bruttaly honest and say I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! I worked hard to get me where I'm at, damn sure I'm proud of it!! Yeah it does make me blush, esp when a guy says it but otherwise I'm more than happy to tell them...
1. How much I've lost
2. How long its taken me
3. What I do monday through to sunday about my exercise regime
4. How many miles I run
5. How many miles I'd like to run
6. How much I love running
7. How much I love Jillian Michaels
8. What my starting inches were
9. What my inches were yesterday
10. What inches I would like
11.If I had time to workout this morning
12. What workout I'm looking forward to tonight
13. How much I love my Polar F11F
14. How many Jillian Michaels DVD's I have
15 How many calories I have left for the day....... then I go on and talk about MFP....
16. Tell them all about MFP
17. Tell them how to log food and exercises
18. How many cals I have left for today
19. How I love the new scanning feature on mfp
20. Tell them about my MFP Peeps and how ace and supportive they are
21. How me and my MFP Peeps do challenges
22. How easy the site is to use
23. Where I'd be now if MFP wasnt in my life blah blah blah.....
I could go on and on and on... and I do... in fact, some people only have to say 'Wow Sarah, have you lost wei......' and I'll just jump in and give them the low down! I love it and it only pushes me to continue with this healthier lifestyle..! Cant help it! My bad......
xx
LOl! Love the confidence! I need to take notes from you:flowerforyou:
I think all of you that dont like the attention should.... The bigger picture is, if you loose weight, PEOPLE ARE going to notice and better still, tell you by asking if you've lost weight cos in their mind, you used to look 'different'... so they ask, knowingly to confirm it in their brain..... no matter what any guy says to a girl, there's always about 10 ways a girl can interpret it....so no guy is EVER going to say it the way you want it in particular to be said.. come on girls, we ARE complex about these things.... hey the guy noticed and paid you the best compliment that could have come out of his mouth, dont beat him down for it, tell him THANK YOU!! Dont be ashamed, you're obviously doing a fab job!! Embrace it lady! xx0 -
I'll be bruttaly honest and say I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! I worked hard to get me where I'm at, damn sure I'm proud of it!! Yeah it does make me blush, esp when a guy says it but otherwise I'm more than happy to tell them...
1. How much I've lost
2. How long its taken me
3. What I do monday through to sunday about my exercise regime
4. How many miles I run
5. How many miles I'd like to run
6. How much I love running
7. How much I love Jillian Michaels
8. What my starting inches were
9. What my inches were yesterday
10. What inches I would like
11.If I had time to workout this morning
12. What workout I'm looking forward to tonight
13. How much I love my Polar F11F
14. How many Jillian Michaels DVD's I have
15 How many calories I have left for the day....... then I go on and talk about MFP....
16. Tell them all about MFP
17. Tell them how to log food and exercises
18. How many cals I have left for today
19. How I love the new scanning feature on mfp
20. Tell them about my MFP Peeps and how ace and supportive they are
21. How me and my MFP Peeps do challenges
22. How easy the site is to use
23. Where I'd be now if MFP wasnt in my life blah blah blah.....
I could go on and on and on... and I do... in fact, some people only have to say 'Wow Sarah, have you lost wei......' and I'll just jump in and give them the low down! I love it and it only pushes me to continue with this healthier lifestyle..! Cant help it! My bad......
xx
LOl! Love the confidence! I need to take notes from you:flowerforyou:
I think all of you that dont like the attention should.... The bigger picture is, if you loose weight, PEOPLE ARE going to notice and better still, tell you by asking if you've lost weight cos in their mind, you used to look 'different'... so they ask, knowingly to confirm it in their brain..... no matter what any guy says to a girl, there's always about 10 ways a girl can interpret it....so no guy is EVER going to say it the way you want it in particular to be said.. come on girls, we ARE complex about these things.... hey the guy noticed and paid you the best compliment that could have come out of his mouth, dont beat him down for it, tell him THANK YOU!! Dont be ashamed, you're obviously doing a fab job!! Embrace it lady! xx
In fact, friend me, I'll get your confidence going!! haha!! X0 -
I could go on and on and on... and I do... in fact, some people only have to say 'Wow Sarah, have you lost wei......' and I'll just jump in and give them the low down! I love it and it only pushes me to continue with this healthier lifestyle..! Cant help it! My bad......
xx
LOl! Love the confidence! I need to take notes from you:flowerforyou:
I think all of you that dont like the attention should.... hey the guy noticed and paid you the best compliment that could have come out of his mouth, dont beat him down for it, tell him THANK YOU!! Dont be ashamed, you're obviously doing a fab job!! Embrace it lady! xx
I agree. It's a great accomplishment. Whether we like the attention or not, our physical beings are out there wherever we go and people are going to notice and comment...or hopefully compliment. Maybe it doesn't always come out the best way. But take it as intended and be gracious. Just smile and say Thank you very much!0 -
I can't say that I've ever had this problem -- I wish! But I agree with your husband that you should take it as a compliment and not let it get to you. Some people are as awkward at giving compliments as others are at accepting them. When people want to know how much weight you have lost, maybe you should come up with a standard but vague answer, such as "more than 20 pounds since April" or something like that. Then emphasize your commitment to healthier eating and exercise and how much better you feel. Do take a minute to enjoy your time in the spotlight -- you've earned it!0
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Congrats to you....take it as a compliment, and don't do a disservice to yourself and others by downplaying your accomplishment - it was hard work both physically and mentally to accomplish what you did.0
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It is a rude, abrasive and not very tactful question. Many times men don't know how to react to something like that, so they just do the bold thing and ask the straightforward question. On average since they are less emotional, if someone were to ask them a question like that, they would answer and not be bothered by it or even think twice. If you ask most men their weight, they will usually just tell you. But, we have to see through the harshness and just see that his intentions were not mean. Intent is usually more important...
Honestly, I would rather someone notice in that way then to not notice my hard work at all
And ladies, if we didn't care so much about the number and were more open with our weight or weight we have lost, everyone would stop caring as much anyway, and it would probably put less stress and pressure on us. Usually I tell people how much weight I have lost when they notice. I've never gotten a negative reaction or felt uncomfortable by their responses. I still haven't told my boyfriend how much I weighed when I met him though, and don't plan on doing so until I have reached my goal 0
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