Anyone try to lose weight in secret?

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tmoneyag99
tmoneyag99 Posts: 480 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
so it's been a rough time going this year. And I've told people about my efforts for the purposes of accountability and the result is always me falling of the a bit, getting judgmental comments about how my approach is wrong blah blah blah. Habit change isn't easy and I always fail when things get stressful.

My approach is good when I'm not under the gun and stress eating. But when I'm tried, up against huge or delayed deadlines I just do what I can to survive. In theory we should be able to maintain those habits when you are stressed but it's just not something I have conquered yet.

so I'm thinking of a new tactic, not telling anyone that I'm trying to lose weight. Not talking about it. Not responding to questions about looking like I've lost weight with anything other than a "Thanks" That way when I back slide I don't have to feel ashamed. No one knows if I am back sliding because no one knows I'm dieting. They just know that I'm fat and eating like a fat person.


Anyone else tried this approach?
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Replies

  • tmoneyag99
    tmoneyag99 Posts: 480 Member
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    MommaGem2017 wrote: »
    My husband and mother know (because a change in how I cook or eat would be obvious), but other than that - I haven't told anyone. The only person I need to be accountable to is me. Best wishes!

    ETA: I'm not really keeping it a secret. It's just not a topic I bring up with others.

    Yeah. I don't want to discuss it anymore. I just want to do it. Do you feel like it's actually helped not discussing it with others?
  • PennStateChick
    PennStateChick Posts: 327 Member
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    I think weight loss can be done either way - and only you know how best to approach it and how you will be successful. I've done it both ways depending on outside circumstances. The only thing I would tell you to be cautious about is that if you hide it, be prepared not to hear people talk about it to you either. If you aren't sharing, then people may not notice (or not comment) when you've lost what you would consider to be a 'noticeable amount.' As long as that won't be discouraging to you, then go for it.
  • MommaGem2017
    MommaGem2017 Posts: 405 Member
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    tmoneyag99 wrote: »
    MommaGem2017 wrote: »
    My husband and mother know (because a change in how I cook or eat would be obvious), but other than that - I haven't told anyone. The only person I need to be accountable to is me. Best wishes!

    ETA: I'm not really keeping it a secret. It's just not a topic I bring up with others.

    Yeah. I don't want to discuss it anymore. I just want to do it. Do you feel like it's actually helped not discussing it with others?

    I feel alot less pressure in social situations. I order what I want, or bring what I want, without any worry about others expectations.

    Now,this might be a different experience for others if their social situations are different. Like, friends are big foodies or partyers, but it works well for me.
  • chaosbutterfly
    chaosbutterfly Posts: 71 Member
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    This is always my approach. It helps alot, because I find that the pressure alone of trying to live up to someone else's ideal can cause enough stress that you fall off the wagon. And I generally hate having my food policed by anyone.
  • toxikon
    toxikon Posts: 2,384 Member
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    I only talk about it to my fiance, who is also losing weight and getting fitter. There's something so freeing about keeping it to yourself. You don't get dragged into those conversations with 'weight loss experts' at the office. You just get the occasional "Hey, you look slimmer!" to which you can respond with a simple thank you. Makes life easier.
  • Sashslay
    Sashslay Posts: 136 Member
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    Me!

    I'm living overseas with my partner and no friends. He knows about it and that's it! Everyone else will notice when we get back I guess but it's so liberating to do something as and how you want it, without anyone else looking in.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    My husband is the only one that fully knows I'm doing anything. My family and friends are in the dark. It helps that I set my weight loss goals to a slow loss (with about 70lb total I want to lose). So right now, it's only just become visible to others that something might be up, but few have questioned me on it.

    I like that it allows me to be more comfortable with my failures when and if they occur. I also like that because now I lose slower (and in a different way than I did when I originally tried losing weight years ago), it is less noticeable to others, gives me time to evaluate certain things and makes it easier to adjust mentally to the changes. I'm impatient and would like to see the 70 lbs gone now, but I know if I did that, I'd probably just end up right back where I started by years' end.

    I have to agree with some others that it's also nice not having people getting all judgmental on the goals or things you've set upon for your life. It's quiet and drama free (mostly).
  • shaysianthony1
    shaysianthony1 Posts: 5 Member
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    I feel you on doing it in "secret" a lot of my friends have started classes again so I'm taking this next five months to lose weight. I definitely feel there is less pressure when you don't tell people. But again there's always people telling me I need to lose weight so then again I do feel the heat :smiley:
  • gingerale_ke
    gingerale_ke Posts: 2 Member
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    I've tried telling people for accountability's sake like you have, but it only made me feel guilty of eating whatever I ate. Not even the unhealthy things but also healthy things.
    My dietician told me to have a healthy snack between meals if I felt hungry, but I found myself constantly explaining to people how I was expecting to lose weight this way.
    This really was such a demotivating experience that I've decided not to tell anyone except my boyfriend. Everyone has a different view of how to lose weight effectively and that's fine, so I'll leave them to it if they leave me :)
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited August 2017
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    tmoneyag99 wrote: »
    so I'm thinking of a new tactic, not telling anyone that I'm trying to lose weight. Not talking about it. Not responding to questions about looking like I've lost weight with anything other than a "Thanks" That way when I back slide I don't have to feel ashamed. No one knows if I am back sliding because no one knows I'm dieting. They just know that I'm fat and eating like a fat person.


    Anyone else tried this approach?

    That's what I've always just naturally done. That I'm trying to lose weight seems like a private thing to me. I don't see any reason to discuss it with others, and it's given me more space to try things without feeling like others are putting their opinions or expectations on it.
  • MeganCannon
    MeganCannon Posts: 29 Member
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    I lost about 30 pounds last year, all pretty much in secret because I didn't want people to know if I failed. I gained most of it back in the summer. This time I am telling people more that I am trying to lose weight, but I absolutely get that sometimes it just needs to be a you thing.
  • RA60172
    RA60172 Posts: 137 Member
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    I talked about my weight loss to a select group of people last year, but rarely talk to anyone about it this year. In general, I don't like it to be the main topic of conversation, so I don't bring it up. At the beginning, some tried to be my "food police", and that taught me to be careful who to tell.
  • 150poundsofme
    150poundsofme Posts: 523 Member
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    Yes, I usually don't announce it except for a few friends that also want to lose weight.
    So this happened to me about 25 years ago (wow, been dieting soooo long) - I was eating dinner at brother-in-law and sister-in-law's house. She said to me at the table in front of everyone "So you are on a diet?" Of course, I said no. Later I realized she knew because I didn't take that 2nd bowl of rice.
    You may have to have some ready responses as to why you are not eating something or not taking seconds - I will have some later, I am full, I ate a big lunch etc.
  • alondrakayy
    alondrakayy Posts: 304 Member
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    Honestly, I think this is the best approach because IMO this journey is for you and you only. Others may offer support, but in the end it's entirely up to you whether you succeed or not. I started a cut and I'm telling no one. Not even my husband! He's the 'bro' type so if I fit in a slice of pizza in my day he assumes that I'm either not taking it seriously or that I'm slacking. Of course he's still incredibly supportive in what I do but I'd rather have no one know... not so much to avoid criticism or judgment if I quit but to prove to MYSELF that I can do this. I don't care about proving anything to anyone else. Hope that makes sense!
  • doittoitgirl
    doittoitgirl Posts: 157 Member
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    I never tell anyone except my husband so he's aware I will be changing our cooking routine. I've had too many run ins with people giving unsolicited advice and opinions. Worst was when they'd shove junk food into my face and tempt me to eat it (probably because they were so uncomfortable about their eating). Not worth it for me anymore to share.
  • DM_78
    DM_78 Posts: 57 Member
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    I don't think it's a bad idea. In the past I would get frustrated and cared too much about what other people thought. I would lose weight-a significant amount of weight-and people would still try to tell me what I should do. I went from a size 22 at my heaviest to a size 2 and even then I was told that my goal should be a size zero-and this was implied by not just one person. I wasn't even happy at a size two. I would have felt better/stronger/healthier with a few more pounds. I wanted to build muscle, but I started cutting calories too drastically because I was chasing a number on a scale and/or a size because I had such low self esteem. Then I just rebelled and went a bit too far the other way.
    I wish I hadn't told anyone that I was trying/am losing weight this time. I don't like being asked what I am eating or about whether I worked out or if I worked out hard enough and I don't like being told what I need to do when I haven't asked for their advice and when what I am doing is working well for me and I am just fine with what I am doing. I just have to tune out the noise this time.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
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    I didn't tell anyone. Eventually they noticed but ya it's easier to do it in private I find. No need for people to know your business

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