Parenthood Warnings!!

Avocado_AS5 wrote: »

I don't really like babies and most kids for that matter, but my daughters are pretty badass and I feel sorry for people who have rotten kids that aren't as cool as mine.

That being said, I could do without all the damn laundry I'm stuck doing. And no one ever tells you that you'll need a savings account just to keep up with toilet paper consumption. I swear they eat the stuff. And what's up with the 8 thousand water glasses they use on the daily? Seriously though.....they have to be fed 3 times a day?! Every single day??? Gah!

• You will miss when they were young and immobile. Not because they were cute.. or tinier and you could carry them, but because they were immobile and not constantly getting into and breaking your *kitten*.
• If you have pets, you will spend a lot of your time yelling at your kid to leave the animals alone, not chase them and to stop harassing them. Also, you will repeat ad nauseum that if you piss off the cat, he will scratch you.. and no, I won't feel sorry for you. Then they look shocked when what you've just said actually happens.
• That you will learn that your child has no filter. This means cheering when you drive by a cemetery, pointing out your jiggly belly, wondering why cats have "bumps" on their stomachs, and morbidly asking about death. All questions you get to field. And the questions get weirder.. and harder to answer as you get older. If there's an uncomfortable subject you don't want to talk about? Too bad! Your child will find a way to ask about it.
• That you will feel slightly bad when your kid wants to play with you, but you want to do your own activities. You will feel even worse when they want to do something with you that they aren't old enough to do yet (in my case, it's playing Magic: the Gathering).
• That routines are *kitten* important not just to kids, but adults, too. It's gone a long way to us both not being insane, lol.
• That there is absolutely no reason to have more than one child (or even one) unless you want to, but you'll have to put up with people asking you indefinitely when you're going to have more. How about never?

VeronicaA76 wrote: »

mjtaylor87 wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

The viewpoint is how many people's experiences go. My DD has brought me more joy and LESS stress than I had as a manager of a retail electronics outlet. Even today as a teen, she's been great and while there have been the regular instances of trying to overstep boundaries, the joy I get as a father will NEVER cause me to dissuade people from having a kid if they can provide and take care of them comfortably.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

oh no thats not what i mean. i would never advise not having kids unless you just dont want to have them. i just meant the thing no one thinks to tell you about.

Like how my kids will dunk any food in any drink. not kidding: cookies in koolaid, meat loaf in apple juice, bananas in pop.

or how telling your kids to pick one little toy 50 times in one day can combine with all the other stresses of the day and before you know it you are sitting on the floor weeping over a ninja turtle that you could have just picked up yourself.

or how you would actually have to tell another human being not to stick a carrot up the cats nose.

before i had kids these things never crossed my mind.

LOL!!! The list of 1000 things you never thought you would ever say to another human being:

1. Quit licking the dog
2. Don't bite your fingers
3. Don't bite other people
4. Why are you doing that?(a very useless question)
5. Don't stick Cheerios in your *insert random body part*
6. Quit eating the dogs food
7. Stop licking the windows
8. I don't need help wiping my butt
9. Quit pooping behind the couch (mine did that for about 2 months....why????)

And on, and on....

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

- You will lose all your dignity bringing a life into this world.
- It's normal not to feel an immediate connection with your child.
- Breast feeding although a wonderful thing, is also painful, exhausting, and will legit suck the life out of you.
- Your job is to teach your children how to function in the world as responsible, hardworking and kind human beings. Remember this before you tend to their every single need.
- You will eat chocolate bars on the toilette and you will love it.
- You will tell absurd lies to your child.
- Nothing will ever stay white again.
- Legos were actually created by Satan himself.
- It gets harder every year. You think 3 is bad? Try 4 and so on and so forth.
- Don't waste your money on every single new gadget. They are happy with pots and pans and your time.
- Take time for yourself once in a while. You're not selfish.
- Don't make a second meal. They eat what you eat.
- You will loathe some of your children's friends. And if you're like me. It will be their best friend.
- Listen, even to the small stuff.
- You will sleep again.