I'm losing now, but am upset at myself for what I had gained. How to stop being angry at myself?

waltzingmom
waltzingmom Posts: 27 Member
edited November 20 in Motivation and Support
About 5 years ago, I slowly lost 45 pounds through healthy eating, no added sugars, and moderate exercise, and achieved a healthy weight. But then my weight crept back up, with a lot of life stresses, and I regained back 30 of those pounds. Then I lost 10 pounds several months ago. Then I regained those 10 pounds over the next 3 months. Now I've lost 9 of those pounds and am eating healthy food with no added sugars and moderate exercise. But I'm feeling so angry at myself about the times I've gained, and essentially had to start over, and the fact that I'm still 21 pounds over where I should be, and what this has done to my body (rolls of fat and skin). Any suggestions as to how to get over those angry negative feelings?

Replies

  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    Accept that it is okay to be angry at yourself.

    So much this. There is a lot of group think amongst people that labels anger is a bad emotion that you shouldn't have. For me, personally, accepting that anger is a natural healthy emotion, really helped me accept and improve on my situation.

    It's okay to be angry at yourself within reason. Let it be the drive to help push you to fix it.
  • waltzingmom
    waltzingmom Posts: 27 Member
    Thanks!
  • junodog1
    junodog1 Posts: 4,792 Member
    Look for the podcast "Half Size Me." She has a really positive message.
  • cenafan
    cenafan Posts: 398 Member
    Exact same situation but with bigger numbers. 2 years ago I lost almost 90 lbs. with a massive back injury and severe depression I put back on almost all it. Finally got my back ok and my head is getting better too. I've lost 21 this month. A very good start. But those stupid memories posts on facebook keep reminding me where I was. It's disheartening. But. I can't go back. I can't change it. Onwards and upwards. Remember how you feel now when you are back down. So you can hopefully avoid the cycle again.
  • lydia4462
    lydia4462 Posts: 19 Member
    Sure you're angry....you regret that you put on what you worked so hard to lose. If you had a chance to do it all over again, would you do it differently? Well guess what...this is your chance! This time when you reach your goal, you'll know that you have to continue clean, healthy eating to maintain your desired weight.

    And it's okay to be angry (or disappointed) in yourself as long as that doesn't bog you down.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Let it go....
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,447 Member
    In life it is useful to focus on what you can control. The past is out of your control (unless you have a time machine in which case well let's talk ) so move on to the future and the actions you can do today.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,213 Member
    I think sites like MFP are going to contribute to improved stats for lasting weight loss, but right now the stats are horrible. You're not weak for regaining, you're normal. I hope you don't mind me asking, what will be different this time that you'll keep it off?
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
    Beating yourself up does not burn any calories. It's completely useless, so stop.

    A better place to focus your energy would be on forming new habits and creating systems for yourself that help you to maintain a healthier lifestyle over time.
  • dutchandkiwi
    dutchandkiwi Posts: 1,389 Member
    waltzingmom wrote: »
    About 5 years ago, I slowly lost 45 pounds through healthy eating, no added sugars, and moderate exercise, and achieved a healthy weight. But then my weight crept back up, with a lot of life stresses, and I regained back 30 of those pounds. Then I lost 10 pounds several months ago. Then I regained those 10 pounds over the next 3 months. Now I've lost 9 of those pounds and am eating healthy food with no added sugars and moderate exercise. But I'm feeling so angry at myself about the times I've gained, and essentially had to start over, and the fact that I'm still 21 pounds over where I should be, and what this has done to my body (rolls of fat and skin). Any suggestions as to how to get over those angry negative feelings?

    Turn the anger into positives. Anger can be a very positive emotion as well as a negative but it is up to the angry peron how to deal with it
    Personally anger can be a great driver forward. It is what gives me the kick up the proverbial to get going. I accept the internal anger as a motivation to change what I am doing. Anger can be negative when you start the blame game on yourself. Does not help then So see it as a driver of change.
  • pamfgil
    pamfgil Posts: 449 Member
    Recognise that you are human, everybody makes mistakes, the main thing is to learn from them. What can you change to make a lifestyle change sustainable. It's okay to get angry, but consider how you would react if it was someone else who had done that and don't think worse of yourself than you would of a stranger.
  • RedSierra
    RedSierra Posts: 253 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    You're repeating a cycle of eating where you lose weight, but can't sustain the eating lifestyle. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    What you NEED to do is find a sustainable way to lose weight eating in a way you CAN FOR LIFE.

    Statistics are that about 50% of dieters on a program previously did it before because of success, but lapsed and came back. Dieting industry bets on these numbers to continually sell their product or services.

    ^^ ninerbuff is correct. You probably regained the weight because you couldn't keep up with the food style you were eating (you described it as healthy food with no added sugar) and have a longterm problem of turning to comfort food when you're stressed.

    As far as the anger toward yourself, accept that you're human and these things happen. Now that you're tired of these lose/gain/lose/gain cycles, do something different this time. Have a less restrictive diet, or realize you have some trigger foods and don't buy them -- but replace them with other treats/food you enjoy. Find another way to deal with stress. Watch out for that "don't care" attitude with food.

    Be kind to yourself. Good luck this time around.

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    The past is the past. Learn from it and move on. You don't have to be perfect just keep making the effort.
    What could you do differently this time?

    Work on stress management techniques? Things are going to happen in life. Develop some new tools you could reach for.

    Have a more sustainable diet plan? Are you regaining because you eat off your diet plan?
    Do you struggle with co-workers, friends, family eating/drinking differently than you? Are you too busy to do a lot of food prep and cooking?
    Can you really sustain "healthy eating with no added sugars" long term in your world or would it be better to not be so strict about what you will consume and just focus on portion control of all kinds of foods/drinks?

    Do you have a maintenance plan? Could you continue to use a food scale, log food and weigh yourself even after you get to your goal?

  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
    Write a long letter to yourself describing in detail what it is that you're angry about and why.

    At the end of your letter forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move on and be successful with your weight loss.

    Put the letter in the fireplace or BBQ pit and let it burn; cementing your forgiveness of yourself and your resolve to move on and be successful.
  • artbyrachelh
    artbyrachelh Posts: 338 Member
    I would recommend adding exercise to your life. It's quite therapeutic as far as anger goes. A brisk walk for nothing else but mental health! ❤️
  • waltzingmom
    waltzingmom Posts: 27 Member
    Thanks so much for all these good suggestions
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Let it go....

    I read that as the song from frozen and now its stuck in my bloody head!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Let it go....

    I read that as the song from frozen and now its stuck in my bloody head!

    Sorreeeeeeeeeeee!!!

    :laugh:
  • Scarlett4Cosplay
    Scarlett4Cosplay Posts: 3 Member
    Turn your anger and frustration into fuel to kick your butt into shape, you got this! That's what i've been doing :) and it seems to work pretty well! Think to yourself "ya know what, instead of wallowing in self pity i'm gonna get off my *kitten* and do something about it!" And put on your shoes and head out the door before your brain has a chance to go "but, but, but! The couch is so comfortable!"
  • mtlegel780
    mtlegel780 Posts: 1 Member
    I feel I'm in the same position as I lost 73 pds in 2011-12 and have gradually gained 40 back. Lost my focus and discipline. Stopped treating my body as a temple (only put good things in). Now I ebb and flow with my exercise and diet commitments to myself. I know I can do this and I know the confidence and positive self image that follows. I have got to make that commitment to myself and stick to it. Through hard work and sel determination I can overcome any obstacle and achieve any goal I set for myself. With the love and support from my family, friends and faith, I can become the best woman I can be....this is my personal mission statement and I need to be focused on this and be true to myself. I can do this. I want this feeling back and only I can do this for me.
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