Need Advice and Support - Weight Loss/Life/Relationship Struggles

If this kind of topic isn't allowed, please let me know.

I'm really struggling with my weight loss and just my life in general. A bit of background info... I'm 28, very overweight (5'8", 350 lbs) and had a difficult childhood (abuse, both physical & psychological) until I was 19 when I had enough funds to move out of my abusive parent's house and live on my own. I met my now husband at that time online. We met when I was 20, and really hit it off. We shared a lot of interests, and it was really fun being around him and we felt a mutual connection through our issues in our pasts.

Shortly after we moved in together (probably a year later), things were pretty great, although he drank too much for my liking (although I tried to keep up on more than one occasion). Every time he drank it seemed, I was having to make sure he was OK during the night since he seemed to get blackout drunk and would just pass out.

Sure, I'd get frustrated with it after a while because, who honestly wouldn't, and had gently suggested that he cut back just a little since it worried me. I think after that, somehow he got it in his head that I wanted him to quit drinking altogether, and would berate me for small annoyances in our relationship, going so far as to treat me poorly with name calling and saying he understood why my abusive parent hated me (things like: I'm a sh** stirrer, I like to b**** him out for things, etc). I hate nagging, and I keep it to a minimum, as I find it is much easier to do things myself. It was after that point that he stopped wanting to do as much with me, to the point where we rarely went on any dates (he considered taking a shopping trip to the grocery store a date, which was probably once a month), we stopped going to family functions for his family since he didn't want to, and it was mainly going to work and going home.

I decided to ask him once if he just didn't like being seen with me in public because we were such an "odd" looking couple (he's an average body type 160 ish lbs, and a couple inches shorter than me, so you can imagine how that looks...). He denied it and just say that he didn't like going anywhere because he was always tired from work. We both worked in similar industries and neither of us really worked harder than the other, so for me to have the energy to want to go and do things (even just to take a walk down the road or at the park), and he didn't have energy... it just didn't add up to me.

I had lost a considerable amount of weight a few years back. I'd gone from 320 lbs to about 269 in the span of half a year which I was incredibly proud of, and I was going to the gym about 4 times a week (almost religiously), and just eating better and feeling better about myself. But it seemed every time I went, he made a big deal out of it and said he missed me and he'd be bored without me there. I'd always offer to take him with me since we can take a guest at the gym I'm a member of, but he said he was always too tired. But he'd ask me from time to time if I was losing weight just so I could find someone else and leave him, and honestly it made me really upset. I always told him I was doing it so I could feel better about myself and have more energy to just have an easier time of getting around from point a to b (and a cuter wardrobe wasn't bad, either).

But after the abusive parent who had relentlessly tortured me about my weight problem since I was 9 passed away, on the very day I was to call them and tell them how I'd finally lost 50 lbs and was feeling better (mainly to tell them that I did what they said I couldn't), I just felt deflated, and lost my will to continue. I felt that all that time, hatred was really spurring me on to do my best to shove it in their face. So with that came a new job which was considerably more sedentary than I'd been used to, and I packed on the weight again in my depression and anxiety.

Fast forward to now, it's been about 2 years since we've been married (we've been together for about 9 years), and I haven't lost much weight, but I have found other things to keep me entertained since my husband doesn't do much with me at all. He's going to school online full time and working full time, but any free time he has, he spends it playing games on his computer, or weekends with his friends or going to see family by himself. I don't get invited anywhere anymore, so I feel like to him I've just been tucked away in a corner. We go to bed together at night and he always texts me (DAILY) that he misses me and can't wait to see me, but I just feel like an object that is just forgotten unless he's bored and wants to interact with it.

I've been going to the gym the past couple months, but I'm losing my motivation to want to continue (my brain keeps asking, 'what for?'). I still feel like I get no attention from him because of the way I look and how heavy I am, but he says he loves me and loves spending time with me, but his actions prove otherwise.

Am I just being a female and overthinking a situation that I know I should be able to control (just do the thing, work out, get swole, eat better), and just hope that he wants to spend more time with me if I look like a normal person? I feel as though I owe it to him to get fit and lose weight so he can feel proud of me or something, but I'm also very angry about it. It's almost a slap in the face to think how I'd be if I lost all this weight and became more fit, and he did want to be seen in public with me all of a sudden. Like, I wasn't a good enough person at my lowest point, but he'd be reaping the benefits of me at a higher point.

So if anyone has some advice or even any stories to share of your own experiences, please let me know. And if anyone is willing to walk with me on my journey (since I have 0 support at home), please shoot me a message or a friend request. I need all the help I can get. And thank you for taking the time to read through this awfully long story.