if my family is not on board, then whats the point?
kristie8351
Posts: 28 Member
So sick of trying so hard to please others, and get no support back.
Cooking 3 different meals each night is draining, I cook mine last, but then can't be bothered. So I snack or under eat?!
Feeling sad atm.. I've lost weight, and I'm craving for encouragement from my family aswell... Yet no one says anything or helps in anyway
Cooking 3 different meals each night is draining, I cook mine last, but then can't be bothered. So I snack or under eat?!
Feeling sad atm.. I've lost weight, and I'm craving for encouragement from my family aswell... Yet no one says anything or helps in anyway
4
Replies
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why are you making 3 meals? cook one meal, eat an amount that puts you in a calorie deficit.
make some pals on here for encouragement... but essentially you're doing this for you, so you need to be self motivated.34 -
It's not easy but you do it for you. Make up your meals in advance and just nuke them. My husband was and is still not on board I do it for me. The difference is we are at a different stage in our life. Empty nesters when he complained too much about the meals I stopped cooking his. Lol Just take it slow and steady. No one said anything to me til I lost 20 lbs then suddenly the whole world noticed.11
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I have a partner and kids that have different tastes, I try to get them to eat what I, well we all should, but if there's no butter, cream, bacon or cheese its a no go...
At the end of my day I just want to relax and unwind,
How do we get family members involved, without it making them feeling obligated?2 -
If you're the primary cook, you get to decide what dinner is. Period. You might be nice enough to consider other's likes and dislikes in selecting that dinner, but making three meals is excessive.
We are a family of five. I make meals that are made up of separate parts so each person can choose what they like (within reason). Hubs and I weigh our portions. The kids are required to eat reasonably healthy, so they take large portions of veg they like, small ones of those they don't. If they really object to the meal in its entirety, they can make a sandwich with fruit or veg on the side after I'm done cooking.46 -
I have three hungry kids. I fix one meal with lots of meat, cheeses, nuts, seeds and veggies. Then, I make a "filler" for my starving teens of rice, noodles, buckwheat, potatoes or bread. I weigh and eat the good stuff and leave the carbs to those with the high metabolisms.5
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I have one big kid, my partner lol, and 5 children between the ages of 15 months to 18 years, I always put them first. Now I've decided to think about me for a change, I get complaints0
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So, ask your husband to make his own dinner, so you only have to make 2 meals. He's an adult, if he doesn't want what you cook, then he can deal with his needs. Or adapt the kids meals around what you eat.
The only person who needs to support you in this is you. There are always ways around problem getting in the way of us achieving our goals. They may not feel fair now, but you'll thank yourself in the end.16 -
Yeah I try but it always turns into me giving in and cooking for everyone else.. Then I guess I should really pretty cook my meals so its not so hard, I'm in this for the long run, so I guess they have to get used to it4
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kristie8351 wrote: »I have a partner and kids that have different tastes, I try to get them to eat what I, well we all should, but if there's no butter, cream, bacon or cheese its a no go...
At the end of my day I just want to relax and unwind,
How do we get family members involved, without it making them feeling obligated?
Just make your meals more modular, where you can cook the same thing for everyone but modify your own portion.
Examples:- If making pasta, make pasta for everyone but portion out some boiled pasta for yourself to dress with jarred marinara before mixing with a cream-based sauce.
- If making a casserole put less cheese near one of the corners and that would be your portion.
- If making burger and fries, assemble yours with less cheese/mayo and/or without the top bun if that appeals to you, and skip the fries or have just a few.
- If making bacon and eggs limit yourself to an amount that is within your calories and dice a few veggies for yourself to make the meal larger (takes 30 seconds).
- If making pizza top your side with more veggies and less cheese.
And so on...
It also helps if you have pre-cut vegetables on hand to toss together whenever you need to bulk up a meal for yourself.
Here is something that may be liberating: you don't need to eat special diet foods completely devoid of butter and cheese, and you don't need to stick to the lowest default of 1200 calories. Slower weight loss is still weight loss. You can also gain extra calories if you are more active. Given this, it's entirely possible to eat what your family eats with slight modifications or quick additions to not feel hungry all the time and still lose weight.34 -
If people don't want what I have cooked they go hungry. I cook one meal and if they don't like it, tough. Doesn't mean purposely cooking what they won't eat, i.e. my mum won't eat our pork as she met the pigs it came from so I respect that and don't cook pork when she's over.
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kristie8351 wrote: »I have one big kid, my partner lol, and 5 children between the ages of 15 months to 18 years, I always put them first. Now I've decided to think about me for a change, I get complaints
Moms are usually the caretakers, but putting yourself last is not good for anyone. It just creates resentment which I'm sure you already know. As long as you cater to them all they'll expect you to continue to do so and not even appreciate what you're doing. Cook healthy and add something starchy for the rest of them- cooking for 7 people all the time is a daunting task to begin with. If they can't compromise maybe a strike is in order.
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kristie8351 wrote: »Yeah I try but it always turns into me giving in and cooking for everyone else.. Then I guess I should really pretty cook my meals so its not so hard, I'm in this for the long run, so I guess they have to get used to it
stop giving in, if its what you want to do.
i never understand why people don't want their kids to eat healthy food...11 -
Sorry you are all right and make so much sense... Thankyou all for supporting me..
I guess I'm just so wrapped up in what I should be eating, I just want everyone else to do the same... Its my weight not theirs..
I will try combining meals.. Fingers crossed9 -
1st, there's nothing wrong with eating butter, cream, bacon or cheese. You can eat whatever you want in moderation.
2nd, your husband is a grown *kitten* man, who can cook his own meal if he doesn't like what you're making. While he's at it, he can cook for the kids too if he wants to be a *kitten* about it.
3rd, try sticking to single ingredient foods at first... e.g. meat and veggies, make some rice or potatoes, the more simple you make it, the easier it is to build the habit of logging your food.
On Sundays before bed, I cook salsa chicken in the crock-pot, it's super easy, takes about 10 minutes, and last all week. I shred it and eat it with a side of veggies and the kids make tacos out of it. There's plenty of slow cooker or instant pot meals you can make for yourself and divide up into plastic containers for the week.
Stand up for yourself and stop making excuses. I'm bet he won't be complaining when you're feeling better about yourself because confidence is sexy. I'm sure your kids won't be complaining when their mom is still around and has not died too young from complications of obesity.
At the end of the day, the truth is, you're the only one standing in your way, you're responsible for what you put in your mouth, and the choices that you make.22 -
If your oldest is 18 you are due for some personal time and respect. You can demand it but you have to mean it and not give in.
I don't think the family has to go on a diet. You can have cheese and bacon on the side for family members who aren't on board but custom meals are over.14 -
Putting your family first doesn't mean catering to their every whim. In fact, IMO it's often the exact opposite. Teaching your children that they shouldn't expect to get everything they want and they should learn to do things for themselves is not a bad lesson to teach. So they complain? Why is it better for you to have to complain here on this forum than for them to complain. You are the parent. You are the adult. You should get your way. That's a good thing for children to learn because it makes them want to be adults. It's what makes them want to get a job, earn their own money,
Fix a nice dinner. Don't make it all "diet foods" or low calorie or low carb. Children need calories and carbs. Make a nice well balanced meal. If you want to skip the noodles or butter or rice or gravy or whatever, then skip it. Or take a small portion. Just because it's on the table doesn't mean you have to eat it or have the same portion as others. Teach your children by example how to eat a healthy balanced meal in proper portions.
It would be good to include some of the older children in the preparation of dinner. Knowing how to cook is a good thing for children to learn. They will be adults one day themselves, some of them very soon.25 -
Pfft! When I decided to do keto, my family got stuck doing keto too! I DO put my family first, and part of doing that is making sure they grow up healthy and making good choices too! It's a parents job to give then the building blocks they need to succeed. As for waiting on their support?? I don't need others validation to do something good for me or for them. Kids and men are notorious for being oblivious. Why wait on them to notice your efforts? My daughter just told me the other day, "You never get me anything!" So I told her, "Let's check in your closet and look at all the things I DIDNT get you. Hmm?" Shut her butt up!16
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If the others don't like what you cook, let them starve! 4
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Heck, if I were you I'd cook only for my own needs for a week (barring any kids that are too young to make their own cereal/sandwich). Maybe they'd appreciate your efforts more. Your spouse can definitely make their own food if they don't want to eat what you cook. It sounds like your family has gotten used to you catering to them. If you have multiple kids, surely some are old enough to help with meal prep? Even if it's only cutting vegetables, making a salad or cooking pasta, get them involved.
Maybe cook according to your needs and add a side dish for the others if they need more calories/carbs/whatever.3 -
kristie8351 wrote: »I have a partner and kids that have different tastes, I try to get them to eat what I, well we all should, but if there's no butter, cream, bacon or cheese its a no go...
At the end of my day I just want to relax and unwind,
How do we get family members involved, without it making them feeling obligated?
They aren't obligated to eat what you cook...especially the adult. I cook 1 meal my way...and my husband and kids are free to add salt, butter, whatever. My kitchen; my rules.9 -
That's a good point about the kids pitching in. Even my 11-year-old can make quesadillas and "fancy" sandwiches. My 13-year-old makes pizza and bakes goodies from scratch, and the 20-year-old makes good casseroles and pasta dishes. They all work together to make pancakes. It's a life skill they need, and it can really help you on the busiest days.11
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My mother always told us that if we didn't like what was set in front of us then we could go hungry. I never went hungry but I did learn to eat some things that I didn't care for.16
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kristie8351 wrote: »So sick of trying so hard to please others, and get no support back.
Cooking 3 different meals each night is draining, I cook mine last, but then can't be bothered. So I snack or under eat?!
Feeling sad atm.. I've lost weight, and I'm craving for encouragement from my family aswell... Yet no one says anything or helps in anyway
I am SOOOO with you on this!!! I've lost a little bit of weight, by cutting down on portion control, not eating past 7pm, increasing water intake.... My wife continues to eat carbs.. the bad ones... excess pastas, potatoes... after dinner she'll have a bowl of ice cream, then she'll crave salt so she will grab potato chips... and yet complain that is overweight... I try to encourage her... but she tells me don't start with me. ... can you say FRUSTRATION8 -
I don't know? What is the point for You?
Maybe you think your health is less important than your husband and kids desire not to do kitchen chores. Maybe you think kids growing up knowing how to be polite and thankful at whatever they are served even if not there favoriteis not a good thing. Maybe you are worried about the future of the restaurant industry and think kids and husband don'tneed to learn to cook to keep future short order cooks employed.
No really time for everyone eats the same meal different portions cooks choice and everyone over 10 cooks once a week at least
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kristie8351 wrote: »So sick of trying so hard to please others, and get no support back.
Cooking 3 different meals each night is draining, I cook mine last, but then can't be bothered. So I snack or under eat?!
Feeling sad atm.. I've lost weight, and I'm craving for encouragement from my family aswell... Yet no one says anything or helps in anyway
I am SOOOO with you on this!!! I've lost a little bit of weight, by cutting down on portion control, not eating past 7pm, increasing water intake.... My wife continues to eat carbs.. the bad ones... excess pastas, potatoes... after dinner she'll have a bowl of ice cream, then she'll crave salt so she will grab potato chips... and yet complain that is overweight... I try to encourage her... but she tells me don't start with me. ... can you say FRUSTRATION
Carbs aren't bad... unless your bagel is mouldy?11 -
You cook ONE meal and they have two options; take it or leave it. That's it.16
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Love all the ideas coming in..... but when I work 8-10 hours a day.. and she is the one cooking dinner.... what do you do? I make request for certain foods.... and I get it about once a week maybe twice.2
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@RandJ6280
1) You eat what she cooks, just less of it. This would require you being less restrictive in your eating plan. Easiest option.
2) You negotiate with her to always include things you want. Meat and veg for you, add a starch and sweet for them.
3) You switch household roles and start cooking for the family.
4) You just cook for yourself.10 -
@RandJ6280 what you do is weigh your portion.1
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Love all the ideas coming in..... but when I work 8-10 hours a day.. and she is the one cooking dinner.... what do you do? I make request for certain foods.... and I get it about once a week maybe twice.Love all the ideas coming in..... but when I work 8-10 hours a day.. and she is the one cooking dinner.... what do you do? I make request for certain foods.... and I get it about once a week maybe twice.
Then eat less or not at all at work.3
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