Dealing with "You're too skinny" comments?
HvymetalMG
Posts: 93 Member
I've heard this from friends, family and co-workers the past few months. At first it's flattering to know my efforts are producing noticeable results but after a while I'm getting sick of it. Not to mention I am trying to put on muscle so heading I'm super skinny is actually insulting.
Anyone else experience similar comments?
Anyone else experience similar comments?
10
Replies
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The people who are saying it might see it as a compliment. They may not have much tact, but in their mind, this might be a good thing!
I say that because I would absolutely love for someone to say I looked "skinny". That would be a compliment to me. But nonetheless, people really shouldn't be commenting on other people's bodies at all. It's none of their business.9 -
People are just stupid about this and have no idea what they're saying. I had people in health related professions tell me this when I was still 25 lb over the high end of my BMI range. I have no idea....14
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I think the biggest factor is that these people aren't used to seeing your new/current body type. Over time, they will get used to it and sort of forget the "old you" they had in their minds.
To a lesser extent, people (particularly in some areas) are used to seeing mostly overweight and obese body types. A person who is regarded as fat and frumpy in say, southern California, could be considered very skinny and chic in rural Oklahoma. No hate on Oklahoma mind you, it's just a matter of fact.
Even though I'm still very far from "skinny" since I have reached a healthy BMI after years of obesity, people have said similar things to me at times. I think most of them are just trying to flatter and compliment me. But a few I believe are referring to physical characteristics that I am actually self-conscious about...so I get the way it can also be insulting. Hopefully those people will keep their comments to themselves in the future.
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I think the biggest factor is that these people aren't used to seeing your new/current body type. Over time, they will get used to it and sort of forget the "old you" they had in their minds.
To a lesser extent, people (particularly in some areas) are used to seeing mostly overweight and obese body types. A person who is regarded as fat and frumpy in say, southern California, could be considered very skinny and chic in rural Oklahoma. No hate on Oklahoma mind you, it's just a matter of fact.
Even though I'm still very far from "skinny" since I have reached a healthy BMI after years of obesity, people have said similar things to me at times. I think most of them are just trying to flatter and compliment me. But a few I believe are referring to physical characteristics that I am actually self-conscious about...so I get the way it can also be insulting. Hopefully those people will keep their comments to themselves in the future.
There are 8 states that are "fatter" than oklahoma per 2016s data. Just saying this because I am an Oklahoman, and people love to tell me how fat and frumpy I am all the time. I weigh 183 pounds, so I'm not obese (anymore). Not sure I agree with your reference, it has more to do with the people around you, not where you live.2 -
GemstoneofHeart wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »I think the biggest factor is that these people aren't used to seeing your new/current body type. Over time, they will get used to it and sort of forget the "old you" they had in their minds.
To a lesser extent, people (particularly in some areas) are used to seeing mostly overweight and obese body types. A person who is regarded as fat and frumpy in say, southern California, could be considered very skinny and chic in rural Oklahoma. No hate on Oklahoma mind you, it's just a matter of fact.
Even though I'm still very far from "skinny" since I have reached a healthy BMI after years of obesity, people have said similar things to me at times. I think most of them are just trying to flatter and compliment me. But a few I believe are referring to physical characteristics that I am actually self-conscious about...so I get the way it can also be insulting. Hopefully those people will keep their comments to themselves in the future.
There are 8 states that are "fatter" than oklahoma per 2016s data. Just saying this because I am an Oklahoman, and people love to tell me how fat and frumpy I am all the time. I weigh 183 pounds, so I'm not obese (anymore). Not sure I agree with your reference, it has more to do with the people around you, not where you live.
Ahhh I probably should have thought twice about naming a state. I like Oklahoma, believe me. I'm in the Midwest and surrounded by plenty of very heavy people and fully aware that it's one reason I didn't honestly really feel that bad being obese for most of my adult life (until the past few years)...I fit in fine in my area even at 300 lb, honestly. I mentioned OK because of some nutritional study I read awhile ago, but mainly because I have noticed when going out to concerts and restaurants in Tulsa, I always feel very overdressed and notice a general difference in the crowd versus going to same types of places in say, KC, Chicago, Twin Cities, etc.
Seriously no offense intended. I know plenty of thin & very attractive Oklahomans also.7 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »GemstoneofHeart wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »I think the biggest factor is that these people aren't used to seeing your new/current body type. Over time, they will get used to it and sort of forget the "old you" they had in their minds.
To a lesser extent, people (particularly in some areas) are used to seeing mostly overweight and obese body types. A person who is regarded as fat and frumpy in say, southern California, could be considered very skinny and chic in rural Oklahoma. No hate on Oklahoma mind you, it's just a matter of fact.
Even though I'm still very far from "skinny" since I have reached a healthy BMI after years of obesity, people have said similar things to me at times. I think most of them are just trying to flatter and compliment me. But a few I believe are referring to physical characteristics that I am actually self-conscious about...so I get the way it can also be insulting. Hopefully those people will keep their comments to themselves in the future.
There are 8 states that are "fatter" than oklahoma per 2016s data. Just saying this because I am an Oklahoman, and people love to tell me how fat and frumpy I am all the time. I weigh 183 pounds, so I'm not obese (anymore). Not sure I agree with your reference, it has more to do with the people around you, not where you live.
Ahhh I probably should have thought twice about naming a state. I like Oklahoma, believe me. I'm in the Midwest and surrounded by plenty of very heavy people and fully aware that it's one reason I didn't honestly really feel that bad being obese for most of my adult life (until the past few years)...I fit in fine in my area even at 300 lb, honestly. I mentioned OK because of some nutritional study I read awhile ago, but mainly because I have noticed when going out to concerts and restaurants in Tulsa, I always feel very overdressed and notice a general difference in the crowd versus going to same types of places in say, KC, Chicago, Twin Cities, etc.
Seriously no offense intended. I know plenty of thin & very attractive Oklahomans also.
It's all good! Just wanted to point out my own experience in a "fat state" since people around me regularly state how 200 pounds is disgustingly fat (when I weighed 227...). I work in a young office, so my environment is fairly healthy. I also live in OKC, which might be different than a small town.1 -
I've been hearing it most of my life. At 5'3" I should be somewhere between 104 and 115 pounds. When I hit 130# I decided enough was enough. Then I started hearing "Oh, you're fine where you are! You don't need to lose anything!" Just because I may look smaller to them at 130# does not mean I am not overweight for my size. I'm pretty happy now, fluctuating between 110 - 114 pounds here and there, but I still have a bit of a "jiggle" in my hips....
I guess I'd rather have a "bit" of a jiggle than a joggle?
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I echo the statement about people needing to adjust to seeing you at your new weight. I used to hear it all the time. Now a year into maintenance and my weight loss is old news now.
Regardless of what people said, I just continued on my journey. I am the only person in the whole world with final say on what would be considered "too skinny" for me.2 -
When I reached my goal weight but put a few pounds back on, a friend told me that I had looked too scrawny and better now. It was demotivational considering I'd worked really hard to get where I was and didn't feel quite as good now. I've since learned not to take other people's comments as seriously.2
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Ummm how tall are you and how much do you weigh....if you don't mind sharing
Have you noticed as you get smaller that other people seem bigger? At one point I thought my dog was gaining weight...lol
Congratulations on the weight loss.
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I will never complain about being called too skinny when I reach the top skinny mark..2
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I weigh 144 and I'm 5'9". I don't feel thin when I look in the mirror.
But thanks everyone for the feedback it's good to hear4 -
Before I told you to ignore them I thought I should ask your stats and I'm glad I did
I happen to be 5'9" myself and if got down to 144 lbs my family,friends and co workers might started telling me the same thing... I think they're worried that you're going to continue to lose weight to an unhealthy point.
You mentioned that you're lifting weights to gain some muscle...have you increased your calories?5 -
When I was trying to lose I was at 1800 calories a day. Now I'm at like 2300 a day and lifting 4x a week. But also doing kickboxing 4x a week. Not sure that is hurting but it's my only form of cardio2
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I get that alot from my aunt, Who is semi notorious in these forums because of her attempts at convincing me of ridiculous diet myths and trying to sabotage my loss the entire way. So when i say some people really are just mean, I mean it lol. She tells me im to skinny every week and has been saying it for the past 80 pounds. For people like her, Its mroe i believe about self denial and hate. She cant lose weight, And is unwilling to put the work in, So my loss annoys her and makes her mean.
But for the vast majority people really dont mean harm, They see you lose weight and compliment you on your hard work, The whole "to skinny" part is an annoying part yeah but most likely not meant to be mean. Just sort of one of those sentences that come out naturally4 -
HvymetalMG wrote: »When I was trying to lose I was at 1800 calories a day. Now I'm at like 2300 a day and lifting 4x a week. But also doing kickboxing 4x a week. Not sure that is hurting but it's my only form of cardio
I just did a quick google and it says your at the low end of a healthy weight.
I'm definitely not a expert on weights but I do know people that are lifting need extra calories to gain muscle and 2300 seems a little on the low side to me. If you are looking to gain muscle I would check out the other forums and see what those guys have to say
It sounds like you have a lot of people that care about you. Even though it's irritating try to keep that in mind when they mention your weight. I know that's easier said then done but it is what it is.3 -
The low end of a healthy weight is still a healthy weight, just sayin'.
I'd just pleasantly say, "Thank you," and walk away.5 -
HvymetalMG wrote: »Anyone else experience similar comments?
Yepp,
which is normal, because after losing a considerable amount you usually don't look very healthy.
You know that this is only a fraction of a stage on your journey, others don't.
So, even if it becomes annoying after some time to hear those remarks (Too skinny, stop now, where is this supposed to end, have you developed anorexia?, etc.) they basically are a sign that other people care for you and notice what you are doing, which is positive.
Continue on your way, regain some muscles and the remarks will stop ... soon.
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Just smile and reply, "You're too fat."21
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@emailmehere1122
144lbs and 5'9" isn't the low end of healthy - at 21.3 it's pretty close at to the middle of the healthy BMI range.
The BMI calculator on here gives: 21.3 and the BMI healthy range is 18.5 - 25
Target weight range: 125.3 lbs - 169.3 lbs
OP
First world perceptions of healthy weight are very skewed. I'm the same height but 168lb, very close to the top end of the BMI healthy range and I'm regarded as "slim" by most people.
Your friends, family and colleague's perceptions of you are also skewed, it takes time for the new you to become the normal you.
I got some "too skinny" comments while losing weight, mainly I think because my weight loss was at first most noticeable from my face. Mostly those comments were from people who are either failed dieters or just plain fat.
I dealt with the comments differently depending on who was making the comment and what I thought their motivation was. If genuine concern I reassured then I was OK, if just being bitchy they got an offer to help them with their weight loss.
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This really frustrates me, it's considered rude and shocking for someone to say 'wow you've really gained some weight and are looking unhealthy' but people seem to think it's acceptable and okay to say 'you've lost too much weight and would look better with some more meat on you' or the like..
Where is the difference between the two?
I sometimes think to myself if u say u think I'm too skinny one more time, I'm gonna call the kettle black and say well I think you're too fat and would look better to loose some weight and see how that makes them feel...
They are either BOTH acceptable things to say to someone or BOTH unacceptable statements to make.
And breathe...Okay that's my rant over :-)9 -
For me - "My BMI Is bang on in the middle of healthy."
You can follow that with "What's your BMI?".... "oh we can find out out on the internet if you don't know!.."
This whole 'fat acceptance thing alas seems to have a good bit to answer for,
To be fair, I do have a bigger than average build that possibly does look a little skinny in proportion (28 to 30 waist with 42-44 chest and I haven't done any weights for a few years now)...but that doesn't mean I want to have more fat!
However... having never really been 'skinny', I take it as a compiment... and that I'm still not THAT skinny, yet a lot of trousers listed as 'M' and even some as 'S' are too big for me makes me sad for society as a whole!5 -
This bothers me so much, people can compliment you without mentioning weight at all - a simple "you look great" is so much better than "you're so skinny".
Being called skinny isn't exactly comparable to being called fat (and I say that as someone who has been called both), but it can still sting especially if you're trying to put on muscle. Most people who say it to you mean it as a compliment as they think "skinny" is something our society values and you've therefore achieved an important societal standard. To those people I would just say a nice curt "thank you" and leave it at that.
Unfortunately some more mean spirited people might be saying it in order to make you second-guess your weight loss achievement. There's nothing you can say to these people, so just smile and nod and know that the only person who needs to be happy with your body is you.1 -
canadjineh wrote: »The low end of a healthy weight is still a healthy weight, just sayin'.
I'd just pleasantly say, "Thank you," and walk away.
If you're referring to my comment I never said being at the low end of a healthy weight wasn't healthy....just sayin'@emailmehere1122
144lbs and 5'9" isn't the low end of healthy - at 21.3 it's pretty close at to the middle of the healthy BMI range.
The BMI calculator on here gives: 21.3 and the BMI healthy range is 18.5 - 25
Target weight range: 125.3 lbs - 169.3 lbs
@sijomial
Hopefully the chart I've attempted to share showing healthy body weight by frame size will show up...imo bmi will be more skewed then his family and friends perceptions..especially since they have actually seen him0 -
emailmehere1122 wrote: »canadjineh wrote: »The low end of a healthy weight is still a healthy weight, just sayin'.
I'd just pleasantly say, "Thank you," and walk away.
If you're referring to my comment I never said being at the low end of a healthy weight wasn't healthy....just sayin'@emailmehere1122
144lbs and 5'9" isn't the low end of healthy - at 21.3 it's pretty close at to the middle of the healthy BMI range.
The BMI calculator on here gives: 21.3 and the BMI healthy range is 18.5 - 25
Target weight range: 125.3 lbs - 169.3 lbs
@sijomial
Hopefully the chart I've attempted to share showing healthy body weight by frame size will show up...imo bmi will be more skewed then his family and friends perceptions..especially since they have actually seen him
So not BMI then, we are talking about different methodology.
BMI is just a specific height/weight ratio.0 -
A lot of people are not used to seeing people at a normal size. Overweight in many ways is the new normal.
I have had some comments but it usually stops when I state my BMI (22.5). Useful too to use when needed.
It shows that I know what I am talking about too. However it irritates me that so many people do not understand normal anymore and personally I am not keen on comments on my weight(loss) at all.
Most of the negative comments, masked as concerns, have been in a rather passive aggressive manner been adressed toward my husband. He is totally in the know about my goals and basicially sates: She knows exactly what she is doing and she is not to skinny. This is what normal weight looks like4 -
emailmehere1122 wrote: »canadjineh wrote: »The low end of a healthy weight is still a healthy weight, just sayin'.
I'd just pleasantly say, "Thank you," and walk away.
If you're referring to my comment I never said being at the low end of a healthy weight wasn't healthy....just sayin'@emailmehere1122
144lbs and 5'9" isn't the low end of healthy - at 21.3 it's pretty close at to the middle of the healthy BMI range.
The BMI calculator on here gives: 21.3 and the BMI healthy range is 18.5 - 25
Target weight range: 125.3 lbs - 169.3 lbs
@sijomial
Hopefully the chart I've attempted to share showing healthy body weight by frame size will show up...imo bmi will be more skewed then his family and friends perceptions..especially since they have actually seen him
So not BMI then, we are talking about different methodology.
BMI is just a specific height/weight ratio.
@sijomial
I just quickly googled ideal body weight by frame size and that chart popped up. There are so many methodologies, who really knows which one is best, but bringing bmi to the ops attention is good thinking on your part
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Instead of being upset and not knowing what they mean, why not ask if it bothers you that much? If someone says "Oh, your so skinny", then just ask "How do you mean skinny?" Where I am from, it is not a bad thing, as it is a compliment on a big accomplishment....but older people will say "You are getting fat" meaning a compliment as in meaning that you are healthy looking. A put down is more like ..."Eat a burger", Bones", Unhealthy looking"...
Only way to know is ask 1 -
ACanadian22 wrote: »Instead of being upset and not knowing what they mean, why not ask if it bothers you that much? If someone says "Oh, your so skinny", then just ask "How do you mean skinny?" Where I am from, it is not a bad thing, as it is a compliment on a big accomplishment....but older people will say "You are getting fat" meaning a compliment as in meaning that you are healthy looking. A put down is more like ..."Eat a burger", Bones", Unhealthy looking"...
Only way to know is ask
I think "too" is the operative word in Op's post, and in most of these situations. "Too" is a value judgement.1 -
My reply would be "my doctor says I'm not too skinny, I'm following his advice in order to be as healthy as possible, do you think he is wrong? Would you like to come to my next appointment maybe you and he could agree what's best for me"7
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