Failure

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WinterMitchell
WinterMitchell Posts: 1 Member
in Getting Started
Every time I get excited about losing the baby weight, my husband always upsets me and I end up just either not eating for weeks at a time or a bing eat for a while. Not that he seems to notice or care anymore. Sometimes I just think... "wow you suck at being a mom and wife, and to top it off your fat... oh well that's life" and that's the scenario that always goes trough my head

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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Yoyr husband upsets you yet you blame yourself.... riiiiiight :huh:
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    Divorce your hubby or work on being in control of your own feelings. Maybe some therapy to find ways to deal with your emotions. You have a baby to consider now. Take care of yourself so you can give that baby a healthy environment to grow up in.
  • theabsentmindednurse
    theabsentmindednurse Posts: 405 Member
    edited September 2017
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    Being a mum is the most wonderful and honourable job in the world.
    As is being well and healthy to take care care of your Bub and your family.
    Being well, includes us as a whole. Mind, body and soul.
    It is great you are on taking the steps to lose weight and become healthy, but the fact your weight loss is being sabotaged by influences inside your home is very difficult. Particularly, when our partners should be supportive.

    I would advise you visit your doctor for a referral to a counsellor and perhaps a dietitian. I am concerned you could be experiencing Post Partum depression.

    Get the help you need and you will be well on your way to being the healthy and happy Mum you know you can be.

    All the best
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    edited September 2017
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    Don't use food as a statement or punishment. Regard food as necessary fuel. Don't undereat to lose weight. I always read "excited to lose weight" as trying to starve the pounds off, and it doesn't work that way, you get hungry, hangry and irritable; maybe it's your nerves being thinner and not just your husband being more annoying than usual? If you're hungry, any excuse for eating again will do, and you are placing blame totally at random, and totally unnecessarily. You have to eat well to be healthy, for yourself, and for your child, and definitely not undereat or overeat to spite your husband.

    Do it sensibly. Get your calorie goal from MFP's setup, track your food intake and hit the calorie goal every day. It's no more dramatic than that, but you have to want it, and to muster the patience. If you live for the drama, and can't shake it, you don't have what it takes to lose weight.

    Also consider if there's something going on medically. Many different things can affect our ability to be rational. Could be malnourishment, ADD, depression, for instance. A good talk and some bloodwork at your doctor's office can be called for.
  • hpacaro
    hpacaro Posts: 25 Member
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    So much of our journey to better health has to start in our mind first because there will always be someone or something creating a potential barrier. It simply up to us to determine how we will choose to deal with it. It's hard when it's the person whom we should be closest to, but sometimes they are fighting their own battles and don't even realize it. I would get clear on what you want out of the weight loss. Do you want to feel great? Set a good example for your child? Then focus your efforts on your mindset. Others mention some type of counseling but only you can determine the severity and whether that is a necessity. If you feel you can handle it on your own then start working on self development. There are many awesome books out there to help you through the process and even online resources to help with addressing the emotional eating. But only you can put forth the effort to create a different environment for yourself.
  • chelsealynart
    chelsealynart Posts: 1 Member
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    Uhggg.. I feel you. This is literally my life and my problem as well. It's hard. Counseling is helpful but when it comes down to it you have got to put yourself, and more importantly your mental health first. Or at very least make it a priority. I stoped going to my partner for support in this way because I feel like he will never be that. Feel free to add me if you ever want to chat ~chelsea
  • Meghanebk
    Meghanebk Posts: 321 Member
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    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

    Keeping yourself healthy is important. It's your body, not your husbands. Find a way to want to take care of it, and yourself, for yourself. Or your kid. That doesn't include depriving yourself to lose weight! If you use the tools and community here on MFP, you can lose weight sensibly and get in better shape physically.

    But your emotional and mental health are important too. If counselling is too expensive, find online resources or forums for new moms to help you find support. Postpartum depression can be terrible, and may be affecting you. You may want to screen yourself for it here and check out other resources here and elsewhere online: postpartum.net/learn-more/tools-for-mom/

    And part of taking care of yourself is making sure your birth control is up to date - dealing with problems with a baby is hard, dealing with problems with a toddler and an infant is hell.

    Sounds like your husband sucks at being a husband.
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
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    I used to be the absolute queen of negative self-talk. One day a friend begged me to stop, saying it hurt her - that she would never tolerate anyone else saying those things about me - someone she cared about - and she couldnt listen to it from me either. When you say bad things about yourself, you are saying them about someone that someone else loves and cares about and would defend you from were it coming from anyone else.

    Think about your child. If you heard someone say to them "You suck at being a daughter, you are stupid and to top it off you are fat. Nobody could love you". - would you just walk away and say nothing? Absolutely not! Would YOU ever say that to your child?? Absolutely not! But what if it were your child saying that about herself...? Would you tolerate that then? Absolutely not (at least I hope not). You would hopefully talk to her, tell her how wonderful she is, etc. It would PAIN you as a parent to hear your child talk about herself that way.

    You have a husband who presumably loves you, but even if not you have a child you mean the world to. When you say bad things about yourself, you are talking about your kid's mom. Picture a bully on the playground telling your daughter that her mom is a terrible mother and wife, fat and nobody would love her. You may not think so, but she hears or sees how you feel about yourself. You are the bully telling her that her mom is a horrible person.

    Dont be a bully. Even to yourself. But for your daughter, be the mom you she deserves.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
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    Your husband upsets you, you stop eating for weeks or binge eat to punish him or yourself? Are you wanting him to notice you putting yourself through torture for some reason?

    This weight loss journey all comes down to you and only YOU. Our husbands are just men that in the away most times. Move forward with your goals, set your mind that you are NOT gonna not need him or any other person in your life to seek out your goals.

    If your marriage is in need of counseling certainly consider that, but you can be putting your emotional and mental and physical well being at the top of the list for a change, it sounds like you need to work on you. The absolute best thing you can do for your family is take care of yourself, when you do, your are stronger in all these areas, perhaps your perceptions of many things in your life will change when you do! Good luck, you can do this!

  • mail2dijaw
    mail2dijaw Posts: 36 Member
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    Be determined to go through the process of eating healthy and losing weight. your success will speak louder than words
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    I read your post and thought, "Wow, that guy really sucks at being a dad and a husband."

    You are worth so much more. I hope you can find the support you need.
  • GlassAngyl
    GlassAngyl Posts: 478 Member
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    Young mom? New mom? You'll grow up eventually. We all do. Everything is a personal attack. Baby blues suck!

    New dad? Young dad? He is probably just as overwhelmed as you but guys aren't wired like women are. They have zero ideas on how to handle their stress. They come off as *kitten* hats and today women are overly needy and easily offended by their masculine imperfections. Send his butt to work or a friends and grab your mom sis cousin friend aunt neighbor with a beard.. anyone female will do.. and have an intelligent conversation that doesn't involve grunts and complaints.
  • CarlydogsMom
    CarlydogsMom Posts: 645 Member
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    aylajane wrote: »
    I used to be the absolute queen of negative self-talk. One day a friend begged me to stop, saying it hurt her - that she would never tolerate anyone else saying those things about me - someone she cared about - and she couldnt listen to it from me either. When you say bad things about yourself, you are saying them about someone that someone else loves and cares about and would defend you from were it coming from anyone else.

    Think about your child. If you heard someone say to them "You suck at being a daughter, you are stupid and to top it off you are fat. Nobody could love you". - would you just walk away and say nothing? Absolutely not! Would YOU ever say that to your child?? Absolutely not! But what if it were your child saying that about herself...? Would you tolerate that then? Absolutely not (at least I hope not). You would hopefully talk to her, tell her how wonderful she is, etc. It would PAIN you as a parent to hear your child talk about herself that way.

    You have a husband who presumably loves you, but even if not you have a child you mean the world to. When you say bad things about yourself, you are talking about your kid's mom. Picture a bully on the playground telling your daughter that her mom is a terrible mother and wife, fat and nobody would love her. You may not think so, but she hears or sees how you feel about yourself. You are the bully telling her that her mom is a horrible person.

    Dont be a bully. Even to yourself. But for your daughter, be the mom you she deserves.

    I'm just re-quoting this to make sure you read it twice (at least).

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