Unsupportive household

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  • work_on_it
    work_on_it Posts: 251 Member
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    wellnesschaser wrote: »
    I lean on my MFP friends a lot.

    ^^^^ This. It took me a while to really figure it out.

    It doesn't have to be a lonely road. There's people here who can pick you up and encourage you. We push each other. We inspire each other. Do it for yourself - but you don't have to do it alone.
  • ccruz985
    ccruz985 Posts: 646 Member
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    You're definitely not disgusting. Not at all.

    In reality, it's not fair to ask someone else to change because you're changing and I don't think he's being unsupportive by not altering a lifestyle that works for him. Personally, I learned that my changes were for me and I can't rely on other people because they'll be the first ones to let me down (and they always were).
  • kristen8000
    kristen8000 Posts: 747 Member
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    Harsh reality check in 1, 2, 3...the only person who will always support you is you.

    You need to do this for you. You can't let other impact your progress. You can't let others be excuses for why you aren't meeting your goals.

    You are the only one that will be able to tell you "No" at work when someone brings in donuts and you want one but it won't fit into your calorie goal.

    You've had a crap day, you are tired, but you have a Zumba Class at 7pm. All you want to do is sit on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and watch Netflix. You are the only one that can ALWAYS talk yourself into going and giving it your all.

    Others can be our cheerleaders and tell us they are proud of us, but YOU will always be the only one that will ALWAYS support YOU.
  • Ruatine
    Ruatine Posts: 3,424 Member
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    OP, as others have said, you have made this choice. Only you are responsible for your choices and whether or not your husband wants to join with you is his choice. My husband is as overweight as I am (just over the edge into overweight BMI). I am working on dropping another 20 lbs, but he is happy where he is. He will occasionally ask me to eat something with him or try a bite of something. You know what I do? I consistently say "no, thanks."

    When I'm cooking for both of us, I make food that we both like to eat, and I serve him a larger portion. He watches as I weigh out my servings and log it. We have open and honest communication about what I'm doing and why, and I never pressure him about what he's eating or whether he should lose weight. I don't feel like he's "unsupportive" because he offers me food from time to time or because he doesn't want to lose weight as I do.

    Your motivation to lose weight/increase your fitness has to come from within regardless of what people are doing around you. Throughout life you're going to find yourself in situations where people are offering you food you may not want or may not fit in your calories for the day. You're going to be surrounded with people who do not have the same fitness goals as you - in your own house, on the job, at social gatherings. And that's okay. When you've made the decision for yourself about how/when/where/what you want to eat, it doesn't really matter what other people are doing. You do you, and let other people do them. In the end, all you can control is yourself - your thoughts, your actions, your feelings. Don't let other people's choices not to join with you in your journey to health rob you of your desire and motivation to make that journey.
  • MsMaeFlowers
    MsMaeFlowers Posts: 261 Member
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    My husband doesn't care to lose weight. He is supportive of my goals, but he eats what he wants, when he wants. If I cook, he eats it. He also eats lots of snacks and treats. It doesn't bother me. If he is eating something I want to, I just fit it into my calories, or shrug it off and eat it anyways and go back to my normal calories the next day.

    My husband eating how he wants to eat doesn't mean he is isn't supportive. He just has different goals than I do.

    And honestly, you should be putting yourself first. You are the only person that can change you. Putting someone else's wants and needs above your own isn't going to achieve anything.

    Just do what you have to do. Cook meals, and your husband can always add on to his if he so desires. Buy him his normal snacks and don't eat them. It's really very simple to do. Just make up your mind to do it, and make the change.
  • apennock
    apennock Posts: 49 Member
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    Love this thread. It is easy to use an ambivalent significant other as an excuse (I'm guilty of it for sure). At the end of the day though I am my own person and I make my own decisions. I had been waiting to get my husband on board for a gym membership but I think I'm just gonna start myself, and he can join later if he decides he wants to.
  • bbontheb
    bbontheb Posts: 718 Member
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    All the "we only need ourselves" advice doesn't always come across as inspiring or motivational. Sometimes people need to feel heard and by being heard they often feel supported. Perhaps we can talk about how difficult it can be when you don't feel on the same path as your spouse or when you ask for some sort of support and you don't get it. What does it feel like for you?

    Are there any spouses who eventually have separated over the differences in outlook (new/healthier) or new wants?
  • wesley58
    wesley58 Posts: 129 Member
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    The journey always starts with you, sometimes they get on and ride, sometimes they steer, and sometimes they do nothing. It is about you, and you are no 1, forget about them, don't let them discourage you, it is about you.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    bbontheb wrote: »
    All the "we only need ourselves" advice doesn't always come across as inspiring or motivational. Sometimes people need to feel heard and by being heard they often feel supported. Perhaps we can talk about how difficult it can be when you don't feel on the same path as your spouse or when you ask for some sort of support and you don't get it. What does it feel like for you?

    Are there any spouses who eventually have separated over the differences in outlook (new/healthier) or new wants?

    I already posted in this thread a couple of times so I'm hesitant to post yet again. But I do think in a lot of small ways my divorce from my first husband stemmed from this. It wasn't the ONLY issue and probably not even the biggest issue. But it definitely contributed to our split. I was moving in a different direction with regard to health and nutrition, for sure, but most notably in my level of physical activity. The same year we split, I started a list of different fun things I wanted to do during the summer and realized my then-spouse wasn't going to be interested or even able to do about 80% of the things on my list. If it was a disability that prevented him from being active, that would have been one thing. But he was looking into a bleak future with regard to health, and at the time he was only 32 years old but not even slightly motivated to improve things. It was sad and frustrating.

  • bbontheb
    bbontheb Posts: 718 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    bbontheb wrote: »
    All the "we only need ourselves" advice doesn't always come across as inspiring or motivational. Sometimes people need to feel heard and by being heard they often feel supported. Perhaps we can talk about how difficult it can be when you don't feel on the same path as your spouse or when you ask for some sort of support and you don't get it. What does it feel like for you?

    Are there any spouses who eventually have separated over the differences in outlook (new/healthier) or new wants?

    I already posted in this thread a couple of times so I'm hesitant to post yet again. But I do think in a lot of small ways my divorce from my first husband stemmed from this. It wasn't the ONLY issue and probably not even the biggest issue. But it definitely contributed to our split. I was moving in a different direction with regard to health and nutrition, for sure, but most notably in my level of physical activity. The same year we split, I started a list of different fun things I wanted to do during the summer and realized my then-spouse wasn't going to be interested or even able to do about 80% of the things on my list. If it was a disability that prevented him from being active, that would have been one thing. But he was looking into a bleak future with regard to health, and at the time he was only 32 years old but not even slightly motivated to improve things. It was sad and frustrating.

    I'm liking this not because it was great that you had to experience it but because you were so honest in sharing. Sometimes I wonder if my spouse and I will end up like this. We don't seem to have anything in common anymore and nothing to look forward to "together", lol.

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