to the ladies who need a laugh this AM!

pipinana
pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
edited September 19 in Chit-Chat
HEEHEE, FOR THE LADS TOO IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT! :heart:

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

:laugh: :laugh: HAD TO SHARE... HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY! :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    HEEHEE, FOR THE LADS TOO IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT! :heart:

    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    WOMEN'S REVENGE
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.

    MARRIAGE SEMINAR
    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
    Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor,
    'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
    He addressed the man,
    'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.
    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

    WIFE VS. HUSBAND
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

    WORDS
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

    CREATION
    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

    WHO DOES WHAT
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
    Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

    THE SILENT TREATMENT
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
    at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    :laugh: :laugh: HAD TO SHARE... HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY! :flowerforyou:
  • myhoney
    myhoney Posts: 41
    this is great!
  • oregonlady
    oregonlady Posts: 2,743 Member
    thank you!:smile:
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
    :laugh: I like the tampon one, lol
  • timechange
    timechange Posts: 61
    Thanks! I needed this! :laugh: :laugh:
  • Nikki143
    Nikki143 Posts: 491 Member
    That made me laugh! Thank you!
  • MTGirl
    MTGirl Posts: 1,490 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    :laugh: I like the tampon one, lol

    LOL, that was my fav too! :laugh:
  • amycakes812
    amycakes812 Posts: 441
    :laugh: I like the tampon one, lol

    LOL, that was my fav too! :laugh:

    That must have been what was meant by the "MAN-pons" post the other day! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • naner
    naner Posts: 110
    :laugh:
    the CREATION one was my fav!! 2 funny
    thanks:drinker: :laugh: :happy:
  • nytoaz
    nytoaz Posts: 143
    So funny! :laugh: Thanks!
  • sophialittle
    sophialittle Posts: 344 Member
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    hilarious! thanks for the humor!:drinker:
  • beagle595
    beagle595 Posts: 226
    OMG, HILARIOUS!!! Cigarettes and tampons :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: . Thank God I have a husband that knows better... he knows I'm always right, he'll never win an arguement, I have a memory of an elephant... and I always get the last word... :noway: Just kidding... No seriously :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    (Does mfp have spellcheck?)
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