Binge eating-starting to take care of yourself

madamjmh · October 2017

I was a binge eater. Since the age of 14, my eating has been disordered and my self image was distorted to the point I couldn't stand to get in the shower anymore because my body felt so shameful. I wasn't taking care of myself when binging as well as not binging. Restricted eating by day and binging when my hunger hit breaking point.

When in recovery, I wanted more than anything to rid myself of the weight I'd gained from binging (it was only 30 pounds overall only it felt to me like 100) but it felt impossible because any calorie deficit made me want to binge. Eventually I grew tired of trying so hard and failing over and over and told myself I'd eat maintenance (something that really scared me). It took a long time for me to come to this and I had lost hope of ever being a normal eater again, any weight gain I'd worried this would cause just didn't matter anymore. Well, after two weeks of maintenance and I saw some weight loss, I was so happy with myself. I was less bloated, my clothes were begging to fit again and when I looked in the mirror I began to feel proud of my body again. I'd never believed it was possible to eat enough, loss weight and not feel an urge to binge.
After that I began to look after myself in other ways like hot coffee in the morning and relaxing baths in the evenings. Things got better and better from there on!
My first change was to eat evenly throughout the day (this was almost a miracle realisation for me). I eat 1700 calories a day (unless It's a special occasion) and make sure to eat 500 in the morning, at least 500 for lunch and at least 500 for dinner. This stopped me from getting overly hungry throughout the day and therefore dramatically decreased my binge cravings.

Next, I very loosely looked at nutrition and made sure to eat protein, carbs and fats in my meals. But, maybe more importantly, I began to give myself small treats in the day such as hot chocolate at work, a square of dark chocolate in the evening, or a me sized portion of take away every once in a while. Food should be enjoyed, let your body do what it naturally does.

From there I began to see that a large problem that a lot of binge eaters have is that food is their only source of enjoyment day to day. When you're not looking after your mind and body, you're going to start craving the only thing that makes you feel good. As soon as I recognised this, getting out of the house, meeting friends, or simply walking around visiting the shops became an essential part of every day. I put my mind first above everything else and attempted to treat myself as I would someone else I loved. I found myself smiling more and more. Food should be enjoyed but shouldn't be the only source of happiness and relief in your life.

I'll stop there but let me know if you want anymore tips I've learned (some may be more helpful than others). It's a very difficult journey so don't shame yourself if these things don't work for you, everyone's recovery is different just as people binge for different reasons. Just remember that you will get there in the end, I guarantee!

Sorry for the ramble but I hope this helps someone... I might try and write something a little more detailed about my recovery at some point soon.

Good luck everyone!

schellies · October 2017

Thanks for sharing. Sounds a lot like me. Wish i could find my happy medium.

owieprone · October 2017

Hi, yeah, thanks for sharing. Your story is pretty similar to mine, I do allow myself treats often and 'cheat' meals. I have also retrained my brain to accept particular foods as sweets (grapes, melon, dried mango) so I don't feel left out when I see someone eating normal sweets or chocolate. This helps me not eat actual sweets and to say no when offered them.

I know how I became a binge eater and what my triggers are: food, physical and emotion wise, which helps alot! but once I start, it's very difficult to stop myself. Stopping myself from starting in the first place is becoming easier the more I do it... yep that's as bad as it sounds. A good old trip down the rabbit hole is inevitable, but how 'bad' it is and how I deal with it afterwards is much improved... i'm less likely to hide what i've done, i'll tell husband.. i might still hide the evidence but i'll still tell him what i've eaten in one sitting. I am getting good at telling him what i've actually eaten over the day so he can plan dinner around my binge, or let me get my own, or dissuade me from eating anything else until I actually feel hungry again.

I weirdly find diets where you eat just a few foods (cambridge, lighterlife) easy to stick to because it's all there you just decide how much calories you need that day. I never go under 1000 calories, I literally can't survive on that due to a medical condition, and 5 days a week of 2 hour intensive sport sessions.
Doing these makes it easier to stay away from trigger foods once i've lost the weight I need.

For me it's also centered on self-image, it's been a long time since i've taken someone else's criticism to heart, even if it's meant to be mean now i take it as constructive or instructive. If i don't think i look good, that's usually when I have enough strength to fight the demons and stop eating rubbish. I think body dysmorphia is present in most people in some way or another, but for anyone with an eating disorder it's so hard to amend of that particular part of you. I don't see the fat until boom one day, i look in a mirror and think 'hey you, fat *kitten*! Lay off the pies'.

It's a very personal journey but something that should definately be talked about more. The more I talk about it the better I feel about me and the less i'm likely to conceal the fact i've just eaten a whole tub of haagen daas and a giant bag of s&v crisps to myself in one sitting from my husband (and hidden the evidence all sneaky-beaky like).

Having someone that doesn't judge what I do but just listens and carries on around me is a massive help. Being honest to myself was the first big hurdle, in all respects of my eating problem. Telling husband I was a binge eater was the next. I still find it difficult, 10 years later, to be honest about food.

keep trying.

EEAngelina · October 2017

Thx for sharing, I haven’t had a binge in a week I’m keeping my fingers crossed.... my promblem is I eat so little calories till I can’t stand it anymore and then I eat everything in sight. I have my eating on a schedule now and I’m trying to make new healthy choices!

Binge eating-starting to take care of yourself

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