Absolutely Discouraged - Venting
MelissaMAuclair
Posts: 11 Member
I thought my weight loss was going well (I have lost 40 lbs so far). This weekend was Thanksgiving (Canada) and I decided that I would eat a little more (but not overdo it). My FIL commented (on more than one occasion) that I was eating in excess (I ate about 1600 cals. a day). He also told me that I would NEVER get that bikini body back. I SWAIR I feel like I should eat 600 cals. a day now. I have always struggled with eating disorders (too little or excess), and now those self deprecating feelings are back. I'm NEVER eating in his presence again. I don't care if I STARVE!
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Replies
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I understand where your coming from... I do everything to the extreme... Especially dieting or overeating... But don't give up... You can do it..3
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First of all, you are beautiful. Second of all, he's old (or oldish) with no filter. I do know exactly how you feel, though. My MIL once bought me a 4X dress (I was about a 14/16 at the time) because she was a size 6 and "didn't know the difference" between the sizes in the women's section. We know that the thought of eating or not eating for revenge is so ridiculous but it's so hard to be rational when someone hurts us! Hang in there.4
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What he said was rude and inappropriate. I get that it hurts, but be mad!! Why should you walk away feeling like *kitten*? He’s the one with a lack of manners and no filter! Just rude. I’m sorry that happened but I hope you don’t beat YOURSELF up about it. Argh. Some people.7
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People like that deserve none of your attention. How sad of a person he must be to feel the need to make those comments. Ignore him, he probably knows that he got to you and secretly enjoys that.6
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rundgrenrocks wrote: »My MIL once bought me a 4X dress (I was about a 14/16 at the time) because she was a size 6 and "didn't know the difference" between the sizes in the women's section.
OMG!
I would have punched her if I were you.3 -
Your FIL has it completely wrong, and what he said was out of line. Weight loss and body composition are about long term changes and habits, not a single day. When I was in my loss phase I had a day of around 7,000 calories... I lost weight that week.
If you are reaching your goals then continue doing so. Don't let other people try to derail you. It's not their life you are living.... it's your life you are living.12 -
robertw486 wrote: »Your FIL has it completely wrong, and what he said was out of line. Weight loss and body composition are about long term changes and habits, not a single day. When I was in my loss phase I had a day of around 7,000 calories... I lost weight that week.
If you are reaching your goals then continue doing so. Don't let other people try to derail you. It's not their life you are living.... it's your life you are living.
This is exactly what I needed to hear! Yes! Tomorrow is another day! Thank you so much!
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The only one who knows your body and what is right for you...is you. You're the only one who can live your life, and no matter what anyone says, they will never get you. Don't let his ignorance bring you down for one second. You know what you're doing, and I know you mention the struggles you've had in the past, but I believe you have this. You know what you need to do and what it takes for you to be comfortable and in control in a healthy way. You keep going. The best thing you could ever do for yourself, is to love and be kind to yourself, and be your own advocate. People who comment like that, though I'm sure some mean well, it's usually because they have lost control in their own lives and are projecting that onto others. Don't give it a second thought! If you need support or would like a friend, feel free to add me. You got this girl and tomorrow is a new day. Wishing you all the best!
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"He also told me that I would NEVER get that bikini body back."
how disrespectful. as though you're losing weight for his visual benefit specifically. what does he care whether or not you have a "bikini body"? he's your FIL for chrissake, that's such an inappropriate, unwarranted comment to make. i would feel incredibly violated if any male family member made some sort of comment like that on my body. he is gross and you should feel no compulsion to give any weight (ha pun) to what he says.
as long as you are taking care of yourself that's all that matters. fwiw i have also mainly experienced success by overeating one day after maintaining my calories for long periods of time..bodies are very strange and there's no reason why he should feel like he's the authority on yours! he doesn't know how you lose weight, and he doesn't need to. it's not his business. you do this for YOU. not for him.10 -
That's an absolutely disgusting thing for him to say to you. Don't let him control your perception or your enjoyment of food! You absolutely should eat in his presence again. The next time he dares pipe up, tell him exactly how inappropriate his comments are.5
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MelissaMAuclair wrote: »I thought my weight loss was going well (I have lost 40 lbs so far). This weekend was Thanksgiving (Canada) and I decided that I would eat a little more (but not overdo it). !
Your weight loss is going well and, not only that, your attitude to eating is going well too. Don't give your FIL the power to change that. You and all the effort you have put in are worth far more than that.
I can understand your need to vent, though. His comments were waaaay out of line...was he drunk or something?!
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Try and let his words bounce off you. I know its hard to do. My mothers words caused me to have an eating disorder in highschool. Now her words don't bother me anymore. I just say whatever and i don't care. I know who i am and thats all that matters. Just do what you are doing. He doesn't know you. Don't let him get to you. You are beautiful.4
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He’s a jerk. I’d tell him your weight nor what you eat is up for discussion3
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MelissaMAuclair wrote: »I thought my weight loss was going well (I have lost 40 lbs so far). This weekend was Thanksgiving (Canada) and I decided that I would eat a little more (but not overdo it). My FIL commented (on more than one occasion) that I was eating in excess (I ate about 1600 cals. a day). He also told me that I would NEVER get that bikini body back. I SWAIR I feel like I should eat 600 cals. a day now. I have always struggled with eating disorders (too little or excess), and now those self deprecating feelings are back. I'm NEVER eating in his presence again. I don't care if I STARVE!
i would find my father in law talking about my 'bikini body' creepy AF personally....13 -
Wow...can't believe he said that. What an *kitten*. You should have said, "Oh I'll get it back, too bad you won't get rid of your ED problems! BTW, why don't you comb the hair coming out of your ears over that big *kitten* bald spot on your head? And while your at it uni-brow, just remember you're going to be $hitting in a diaper in just a few years, while we're on the beach laughing at your saggy man tits!"
If people want to be jerks to you, I see no reason why you should take the high road. Come back with both barrels blazing!
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Youre doing great!! People who havent been through it just dont get it! Let the ignorance go.in one ear and out the other side. You look great! Keep it up!1
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Don't give him power over you.1
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Who the heck are these people that think making such comments are ok? I was always taught if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Geez.
Ignore the jerk and prove him wrong. You can and will do this!4 -
Agree 100%. Your FIL commenting on your "bikini body" is very creepy. Even creepier if he wasn't drinking.
I've been maintaining a long time. I very rarely discuss weight loss with anyone. Just leads to nonsense like you're talking about.2 -
I dunno, seems a bit overstepping for a Father in Law? I would just call him on it, let him know it's your body, you'll eat what you want, when you want, and it's none of his business whether you get into your "bikini body" again or not. You are not married to him you're married to his child, and even then it would be unacceptable for the child to speak to you that way. Anything other than encouragement is unacceptable.2
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Agree with everyone above that the comment was inappropriate and you should do your best to let it roll off you.
Where was your significant other, his child? One of the rules we have in my marriage is that there's no in-law drama because we have each other's backs where parents are concerned. His own child can say things to him that would be harder for you to say.2 -
MelissaMAuclair wrote: »I thought my weight loss was going well (I have lost 40 lbs so far). This weekend was Thanksgiving (Canada) and I decided that I would eat a little more (but not overdo it). My FIL commented (on more than one occasion) that I was eating in excess (I ate about 1600 cals. a day). He also told me that I would NEVER get that bikini body back. I SWAIR I feel like I should eat 600 cals. a day now. I have always struggled with eating disorders (too little or excess), and now those self deprecating feelings are back. I'm NEVER eating in his presence again. I don't care if I STARVE!
If he has made comments like that before (creepy, body related, totally inappropriate), I wouldn’t be around him in the first place. I’d make sure our interactions were very limited, or his son was front and center. Shielding me from those comments. Otherwise the creepy old guy can stick it. Those comments weren’t nice, they were rude and hurtful. It wasn’t like he was being funny or trying to be helpful.
I don’t feel any obligation or need to spend time or put up with that from inlaws. My inlaws are fine but if it got creepy, I’d feel absolutely no need to be a part of that.2 -
Agree 100%. Your FIL commenting on your "bikini body" is very creepy. Even creepier if he wasn't drinking.
I've been maintaining a long time. I very rarely discuss weight loss with anyone. Just leads to nonsense like you're talking about.
Indeed! Lesson learned. My weight loss is not my families business!
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40 pounds is an amazing feat! And so is eating 1600 cal/day while having personal struggle with ED! You should only be proud of yourself and know that some ignorant guy can't take it from you! I would also personally nudge my significant other and expect some backup from a comment like that0
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