Needing some help

You can't just want to lose weight and get fit, you have to want to eat well and move more. On the other hand, eating right and working out to a strict schedule is most likely unnecessary and possibly what makes you fall off and deters you from starting again. Nobody can or will blame you for that. Nobody can give you motivation. Your lifestyle is your motivation. If you're not motivated, it's not a lifestyle change, it's just a diet and exercise regime with a hip name.

So. Find out where you are today and figure out some healthy things that will have an impact if you do them every day or most days, that you can do today and think you can do forever. Start there. You will most likely have to make some changes to your eating habits and daily activity routines. Don't just randomly change just to change, figure out what will work in the short run, and in the long run. Be ready to adjust if something doesn't work as expected, or if something else in your life forces you to. Then build momentum. If you build good habits, your attitudes towards many things will change, along with some of your preferences. But some things will always stay the same. You can't become someone else. Don't expect your life to be perfect if you just lose enough weight. If you suffer from weight related issues, those will go away, and you can get stronger, but you'll have to put in a lot of effort, time and sacrifice to become a athlete. At some point you'll ideally feel happy and content. This can be a point where you want to continue to challenge yourself, or compete, or just maintain weight and strength and endurance. As you change something, other things will change too. This can be exciting. Think of the possibilities. Only you can make change happen.