so a little venting.

gabriellejayde
gabriellejayde Posts: 607 Member
edited November 22 in Health and Weight Loss
I have a close friend/relative who has struggled with her weight like I have. A few years ago, she got a lap band and lost some weight, then gained it back plus much more because she continued to drink soda and other high calorie, high sugar/fat foods. Around that time, I also lost weight and she asked if I had weight loss surgery. I told her no... I'm just counting calories.

Next, she got a gastric sleeve and lost slightly more weight than the first time. Again, I also lost some weight and again, she asked if I really had weight loss surgery and didn't want to tell her. No... just counting calories.

She gained all the weight back, plus more and continued to drink soda and other high calorie foods. She said that the doctor didn't remove enough of her stomach and that's why it failed.

So around a year ago, she had a gastric bypass. I was thinking that between the gastric sleeve (they remove a good portion of your stomach) and the bypass, she would HAVE to lose weight, because she'd have very little stomach left, AND wouldn't be able to tolerate a lot of foods. She did lose a little more this time, but when I saw what she was eating every day, I was surprised. Butter on everything, cream and sugar and flavor shots in her coffees, fast food, cheese, and chips.

No surprise... her weight loss slowed (she looks great since losing weight, but still has more to go) and she didn't know why. I suggested that maybe she's eating too much. She said no... if anything, she's eating too LITTLE.
So I said no... you're not eating too little. At that point, I had lost around 60lbs and told her that whenever my weight loss slows, it's because I'm eating more than I think, so I count calories and I can easily see how much I'm eating. I suggested she do that.
AND AGAIN, she asked if I had secretly had weight loss surgery and again, I told her just to COUNT HER CALORIES. Try having 1400 a day and see how you do. NOTHING MORE.

She said she would try it. and then a few weeks went by and she told me that she's been stressed and eating too many carbs and sugar (that means cake, cookies, and candy) and taking a break from dieting. Like the other times, I'm guessing this is the end of her losses and may even be the start of some gains. She has not tried counting calories and instead, decided that she needs to up her protein and has been eating a lot of nuts.

I feel badly that she struggles. and we all make excuses, I know. but at the same time, I feel like she monitors how my weight loss is going and asks me a lot of questions about what I'm doing (she always wants to know if I'm taking any weight loss drugs, had surgeries, how much I'm working out, how many steps I take, and what special diet I'm on) and then completely disregards the ONE thing I tell her that works.

That's the end of my vent. thanks for listening.

Replies

  • questionfear
    questionfear Posts: 527 Member
    That's a shame. So she had three surgeries as though they were magic bullets, and she's surprised that it still comes down to putting in the work? :(
  • amyepdx
    amyepdx Posts: 750 Member
    What a sad cautionary tale
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Wow, lots of issues here. Not only is she making excuses, but she's over complicating things.

    I'm also surprised doctors would be okay with doing that many surgeries but I guess if they were paid for / covered by insurance then I guess they don't care.

    Sad, because she's damaging her health with all the drastic weight loss and gain AND by having so many surgeries where if she just accepted that calorie counting worked she'd be so much better off. Well, congrats to you on your weight loss and all you can do is what you've been doing: lead by example and be honest about your diet.
  • magster4isu
    magster4isu Posts: 632 Member
    I think part of the problem is we grew up in a world full of "magical pills" and "you must cut out this/out only this" and "listen to the 'experts' to lose weight fast". Counting calories is just too simple (hard, but simple). Because it is not complex or a fad, people don't believe it. I didn't believe it for a long time, until I was successful with it.
  • gabriellejayde
    gabriellejayde Posts: 607 Member
    Lizakabibbis wrote: »
    She should get her mental part in check. Just because your stomach is smaller doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight. I had the gastric sleeve and had to change my life. She has no control and it's crazy that she was ever approved for additional surgeries.

    I agree. When she first said that her weight loss had stopped, she said she didn't understand it because she was getting in all of her protein and water. As if that's all that someone would need.

  • Gamliela
    Gamliela Posts: 2,468 Member
    Thats what worried me when I read op's concerns. Are surgeons at all concerned with life long healthy habits?
    Well, are they concerned much about long life, or lining their bank accounts?
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    <akes me really sad people pay to get themselves cut open and slashed up (im a bit terrified of the surgery so i use those words, Not judging) And assume it will basically do all the work for them. When it fails its to heartbreaking to put their bodies through that, Let alone again O_O Oh my gosh i cant imagine.

    But i thought doctors go over this stuff with patients before the surgeries? Dont people getting the surgery literally have to practice that before the doctors allow it? It saves them from being sued and the patient from getting all cut up for nothing
  • Fitnessgirl0913
    Fitnessgirl0913 Posts: 481 Member
    That is very frustrating. After I lost my first 50 pounds people would always ask how I did it and they would get disappointed or confused when I said just counted calories and exercised but did not cut anything out of my diet completely. I felt like they were expecting me to hand them a magic pill or diet and it got really old really quick.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    vingogly wrote: »
    Gamliela wrote: »
    Thats what worried me when I read op's concerns. Are surgeons at all concerned with life long healthy habits?
    Well, are they concerned much about long life, or lining their bank accounts?

    Surgeons are concerned about solving problems using surgery. I don't want my surgeon to focus on life long healthy habits, I want him/her to solve my problem via surgery. Most medical doctors are trained to view things in terms of disease: once the tumor/lump of fat is gone, problem solved. At best, they'll throw a brochure at you when you finish treatment. A more enlightened surgeon/doctor will pair with a counselor or wellness coach who can help the patient with the lifestyle issues.

    More and more, you can find doctors with a wellness focus (building life long healthy habits) but they're still in the minority. In truth, for most of us, the problem isn't in our bellies, it's in our heads. The OP's friend/relative would do better going to a counselor or psychologist who focuses on weight loss and wellness issues than continuing to look for surgical solutions to her inability to control her input.

    I'm not so sure this is true of weight loss surgery.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    I didn't know they would do 3 different gastric surgeries on someone. Especially that insurance would pay for it.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Maybe you should tell her to see a better doctor, dietician or get into therapy to deal with why she doesn't make the dietary changes she needs to sustain her losses.
    It is strange that she has had 3 procedures done and still doesn't believe calories matter. It is strange that doctors agreed to do these procedures when she does not follow through.
  • 2snakeswoman
    2snakeswoman Posts: 655 Member
    She must be under the care of some pretty unethical people to have done three different weight loss surgeries without giving her dietary guidance or following up. In fact, I'm a little suspicious because there are some pretty strict protocols about who gets weight loss surgery and under what circumstances.
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
    That's just sad. It's one thing to be a yo-yo dieter, which many people are. But to have THREE surgeries and still not be able to maintain a proper weight.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    The program in my province includes extensive education and monitoring by professionals (therapist, nurse, physiotherapist) before and after surgery. I know a few folks who had the gastric band, followed by the sleeve, followed by the bypass.

    IMO, the band does not live up to it's billing. It slips. It scars. Everyone I know who had it needed additional surgery to remove it or to switch to a sleeve.

    I was recommended the bypass right at the start because of my co-morbidities (diabetes) and because of my age. It worked for me. I had all the training as well though. And I was compliant.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Oh, I was going to add. I think you could make dieting and what you are doing an off-topic with this particular acquaintance. Her perception is skewed.

    If it were me I'd give puppy eyes every time the subject comes up and say, "Yes, it is very hard...." Then change the subject.
  • Unknown
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  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,169 Member
    I guess it's time to shut her down. Next time she asks for the "real" reason you've been successful, tell her you're secretly addicted to meth and don't want to talk about it. Then ask her what her plans are for Thanksgiving.
  • misnomer1
    misnomer1 Posts: 646 Member
    Open your mfp diary and show it to her every time she asks. Or, you could start spamming her email with screenshots of your diary everyday.
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