•not all wounds are visible•
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BotanyNerd
Posts: 38 Member
If you are comfortable, please share something you have been through and overcame, or currently working on overcoming..
I endured over three years of domestic abuse. I developed and overcame anxiety, an eating disorder, trust issues and depression from that experience. I still have my bad days but I’m very proud of how far I’ve gotten. He told me everyday that I was nothing and stupid, but now I’m only a year out from graduating with honors with an undergraduate degree, my resume is fantastic and I manage over 20 people. I finally feel great about myself and my capabilities. It took over four long years to get to this point but I’m finally healing.
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Replies
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You’ve done awesome. Be proud!2
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Similar experience. I was in a long term relationship with this guy. I later found out he was selling meth and using. It was a lot of mental/emotional and some physical abuse. I found out after I was pregnant, go figure. I was young and so, so naive. I stupidly tried hard to "make it work" and "give him the benefit of the doubt", etc. etc. Basically, i was afraid to strike out on my own. That saying...'when someone repeatedly tells you something, whether it's negative or positive...it really sticks in your mind and subconscious and after a while you actually start believing it?', it's true and it happens. I knew deep down what he said to me and about me wasn't true, it just took me some time to gather my mental strength to be capable of leaving him. I did leave...albeit several years later. He was never good for me. I sincerely wish I had the strength and clarity to see/realize it sooner. Well, maybe not clarity - that came as things got worse, but definitely the courage to walk away. Why not clarity, you ask? The whole bullsh*t saying, Love is blind has some truth to it. I loved him very much and my being just couldn't/wouldn't believe that he was capable of treating me this way. It got to the point where the horrible things he said to me wouldn't even phase me and that made him angry(ier). I filed an Order of Protection against him. That was when he finally was out of my home. I still have trust issues, not as bad as then, but they're still there. I still deal with bouts of depression and some days are worse than others. Spiraling...hurts. I despise it. I try my best to be positive and to surround myself with the positive - friends, family, music I love, drawing, photography, reading, but there are some days when none of these things help and I fall. Anywho, enough of that. If I were to see him now? I would walk up to him and say, "Thank you. Because of you I am stronger, I am wiser, and damn it if I'm cautious but I gotta say thank you for making ME a better person." In essence, he did. I believe that any experience we live, good or bad, is something we should appreciate.8
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You are so strongSimilar experience. I was in a long term relationship with this guy. I later found out he was selling meth and using. It was a lot of mental/emotional and some physical abuse. I found out after I was pregnant, go figure. I was young and so, so naive. I stupidly tried hard to "make it work" and "give him the benefit of the doubt", etc. etc. Basically, i was afraid to strike out on my own. That saying...'when someone repeatedly tells you something, whether it's negative or positive...it really sticks in your mind and subconscious and after a while you actually start believing it?', it's true and it happens. I knew deep down what he said to me and about me wasn't true, it just took me some time to gather my mental strength to be capable of leaving him. I did leave...albeit several years later. He was never good for me. I sincerely wish I had the strength and clarity to see/realize it sooner. Well, maybe not clarity - that came as things got worse, but definitely the courage to walk away. Why not clarity, you ask? The whole bullsh*t saying, Love is blind has some truth to it. I loved him very much and my being just couldn't/wouldn't believe that he was capable of treating me this way. It got to the point where the horrible things he said to me wouldn't even phase me and that made him angry(ier). I filed an Order of Protection against him. That was when he finally was out of my home. I still have trust issues, not as bad as then, but they're still there. I still deal with bouts of depression and some days are worse than others. Spiraling...hurts. I despise it. I try my best to be positive and to surround myself with the positive - friends, family, music I love, drawing, photography, reading, but there are some days when none of these things help and I fall. Anywho, enough of that. If I were to see him now? I would walk up to him and say, "Thank you. Because of you I am stronger, I am wiser, and damn it if I'm cautious but I gotta say thank you for making ME a better person." In essence, he did. I believe that any experience we live, good or bad, is something we should appreciate.
every experience helps form you into who you are today, regardless of it’s difficulty. I found that hobbies really helped gound myself. I’m truly happy you found loving people to surround yourself with!
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You are so strongSimilar experience. I was in a long term relationship with this guy. I later found out he was selling meth and using. It was a lot of mental/emotional and some physical abuse. I found out after I was pregnant, go figure. I was young and so, so naive. I stupidly tried hard to "make it work" and "give him the benefit of the doubt", etc. etc. Basically, i was afraid to strike out on my own. That saying...'when someone repeatedly tells you something, whether it's negative or positive...it really sticks in your mind and subconscious and after a while you actually start believing it?', it's true and it happens. I knew deep down what he said to me and about me wasn't true, it just took me some time to gather my mental strength to be capable of leaving him. I did leave...albeit several years later. He was never good for me. I sincerely wish I had the strength and clarity to see/realize it sooner. Well, maybe not clarity - that came as things got worse, but definitely the courage to walk away. Why not clarity, you ask? The whole bullsh*t saying, Love is blind has some truth to it. I loved him very much and my being just couldn't/wouldn't believe that he was capable of treating me this way. It got to the point where the horrible things he said to me wouldn't even phase me and that made him angry(ier). I filed an Order of Protection against him. That was when he finally was out of my home. I still have trust issues, not as bad as then, but they're still there. I still deal with bouts of depression and some days are worse than others. Spiraling...hurts. I despise it. I try my best to be positive and to surround myself with the positive - friends, family, music I love, drawing, photography, reading, but there are some days when none of these things help and I fall. Anywho, enough of that. If I were to see him now? I would walk up to him and say, "Thank you. Because of you I am stronger, I am wiser, and damn it if I'm cautious but I gotta say thank you for making ME a better person." In essence, he did. I believe that any experience we live, good or bad, is something we should appreciate. every experience helps form you into who you are today, regardless of it’s difficulty. I found that hobbies really helped gound myself. I’m truly happy you found loving people to surround yourself with!
You're pretty strong yourself - thank you for sharing! You're doing very well, you should be very proud!
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I was in a Safeway Store cashing a check and had actually noticed these people acting suspicious, but ignored my instinct and stayed in line at the Customer Service counter. Got my check approved and was sent to a register to get it cashed. Suddenly there were screams and then yelling coming from where I had just left (Service desk), then all hell broke loose and there were five people all around us with guns pointed, yelling for us to all get on the floor. Luckily I was down with my knees up in front of my chest with my arms wrapped around them because all the sudden gun shots rang out and I was hit in my knee, thankfully completely missing my chest. I didn't even have a chance to react as I was then grabbed by one of the assailants lifted up then dragged over the body of the security guard and out of the store to a waiting getaway car. I was tossed onto the floor in the back seat area and then all the assailants piled in and we drove off! There was talk of heading east which all I could think of the Desert and them leaving me for dead. So I started begging them to let me go and the driver held his gun over the seat and to my head telling me to shut the F up or he'd get it over with and shoot my F'n brains all over the back seat of the car. He held that gun there for Lord knows how long and we were driving in and out of alley ways and different neighborhoods trying to evade the Helicopter above. This went on for almost three hrs, then finally we stopped at some corner in a dark neighborhood and I was dragged out of the car and told to go! I hesitated because I was sure if I were to turn around that they would shoot me in my back! They then drove away! This was a bad neighborhood where people don't answer their doors after dark and and I remember a couple of guys sitting on the hood of a yellow Trans Am and all they said to me was that they had no phone... And didn't even show concern!!! Three houses I pounded on the door before someone finally answered to help! Then after dialing 911 (Apparently before they could trace your location) they told me that they knew who I was and had been searching for me. Unfortunately I had no idea where I was and the family who helped me only spoke Spanish and believe it or not 911 had no Spanish speaking person on the floor that night, so had to find an interpreter to figure out where I was! Finally 35 minutes later the ambulance and Police showed up! Then I remember being in the back of that ambulance listening to their conversation with two hospitals that refused to take me as I had no Insurance at the time.. Can you believe that??!!! I knew I had been shot and assumed that being shot meant certain death... So was traumatized yet again!
Has been Very hard to deal with the after effects even years later, but I Thank God every single day for allowing me to survive this ordeal!
After this I also survived two very bad car accidents one caused by a drunk driver and the other a blow out which threw me and my children off a mountain rolling three times until we were stopped by a large boulder. Then my dear cousin (more like a Sister) who was working an extra shift at a 7-11 for extra Christmas money for her boys was robbed by just one assailant and was stabbed to death, murdered. I have had to deal with Survivor's guilt after this!
I now have more Faith than ever and cherish every moment of this gift of Life that I have been Blessed with! I cherish my Brothers & Sisters around the world and have become quite the Activist when it comes to standing for Human Rights and Equality! I Love Life and try to share that Love with everyone that I encounter!
I know that God has big plans for me and all I can do is try to be as a good person as I can be until he tells me what it is!
10 -
FabulousFantasticFifty wrote: »I was in a Safeway Store cashing a check and had actually noticed these people acting suspicious, but ignored my instinct and stayed in line at the Customer Service counter. Got my check approved and was sent to a register to get it cashed. Suddenly there were screams and then yelling coming from where I had just left (Service desk), then all hell broke loose and there were five people all around us with guns pointed, yelling for us to all get on the floor. Luckily I was down with my knees up in front of my chest with my arms wrapped around them because all the sudden gun shots rang out and I was hit in my knee, thankfully completely missing my chest. I didn't even have a chance to react as I was then grabbed by one of the assailants lifted up then dragged over the body of the security guard and out of the store to a waiting getaway car. I was tossed onto the floor in the back seat area and then all the assailants piled in and we drove off! There was talk of heading east which all I could think of the Desert and them leaving me for dead. So I started begging them to let me go and the driver held his gun over the seat and to my head telling me to shut the F up or he'd get it over with and shoot my F'n brains all over the back seat of the car. He held that gun there for Lord knows how long and we were driving in and out of alley ways and different neighborhoods trying to evade the Helicopter above. This went on for almost three hrs, then finally we stopped at some corner in a dark neighborhood and I was dragged out of the car and told to go! I hesitated because I was sure if I were to turn around that they would shoot me in my back! They then drove away! This was a bad neighborhood where people don't answer their doors after dark and and I remember a couple of guys sitting on the hood of a yellow Trans Am and all they said to me was that they had no phone... And didn't even show concern!!! Three houses I pounded on the door before someone finally answered to help! Then after dialing 911 (Apparently before they could trace your location) they told me that they knew who I was and had been searching for me. Unfortunately I had no idea where I was and the family who helped me only spoke Spanish and believe it or not 911 had no Spanish speaking person on the floor that night, so had to find an interpreter to figure out where I was! Finally 35 minutes later the ambulance and Police showed up! Then I remember being in the back of that ambulance listening to their conversation with two hospitals that refused to take me as I had no Insurance at the time.. Can you believe that??!!! I knew I had been shot and assumed that being shot meant certain death... So was traumatized yet again!
Has been Very hard to deal with the after effects even years later, but I Thank God every single day for allowing me to survive this ordeal!
After this I also survived two very bad car accidents one caused by a drunk driver and the other a blow out which threw me and my children off a mountain rolling three times until we were stopped by a large boulder. Then my dear cousin (more like a Sister) who was working an extra shift at a 7-11 for extra Christmas money for her boys was robbed by just one assailant and was stabbed to death, murdered. I have had to deal with Survivor's guilt after this!
I now have more Faith than ever and cherish every moment of this gift of Life that I have been Blessed with! I cherish my Brothers & Sisters around the world and have become quite the Activist when it comes to standing for Human Rights and Equality! I Love Life and try to share that Love with everyone that I encounter!
I know that God has big plans for me and all I can do is try to be as a good person as I can be until he tells me what it is!
i'm so glad i know you. the epitome of strength. you inspire/motivate the heck out of me. thank you!4 -
If you are comfortable, please share something you have been through and overcame, or currently working on overcoming..
I endured over three years of domestic abuse. I developed and overcame anxiety, an eating disorder, trust issues and depression from that experience. I still have my bad days but I’m very proud of how far I’ve gotten. He told me everyday that I was nothing and stupid, but now I’m only a year out from graduating with honors with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Science, my resume is fantastic and I manage over 20 people. I finally feel great about myself and my capabilities. It took over four years to get to this point but I’m finally healing.
You are very brave and I admire you for sharing, I can identify with a lot of what you describe, but I am not willing to share my sordid details.
It just makes me feel vulnerable and defenseless...if I share people will know what hurts me and I don't trust that they wont use it against me.
I wish I could heal...but it seems that that isn't possible for me.
I get too hurt too easily, I'm better off all alone trusting no one, I just end up regretting it if I do share.
I'm done trying5 -
If you are comfortable, please share something you have been through and overcame, or currently working on overcoming..
I endured over three years of domestic abuse. I developed and overcame anxiety, an eating disorder, trust issues and depression from that experience. I still have my bad days but I’m very proud of how far I’ve gotten. He told me everyday that I was nothing and stupid, but now I’m only a year out from graduating with honors with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Science, my resume is fantastic and I manage over 20 people. I finally feel great about myself and my capabilities. It took over four years to get to this point but I’m finally healing.
You are very brave and I admire you for sharing, I can identify with a lot of what you describe, but I am not willing to share my sordid details.
It just makes me feel vulnerable and defenseless...if I share people will know what hurts me and I don't trust that they wont use it against me.
I wish I could heal...but it seems that that isn't possible for me.
I get too hurt too easily, I'm better off all alone trusting no one, I just end up regretting it if I do share.
I'm done trying
@TeacupsAndToning!!
I just re-read my post and I am asking your opinion on saying "that that"...is it wrong? Visually it looks wrong, is it?
I love and trust your opinion 1 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
If you are comfortable, please share something you have been through and overcame, or currently working on overcoming..
I endured over three years of domestic abuse. I developed and overcame anxiety, an eating disorder, trust issues and depression from that experience. I still have my bad days but I’m very proud of how far I’ve gotten. He told me everyday that I was nothing and stupid, but now I’m only a year out from graduating with honors with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Science, my resume is fantastic and I manage over 20 people. I finally feel great about myself and my capabilities. It took over four years to get to this point but I’m finally healing.
You are very brave and I admire you for sharing, I can identify with a lot of what you describe, but I am not willing to share my sordid details.
It just makes me feel vulnerable and defenseless...if I share people will know what hurts me and I don't trust that they wont use it against me.
I wish I could heal...but it seems that that isn't possible for me.
I get too hurt too easily, I'm better off all alone trusting no one, I just end up regretting it if I do share.
I'm done trying
@TeacupsAndToning!!
I just re-read my post and I am asking your opinion on saying "that that"...is it wrong? Visually it looks wrong, is it?
I love and trust your opinion
Some people don't like it but saying "that that" in this case is grammatically acceptable
Thank-you!!1 -
leut_underpants wrote: »I like it when people say too too. Like wear some makeup but don't wear too too much makeup.
Because it makes me think tutu. :ohwell:
Why did I just imagine you surrounded by Tutus?0 -
Ahhhh!!! I feel like you guys are making fun of me
are you?!!
If so please be harsh in your criticism! I love it!
too too and that that...so confusing visually0 -
I felt the same way for a long time, I do believe that time heals wounds but nothing will be the same way before a traumatic experience. Over time it’s gotten easier and I think it might become easier for you to start trusting people again. I hope that things get better for you soon
If you are comfortable, please share something you have been through and overcame, or currently working on overcoming..
I endured over three years of domestic abuse. I developed and overcame anxiety, an eating disorder, trust issues and depression from that experience. I still have my bad days but I’m very proud of how far I’ve gotten. He told me everyday that I was nothing and stupid, but now I’m only a year out from graduating with honors with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Science, my resume is fantastic and I manage over 20 people. I finally feel great about myself and my capabilities. It took over four years to get to this point but I’m finally healing.
You are very brave and I admire you for sharing, I can identify with a lot of what you describe, but I am not willing to share my sordid details.
It just makes me feel vulnerable and defenseless...if I share people will know what hurts me and I don't trust that they wont use it against me.
I wish I could heal...but it seems that that isn't possible for me.
I get too hurt too easily, I'm better off all alone trusting no one, I just end up regretting it if I do share.
I'm done trying
1 -
Thank you for sharing your experiences and pain.
I had 10 years in an abusive relationship. I kept thinking it would get better if I was better, but it didn't. It got worse in every way. I read an article (in retrospect) about the different forms of domestic abuse: verbal, physical, emotional, social, financial and others. I endured every kind.
I was mugged when I was 7 months pregnant and all I thought was, "Meh, I got handed worse last week".
I would not be alive today if my prayers had not been answered. I believe an angel stayed his hand that night and spared my children waking up to a pool of blood in the kitchen, with or without my body.2 -
Well all this is raw at the moment, with media a talk reminding me of whatever. One of a number of traumas and hardships and things that don’t need to be spoken or write about unless the timings right.
.....
I hope you all remember you should not let these things define you.
......
On rape, a personal reflection:
I am not a rape 'victim' or a rape 'survivor'.
Rape was something that happened to me.
It damaged me. It changed me. At times it devastated me. Sometimes still, I am caught of guard by a smell, or sensation, or a news story. In that moment I am floored.
Rape was something that happened to me.
Plenty of other things happen too.
I will never be defined by a single, or series of event(s).
..........
9 -
All of your experiences are very powerful and inspiring. You all should be so proud of what you have overcame. It’s amazing seeing so much support, it is also saddening to see that most of us have experienced very similar situations. Domestic abuse and sexual assault is wide spread and hopefully our stories shine some light on the issue. Sending love to all of you! 4
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Not sure I should be posting this, but here it goes.
I grew up mostly in step uncles and aunts houses, father was not around and mother would just do as they say. We heard insults, got beaten, one time one of my step uncles hanged me upside down from a 6 floor building, an aunt of mine burned a cigarette in my hand.
Time went by and my Dad showed up, I thought things would be better now, but it only got worst. He opened up 3 shops, I was 11 and my brother 12, we would study from 8am to 5pm mon-fri, the rest of the time we would be working, unloading trucks of heavy detergents, and many other goods, putting them on shelves and pricing them up till 1-2am. There were no weekends, no friends, just work. If there was a mistake, such as £1 discrepancy in the cashier we would get the beating of our life’s, sometimes with his belt and others with electrical wires, the wires would peel our skins and at times we would not be able to sit for weeks. My dad always said to both of us we would never be anyone in life, and always praised others in front of us. My mother would get most of the beating, one time ended up in a hospital for 3 months.
My mother sold all of her jewellery, paid for flights to the UK and we left him at the age of 17, all we had was our clothes and no money. My mother’s family took us in, the same ones who treated us badly, but this time I worked very hard, night shifts, whatever jobs I could, whilst studying on the side, I would wake up at 5am and be back at 23:00, what pushed me was his words, I will never be anyone. Everyone around me wondered how I did it.
I bought my first house at the age of 21, and today I am a Head of IT with over 18 years of IT Management experience, in charge of over 45 people. I have 4 kids and promised myself never to be like my dad.
I still talk to my dad, he regrets what he did. But time is gone and nothing will bring those moments back.
I never shared any of this, but when I saw the post I thought I would. And I thank God everyday for helping us.10 -
FabulousFantasticFifty wrote: »I was in a Safeway Store cashing a check and had actually noticed these people acting suspicious, but ignored my instinct and stayed in line at the Customer Service counter. Got my check approved and was sent to a register to get it cashed. Suddenly there were screams and then yelling coming from where I had just left (Service desk), then all hell broke loose and there were five people all around us with guns pointed, yelling for us to all get on the floor. Luckily I was down with my knees up in front of my chest with my arms wrapped around them because all the sudden gun shots rang out and I was hit in my knee, thankfully completely missing my chest. I didn't even have a chance to react as I was then grabbed by one of the assailants lifted up then dragged over the body of the security guard and out of the store to a waiting getaway car. I was tossed onto the floor in the back seat area and then all the assailants piled in and we drove off! There was talk of heading east which all I could think of the Desert and them leaving me for dead. So I started begging them to let me go and the driver held his gun over the seat and to my head telling me to shut the F up or he'd get it over with and shoot my F'n brains all over the back seat of the car. He held that gun there for Lord knows how long and we were driving in and out of alley ways and different neighborhoods trying to evade the Helicopter above. This went on for almost three hrs, then finally we stopped at some corner in a dark neighborhood and I was dragged out of the car and told to go! I hesitated because I was sure if I were to turn around that they would shoot me in my back! They then drove away! This was a bad neighborhood where people don't answer their doors after dark and and I remember a couple of guys sitting on the hood of a yellow Trans Am and all they said to me was that they had no phone... And didn't even show concern!!! Three houses I pounded on the door before someone finally answered to help! Then after dialing 911 (Apparently before they could trace your location) they told me that they knew who I was and had been searching for me. Unfortunately I had no idea where I was and the family who helped me only spoke Spanish and believe it or not 911 had no Spanish speaking person on the floor that night, so had to find an interpreter to figure out where I was! Finally 35 minutes later the ambulance and Police showed up! Then I remember being in the back of that ambulance listening to their conversation with two hospitals that refused to take me as I had no Insurance at the time.. Can you believe that??!!! I knew I had been shot and assumed that being shot meant certain death... So was traumatized yet again!
Has been Very hard to deal with the after effects even years later, but I Thank God every single day for allowing me to survive this ordeal!
After this I also survived two very bad car accidents one caused by a drunk driver and the other a blow out which threw me and my children off a mountain rolling three times until we were stopped by a large boulder. Then my dear cousin (more like a Sister) who was working an extra shift at a 7-11 for extra Christmas money for her boys was robbed by just one assailant and was stabbed to death, murdered. I have had to deal with Survivor's guilt after this!
I now have more Faith than ever and cherish every moment of this gift of Life that I have been Blessed with! I cherish my Brothers & Sisters around the world and have become quite the Activist when it comes to standing for Human Rights and Equality! I Love Life and try to share that Love with everyone that I encounter!
I know that God has big plans for me and all I can do is try to be as a good person as I can be until he tells me what it is!
Love you girl!! You are amazing!0 -
Hm, here's the hand I was dealt:
(1) Neglect (not sure dad knew I existed)
(2) Physical abuse (babysitters stepped on my spine and hit me for years)
(3) Sexual abuse (in preschool, by an adult)
(4) Chronic physical conditions (endometriosis, scoliosis, improper healing from broken bones) due to insufficient medical treatment in childhood
(5) Clinical depression (18+ years and counting) with suicidal ideation
(6) Generalized anxiety disorder
(7) Anorexic/orthorexic/disordered habits around food
(8) Addictive personality disorder
(9) OCPD
(10) Dissociative identity (popularly known as Multiple Personality Disorder)
I spent the ages 11-19 clinically obese as well.
I don't believe in God, but I'm not antitheist so if it helps you, great. I see a lot of doctors but am off medication for everything except my hormonal disorder. Most people I meet assume I'm fine. Usually I feel okay. However, there are a lot of things that can flare up and go wrong, and when they do, I'm in trouble.
From my perspective...it gets better, but it never really goes away. I'm down 43 lb, which is nice, but losing weight doesn't fix the other problems, sadly.4 -
A huge hug to all those that had the courage to share their story, and for those of you who haven't stay strong, time is a healer and your time will certainly come.2
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