Need encouragement! Need a reason!

Options
amandavictoria80
amandavictoria80 Posts: 734 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am REALLY needing some encouragement to continue.

The reasons why I am having so much trouble finding motivation to keep working out, which I have stopped, have become clear to me. It's my relationship.
Here's the thing, I am in a relationship that has been bad for a really long time. It's at the point where there is no more intimacy whatsoever and no intimacy with my partner is wanted. I love him, but I hate him. It would be such a long story!
Getting out of the relationship is not a easy fix. Which is why I have been unhappy for years and years. I have two kids with this man. I also can't afford to live without him. So, I need to sell the house, assets, work minimum wage job and have nothing, etc.
I know finding happiness takes sacrifice and all that. It will come because I can take no more. But for right now...

When I am regularly working out, I start feeling better in terms of confidence. I feel more desirable and sexy. The problem is, this is not a good thing while being stuck in this relationship. Who wants to feel sexy but have no one to be sexy with. Or even have a light at the end of the tunnel and the option to find someone.

I know this all may sound so crazy. But I just need some encouragement about working out and loosing weight regardless of the situation I am in. I just feel like it's too hard to work out if I am so unhappy in life.

Replies

  • katm427
    katm427 Posts: 227 Member
    Options
    One, ditch the man. Happiness is the most important thing. If you want to wait until you're in a situation where you'd be more comfortable financially for yourself and your children, do it that way.

    Two, being sexy isn't just for someone to be sexy with. It's just to be sexy. Do you want to continue looking in the mirror and seeing what you do? Or do you want to see someone getting continuously more toned and more sleek? I mean, you can have your ideal body and turn yourself on. =P

    Focus on intrinsic motivation.
  • Whitty1982
    Whitty1982 Posts: 30 Member
    Options
    Sounds like being healthy for your kids needs to be your encouragement and you should consider some sort of marriage counseling. While you're improving yourself, take time to improve your life as well. I have a couple friends going through a similar situation and the counseling really seems to be helping.
  • Tcasillas
    Tcasillas Posts: 30
    Options
    I know how that feels. It is very hard but working out always make me feel better about myself no matter what is going on in my life
  • Sasha_Bear
    Sasha_Bear Posts: 625 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry things have not being going well for you in your relationship. And I completely understand where your coming from you have to use that frustration to motivate you to start making positive changes in your life, for you as well as for your kids! Your more then welcome to add me as a friend were full of motivation over here. I may not be able to help your home life, but I can offer support and a few laughs to keep your mind off of it! Good luck to you
  • angelacasey736
    angelacasey736 Posts: 249 Member
    Options
    You said yourself you feel better when you workout - i know that is one of my reasons to keep going. Another reason - that beautiful little girl in your picture - be an example for her of how to take care of herself first and foremost and to not let anyone else keep you/her down. I have two children and want them to grow up healthy and not have to deal with issues because of the poor choices i have made. Fortunately my husband is extremely supportive - overweight or not - but maybe when you get to where you want to be you will be happy enough with yourself to address your relationship issues or maybe find that it helps the relationship - only time will. I know when i am miserable - everyone is miserable! Not sure if this helps - but if you need support you came to the right place!
  • musky4
    musky4 Posts: 126 Member
    Options
    Hi - you have children with this man? - well there is one reason! don't you want to be healthy for them (and you)???
    You feel better about yourself - forget the 'sex/y' part - what about just FEELING better??
    You have reason's they've been there all along!!
    (hope that helped put things in perspective)
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Options
    Get Superficial: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/294960-superficial-motivation?hl=superficial+motivation&page=2#posts-3910478


    Also, therapy. Therapy is so good, it is for everyone. I love therapy. It will help with self-esteem and it will help you figure yourself out, therapy is the ultimate support. Maybe even a group session at a woman's center.

    *Hugs* :flowerforyou:
  • ande2994
    ande2994 Posts: 136
    Options
    First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation!

    As for motivation, I think you have three great sources of motivation:

    1. When so many choices are beyond your control, how you treat yourself IS within your control. Working out isn't just about feeling sexy (although that's a bonus!), it's about being healthy, which you should do for yourself. Focus on your ability, not on your appearance.

    2 and 3. Your children. They need a healthy mom and a positive role model. They need these things even more if some aspects of their home life are less than ideal.

    Best wishes for everything!
  • teachermegan
    teachermegan Posts: 69 Member
    Options
    I'm sure a lot of people are going to try to give you advice on how to leave him, etc. I won't do that because it seems like you have an idea how things will be, at least for a while.

    So here is my answer...YOUR KIDS!

    Think of when you first realized you were overweight as well as your feelings about being overweight. Is that a feeling you want your children to endure? All kids will probably have body image issues of some kind at some point, but as parents we can minimize this through leading by example; using food as fuel and being active instead of sitting in front of a TV, computer etc. Kids do better in school who participate in after school activities, spend active time with their families, etc.

    Plus, you want your kids to be proud of you. I've read from many moms who say they were SO embarassed for their kids picking them up from school and being the fat mom.

    I'm doing this for ME but my husband and children will benefit.

    Good luck!
  • mynika
    mynika Posts: 312 Member
    Options
    Come on girl, keep your head high. You have reason enough in that you are a beautiful person on your own, you don't have to impress anyone, do it for yourself. You need to have that confidence back. You have two other reasons as well, since you mentioned that you have two kids. Don't do it to impress anyone, or keep anyone in your life, but do it for yourself. You are a woman, God gave you an overwhelming amount of internal determination to make things happen. Do this for yourself. I know that you can!
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    Options
    get healthy for yourself...and also, as someone suggested, to set an example for your kids. but, really, this is only going to work if you are doing it for yourself first and foremost. Do you want to be healthier? more fit? have more energy? relish in the endorphins from exercise? If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, then you simply need to remind yourself of your reasons for improved health each day. That should help motivate you to succeed. Even if you can't find happiness with your partner, you can find happiness with yourself in the form of a healthier lifestyle.
  • beverlyl64
    beverlyl64 Posts: 381
    Options
    I am REALLY needing some encouragement to continue.

    The reasons why I am having so much trouble finding motivation to keep working out, which I have stopped, have become clear to me. It's my relationship.
    Here's the thing, I am in a relationship that has been bad for a really long time. It's at the point where there is no more intimacy whatsoever and no intimacy with my partner is wanted. I love him, but I hate him. It would be such a long story!
    Getting out of the relationship is not a easy fix. Which is why I have been unhappy for years and years. I have two kids with this man. I also can't afford to live without him. So, I need to sell the house, assets, work minimum wage job and have nothing, etc.
    I know finding happiness takes sacrifice and all that. It will come because I can take no more. But for right now...

    When I am regularly working out, I start feeling better in terms of confidence. I feel more desirable and sexy. The problem is, this is not a good thing while being stuck in this relationship. Who wants to feel sexy but have no one to be sexy with. Or even have a light at the end of the tunnel and the option to find someone.

    I know this all may sound so crazy. But I just need some encouragement about working out and loosing weight regardless of the situation I am in. I just feel like it's too hard to work out if I am so unhappy in life.

    Amanda get off your *kitten* and do it for you! You said you feel better when you workout, so do it! There is no better reason. I've been where you are, literally there is never a good time to leave, but if your that unhappy and he is as well I know the kids are also. It would be tough to leave but no more than to stay. You are so young to feel so trapped. You have to find a way to be happy with yourself in order to be in a healthy, happy relationship. So did deep girl and do this, some day a wonderful man will be so glad you found the courage to take care of yourself and your kids.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Options
    Trust me when I say that being broke and alone (with your kids) will most certainly be better and make you more happy than staying with someone you hate for security. That's the first step. Someone else mentioned therapy, and I second that. Get in there and get your feelings worked out and you'll soon see that a *kitten* relationship will do a world of damage and it's not as hard to move on as you think.

    Motivation needs to be all about you - you want to be your best, and show your kids how to be confident, strong and healthy. (both physically and in relationships).
  • Rogiefreida
    Rogiefreida Posts: 567 Member
    Options
    If not for yourself, then do it for your kids! They need you and they always will! As for wanting someone to find you sexy, you might be surprised what happens. I have always had confidence problems, but now that I'm taking good care of myself I'm finding that having confidence in myself matters more than other people finding me sexy (most days, not all of them). But with that, I'm finding that when I'm feeling confident, my man finds me more sexy!

    Bottom line: you deserve happiness. If can't see how wonderful you are then shame on him. But keep working out and take care of yourself for you. And for your kiddos. :)
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    Options
    Hello. it looks like you're in a really hard place. Your physical health is as important as your emotional health. They go hand in hand and fuel each other.

    Have you tried to re-connect with your husband? You haven't mentioned any kind of abuse, so I assume he's a good, decent guy. If he is, maybe it's time to go on a trip together. Or seek marriage counseling. Have you told him how you feel? I mean, if you're feeling distant, then he must be, too. Maybe you can re-connect over the thing that brought you two together in the first place. What was it that you guys enjoyed doing together? Etc.

    I'm rooting for you and your family. I've got a family of my own. I work some crappy hours sometimes and there's patches where I don't see them as often because I'm working too much. But I don't know what I'd do without them.
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
    Options
    First of all, ignore this. You do not have the same obligations as a 20-year-old single woman.
    One, ditch the man. Happiness is the most important thing.
    You are a wife and a mother. You have a responsibility to do everything in your power to raise your children to the best of your ability and you already said you need your husband to do that. I don't know your situation but as a general rule when a wife improves her appearance the husband responds positively. If you are going to keep your husband (and unless he is a threat I hope you do, at least until you children are grown) it is in everybodies best interest, including yours, if you try to improve the relationship. Marriages have ups and downs. I know that during the down parts it feels like the ups are unattainable. But they are! Whatever thoughts you think about your husband are going to grow in your head. I know it isn't easy but try and think of something you like about him. When you're angry at him try and do something nice for him, even if it's just giving him a kiss on the cheek and walking away. I know it sounds crazy but it really does help! If this is the bed you have to lie in it will be healthier for your whole family if you devote more effort to making it comfortable than you do to complaining about the lumps.

    Sorry if I come off too harsh or rude. It's just that I've been there and I know that the right answer isn't nice and easy. But it is right. I really just want to help! There's also this list that you made for yourself, so you can always go back and read it if you need a reminder.

    *To be actve with my kids and not worry about my weight!
    *So that I can love myself and feel good about how I look. And know I look good.
    *I want a social life! And my body image is preventing that completely.
    *To be healthy and fit and age well.
  • cblack51
    cblack51 Posts: 20
    Options
    You need to want to lose weight for yourself and not for someone else . Having kids always changes any relationship, mother's give so much of their time to to their children but never take the time for their selves . There is time, you just have to take it. I have raised 3 kids and always found a reason not to take time for myself, but looking back I should have taken the time for myself , whether it's going to a gym, or coffee with a gf, and I should have also taken more time then I did to be with my husband. whether it's scheduling date night out or movie night at home alone with him. Instead I was taking my kids to every lesson imaginable, tap, ballet, jazz, gymnastics,,singing, soccer,karate, piano, guitar, baseball, drama,church, choir, competitions etc. I don't know you situation but I do know a relationship changes because people don't take the time for their selves. Once you take the time to work on yourself you will start to feel better, emotionally, physically and mentally . You are the only one that can change how you feel and it might surprise you but the relationship might also improve and your children will also see a happier and healthier mother. So take time for yourself, remember that part of taking care of a child is taking care of yourself. ...

    Remember the saying " If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy." Kids can sense that. so take the time for yourself, and do it for yourself .

Categories