I screwed up...

JoshCueball
JoshCueball Posts: 4 Member
edited November 2024 in Motivation and Support
Rewind to Spring of 2016, I was at an all time high if 309lbs. I started running casually a few times a day and I did this few a few months off an on but my weight didn’t go anywhere because of my eating.

Around April 2017, I started P90X with my wife and committed 100% to the meal plan and workout. I ended in July down to 255 lbs. a weight I hadn’t been at in many many years. Even bought a new suit for an interview I had for a promotion at work because all my other clothes were getting to big!

Well I got the job, and the stress from it and all the crap that came with got me off the diet and weightless train. I quickly found myself in a deep hole of depression. Life has been like this for the last 5 months now, work is much better, but I can’t seem to rally myself in my personal life to get back at it. I weighed myself today for the first time in months and I’m so absolutely ashamed... I’m at 313lbs.

I’m at a tots loss for words. I need to get myself back together. I’m worried for my health and my future. Today is he first time I’ve ever been scared of my weight and how it could impact my future.

I can’t stop binge eating when I get home. I can control my eating at work because I’m so busy it just seems natural but when I get home. I kill myself with food. Any suggestions on how to approach this near cold turkey. The craving to food is insane. I know it’ll wear off after a few weeks of eating clean as it has in the past; hopefully.

Replies

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    For me, when I start working out, I tend towards eating better. For some reason I crave a more balanced diet. Maybe focus on one thing for now, whether that's exercise, tracking food, or eating more veggies. The harder part is letting go of this guilt and shame you are putting on yourself. Because as long as that's in place, it is much harder to take positive steps forward. We are all human. What would you say to someone who just shared your same story? I bet your response to them would be much kinder than you are being to yourself.

    As for bingeing, are you talking about BED, or overconsumption of food? If it is BED, please work with a mental health practitioner. Even if it's not, counseling is likely a good idea. Be more kind to yourself, start there.
  • Arizona_C
    Arizona_C Posts: 1,476 Member
    edited November 2017
    I have been to some really dark places too, and am sorry to hear what you are going through.

    My first advice will be to find out if you need help, medical and/or therapeutic, to deal with the depression. It's impossible to be strong, focused and dynamic for losing weight if you struggle with clinical depression at the same time.

    Food cravings can be psychological, but their physical caracter is important to take into account as well. Many kinds of foods affects the blood sugar to peak, then dive, leaving you feel desperate to eat again.

    To stabilize the blood sugar, and the sensation of hunger, it might be a good idea to see a professional to help you make a plan for the first couple of weeks, until you are back on a balanced diet. It can be very difficult to do on your own when you feel the cravings so strongly. Some minerals helps to stabilize the blood sugar, as does fiber; there are quite a lot there can be done to even it out.

    When eating junk food, you are more at risk to get depressed. The good news is that when you start getting back on a healthier food path, the chances are good that your mood will lift. It's more complex than that, but that's the basic.

    When you start feeling better about yourself, and eat healthier, you'll loose weight, feel better, and upbeat about the whole thing. It's a question of getting yourself the needed kick to get you on such a track again.

    Ask for support; to deal with depression, to stabilize your diet to avoid the worst of the ravings and hunger attacks, and what you feel can be useful. Make it happen! You know that if its what you want most of all, its what you need to reach out for
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
    That was just a few months ago. You did not have enough time for your new habits to be stable enough for you to withstand the stress of a job change which is a major lifestyle change. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just Begin again with the weight loss. I don't know what P90x is. Is that a diet or fitness program? Are you tracking calories on mfp?
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    Don't be afraid to talk about your concerns with your GP. Sometimes treatment of underlying depression or anxiety gives you ability to face the weight loss and eating issues head on, when otherwise you might continue to spiral.
  • rachelleahsmom
    rachelleahsmom Posts: 442 Member
    This is all excellent advice! This community rocks! Try making one small change each week. Try to find some positive self thoughts. Many of us have been and continue to be in the same boat. I'll keep you in my thoughts. (And congratz on the promotion!)
  • pizzafruit
    pizzafruit Posts: 318 Member
    I've been overweight for 24 yrs. The sad part is that the weight gain came after my diagnosis of breast cancer , chemotherapy, and radiation. One would think I would do whatever is necessary to survive and the #1 priority would be to maintain a healthy weight (lifestyle). I continue the battle with food and when my internist asked me if I was anxious or depressed, I was too embarrassed to admit the truth. I have an appointment coming up and I plan to ask for help. Worrying about my weight is more exhausting than any exercises I've done. Throwing in the towel is not an option any more than continuing at this unhealthy weight is. MFP is a great starting point - I'd be much heavier than I am now without it.
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know for myself in the past regaining after a substatial loss was always a really hard thing and I used to think I couldn't do it again... but you can. You know what to do and how to do it. As for quitting the binge cycle I have found in the past that cutting out the things that really set me off (refined carbs) helped get me back on track. I am not suggesting a crazy diet just maybe scaling back whatever your biggest binge foods are for a while until you feel more in control. I understand you can eat anything you want as long as you stay in your calorie range but some things just set me off and I have found I'm better off avoiding them completely. This time around be patient and lose a bit slower if necessary so you can continue eating healthy for life. It took me 2 years to lose 85 pounds. But it was worth the time. Stop beating yourself up. These things happen and lots of the folks on here can tell you that. Hang in there and good luck.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    It's okay, you may have screwed up but you are doing the right thing now by coming here and starting over, and that's what's important. Be thankful you caught yourself before any serious health consequences, and forgive yourself.

    Can you have a healthy snack and then work out after work, to relieve stress? Are you still suffering from depression? Could a doctor help with that?
  • ggeise14
    ggeise14 Posts: 387 Member
    No advice other than the previous helpful comments and to add encouragement for you to take positive steps for your own good health!
  • dankh2017
    dankh2017 Posts: 2 Member
    Your story is very similar to mine. I've been struggling with weight loss for over 10 years. I've had periods of great results but then it always came back.

    My advice to you is to set a date, and use whatever motivates you in life to get pumped up again, let the start date even excite you a bit. Then look at it as a fresh start. Come up with a fresh food plan, feel-good activities plan and just do one day a t time. Get your self a support structure (like this one) then just go one meal, one day at time bro!

    You've done it before, so you can do it again. Screw the negative thoughts!
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
    I think for most of us we have done this. start doing great and fail on eating. old habits are hard to break for me personally I just don't keep the food that triggers me to eat it all. I still have bad days but few and in between now.
    so I guess what i'm saying keep snacks but not enough to go over board
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    For me, when I start working out, I tend towards eating better. For some reason I crave a more balanced diet. Maybe focus on one thing for now, whether that's exercise, tracking food, or eating more veggies. The harder part is letting go of this guilt and shame you are putting on yourself. Because as long as that's in place, it is much harder to take positive steps forward. We are all human. What would you say to someone who just shared your same story? I bet your response to them would be much kinder than you are being to yourself.

    As for bingeing, are you talking about BED, or overconsumption of food? If it is BED, please work with a mental health practitioner. Even if it's not, counseling is likely a good idea. Be more kind to yourself, start there.

    I find this true also. When I start moving like a healthy and fit person, I tend to eat like a healthy fit person. Or at least I tend to not eat so mindlessly. I guess subconsciously, my body knows I did something healthy and is a little more resistant to "cravings". Also, activity is a great stress reliever and can also result in a reduced appetite.

    Just add one improvement at a time. Add a 30min walk around the block and build on that. Or extra steps during the day. Don't be tempted to go all out, only to be overwhelmed.

    Good luck.
  • ladyhusker39
    ladyhusker39 Posts: 1,406 Member
    JoshCueball wrote: »

    I can’t stop binge eating when I get home. I can control my eating at work because I’m so busy it just seems natural but when I get home. I kill myself with food.

    I'm just spit balling here, but is it possible that you're under eating during the day and then going crazy when you get home because you really are ravenous?
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    Make sure you eat something good and limited at work. I pack a sandwich or if out eat a grilled chicken or half a sub (no fries, no soda). In the afternoon have a snack like an apple or some almonds. When you get home no food except dinner and keep it in check too. After that no snacks only water. It will really suck for about a week but gradually your body will adjust. You should also consider counting all calories and logging too. Good luck and get back in that new suit.
  • bikecheryl
    bikecheryl Posts: 1,432 Member
    When I binge ate it wasn't because I was hungry..... I was looking for instant gratification!

    When I finally committed to ridding myself of the excess weight I knew I had to find an alternative to food for that mmmmmmmmmmm feeling.

    Who knew sweating would feel so good??

    Biking, kayaking, walking, rowing, weights..... whatever.

    Maybe you need to find some activity that will give you that same rush.
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