My 47 yo husband died unexpectedly...

Options
TexasTallchick
TexasTallchick Posts: 133 Member
in Motivation and Support
...and eating is the only thing I enjoy anymore. My doctor told me I need to lose weight, so I’m doing my best but it’s been especially hard. He didn’t have a will, so his estranged son got our house and I moved to another city and only know my older sister here. My sister is military and not very sympathetic to my eating struggles. I’ve also been having terrible memory problems since he died. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Replies

  • ms_maruska
    ms_maruska Posts: 119 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry for your loss and the situation you've found yourself in.

    I urge you to check with your GP about your vitamin B12 levels regarding memory loss. I was in a situation where I forgot my date of birth :/ it ended up being as simple as B12 deficiency, which is easily corrected and which is possible due to your stress and eating poorly.

    Best wishes
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,298 Member
    Options
    I'm deeply sorry for your losses, having to restart in a new city is frightening on its own. I'm not surprised you have a need for comfort eating for the time being. I agree with the poster above, b 12 is something to watch but also, you are indicating your diet is understandably all over the place for now, could you try taking a good/specialist comprehensive multivitamin and mineral for the short term or as long as you wish, to help you get back in control. Its easy for a doctor to say loose weight, they could have tried to help you to a better place.

    Because I'm unsure of UK groups, I put, "bereavement support for women", into our search engine, it came up with several useful ideas. I'm sure it would, or similar wording would yield something similar for you. As another poster suggested you may find comfort in a local church or could you try looking for a group who share an interest you used to have. I think there could be reading groups which may interest some, read a book before joining up to discuss the story etc. (regrettably this is not something I'd enjoy.)

    Most of all, a hug.
  • nickilpool86
    nickilpool86 Posts: 4 Member
    Options
    I am so so sorry for your loss, please allow yourself to grieve fully you've suffered an awful lot in a small period of time
    For the comfort eating the only thing I can suggest is bulk cooking your most favourite healthy meals and aim to have a portion of that every other day. It'll make it much more convenient to throw something ready made in the oven on the days you can't face cooking or preparing. Take it slowly you're only human xx
  • CoachJen71
    CoachJen71 Posts: 1,200 Member
    Options
    I am so very sorry for your loss! *huge hug* Stress is a frequent trigger for memory issues. This should pass eventually.

    I also tend to do my grieving through food. If you have access to a counselor and a grief support program, you might want to give them a try to see if they help.
  • PKM0515
    PKM0515 Posts: 2,937 Member
    Options
    I'm so, so sorry...
  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
    Options
    So sorry to see this. I went through somehting similar in 1999, when my hisband died. He as 36 and I was just 29. It was a horrible year and I gained a lot of weight. I was well over 300 pounds and didn't care. It took me 10 years to start to pull my life back together.

    Grief counseling is really important. Having some sort of a support system and someone to talk to is more help than anything. If you can have a pet where you are now get one. A young dog thaat needs your attention can help get you up and moving when you don't really want to. Or even better. Volunteer at the shelter. Having something to take care of does help.

    It is a long road but you will eventually learn to be okay again. You will never stop missing him but you will find a way to be happy again.


  • nwachim
    nwachim Posts: 111 Member
    Options
    So sorry for your loss
  • fightingweight155
    fightingweight155 Posts: 90 Member
    Options
    Sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself and a support group might help.
  • bintiM
    bintiM Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    Very sorry for your loss. My advice keep yourself busy, it will take your mind off things as well as food. Good luck and just remember one step at a time and this will all pass. Sending prayers your way
  • fittocycle
    fittocycle Posts: 825 Member
    Options
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Not only did you lose your husband and best friend but also your home and everything that was familiar to you. That's a lot to go through. Take some time to be kind to yourself. If you had a friend going through a similar experience, you would tell her to take it easy. If the weather is nice, take some time to get out for a walk. Do something physically every day. Maybe it's walking, yoga, a boxing class, cycling, whatever seems fun and interesting. Stay busy. Volunteer if you're up for it. It eases pain to do something nice for someone else. If you are ok with it, I would be happy to add you to my prayers.
  • brookielaw
    brookielaw Posts: 814 Member
    Options
    Wow, just reading the title of your post was a kick in the gut. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I think that reaching out here was a great start. How else can you reach out? Friends? Other family? Church? Your Doctor? (Dr. may be aware of local resources, or medications if you need them).

    I realize the link I'm about to post is from Huffpost, but hey, it does list 10 places you may not be aware of that may offer you help & support: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/gloria-horsley/ten-places-grieving-widow_b_8039916.html

    I also agree with the others who have talked about finding ways to keep busy. I see that someone above suggested adopting a pet---that was going to be my suggestion too, if feasible. Saving the life of an animal may give you some additional purpose, and the animal will be grateful as well. The rescue dog we recently adopted has been a blessing in so many ways as we cope with the loss of my father in law and some new stressors.

    I hope that with time the days get less painful for you.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
    Options
    Wow, that's tough. I'm very sorry for your loss. I think your first step should be dealing with this loss. And I don't mean by eating. See a counselor or look for a grief sharing group or something of that nature. Overeating isn't going to bring him back. It's just going to give you another problem to solve.
  • lili200
    lili200 Posts: 200 Member
    Options
    Sorry for your loss! The best advice that work for me through life hardships is to take one day at the time
  • sfinsc
    sfinsc Posts: 169 Member
    Options
    Hi, I'm so sorry for your incredible loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. Do you have support for your grief? A support group or therapist can be a way to find people who know what you're going through and will not judge your grieving process. If that's too much right now, know that they do have online therapeutic websites (like betterhelp.com, though that does cost some money) and free online support groups you can log into at your convenience.

    I agree with the poster(s) who said to take the eating a baby step at a time. Do what feels comfortable--even swapping out one unhealthy thing you eat a day can be a good starting point. Or if that's too much, can you try to walk or swim a few times a week?

    The key, I think, is to be gentle with yourself as you go through this. There's no date by which you should be "all better." Please know that we're all here for you.

  • TheHawk007
    TheHawk007 Posts: 270 Member
    Options
    Man :'( I am sorry. I guess you could say I lost my wife..............but, she's still living. She's an alcoholic. I was looking for the Crying In Ontario thread and came upon this.....so sad. There are many that want to help you.....

Categories